₦airaland Forum

Thanks

bukatyne:
1. ok

2. I gather you have 3 siblings .... your elder sister and 2 others. You haven't mentioned them in this narrative. What are their opinions in the whole matter? So far, you have borrowed 40k from your sister without definite timeline communicated to pay back.

3. Can you give us more examples of this 'disrespect'? I don't think she needs to remind you to wash 'her' car before you do except if you have a very tight schedule. I also want to believe that the care is used by everyone and should be maintained by everyone. And except she did a 360 turn, I am sure she was 'bossy' and sending you 'yeye' errands when you were younger without one naira in her pocket.

4. I understand that you are uncomfortable about the church and should not be forced to attend. You should however look at this from their angle... You testified your sister got her wonderful job from the church. They are doing well and want the best for you though they might not go about it the right way.

5. I am still looking for the 'bombshell' your sister dropped; what is the difference between that and 'if you don't read and fail, I will not pay your fees again'; 'if you don't leave that boy and you get pregnant, I won't accommodate you' etc. She is threatening you to do the 'right' thing according to her.... I am sure she will be very happy if you succeed.

6. I doubt the fact that they force you to a church is enough to cut ties with them except there are other things you are not saying. Afterall, they have not physically carried you to the church yet.

7. This your devilish sister is still contributing to your upkeep?

OP,

You need to humble yourself and look at things from their perspective..... Your dad and you not going to their 'wonder' church seems to struggle with finances; you can understand their agitation you go there with them so you receive your 'miracle'

Something tells me that the major reason your sister's behaviour aggravate you is because she is female. You wouldn't see things this way if it was an elder brother. Your sister likes you (you haven't mentioned she ever asked for the 40k/used it to react to you {she hurried you to wash the car because she is going out not because she likes you } and is still willing to help you in spite of her 'threats' not to respond if you run into challenges abroad. She and your mom are probably wondering why you & your dad are stuck up on not going to their church).

Have you ever appreciated your sister for the little she has done? Her concern on your going to her church to be blest? Her soft loans when you had issues without requesting for it back? Her intent to contribute to your trip? Her contribution to the home?

Do that and let's see what happens.

@Going to the church, you need not go to their church, politely avoid them till you leave or use this approach below:



P.S.: Never marry a wife who earns almost same with/ more than you. It will cripple the relationship.

Thanks for your contribution. Obviously, you are a female, so you will never see it from a male's point of view. Nonetheless, I will still indulge you.
1. We are three children. The last born is a little girl who doesn't know much, so I am alone against my mun, sister and aunties. they all think alike

2. Yes, I had to borrow money from her and honestly, I plan to pay it as soon as I leave. Thing is... my dad wanted to borrow some of the money I will leave with, from his sibling, pending when he gets some money he is expecting later on also, but my mum and sister decided against it because they believe my uncle to be evil, and don't want to borrow "evil" money. So they had a plan with telling my dad all that and he agreed. So, I should normally be paying back when my dad gives me money to leave with, but since they hijacked the situation, and will be contributing, I can't really say much.

3. The disrespect is in many things, from errands, to talking and insulting anyhow. The car is not used by us. its her car. She says "go and wash it" like there is a maid she kept. Hey, all these things started when she started working. When we were younger, it was never like this. Besides, I work and pay my basic bills and buy little stuff and groceries in the house. But obviously, she has bought stuff like freezer, TV, paid for electricity etc so feels bossy.

4. On the issue with the church, its a no go area. If you are Christian, imagine being asked to go to an Imam for prayers all because your moslem sister got a big job while going there. Remember, I never had anything to do with the church and I can't call my life a failure. I always know that wealth swings. A rich person today may not always be rich, which is what she doesn't understand. Please, don't bring my dad's finances to this cos my dad spent heavily to train her through 2 different private universities when the going was good. I went to just one federal school. My dad has done all one can be proud of.

5. I don't know if you can read between the lines but I am dealing with religious zealots here. All through the processing, I handled all my challenges, personal and financial issues, alone, without going to that church,. I clearly remember some days when I will be walking quietly in the street at night, thinking up solutions to problems then pretending that all is well to them because I know they will be quick to point that my setback is because I did not go to the church, so what then gives them a right to come and threaten me what to do as regards religion, now its successful

6. Like I said, the best interest doesn't always bring the best choice. I am dealing with full-time zealots here, and you should notice... unless you are also one. I understand that, and thats why I avoid religious discussions totally with them, at least let them give me my space. The statement "if you dont go to that place for prayers, don't call back if you need help" is just plain stupid. Surprised you cant see it. Funny thing is that I don't even think I will be needing their help for any critical reason as where I am going is a country providing one of the best opportunities many Nigerians can only dream of. Its just a stupid talk that leads to hatred.

If you think I am hiding anything, honestly, there is nothing to hide. This is trouble meeting a sleeping dog. I am only begging to have my peace from them being that they are zealots with regards to that Church.

Moreover, I understand Nigerians worship for money and how money dictates who is king, hence I made it clear this morning to them, (her, mum, and aunties) that if its the money she has assisted with that spurred those nonsense utterances, no problem, we should calculate everything to the last kobo. After a while I will pay it back and cut all contacts, so I will have my peace. Lets see who will eventually need the help. Not like she can't also loose her job also especially in this current economy, but lets see.

fineboynl:
guy. one thing you failed to understand is that you have a very good mother. I know both of you don't shares the same ideology. but trust me she want the best for you.

you are entering a journey that you need your family so closely. especially your mother prayer. don't open yourself to problems. once the house is in disunity its an exposure for enemy to attack your enemy.

my advice is this. 1, you shouldn't have bring this topic here. 2, just go to the church even if you don't like to go to please your mother so she can be happy for you and pray for you.

and again this is the time you need your sister tightly. because for a new comer to a foreign land is not easy oh. those little assistance you will kindly get from her while you are there till you are strong don't come cheap for others.

just go and settle with your family. I have a Friend anytime he is traveling for a contract job he will settle issues with his wife and children. buy them things for them to be happy and pray for him. its just to unite the house so you don't get exposure by enemy.

My brother, thank you for also bringing a different point of view to this. This issue is actually much deeper than you think. I personally will prefer if I don't need her funds to take with while going, at least to keep the respect there, but its what it is. Though my dad wanted to support, they asked him not to so as to attend to other needs, which I understand. Truth is... If my dad hears she made such statement, the house will sure be on fire cos he also has stated he doesn't want anything to do with the place. So, its not like I am the one causing disunity... It has always been hiding there.

swegiedon:
follow your intuition bro..but what do you plan doing there

Its a skilled migrant PR visa. Lets me stay indefinitely and work

davtosh:
Hey sist dont visit that church or u might not be able to travel again. Gid forbids in Jesus name.

Those kind of churches are fetish and are haven for witches and emeres. like seriously.
my battery is low i will get back to u. Dont try it. A friend .had a verybad experience in one of such sometime

Thanks, I am a guy o. I clearly remember when I said I will stop going there, I was having challenges at the time, so my mum won't let me be, saying its because I ve left the prayers that caused the setbacks. I still chined up, and was doing my thing. Now, I ve gotten a PR visa which will definitely change my life, they won't let me rest. Sometimes, I remember the amount of grace I had at different stages of the application, yet I was mute with everyone and never went there. I ask myself if its a different God there that blesses people.

babythug:
You didn't indicate if she was older or younger! It may have explained her autocratic approach to things! Nevertheless do not let anyone bully you into going to a place of worship you're not comot table with! It's a different thing if you're underaged and unable to have/decide what mode of worship you want for yourself!

Ignore her and her statement she may have said it out of anger or not! Keep on with your plans and pray harder than before no one will be a stumbling block to your dreams in Jesus name!

Try and be cordial until you leave at least! And be more mindful of sharing your plans even within your family members!

Again maintain your focus and may God see you through!

Just to add it was completely wrong of her to make such a damning statement

Thanks @ the bolded. Its my elder sister

Chubhie:
You've done all the processes up until now without telling them.

Never give over your mind to just anyone to mess with be it in spiritual or matters of the heart.

Understand that you are composed of body,mind and spirit and build the total man in you.

Those cele woléé and most god of men in Nigeria are using fear to take the gullible prisoners.

How come those cele pastors are unable to get spiritual solutions to unite your parents?

This the ideal moment to pass a message across to your family by being the Man and blaze your own trails or submit your mind to some guy called woléé to pull your mental strings?

The bolded is actually one of the annoying things I have with the place.When we were young, my dad used to warn everyone not to go there, yet my mum will sneak us there. Worst part is that they will see one vision about my dad, probably saying his brother/sister/mother/frienf is plotting evil against him and imagine my mum going back to tel him. Your last statement is what I did. I made it clear to them that I won't be a party to all that.

Please more comments are needed

CheapSunglass:
The thing here is you only have to play along.Go to the church nothing much there.

The thing is that.. The church's wahala is too much, like Cele.. They will be giving messages, fasting and strange visions around. Moreover, I am avoiding unnecessary socialism with the pastors there, cos thats how it starts

poshestmina:
You should go to the church, it's for prayers after all and it's harmless. Your mom and sister only want the best for you at the end of the day.

The best interest doesn't always provide the best choice. Like I said, people are different.

Jhuniyour:
I want to believe your Sister is older.

Well, As long as you pray and believe in your God, ...

yes, she is older with 3 years

Hello all, Please I opened this new account to pour out whats been bothering me since morning. I ll have to start from the history of the matter so you will know where it started from.
I live with my parents with 3 children. My elder sister has a good job that pays well, while I am doing a small job that pays some little money. At least enough to make me bot collect pocket money from my parents, with little savings. For the past one year, I ve been processing a permanent residence visa in a very well developed country, of which I used my savings to handle all the exams, medicals and other processing associated with it. During then, I was really saving my money, so I once borrowed 10k from my sister to buy a phone, which got stolen in less than a month, so I couldn't pay back as promised. I also failed one of the 3 exams I took and had to rewrite, of which I urgently borrowed 30k (i added 20k to make 50k). I also couldn't pay back as promised, but I ve still kept it in mind to pay when I have as I was also saving for medicals examination (50k) as the next stage of my visa processing.
The bane of the matter isn't really that. First, my sister has been acting disrespectful just because she has money. She talks without respect and orders people anyhow. Sometimes calls on the phone and begin to talk anyhow like its a servant there. She has a car, so she will be commanding or hurrying me to wash it at times, that she is busy or hurrying somewhere.

Anyway, there is this spiritual church she goes to with my mum, I ve made it clear to them years back that they should neer involve me there. I don't want to hear any message from them, any prayer point from them and anything that has to fo with them(Please the reason for this is another long story entirely). So practically, I was going about my stuff without any intervention from the church or anything that has to do with them. The church is also not even our main church, just a place my mum visits, where they say they see visions with some weird practices like that. Now, my PR visa was successful, I will be travelling in a few days time. My mum then told the pastors in that church about it, so they asked for me to come for prayer before travelling. I then made it clear that I have said I don't want to have anything to do with the place again, that they should leave me alone, they kept disturbing me. My mum was also disturbing me. I then reminded her that hope ahe knows I DID NOT LET HER KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE STAGES, PROCESSING AND CHALLENGES DURING THE VISA APPLICATION because, sge will only make matters worse with her spiritual bias to everything (She always thinks setbacks and illness are from witches and wizards). Now it is successful, they should leave me alone. Imagine, my sister today called me and said... "If I don't go for prayers in that Church, I must never call back home if i travel and need help" That statement has been ringing in my head since morning. I feel its the worst thing that should come out of anybody's mouth. I felt irritated and what my mind thinks is to just chin up, leave when due and don't eer talk to any of them.

But my only concern is that... My parents are not in the best of terms, and live partly away from each other, so I ve left their matter to focus on my own problems. So, my sister who ai thought will be the only family left has also made me develop hatred. I really don't want my family to just disintegrate like some I do see around. I ve usually heard of siblings and parents fighting, but I don't want mine to get to that extent. But the thing is that this church has colonized their brains that they cant think, that they are so stupid to make such threats to me... That if I have a problem(obviously, ther is no human being who is immune to problems), I should not call anybody. Meanwhile, I never told them of so many of the challenges I faced during the visa processing stages. I feel so angry right now that someone will use visiting a church to make a threat on a family member. I also didn't mention that my mum is not on good terms with my dad due to this reason, as they also have different religious ideologies. I know my sister took to it, but threatening me is what has made me develop hatred for her. Thing is my sister got her job while judiciously going to that church. I also got my PR visa without going there. I don't know why its difficult for them to respect my decision and know that everyone does not have the same ideology and everyone cannot be the same. They are making me want to decide decide that once I leave, I will cut or drastically reduce all contacts with them immediately and its a pitiful situation. Currently, my dads finances aren't too good, so she will be contributing to the amount i will take totravel for initial upkeep, so its been giving her mouth like she is some kind of boss, which is disgusting.
Please, experienced people, your advices are much needed here
.
MODS PLEASE DO NOT PUSH THIS THREAD TO FRONTPAGE

Please don't just read and go. Your comments are welcome please

Hello all, Please I opened this new account to pour out whats been bothering me since morning. I ll have to start from the history of the matter so you will know where it started from.
I live with my parents with 3 children. I, my elder sister and a little girl. My elder sister has a good job that pays well, while I am doing a small job that pays some little money. At least enough to make me bot collect pocket money from my parents, with little savings. For the past one year, I ve been processing a permanent residence visa in a very well developed country, of which I used my savings to handle all the exams, medicals and other processing associated with it. During then, I was really saving my money, so I once borrowed 10k from my sister to buy a phone, which got stolen in less than a month, so I couldn't pay back as promised. I also failed one of the 3 exams I took and had to rewrite, of which I urgently borrowed 30k (i added 20k to make 50k). I also couldn't pay back as promised, but I ve still kept it in mind to pay when I have as I was also saving for medicals examination (50k) as the next stage of my visa processing.
The bane of the matter isn't really that. First, my sister has been acting disrespectful just because she has money. She talks without respect and orders people anyhow. Sometimes calls on the phone and begin to talk anyhow like its a servant there. She has a car, so she will be commanding or hurrying me to wash it at times, that she is busy or hurrying somewhere.

Anyway, there is this spiritual church she goes to with my mum, I ve made it clear to them years back that they should never involve me there. I don't want to hear any message from them, any prayer point from them and anything that has to do with them(Please the reason for this is another long story entirely). So practically, I was going about my stuff without any intervention from the church or anything that has to do with them. The church is also not even our main church, just a place my mum visits, where they say they see visions with some weird practices like that. Now, my PR visa was successful, I will be travelling in a few days time. My mum then told the pastors in that church about it, so they asked for me to come for prayer before travelling. I then made it clear that I have said I don't want to have anything to do with the place again, that they should leave me alone, they kept disturbing me. My mum was also disturbing me. I then reminded her that hope ahe knows I DID NOT LET HER KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE STAGES, PROCESSING AND CHALLENGES DURING THE VISA APPLICATION because, sge will only make matters worse with her spiritual bias to everything (She always thinks setbacks and illness are from witches and wizards). Now it is successful, they should leave me alone. Imagine, my sister today called me and said... "If I don't go for prayers in that Church, I must never call back home if i travel and need help" That statement has been ringing in my head since morning. I feel its the worst thing that should come out of anybody's mouth. I felt irritated and what my mind thinks is to just chin up, leave when due and don't ever talk to any of them.

But my only concern is that... My parents are not in the best of terms, so I ve left their matter to focus on my own problems. So, my sister who ai thought will be the only family left has also made me develop hatred. I really don't want my family to just disintegrate like some I do see around. I ve usually heard of siblings and parents fighting, but I don't want mine to get to that extent. But the thing is that this church has colonized their brains that they cant think, that they are so stupid to make such threats to me... That if I have a problem(obviously, ther is no human being who is immune to problems), I should not call anybody. Meanwhile, I never told them of so many of the challenges I faced during the visa processing stages. I feel so angry right now that someone will use visiting a church to make a threat on a family member. I also didn't mention that my mum is not on good terms with my dad due to this reason, as they also have different religious ideologies. I know my sister took to it, but threatening me is what has made me develop hatred for her. Thing is my sister got her job while judiciously going to that church. I also got my PR visa without going there. I don't know why its difficult for them to respect my decision and know that everyone does not have the same ideology and everyone cannot be the same. They are making me want to decide that once I leave, I will cut or drastically reduce all contacts with them immediately and its a pitiful situation. Currently, my dads finances aren't too good, so she will be contributing to the amount i will take totravel for initial upkeep, so its been giving her mouth like she is some kind of boss, which is disgusting.
Please, experienced people, your advices are much needed here
.
MODS PLEASE DO NOT PUSH THIS THREAD TO FRONT-PAGE