Episode 1

I could not believe my eyes, I was flabbergasted, annoyed and totally dumbfounded as I stared at the empty pot of delicious beans and yam which has been scraped clean like a baby's bum.

I turned and looked at the waste of matter,the beast of burden, the brave bagger; sleeping and blatantly snoring loudly like a Hot female goat bleating out for the male to penetrate her behind. I felt like walking over to the beast of a human being and planting a dirty slap on his face but just then a dirty idea struck my mind.

With a height of 6 ft 1 and a body mass of 96kg, Okoro would scatter almost any able bodied man in a fair fight, in fact ehn the day I started respecting him was the day he used one o, just only one mad punch to relocate the teeth of our neighbor's son the day the guy stole our two buckets of water. Therefore the question of physically confronting him was out of the equation.

I walked up to him with my hand armed for my sinister plan, I watched as his naked belly rose up and down simultaneously as he snored and I was like, *shebi u chop finish my sweet beans wey I cook this morning for the umpteenth, you this greedy glutton of a friend, I go show you pepper this night*

And pepper I did show him that night as I rubbed dry pepper mixed with red closeup around his mouth and on his lips and cursed under my breath as I did saying,
* that mouth wey you dey use chop all my food, nah God go punish am*
He didn't move as I expected, Okoro was a deep sleeper.
I got the confidence and moved a little to his eyes and rubbed on his eye lashes muttering under my breath as I did,
* that eyes wey you dey use see all my food finish for this house, nah Amadioha go blind am*.
I then moved to his nose carefully rubbing the mixture around it careful not to put it in his nostrils and then cursed,
* that nose wey you dey use smell all my food for this house na Sango go fire am thunder*
I moved to my last port of call, and rubbed my mixture on his left hand,
*this hand wey u like dey use dey thief my food, ahn, wallahi Ogun go change am to Iron next time you try am*

Just when I thought I had finished, I stepped back to look at him and giggled, even the pangs of hunger I felt had disappeared on taking a look at the 'new' Okoro before me. Just then he let out a loud deadly fart that thundered in the room. The smell was out of this world, It could make dead men's ghost to rise up from the grave just to swear for the person. Anyways I had achieved my aim of punishing the guy.

Enough was enough, this was the umpteenth time Okoro was devouring all my food, this warning should sginal a beginning of change, like my APC mentor advocates. For how long should my food continue being consumed by this my greedy paddy while I starved I love my friend, but even God says spare the rod and spoil the child, abeg I no do bad thing.

Stepping out of the bathroom unclad, I checked the time, 12:20am.
*What a long arse day* I whispered to myself. I jumped into a fresh pair of boxers and jumped on to the bed right next to my paddy of life, #CLICKKRRR# went the sound of the light switch.

The next morning, our Face-Me-I-Slap you compound was woken up with a loud scream which greeted us even before the compound cock as well as the time prefect could greet us his usual cuu-coo-roo-koo.


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"God why me, I have all the beauty a girl can ever ask for in life and am also a smart babe but yet I continue to suffer in the shackles of poverty and squalor, O God why" Linda sobbed as she was lost in her thoughts

"I have made up my mind I will leave this Olosho work next week; last week my very own Cynthia baby died of AIDS, last 5 months, Lepacious Caro sef die,same thing killed her; I can't come and go and die like that o, tufia!; Oluwa is involved." She continued. "Baba God please send me my helper."


Little did she know that fateful night her prayer had entered voice mail and the ever jobless devil had picked up and eagerly responded by preparing to send the 'helper'.



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