₦airaland Forum

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jify:
I have never been verbally abusive to him. In all our over nine years of marriage, I can say that I have insulted him twice (God go punish you), after he locked me out and I left to go live with my sister and he called after a month that I should come back. His mother divorced his father but I have never used that to insult him.

Yes he picks up the phone and insults my mother. Most times when he wants me to react and I'm fighting to control myself not to react. He knows that if I hear that he has called my mother I would react. He says my mother raised us not to be submissive to our husbands. That's why she gets the bulk of insults

When my brother told him that was on the occasion when he asked me to leave and pushed me out,my brother was mad and angry that it had become one too many, he saw the bruises on my body. My brother actually came to pack my things and they got into an altercation.

One of my major faults is that I'm not someone who takes instructions on face value, I want to be heard in decision making that affects me and my kids in the home. But he wants to say this is what we are going to do and that's final. When I object to it or refine it to suit my strength, I'm disrespectful and wants to be in charge. He always says he is the man and knows what he is doing.

Example, He wants me to teach the children in weekends and when I say I can't work all the week and then Saturdays when I'm supposed to rest I am to start drawing lesson and turn to a teacher. Some weekends I don't even want to get out of bed. I propose that we hire a teacher who can come in on Saturdays. For me opposing the way he says it, shows that I am not submissive to my husband. I work 3 jobs at a go. I have a normal 9-5 job, I manage an online business for someone, then I manage another personal full fledged business from my office. I work 3 mentally draining businesses, I still do assignments with the kids, cook as soon as I drop my bags, wash dishes, etc. When I wanted to get washing machine, he called it waste of resources and that i shouldn't, i refused and went ahead to get one.

He believes that I am lazy (domestic work) and is willing to pay other people to do my duties. And for me, why do I have to put stress on myself when I can pay people to do the work. I already have a weak heart condition, I'm asthmatic, why add more stress.

Your issue is foundational.

There's a role designed for a man and there's a role designed for a woman in marriage.

Once you reverse those roles for any reason, conflict is bound to occur.

Your God ordained role as a wife in your marriage is not to be a breadwinner, decision maker or captain of your marriage ship.

You are ordained to be a home maker, life nurturer and pillar of support in a marriage.

While your husband is ordained to be a provider, decision maker and head of the marriage.

But alas, you and your husband have reversed some of the natural roles you're supposed to play and this is the foundation of the conflict.

My advice to you is to find a way to manage and live in harmony with your husband without hatred and bitterness.

You already made the choice to marry him knowing fully well you earn more than him. This is a mistake and you just have to live with it as kids are already involved.

You'll need to make sacrifices to be more present in your home and in the life of your kids cos that's your natural role.

You're supposed to nurture and take care of the home.

You chasing money and feeling you can pay someone to do your job of taking care of the home and supporting your kids in their learning will never be agreeable to a "family oriented man" who feels it's your responsibility as a wife and part of the family.

Maybe you need to cut back a little on the time and energy consuming hustles to face your family responsibilities.

You can chase all the money in the world and use it to get things done in your home but it'll never replace your own presence and touch.

You never thought of the problems and temptations that will come with you hiring other ladies to help you run your home (cleaning and teaching the kids) while you are out chasing money that can't buy life or happiness.

You should sit down with your husband and have a honest heart to heart talk with him about the future and what both of you can do to make your relationship better.

I want you to know that your work life is what is affecting your family life. You're giving more of your time and energy to your work life than to your family life. This is what is causing the friction in your home because your time and energy is limited and has an opportunity cost.

This should be at the back of your mind in your conversation with your husband.

You personally have to think it out first and reach a decision; can I cut back my time and energy on my hustle which will reduce my income, so I can focus more on my family? If you answer yes, then you can start doing the things your husband asked (keeping the home clean and teaching the kids) and with time your husband will notice the change and appreciate you more.

If you answer no then sorry, your relationship is headed for the rocks.

Just be wise and consider your children in your decision.

If you die, you won't carry those money to heaven or hell.

Prioritise peace and happiness in your home over all else cos in the end that's what matters most.

There's a lot to say but let me end it here.

A word is enough for the wise.

Cheers.

Earthstorms:
The man can legally marry the extra woman sleeping with him. So the single woman might be sleeping with the married man in the hope that he marries her as his second wife.

But a married woman sleeping with another man can not be legally married to both men at the same time in Nigeria.

I am just trying to find a logical reason for a nonsense situation.

Sleeping with another man's wife is a foolish high risk venture.

You cannot legally marry two wives in Nigeria unless you marry under Sharia law.

Those who marry more than one wife in Nigeria, outside of Sharia law don't do court marriage.

[quote author=SlavaUkraini post=132468135][/quote]

You're either gay, a religious bigot, extremely stupid or a sick, confused and unstable person, that's why you support Isreal, a gay loving country that kills people extra-judicially and labels them terrorists because the dead don't speak and cannot defend themselves.

Enjoy your confused life

SlavaUkraini:
So because Israel supports LGBTQ, Islamic terrorists nation should kill them ?

Answer the question and you will get your Answer

Would you allow a gay from Israel to turn your son or brother into a gay?

Would you allow yourself to be raped by a gay or converted to a gay by Israel?

Would you allow your daughter, sister or wife to be turned into lesbians by Isreal?

Answer these questions and you'll see why it's foolish to do what you are doing.

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Caseless:
This is a big lie, sir. Libyans targeted Nigerians more during the uprising because they felt Ghaddafi was having supports from Nigerians and recruiting mercenaries from here. Is there any other African country that's close to Ghaddafi like Nigeria?

Na mumu dey worry u.

This is 2024. Internet is available. Go and do your research well.

Yusufisraelj:
USA is no saint neither is any leading nation, they may sabotage, label wrongly and collude to bring down a country's leadership who doesn't serve their interest. The thing is to what end does those purposes/Interest serve? Do African leader's think progressively? Why has Nigeria continue to import petroleum products till date despite having 4 national refineries? Why is Ajaokuta steel plant not completed? Why was Patrice Lumumba and Thomas Sankara killed?

Let's stay on the matter, kindly see first hand account of Gaddafi's crimes Answer to What atrocities were commited by Muammar Gaddafi? by Richard Ross https://www.quora.com/What-atrocities-were-commited-by-Muammar-Gaddafi/answer/Richard-Ross-25?ch=15&oid=117260198&share=f5c289c6&srid=FTZY&target_type=answer


From a Libyan and a political analyst. With evidences mind you.

You're too naive and ignorant of politics my friend.

You expect me to believe a narrative from a "Richard Ross", an American.... Same America that stole Libya's gold and destroyed their country?

You're here complaining bitterly about your useless leaders in Nigeria, but how many Libyans suffer and complained about bad leadership and governance under Gaddafi?

Did he make education up to tertiary level free for Libyans? Yes.

Did he make healthcare free for Libyans? Yes.

Did he make loans interest free for Libyans? Yes.

Did he provide grant and a house for newly married Libyans to start a family? Yes.

How many of the things above has any of the useless corrupt evil democratic presidents in your eldorado Nigeria done for Nigerians?

Open your brain and think.

You're called Yusuf, a northerner. Let's say you're muslim. Your Sharia law okays heavy sanctions, including death, for certain crimes... I don't hear you complaining about it.

But you think you're wise for complaining about someone who was tried publicly and confessed to a crime. You cry because he was killed.

Did your propaganda American Richard Ross state the crime those people committed to warrant their being killed?

If someone were to rape your sister or daughter, would you pat their head for doing a good job and give them a glass of beer to celebrate their achievement?

Gaddafi ruled with an iron fist undoubtedly. If you were in his shoes I bet you'd giving rapists, drug dealers, bandits and other criminals and lawbreakers free concert tickets to go celebrate their crimes.... It is what your leaders in Nigeria are doing that's why Nigeria is "progressing" so much.

Gaddafi is no longer there to checkmate the animalistic excesses of people in his country... USA has given Libya democracy. I'm sure Libya is enjoying democracy now. I'm sure milk and honey is flowing in the streets of Libya. Try and take a bus from Nigeria to Libya. If your intestines isn't use to make a rope line for hanging clothes immediately you enter Libyan territory let me know why.

Please go and read more before joining issues and displaying ignorance

Yusufisraelj:
Elections aside, this your write up reeks of nativity and an understanding of the full picture.

Starting from when Gaddafi took power till his eventual demise, find out how many terrorist organisations he funded with Libyan resources. Equally find out how he aided attacks around the globe.

Correspondingly people owe it to challenge their leader's and demand accountability, that's why the US, China and Europe prospers especially when institutions work to protect public interest. At the end of the day the people pay for the sin's of their leader's, it's a sad reality but that's just the way it is.

I feel for the way Libya is, a country that runs on crimes and the ruins of war. If Gaddafi was such a good leader why's the country struggling? When there's appropriate structure in place, your absence is only felt by your uniqueness, if progress stops, it's means a lot on the negative.

Unfortunately it's your opinion that is full of crass ignorance.

First of all, how old are you?

When Gaddafi was in power, what was his achievement in Libya? Was Libya prosperous and developed/developing at a fast pace? What was the state of education, public health, public infrastructure, security and public welfare of Libya and Libyans under Gaddafi?

Those are the first set of questions you should ask, research about and find honest answers to.

Now, the USA sponsored rebels to cos uprising in Libya, and with NATO, another organisation backed chiefly by USA, Libya was bombed to shreds and Gaddafi killed. What was the reason for this?

Your answer to the above is that Gaddafi sponsored terrorists around the world. Is this true or was USA perpetrating the adage which says "to kill a dog you first have to give it a bad name"?

Today, USA government is funding so many wars and militant groups around the world, but they label it "democracy".

Today, Isreal is bombing and burning unarmed women and children alive in Palestine. Isreal is killing UN personnel. Isreal and Benjamin Netanyahu are killing thousands of people daily, extra-judicially, but since Isreal is backed and armed by USA then the killings are justified, right?

Did Gaddafi commit as much evil as Benjamin Netanyahu and other USA puppets to deserve having him killed, his country destroyed and his country's gold stolen and plundered by USA soldiers?

If you do your research well, you'll find out that Gaddafi was killed because he was a Pan-Africanist and he was a strong supporter of a united Africa. Gaddafi was killed because he openly called for African countries to adopt one currency and trade in that currency instead of trading in US dollars which they have no control over despite being blessed with abundant resources.

And while Gaddafi and his country suffered in the hands of USA sponsored rebels and NATO, African countries like Nigeria took sides with their colonialists and folded their hands.

Don't believe anything I have said here. Go and do your own research and tell everyone your findings.

Nigerians and many africans are weak minded cowards. They're like trained dogs who only know how to obey and follow their masters. Libya, Morroco and Algeria know this. Heck, do you know how many Nigerians flee Nigeria and try to cross over to Europe from those countries?

What perception do you think it will create in the mind of an average Libyan, Morrocan and Algerian? They see Nigerians and many other Africans as irredeemable cowards who can't stay back and fight to fix their countries. Yet, same Nigeria supported USA, NATO and rebels to destroy Libya, a prosperous country.

Those players should count themselves lucky to be alive.

If you know how badly years of bad leadership has ruined Nigeria and its reputation, you would go out and do everything in your power to eliminate all the corrupt and evil politicians in Nigeria.

Mccullum:
I don't know your mind set by linking the death of Gaddafi with mistreatment of Nigerian athletes in Libya. You claimed Nigeria government under Jonathan supported rebels against Gaddafi. Where's your evidence.

You probably abusing social medias privileges by misinforming the country due to mere suggestions of Gaddafi for Nigeria that was baseless when extracting facts from fictions

Gaddafi decided to died by allowing the rebellious of Libis against his regime, which led to his death. Many African countries offered him asylum, he refused and rejected it.

Read and emancipate yourself from mental slavery

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vanguardngr.com/2011/08/libya-why-nigeria-broke-with-gaddafi/amp/

You asked for evidence

intruder15:
You are going too far. These are not the issues. Just read about Libya's flight to Nigeria days back for the first leg. What happened to them by accident was orchestrated by them to us as Payback.

Hostilities between Nigeria and Libya in football and any other event will not cease until Nigeria gets its political leadership right and until that leadership apologies clearly and openly to the Libyan people for the sins committed against them

valentineuwakwe:
Stop putting sentiments in everything u write...this same treatment was melted out to the Rwanda national team last month, did they support the rebels against Gaddafi too? Is Rwanda experiencing bad governance as it stands now?
You should be concern about how a big nation like Nigeria is being treated, can this be done to south Africa or any of there arab nations...even Algeria wont take this nonsense.

Let Nigeria lodge a strong complain to FIFA n CAF

You're ignorant my friend.

Rwanda government under Paul K supported the National Transitional Council (NTC), the opposition to Gaddafi, a rebel group sponsored by America, and recognized it as the legitimate authority during the civil war in Libya.

Smartcitizen:
This is sports my friend,

The Saudi's are still playing Iran in football matches and we have never heard of event's like this.

I don't know why Africans like supporting nonsense.

You're ignorant my friend.

Conflict between Saudi Arabia and Iran in football is very common because of Saudi Arabia siding more with the USA against Iran. But this is never given as the reason for the conflict. Help yourself and read below to cure your ignorance. Your ignorance is because of lack of exposure to international news and events and lack of initiative to research first before jumping into conclusion or making a claim

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.aljazeera.com/amp/news/2023/10/2/saudi-iran-asian-champions-league-game-cancelled-in-row-over-soleimani-bust

https://www.memri.org/reports/saudi-iranian-tension-extends-sports-–-saudi-arabian-football-federation-announces-we-will

Shaibu should please shut up and manage his retirement into political oblivion in peace.

Shaibu, the same fool who supported Obaseki and betrayed Oshiomole who is the best governor Edo has had since 1999 does not have the capacity to understand issues and take correct sides and support the right cause.

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Peter Obi is a coward, pure and simple

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ElevationD:
So simple to say.

You provide all the money. Pay the fees and the bills of the children, send them to schools and pray for them. With those the children of the own volition participate in various crimes and you blame parents?

Why not blame the schools too for their failure to provide quality education? Why not blame governments all over for making life a very hard struggle to live for the citizens? Why not blame the same government officials who hide their children abroad and convince the children of other citizens to kill on their behalf?

Or you think the Nigerian society is not completely dysfunctional as it is presently?

Our country has been ruined by politicians and their irresponsible struggle to perpetrate themselves in power.

Before ranting like a headless chicken you should have sought clarification on who I refer to as "you" in my post.

A cursory glance at my past posts would give you insight into who I am referring to in case of ambiguity

If it makes you feel better, I was referring primarily to Nigerian government, and all other institutions and units of the society in my post; the government, educational institutions, parents, peer groups and religious bodies.

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