₦airaland Forum

Vou Atus, Bon Easter my people!!! (French pidgin)...Anyway sha, it’s cool to be back with you and back to my gist.


And then.... we noticed standing next to us was comedian Tee A and also with him was the fine boy Nollywood actor Kunle Afolayan also gisting. Before I could get the whole picture, I saw Tee A move swiftly and Kunle Afolayan also zoomed behind him to the Cocktail section which was close to where we were standing to form a line. My Friend quickly pulled me along to join them, since I was still forming my Ajebo as usual to my surprise hmmmmm!!!, the queue had elongated beyond my imagination. I saw Tee A and Kunle Afolayan quickly took their plates being the first on the line and started ordering the boys to load the plates with all the goodies on the long cocktail table. No mind me o, I quickly joined with my guy to order all the orderables until my plate was loaded (No dulling!!)

So we sat next to them at a table around the corner... the four of us . I , My friend Sur joining Kunle Afolayan and Tee A after completing our orders.We exchanged greetings with them and they replied while I made a comment to Tee A if he was enjoying his food. Tee A replied and said in pidgin “omo the food no bad make person quickly enjoy because I know sure if I go see another food chop tonight again o”. I also overhead him saying to Kunle “thank God say one quickly go collect before them finish the food o”. It was then it occurred to me that they actually came to stand close to the cocktail table not miss out on the meal ( anyway na over sharpness from past experience in the field).

The encounter I had with our Naija female artiste was a natural one. I mean natural in the sense that this female artiste actually answered a call to nature o. The female artiste by name was ''Essence'' my facebook love lady. I know no say nature o bad ooooo!!! like the rhymes of a popular Naija song.. ha! ha, ha!. Even my facebook love lady with all the full makeup and plenty fashion with paparazzi attention could not resist natures call.

Scheduled for a live performance at one event , I guess while waiting to be ushered to the stage, mother nature performed her magic on Essence. She paced to where I was to ask where she could find the loo (toilet my people).I knew whatever it was must be very urgent because the way she zoomed at my direction towards the restroom (toilet jare!!!). Ask me what I was doing close?

Anyway sha, I guess nature has a way of putting me close to where our Naija celebs are outside the view of the paparazzi’s and the red carpets. Consider these scenarios in your mind.

Dbanj still buys and eats roadside boli with some g nuts! (roasted unripe plantain and groundnut).
Genevieve could actually still be snoring out loudly while she's sleeping.
Sammie Okposo could still be bed wetting at the age of 17yrs.
Tu face could still be opening coke bottles for his American fans with his teeth.
Omawunmi...ha! ha! fit vomit if she eat salad o !!!
Etcetera, etcetera……………….. (As usual)

I’m not saying these scenarios are real (Naija artiste are muah!!!) except my various encounter has taught me that the Naija artiste is truly a Nigerian outside all the glamour.

Vou Atus, Bon Easter my people!!! (French pidgin)...Anyway sha, it’s cool to be back with you and back to my gist.


And then.... we noticed standing next to us was comedian Tee A and also with him was the fine boy Nollywood actor Kunle Afolayan also gisting. Before I could get the whole picture, I saw Tee A move swiftly and Kunle Afolayan also zoomed behind him to the Cocktail section which was close to where we were standing to form a line. My Friend quickly pulled me along to join them, since I was still forming my Ajebo as usual to my surprise hmmmmm!!!, the queue had elongated beyond my imagination. I saw Tee A and Kunle Afolayan quickly took their plates being the first on the line and started ordering the boys to load the plates with all the goodies on the long cocktail table. No mind me o, I quickly joined with my guy to order all the orderables until my plate was loaded (No dulling!!)

So we sat next to them at a table around the corner... the four of us . I , My friend Sur joining Kunle Afolayan and Tee A after completing our orders.We exchanged greetings with them and they replied while I made a comment to Tee A if he was enjoying his food. Tee A replied and said in pidgin “omo the food no bad make person quickly enjoy because I know sure if I go see another food chop tonight again o”. I also overhead him saying to Kunle “thank God say one quickly go collect before them finish the food o”. It was then it occurred to me that they actually came to stand close to the cocktail table not miss out on the meal ( anyway na over sharpness from past experience in the field).

The encounter I had with our Naija female artiste was a natural one. I mean natural in the sense that this female artiste actually answered a call to nature o. The female artiste by name was ''Essence'' my facebook love lady. I know no say nature o bad ooooo!!! like the rhymes of a popular Naija song.. ha! ha, ha!. Even my facebook love lady with all the full makeup and plenty fashion with paparazzi attention could not resist natures call.

Scheduled for a live performance at one event , I guess while waiting to be ushered to the stage, mother nature performed her magic on Essence. She paced to where I was to ask where she could find the loo (toilet my people).I knew whatever it was must be very urgent because the way she zoomed at my direction towards the restroom (toilet jare!!!). Ask me what I was doing close?

Anyway sha, I guess nature has a way of putting me close to where our Naija celebs are outside the view of the paparazzi’s and the red carpets. Consider these scenarios in your mind.

Dbanj still buys and eats roadside boli with some g nuts! (roasted unripe plantain and groundnut).
Genevieve could actually still be snoring out loudly while she's sleeping.
Sammie Okposo could still be bed wetting at the age of 17yrs.
Tu face could still be opening coke bottles for his American fans with his teeth.
Omawunmi...ha! ha! fit vomit if she eat salad o !!!
Etcetera, etcetera……………….. (As usual)

I’m not saying these scenarios are real (Naija artiste are muah!!!) except my various encounter has taught me that the Naija artiste is truly a Nigerian outside all the glamour.

CHRONICLES OF MR LAWSON

Alright my people, hmm!!!! Hope you’re doing great like my Naija artiste would say "Nothing do you"!

Come to think of it , Nigeria has the most wonderful set of talented individuals. I mean globally ....even in Alaska, Mexico, Russia, Colombia, Madagascar and recently South Sudan , my talented brotha’s are still representing o.

Trust me, when it comes to being creative, Naija no dey carry last. In different genre of the arts, comedy, music, anything entertainment globally my Nigerian brotha's (forgive me sha, if you be sista…I mean brotherhood..male & female) are the best. Usually in public they enjoy all the light camera action. Like the signing of autographs, taking pictures with fans at red carpet events, getting preferential treatment at stores and shopping malls……… etcetera, etcetera ….. (primary school).

Recently, you know our Naija artistes are finding new ways to top the collabo charts . Like Dbanj & Don Jazzy's signings with Kanye West, davido's collabo with Meek Mills and our latest video's are now making our youths consider a future career in showbiz. But outside all the razzmatazz, my Naija celebrity is usually a true Nigerian when the camera lights are out.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, my years in advertising and then being a keen observer has brought me a little closer to the true Naija celebrity. I have been privileged to have met a few while working and would like to share a picture of what a true Naija artiste is outside all the glamour.

I remembered this normal day at the office and a colleague of mine says “let’s go, have lunch” (You know the American way). Usually, we have a little restaurant in the office but to have a new feel of taste, we decided to go “explore”. My colleague suggests he knew this lovely place in Ikeja G.R.A and we all hop into his ride to discover and feel this great restaurant he was talking about.

Okay now, we moved through Ikeja G.R.A passing all the bends with everyone already salivating while gisting and I noticed while on the long drive through Isaac John street we left behind THE PLACE, SWEET SENSATION, CHICKEN REPUBLIC, BARCELOS without stopping….but naturally like he said, it was this normal Naija joint naaaa !!!!. Trust me, I am a correct Ajebo Naija boy o ( Hmmmm!!!!)…but you don’t find better Amala with gbegiri and ewedu soup…where you can point and kill your cow leg or goat meat from the large pot in those places now!!!!!! abi (If na lie, make I enter plane go London).

Hmm!....my shocker, immediately we got to this place. Guess who we met at the door? “ALIBABA the comedian”. My guy had 2 full covered plates of Amala, gbegiri and ewedu in his hands…he stopped to say hello to us ‘cause he knew our faces back at the office being one of my company client. My guy smiled at us with his plates of Amala and hurried into one tinted Peugeot 406… zooming off !!!! fast fast. Ha! Ha! Ha! I didn’t eat in that place o, being a Naija Ajebo...... You know, I just watched my colleagues enjoying their meal. (Na true).

[center]THE CHRONICLES OF MR LAWSON[/center][b][/b]

Alright my people, hmm!!!! Hope you’re doing great like my Naija artiste would say "Nothing do you"!

Come to think of it , Nigeria has the most wonderful set of talented individuals. I mean globally ....even in Alaska, Mexico, Russia, Colombia, Madagascar and recently South Sudan , my talented brotha’s are still representing o.

Trust me, when it comes to being creative, Naija no dey carry last. In different genre of the arts, comedy, music, anything entertainment globally my Nigerian brotha's (forgive me sha, if you be sista…I mean brotherhood..male & female) are the best. Usually in public they enjoy all the light camera action. Like the signing of autographs, taking pictures with fans at red carpet events, getting preferential treatment at stores and shopping malls……… etcetera, etcetera ….. (primary school).

Recently, you know our Naija artistes are finding new ways to top the collabo charts . Like Dbanj & Don Jazzy's signings with Kanye West, davido's collabo with Meek Mills and our latest video's are now making our youths consider a future career in showbiz. But outside all the razzmatazz, my Naija celebrity is usually a true Nigerian when the camera lights are out.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, my years in advertising and then being a keen observer has brought me a little closer to the true Naija celebrity. I have been privileged to have met a few while working and would like to share a picture of what a true Naija artiste is outside all the glamour.

I remembered this normal day at the office and a colleague of mine says “let’s go, have lunch” (You know the American way). Usually, we have a little restaurant in the office but to have a new feel of taste, we decided to go “explore”. My colleague suggests he knew this lovely place in Ikeja G.R.A and we all hop into his ride to discover and feel this great restaurant he was talking about.

Okay now, we moved through Ikeja G.R.A passing all the bends with everyone already salivating while gisting and I noticed while on the long drive through Isaac John street we left behind THE PLACE, SWEET SENSATION, CHICKEN REPUBLIC, BARCELOS without stopping….but naturally like he said, it was this normal Naija joint naaaa !!!!. Trust me, I am a correct Ajebo Naija boy o ( Hmmmm!!!!)…but you don’t find better Amala with gbegiri and ewedu soup…where you can point and kill your cow leg or goat meat from the large pot in those places now!!!!!! abi (If na lie, make I enter plane go London).

Hmm!....my shocker, immediately we got to this place. Guess who we met at the door? “ALIBABA the comedian”. My guy had 2 full covered plates of Amala, gbegiri and ewedu in his hands…he stopped to say hello to us ‘cause he knew our faces back at the office being one of my company client. My guy smiled at us with his plates of Amala and hurried into one tinted Peugeot 406… zooming off !!!! fast fast. Ha! Ha! Ha! I didn’t eat in that place o, being a Naija Ajebo...... You know, I just watched my colleagues enjoying their meal. (Na true).

WELCOME TO THE CHRONICLES OF MR LAWSON

My people Nnna mennnn!!, Kedu Kodi (Ibo greetings)

I treasure my past competent meetings with my Ibo friend from the east. Ha ha! (no vex)

Okay but somehow this year, I have not written much o. Imagine! omo boy has been chasing money seriously, na wa, since the new government administration o oooo, hmm. Okay they say we writers have a disease called “writers block'' but my people, I no sabi (pidgin) if this one na writers block, anyway hurray 'am back !!!!!!.

In my growing up years, I've had lots of contact with my people from the east, from my younger high school years, uptill my graduation from college, you know (oyinbo way). Imagine those our yeye (pidgin) NYSC people in Abuja who love playing tumbo tumbo(pidgin) poker with our names also deployed my face again to the east.

I love my Ibo Naija friends, who would give you great hospitality especially when they know you are coming from Lagos with plenty ego (money) to spend in the east (lol). No be small, even in the farthest villages in the east, the scent of a Lagosian to the average villager is the scent of ego (money).

My plenty thoughts about ego(money) since January this year brings me back to my story on the recent policy of 9ja's economic loose cannon, "Mr. CBN".

I just keep imagining how the word cashless would mean to my Ibo friends . Maybe you will understand my point of view if you read these scenarios.

Nnamdi my ibo friend would say to his wife who is asking for soup money. “I am very sorry Nneka; I don’t have any cash at home today. Abeg Nne (Ibo), you should understand we don’t carry cash anymore in this new dispensation.

Emeka my other friend, I overheard telling his suppliers on phone. Hello Mr. Obodo, I can no longer come over with the money because we now run cash-less. You know I have to wire it through the bank and the bank manager told me the money may not arrive till, emmmmmm, around 2 months because of some heavy hold up on the internet (Imagine!!!!!!!)

Chinedu my distant imaginary cousin in church, just smiled at the beautiful usher when the offering basket was passed to him, saying. ‘I forgot my card on my way to church’. (If my God catch you).

Ogechi my invisible next door neighbor will not stop asking how she would cope with her many male customers who will now buy on credit.Wetin you dey think? (pidgin) abeg, na male clothes Ogechi dey sell oooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Truly, a cash-less or cashlite(whatever) economy is not a bad one o. My Naija blokes love spending ego (money) when it is in physical cash. Like traveling to America to buy a house with full payment in cash you know. (Naija way)

Written by Gboyega Lawson


cc @Seun @Lalasticlala @mukina FrontPage ooo

Hi Everyone, Welcome to another episode of Chronicles of Mr Lawson


Chin Chua Cheng Chu Chung Chin Chang Chua (Speaking Chinese).


Forgive me, I've been speaking in funny tongues lately but recently been cracking my brains on what next to share on my blog until I discovered this story about a Chinese genius called Liu Lu.

Basically, I've studied most Chinese folks. I know they are usually talented mostly in the sciences, engineering and computing. I always phantom how good an average Chinese kid is with mathematics.

So I am forced to recall what my 9ja folks are known for.

Yep! football (small), music (growing), entertainment & comedy (at least), Banking (restructuring after tsunami), Fashion (we produce small but wear plenty o!!), corruption (cough! cough! , ask our excellent Otunba, UK friendly Ibori, excetera, excetera) .

I also recently recall some cool Naija blooded diaspora folks like Chris Aire. His jewelries are really bad and my guy you’ll also cough out some hard earned $ dollars to get any of his collection.

I totally agree that Nigerians are doing Africa proudly globaly but back to my chinese story about Liu Lu (tongue twisting) before i forget . Liu Lu was actually a final year college kid who solved this mystery theory that no one had been able to prove for the past two decades just in a single night. It’s so cool that as a final year undergraduate student, he immediately got an offer from the same school for a postgraduate with a successive PHD in his field.

Men!!!!, being a final year student in a 9ja University if I recall during my days(hmm). Your worry capacity at that time was high o, your lecturer smiling ability was second to none, your church going capacity increased and your praying ability if rated, was close to that of prophet Elijah o ..!! (lol).

Okay, Liu Lu (yeee!! my tongue o) may have math’s solving skills but my guy an average Naija final year student will get a world medal when it comes to cracking personal or people relation skills due to the unusual experiences and encounters with lecturers. (Abeg no be joke).

I guess Liu Lu did have some extracurricular to deal with too and had extra time on his side to prove this math’s theory but my Naija blokes have cracked harder theories to graduate from our glorious Ivory towers when you sit down to listen to their personal account . If there are special awards for finally bagging a 9ja degree, every 9ja graduate deserves one and an instant PHD offer shekina! (Hausa). `


See you in my next time…keep on smiling for sure.

Hmmmm my people,

I ‘m really angry, sincerely I dey vex!! Ask me why? Life is a cheat…. a serious cheat o.
My people will wonder what is wrong with me this weekend. Okay, it’s the many questions of life ooo.

You don’t know what I am thinking …thinking, thinking, and thinking!!

Why is getting a good laugh suddenly becoming so expensive?
What is the definition of comedy in the literal sense in Naija? Pay me to make you laugh. (clapping!!)

Some years back I remember seeing two cheques meant for Ali Baba (my guy) worth a handsome number and six figures by the side to perform in two shows for just 20-30 minutes each. Guess what? I actually went for one of those shows with my friends and while everyone was enjoying their time. I was there counting 2 minutes...100,000 thousand, 4 minutes..200,000 thousand, 300,000 thousands, 400,000 thousand, 800,000 thousand, 1.. em, em!. My people within 20-30 minutes with people laughing at his jokes, “yepaaaa, money don finish oooo”! (Yoruba pidgin)

I was there shaking my head, telling myself “this people them no sabi anything” (pidgin). I saw bankers, telecoms gurus, advertising whiz kids and all the rest of them (book people). To my guy Ali B, every second in that room meant ego (money) and to us it was plenty work you know with some Sir's/Ma's in between and some heavy book titles like MSc, DDD, PDP, HDD etcetera etcetera…hmm!! . Everyday 5am to 9pm, driving back and forth o. (imagine!!!).

Then I watched AY recently performing his stunt in UK with everyone paying to watch his stunts. Okay, I know how hard it is for an average Iya Charlie (British Queen) friend of mine to let go off some notes of Iya Charlie (pounds sterling) without quickly browsing the exchange rate; they couldn’t resist AY stunts oooo. I remember being on the same flight from Port Harcourt with AY, my first time of seeing him in person. It struck me that AY was just a regular guy who knows how to make you laugh while emptying your pocket in the process.
Okay, so is life fair? Don’t ask me why I am angry again o …. Anyway, I rest my case but life is sweet!!!

My advice “Don’t be a comedian” but think twice next time your school teacher says.............. “what would you like to be when you grow up?” (lol).

Being a sharp Ajebo…….. I am already thinking, thinking and thinking!!! I know what to tell my teacher next time.. (laughing).

Hi everyone!


Okay its Sunday and I am thinking about being prosperous!

I bet everyman wants to be a Millionaire. Guess what, a Naija man is certainly an Oliver Twist and definately would not want to stop there until more zeros are added to hit the billion target which feels or definately sounds much much better. (lol!).

I reminisce on that popular American song “I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad…..”(ego nmadu!!)

But today I’ll share this cool extract I got from a church comedy manual I found about a guy’s
conversation in the forest. The story goes………………

A man was walking through a forest pondering about life away from the busy streets to enjoy a
closer touch of nature and also feel closer to GOD away from the busy city life.

So while walking in the forest, he felt a little closer to GOD and felt God was actually listening
So he asked “God are you listening”
And a huge deep voice replied “Yes my son I am here”.

The man was a little convinced but still wondering if this voice was God’s and then pondering a little
with some curiosity he continued.

“God what is a million years to you?”
And then the voice replied “Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you”

The guy continued walking and pondering on how he needed money so badly, looks up in the
sky and says “God what is a million dollars to you?’’.

And then the voice replied again “my son, a million dollars to me is like a penny. It has
no value and to me that is so little.

The guy ( being an Ibo man) without thinking quickly looks up in the sky and said “God, can I have a million dollars please, since that is so little to you?’’.

And then the voice replied “wait just a second”.
The guy quickly recalling screams ''a second, hope that ain’t a million years!!!!’’
(thinking deeply in his thoughts and saying to himself, "n nah man! this must be the devil ".

Muah!! I love Sundays, pretty cool day to have a swell time resting staying indoors, hanging out
or visiting the cinema’s whichever way you love it, enjoy the weekend....... (lol )