₦airaland Forum

jonath0012:
Well, just thank your star you found out before you guys married.
I know a guy in the US that married a white lady and now planning to divorce her to marry a Nigerian lady.. You people should open your eyes now.. Any Nigerian men that propose marriage to you, it is not because of love but for obvious reasons.. Be wise!

I consider it a blessing I found out! And I hate to hear such a story! This is all beyond belief to me. I was truly in over my head and had no idea.

dollyjoy:
The man probably got married out of pressure.

Most Nigerians abroad are fond of coming back home to settle down,.

Better luck next time.

Lesson learned. Thanks.

talktonase:
May be you need to come back and give it a shot as the men do, probably you may find love...

Not really the case for me. I'm African-American. :-p

talktonase:
Its normal a thing for Nigerian men to run back to marry at home...Dont be heartbroken just move on as some have moved on.

Thanks! Definitely moving on but please understand this is unheard of amongst those of us dating in the States. Marriages don't just happen out of the blue. But oh have I learned how different our cultures are. Thanks again!

Hello all! I found this site after searching online to see if anyone else had ever encountered such a story as mine. I felt really isolated & as if no one in the world could understand my emotions. It actually has been kind of refreshing to see that these things happen often and that I wasn't singled out. I've really become thankful that my situation isn't near as heartbreaking as some that I have seen here.
I don't want to write a long story but basically I was friends with this guy then we began dating for about a year when last December I discovered he had gone home over the holidays & got married. I was in shock however my intuition told me that something was strange about his behavior a few wks before he left. He was just sad & started telling me how I deserved better than him. He touched on the fact that his family felt it was time he settled down but it never crossed my mind that his trip home would result in a marriage, wedding & all. I confided in a close friend & on a whim she searched his name on Facebook(he doesn't have social media) to see if anything came up concerning his behavior while away & Lo and behold, there were wedding photographs. It was definitely him. I was devastated & embarrassed. I don't want to go into too much detail but we were extremely close. We spent a lot of time & energy on each other & I never had any inkling that there was anyone else in his life. He was still calling me while he was away but I stopped responding & a few weeks went by before I finally answered & told him I knew. He didn't deny it but he stated that it was something he had to do & that it was all of a sudden, set up by his family. Bride chosen by them also. I refused to believe this man I thought I knew so well would leave this major aspect of his life to his family. And it didn't matter because the end result was the same...he was married. I just was hard on myself wondering if he had a girlfriend/fiancée the whole time & I missed the red flags. I didn't see how a decent human being could have such ill intentions all along with myself & the woman he married. Anyway he came back to the States & went about life as usual. & to be honest, he eventually wore me down & returned to my life. I was in love with him. And honestly for a while, everything was the same as it always had been. But my mind started to win over my heart & I knew it wasn't real. There was no future with him. Time has continued to heal me & I've been convicted because I do know better & more is expected of me. But in the beginning this man intruded upon my life, my family, and friends as a great guy & possibly the one for me. I know that he is not but I can't understand why he'd work so hard to become intertwined with everything that concerns me then go off & marry someone else.He acted like it's a normal thing and he can have it all. I've distanced myself & been really strong going forward & leaving this behind. I thank God there is nothing tying me or this guy to each other & I pray everyday to be forgiven for my actions with this married man. We didn't co-habitate or do anything that would require us to have to communicate or see each other. He is persistent so I don't expect him to disappear but I'm completely over it. We engage in small talk here & there but I wish for that to cease as well. Reading here has opened my eyes to what could have been my life playing second fiddle with this guy.
What I'm left with now is a lot of regret & just feeling naive to so much. I am smart & usually not one to get over on but he completely threw me for a loop. What if I never found out? What if we married and he used me for citizenship? What if I gave him more than a year of my life? It's all so scary. I took my time getting to know him, trusted him & thought highly of him. I hate to think this is a common way of Nigerian men here. Although I suspect him to be the first & last for me... Just wondering if there is an answer to my "Why" these situations occur... And I also hope sharing my cautionary tale helps someone else. Helps and not harms, bc deep down I don't want to generalize based off my 1 encounter.

So I found this site a few days ago. And this post prompted me to join. Having gone through the same situation I just wonder is it common for Nigerian men in other countries to claim they were forced or arranged to marry by family?