Good morning all, What i'm about to write is so real and serious to me that i had to create this account just for this purpose. I don't know where & how to start but let me start from somewhere & be as brief as I can.

My previous relationship lasted for roughly 2 years. It started at a time I'll say I wasn't really looking forward to starting one, I was 23 then and 26 now. I had been in a few affairs that turned sour before now and wasn't convinced I should be in another at that point but I guess it was meant to be. I started dating my ex after about a year of platonic friendship, in the process we got so knitted together that letters cannot explain, we were madly fund of each others, it was such that we did almost everything together that you could mistake us for siblings and I knew I had inward peace having him in my life but in all these there were always issues from time to time between us which I saw as normal relationship issues. But these "normal issues" have rendered me shattered for the better part of 9 months & counting.

The plan for our future was mutual and we were on it when some time around April 2015 we had this misunderstanding that wasn't different from what we've been having previously, we had our different grouses. Among many others, he always complained about me not sticking to a particular instruction of his while on my part i felt i wasn't being appreciated. In the heat of this issues his project took him to a different state from me. Before he left he made some concrete efforts to reconcile us which entailed me seeing reasons with that instruction but i was too agitated to cooperate as i wanted my own demand to be placed above. It didn't work out that way and we gradually started drifting apart, i constantly started seeing things that pointed to the fact that i wasn't getting enough in the relationship & this gave me reasons why i shouldn't bother pleasing him again, i think i became fed up & maybe the feeling was mutual.

When he travelled I asked for a break with the intention that what we shared will make him appease me, drop his stand and hold on to us but he was truly unhappy and dissatisfied to consider such, I was too, we both had genuine complains i could tell & that was the beginning of the end for us. He travelled to warri for his project & on my part i did everything do away with the memories together which was quite tormenting. Fast forward, it's close to 10 months now, developing a closer relationship with God has made me see things from a different point of view, i suddenly began to feel more matured & stable to understand that i should have done things differently, (he is older with about 8 years plus).

I made my immediate elder sister who i live with support me & see reasons why i should be adamant but of recent but presently my new found way of life & opinions made her take a decision to reach out to my ex requesting that he gives reconciliation one more chance. The result of this effort is what has shattered me to shreds, we got to find out that his trad is second week of February, i had deleted every contact of his & family from my phone that i never got to know anything going on in his life & he didn't bother either, i guess he did the same too. I feel so broken with this development, this few months i realised that his love for me was 200% pure but i for once never thought he could move on within such interval, i guess i'm yet to fully understand the male gender. I'm writing this with a very heavy & confused heart, i jolt out of sleep daily praying this is just a nightmare, i never thought i could feel this way, it's a feeling you can tell until you get there, a lot running through me now, this is a position i don't wish for any female enemy of mine. My agitations suddenly look mundane to me now, this past months i've come to accept by revelation & understanding that he should be my life partner & he already was which is more disheartening as it seems too late. I never thought i will feel this way, getting over this totally in life looks impossible. I need help asap before i loose my mind. I'm quite known on nairaland that's why i had to get a new account just for this. My elder sister has suddenly become unconvincing in comforting me, my parents say i should let go but they have no idea of what we had. I wish I could undo a lot, i wish i wake up from a nightmare, i even wish the marriage is put off. I need your advice, where do i go from here, what do i do?