₦airaland Forum

Acidosis:
Giving good account of your whereabouts is not too much to ask okay. When your parents visit you, trust me they won't go anywhere without telling you.



Are you old enough to date and have someone over? Remember this is Africa so don't tell me you're 18 or 21. An 18 year old girl in Nigeria CANNOT invite a boyfriend over to her parents house. In fact, no guy will accept to go with you.

However, if you're above 18 or 21, I think you're only exaggerating. The joy of many parents is to have their daughters bring home an ideal man. Note the word "ideal".

I understand you might need some time for fun, even sex! But again, this is Africa where traditions must be respected. A guy coming to visit you in your parents house for instance cannot breed the idea of making out with you in your parents house. I am a guy and I won't do such.

However, I believe going out with friends, dates will not be as difficult as you've imagined.. Just ensure your parents know the duration of your outing so they don't panic all day.

You said, you've been away from Nigeria for years? You've grown okay, a lot must have changed over the years.



random times? not bad for a Christian.



Well, you know you would do same to your kids?

I am over 30 o. But I understand your view.

Pidgin2:
OP, it will be in your good interest to ignore this poster, going by his utterance it is likely that he is an IPOB member and they have been labelled terrorists so please ignore him, they are full of hate for the country

As for your question, it all depends on where you work, your age and what you think is best for you. If you are above 21 then you are an adult, if you can afford it get a flat in an estate they are usually functional, a mini flat would do. If you stay alone won't you be lonely or bored? You might want to get a pet or room mate to keep you company

As for prayer and fasting, I'm a Christian and I see nothing wrong with this. If you can afford a driver why not get one or simply download uber or taxify app and call them any time you need to commute to a far distance, you should he able to drive yourself if the distance isn't far(no worries) others are doing it.

Wellcome back, here's hoping you have a good stay in Lag

Thank you. This is helpful. You're correct actually, the best scenario would be a flat share. If I can rent from someone that is my preference.

truthslayer009 I have reported your post. You think you can hide behind blaming me for your vileness? Your reaction to me defending myself is not normal. In my entire post, the only thing you took from it was that you should call me a slut? Bully.

Its interesting how threatened you are by my post, that you need to bring a stranger down. Are you that jealous?

greatnaija01:
k so you do not know that your it was the prayers of your parents that Gave u a good life abi?

your flimsy excuses of DATE or HAVING someone over is appalling.... pls read stories online... LAGOS is not a place to have someone u do not know over else u may appear in the next day's paper DEAD.. getting a driver too is not the best cos drivers are known to theft and ritual kidnappings these days..... STAYING BY YOURSELF is not WISE cos you do not know lagos.... things have changed... BUT if you are so sex starved then MARRY or get into a real relatioinship before you jeopardize a ladies life who may curse you and wreck your destiny.

if your stay is temporal then stay with your folks... if its a MAJOR RELOCATION then stay with them for a while till you MASTER the pros and cons of Lagos life. That's all.

Interesting logic. So because my parents prayed for me when I was a child, I must live with them and join in fasting as an adult, regardless of what I believe or how I decide to practice my faith based on God's leading?

I'm curious, at what point - in your world view - should the child separate from their parents? It's one thing if you say, don't stay by yourself because its dangerous. But that's not what is bothering you, is it?

How is dating and possibly having sex "jeopardizing a ladies life who may curse you and wreck your destiny"? Why on earth would you assume that I would be "having someone u do not know over"? I don't bring strangers to my house where I live now, why would you expect that I would do so in Nigeria. Its amazing the complete judgement and hatred dripping from your post.

I am a woman, by the way. I am totally expecting you to respond and call me a slut. Eagerly awaiting your judgment of my daring as a grown woman to have a dating life. How do you expect me to "MARRY or get into a real relationship" without dating?

I am moving to Lagos after years living overseas. I have an exit plan - its only for a sabbatical.

Looking at my budget, I could rent an apartment somewhere safe OR I could live with my parents and hire a driver who will deal with Lagos traffic on my behalf.

I do not want to live with my parents because after 8 years of living by myself abroad, I dread being restricted and controlled. The benefits of living with them is - free housing and furnishing, light and diesel wahala are sorted, wifi is sorted, cable is there, there is food ready when I am hungry, I know that things are taken care of. The costs of living with them is - I cannot go anywhere without telling them where I am going. If I want to date and have someone over...forget it. I will be expected to join prayer and fasting at random times. When I am sleeping in my room on Sunday at 3pm, my father will be shouting that I should come and greet Aunty So and So. This is what my parents are like - I cannot talk them into changing.

But I keep hearing how terrible driving is in Lagos and I should get a driver if I move back. I cannot do that if I am renting my own apartment.

So what would you do if you were in my shoes? Is a driver that crucial?

Phargbemmy:
I just cry and cry and cry most time when I think of my inability to be able to fend for the family like I used to do years back.

I have mixed Sniper with Powerhorse to swallow many a time but I see my children's faces smiling at me during these episodes and I feel I come back to the reality of what will become their lot after I am gone.

it's a cruel world, a place where you work so hard and yet no reward for your labour, a place where you help and when it's your turn to get help people turn their back on you. Now I do not have friends, not even a phone call from anyone and it's unlike before when you have resources to throw around.

Most times I feel it's just only me..............

Oh dear. Think about how your children would feel if you killed yourself.

I agree with you that the world can be cruel. But depression makes the world seem even worse than it is. A lot of people are suffering, but there are moments they are able to enjoy the pleasures of life. Think of your children.

You say you are no longer able to fend for your family as before. It is understandable that this would make you feel bad. But please do not make the mistake of believing your children would feel better if you were gone. My father used to constantly complain and get down about how business was bad, meanwhile I wished he just let go of his pride a little and see that we appreciated him as our father, regardless of how much money he made. You need to remember that. You are not your job, your worth is not determined by your income or your education or how many friends you have. Even if you were lying under a bridge with no clothes on your back (which is not the case for you!), you will still be a worthy human being. Even if you had to move to a bad neighborhood and lose your car because money was tight, you would still be a worthwhile person. God has created every person with worthiness that cannot be taken away. Remember that you are worthy, regardless of how much money you have, where you live, what school your children attend, etc etc.

Is there one person you can talk to? Surely you are not completely alone. You don't need to have multiple friends - even just a spouse, a coworker, somebody at a place of worship, your neighbor. Don't let your depression magnify the bad things in your life, so you don't see the good. Take heart.