₦airaland Forum

I have talked a few times to a couple my mother's siblings about the situation. One of those siblings are older, one is younger and they have also tried to talk to my mom, but she seems very firm in her mindset and doesn't want to hear what I have to say. My relatives seem to have some reluctance about the whole thing, but a reasonable amount, to a level that one can reason/discuss with. Ultimately, they just want to make sure that I'm moving and marrying for the right reasons and that I'm sure of my decision. My mom's military-like reaction to this whole thing now makes me hesitant, but I will regret giving in to that pressure she gives when involving a big life decision. It is not that I want to leave the house because I don't value my mom and the work she has done to keep the family from going without want, but she is taking it that way. My mom had said bluntly that if I was to step an inch out of the house the time I want to move, she would disown me. I am lost as to why it is taken to this extreme.

I'm an Igbo woman in my mid 20s,born in the states and have lived here for all of my life. My father died when I was a young teenager and it has been my mom that has had to support me (the oldest) and my siblings ever since. What makes things even more difficult is that one of my siblings is special needs. My mom is strict, as many African parents are, and I feel it has caused strain in how we talk and relate to one another.

I wanted to move out of my family home to find independence and be able to focus career-wise, but my mother takes it as a disrespect/betrayal. I have just finished school and will be starting a new job in a few weeks. I am with a man I have known for almost a decade and we want to get married in a couple of years, but my mom disapproves because he an American black man,but I know this person to be reasonable, supportive and caring. He is currently pursuing his masters and does what he can to help me focus on my own education and career. He wants to know my family, but my mom says that I won't marry him. She wants me to marry an African man, but she shows no interest in hearing what I have to say about the matter.

I respect my mother and her advice, but I feel that I must respectfully disagree with the way she is treating the idea of moving out and marriage. She is very strong in the head and adamant that what she says goes. I did not want things to go this way, but she is taking things to an extreme that is unnecessary. I'm not out to do drugs or drinking or what have you - I just want to progress as an adult, but I don't want that to mean that I sacrifice a relationship with my mother because of it. At the same time, I don't want to resent her if I drop my plans to move (there is already money put down and everything), because I feel that will happen.

Could anyone help me get insight on how to deal with this situation, especially when my mother refuses to discuss this issue in a sit-down type of way? Thank you.