₦airaland Forum

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is the traditional marriage regarded the same as we regard the legal white wedding?
we were planning/saving for a trip to nigeria to see his familly, so i would tell him that we should marry when we go over there and kill 2 birds with 1 stone,
i do accept some responsibility for not getting married, suppose i just got contented with how things were,
in regars to this child, its a real mess
i myself could never accept that child knowing he has had the child while being with me,
im not stupid and i no he has only had to admit this because his been caught out and a child is not something u can brush under the table,
just dont understand how he has been cheating,
in the first year it was a bit rocky but the past 1-2 years we have much more understanding and was very happy, my familly loved him and regarded him as a real familly man, who did alot for me and my kids aswell as my familly.
i no he doesent wana be with this girl but ink he wanted to hav his cake and eat it,
god nos y he ever ended up with this girl, we are totally different.
he allways complained how she was bringing up his son, not disiplining him, giving him to many sweets, she has never worked, doesent drive and smokes like a chimley, which he hates, and shes nothing much to look at, so wot an earth has he gone bhind my back for and risked his familly for that, i wonder is it some cultural ting or bcoz she has his son?

now hes looking all sad to his familly and his brothers wife is telling me about how hes been crying that he just wants his life bk, he loves jenny and the kids so much
well to me hes got a funny way of showing it.
do u tink he can change, how can i ensure this will not happen again??

@ manc*chic
Wow! After a 2nd child u guys ain't yet married? Men I think something is wrong with that. Is he afraid of commitment or what?

to be honest i dont no y we have not yet married, i suppose we got comfortable with how tings were,
wot do u tink about the rest of the situation though, in ur opinion duz a man like tht ever change or what?
just dont wana waste any more time on ths guy if he will only mess about in future,

hi i am a english women who has been with a nigerian man 4 4 years now and have just had my second baby girl.
i recently just found out he had cheated on me 2 years ago, tht i no!!!
his excuse/reason was tht we had a argument and he was just driving round and ended up at his exs house, who has his son.
i belive the only reason he has told me is because his infidelity may have resulted in a child, the girl now has a 14month baby girl,
hes reaction to this possibility is tht he will NEVA accept that child and no1 can ever make him love that child,
i wonder how he will maintain a relationship with his son and ignore this girl if it turns out to be his,
he has told the girl if she tries to force this child on him he will walk away from his son,
i am obviosly devastated about this situation as i thought he was changed man, he used to play around before we got 2geather and is very good lier,
over the 4 years though we have grew much closer,
he explained to my mum tht he was very happy as in the past year or so we have much more understanding and do not argue like we used to,
i dont belive that he only slept wit her once and fear somthing has been going on, but he clearly duz not want a relationship wit this girl, so wot is it, just sex, is it because his son is there,
he has asked me to please try again with me so he can prove to me and try to rebuild trust,
wot i am getting at is how can i ensure he wont cheat again, just dont wana be fooled by this guy, i love him very much and he looks after me and my children very well.
we are very good 2geather but fear this betrayel will lead to us falling apart and my trust in him is now gone,
we are engaged to be married but no plans as yet, any advice for me as you might no the mind of these nigerian men better than i do

hi i am a english women who has been with a nigerian man 4 4 years now and have just had my second baby girl.
i recently just found out he had cheated on me 2 years ago, tht i no!!!
his excuse/reason was tht we had a argument and he was just driving round and ended up at his exs house, who has his son.
i belive the only reason he has told me is because his infidelity may have resulted in a child, the girl now has a 14month baby girl,
hes reaction to this possibility is tht he will NEVA accept that child and no1 can ever make him love that child,
i wonder how he will maintain a relationship with his son and ignore this girl if it turns out to be his,
he has told the girl if she tries to force this child on him he will walk away from his son,
i am obviosly devastated about this situation as i thought he was changed man, he used to play around before we got 2geather and is very good lier,
over the 4 years though we have grew much closer,
he explained to my mum tht he was very happy as in the past year or so we have much more understanding and do not argue like we used to,
i dont belive that he only slept wit her once and fear somthing has been going on, but he clearly duz not want a relationship wit this girl, so wot is it, just sex, is it because his son is there,
he has asked me to please try again with me so he can prove to me and try to rebuild trust,
wot i am getting at is how can i ensure he wont cheat again, just dont wana be fooled by this guy, i love him very much and he looks after me and my children very well.
we are very good 2geather but fear this betrayel will lead to us falling apart and my trust in him is now gone,
we are engaged to be married but no plans as yet, any advice for me as you might no the mind of these nigerian men better than i do

my partner has asked me to get married in lagos. we allready have 2 children so its about time.
just wans no what it will cost us,

belive it not i knew nutin,
hes son used to comew frequently to stay wit us an it was all gud,
he allways seemed to be at home wen he want wrkin or doin runs, but now i no he was wrkin sumthing else.
well lifes to short, i gota move on, im sure his type of pipe is plenty

yea well im not nigerian, and obviously culture is different,
but when in rome do as the romans do,
i no many many famillies that are not married but live happily togeather,
and just because he had a child wit this women 1st duz not mean she is his familly or she has more rights? many in ur culture but hes in england now and that kind of behaviour is not excusable, yes i was intrested to no other peoples opinions, but i dont agree that his behavior can b excused becoz of his culture, rights ect, coz its not like that here and he knows that,
he obviosly just wanted to hav his cake and eat it 2,
i dont need to compeate wit tht ugly gal anyways she is clearly a slag as she knew he was wit me and i was pregnant at the time she claimed he was sleepin wit her, and if he wants her coz tht is where his son is he would hav left by now, i dint handcuff him to stay wit me.

i dont agree that any of this is my fault.
and can i just ask is being married traditionally looked at the same way it is to married legally.?
and what difference should marriage make? im just asking because surely if a man wants to cheat he will cheat, married or not?
is being in a relationship and having a familly not commitment enoughf to exspect them not to cheat,

well the child 1s 14 months now and hes never acknowledged her,
and to be honest i couldent accept the child either knowing hes had her while being with me,
god nos wot i will do just wish it was easier to move on from some1 u loved so much,

yes im white.
but hes not prepared to accept this other child his has with the women,
just the son,
so god nos how he will handle tht as his son grows up,
i dont think i could go bk with him, i couldent take him being within 100 feet of her

i dident think i was wasting my life he made mistakes in past but after i had 1st daughter,  i saw a change in him,
his

yea ths crazy story is my life, sad tht now i no i will neva trust any1 again, and feel for my kids ecspecially my daughter whos 3 as shes such a daddys girl. wt a mess

so u no here not every couple has to get married to be commited, he lived with me,  had kids with me,  we were a familly and as far as i was concerned he is damm wrong for doing all this!!!

i am english and so is the other girl,

more rights?
this is england not nigeria.
its not acceptable here,
he knows tht or else y wud he lie about it and not want me to no about this child his had since being with me,
wen in rome do as the romans do!!!!
me and this other women are both english and he knows tht kind of behaviour is not the norm and not tolerated,
but now its all cum out,

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he is yoruba yes,

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hes not rushed the marriaged thing

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drama,