₦airaland Forum

@Ines, I'm telling you the truth So I'm real. My inexperience has cost my alot. Not in lag though..

Nobody around?

All I ever wanted was a happy life and I don't even trust the church anymore cos it's been compromised...
Church members sleeping with each other and coming to church to dance with remorse. I weep badly.

Hi all, I want to talk about something: I don't know what you guys would think or believe but it's the truth.
I had to create a new nairaland account to do this.
To the topic, life hasn't been fair to me so I'll begin my story(truelife ish) with my former self.
As a kid, I was usually quiet and all alone and even blamed for things I hadn't done and sometimes I didn't even defend myself.

I finished secondary school and decided to enroll for remedials so that I'll have a higher chance of gaining admission into a university.
Remedial school was where things happened to me and I am yet to forget it.
I'm not to strong in my religion but I'm able to make good judgement btw right and wrong.
Now, I'll like to talk about my experience with gays.
Skips some stuffs... One night, I went to fetch water from the tap and I stumbled upon the prayer secretary of the fellowship I attended and we talked about stuffs and religion.
The next day we met was in the night, we talked for some time and he played with his hand around my stomach area which I wasn't comfortable with but I let him cos he was the prayer secretary. Then he moved to my private part and started touching me penis and after everything, he apologized and assured me it won't happen again and I was speechless cos I had never expected such from a prayer secretary.
The next time we met, he did the same thing and this continued and I grew weaker as days passed and I went to church with guilt. I wasn't my self and I was angry and the remedials came to an end and I was glad.
At home, he started calling me and telling me about how handsome I was and how he fell in love with me and I told him it wasn't right and he told me how he became a gay.
My life hasn't been the same again and everything is not working out for me.
Don't know why guys are always after me. Now to the second gay I met after my first encounter, I'll be brief...This one assisted me with accommodation January and when I was sleeping, I woke up and saw him touching me so he continued and I was already weak and he sucked my nipple and we did a little romance and I released and felt weak. He asked me to penetrate him from behind which I refused and I got up the next morning and left and didn't communicate with him again and after 4 months, I unblocked him on whatsapp and he said we should meet and I did hoping to see changes but he started again and we even kissed which I regret. Yesterday, he invited me and I went to his house with the intention of telling him to stop all these and accept God but it was really bad move cos he kissed my neck several times and I was weak then he removed my trousers and boxers and sucked my penis and as a first timer, I released quickly, he did this several times and I got up and left his house. He said if I can have sex with him, he'll stop all this. Though I never returned what he was doing back to him except the kiss. He said I have to learn alot of things and we should continue but I want to stop.

I've asked for forgiveness though. I used to be very bright and respected by everyone around me. I was bright but now, I've lost it all, can't even read my books again since all these happened to me. Badluck,carry-overs, self guilt etc

I am in a state of confusion now..
Is God really there?
Why don't girls come around me, instead this world throws gays at me?
Am I still a virgin since I haven't been penetrated and I haven't penetrated someone?
Will I ever live life happy?
Was this world harsh on me?
Being quiet has its disadvantages.
You guys should help me out with this .
I'm just frustrated now...