REMMEI:



that's not your destiny please..that husband of yours is not whom you courted with..thanks for sharing your story ..that dude just lost an angel..and his momma too?..don't wanna talk about it..stay happy lady.

I am flattered. Thanks so much @ nautybride, you made my day Thanks too

Thanks all, I appreciate your advise. I will stick to them and God willing I will recover fast again.

@ nautybride
Please, did I reply your pm well? I be JJC oh!

nautybride:
@ Marylong; I m not here to condemn you but taking the responsibility of your husband in his own home can cause lots of issues. Men love it when you allow them be THE MAN - THE HEAD OF HIS HOME.
You were trying to help but ...........
You have just exhibited our character as women. The first things you wrote about as you started the post were things you did to help. Left your job, paid for food......
When you left your job and stopped businesses: was it on his command? If it was; Did you persuade him to let you keep one or two?
Did he tell you he cant feed his wife?
Was he jobless when you married him? Were you too desperate to please him? They want us to be stubborn few times; the house wont be boring ............

At times, we just pray and pray and pray. Do you know we are to WATCH and pray. If you pray for money, dont you have to work?

Please, i m not saying he is right in treating you badly but i wish to make you see some negligible points.

Thanks for pointing out those issues. I am aware that men are head of the family. I also knew my responsibility as a wife but I think my own man is different from others. He shy's away from his responsibilities and I have never complained about it. As a helper, I try to cover his mistakes and assist him.

Yes dear, he asked me to leave everything and resign from my work. I can't keep the business going because I relocated to where he was. I sold off everything and saved part of the money in my account. He knew he wanted to breakup but wanted to use my saving to complete his last house. You may ask how do I know this? He came requesting me to bring my savings and even tried to withdraw the money from my online account

Prior to the wedding, he has a job and no investments. Our houses were built because I supported him but his family did not know about it. I was optimistic that we can make it together as a family. When I moved into his house, I got a very small job and took up other responsibilities while he pay the house rent. He was happy about the idea but gradually he started complaining about the house rent too. When we have no money to pay house rent he travels out of town and I have to borrow to pay it. He still does not pay me back even when I request.

@ nautybride, please, forget about my issue. I thinks its my destiny. Thanks for your concern

nautybride:



She has a lot bottled up in her mind, she can't but free herself. You can keep your home fablady, you can feel loved again, you can have the children you want, dont lose hope. Do not let Marylong's experience discourage you. There is the right road when you at a crossroad depending on where you want it to lead you ( the destination you want). Work on your marriage dearie, a great you ll build.

Please, I did not post my experiences to discourage anyone about marriage. I posted to inform Fablady that she is not the only one in such situation. I think most men behave this way in marriage because they do not really want to marry. Our society and parents forced them to marry. Courtship and dating suits them well but not marriage

@ fablady,
1. My advise to you is to hold unto God, ask him to rekindle the love in your marriage and to direct you.
2. Keep performing your duties as a wife.
3. You can get some infor. about his behave from his friend or mother.
4. Try to have a hobby and good friends you can easily hang out with if you feel like it.
5. Have some savings for yourself, it is necessary.

Lastly, God can change him be hopeful and patient

Floodgater:
Please finish it, somebody might learn a thing or two.

My dear, I do not know whether to call this summary because I can't complete 5 year story here oh

By the way, someone suggested that the poster should write down her thoughts on paper and give to her husband. I did the same thing then but my own backfired. In fact, he sent a text message to inform his brother He refused to eat, did not talk to me and slept in another room. I ended up apologizing for doing that oh!

I saw myself pampering a grown man just to have peace in my home. I was always crying on the street like a mad woman and sad when I want to go home. It was so bad that he will never discuss anything with me. I kept asking him why he came to marry me and what went wrong after the marriage. He said nothing went wrong. Another problem is that no one can advise him not even his mother.

He was always comparing our families and every good news from mine family made him sad. While his family are fine but he does not see it.

However, I decided one day to ignore him. I stopped asking him about his work, his health and what he wants to eat. That worked He suddenly changed his behaviour and apologized to me. He promised to take good care of me when he has money, that he loved me and is only worried he cannot take care of me I told him to relax that I only needed peace and nothing else (But, for where ) The show began again after few days.

One day, my sister in- law decided to bring her pastor to the village for family prayers. I traveled to village without my husband and my mother in-law was happy about the whole idea. During the prayers the pastor said that my womb was tied by someone in the family. I was kind of expecting such prophesy from him But, when the man started praying oh! My mother in-law became very angry and asked the pastor to stop. The pastor refused and suddenly wanted to go outside for more prayers. My dear, my mother in-law rushed and locked her door. She warned that no one should pray in her house again. Imagine, 3 wives yet to give birth and our mother in-law suddenly became excited about the whole thing. she was shouting old cargoes throughout that night. We were dumbfounded. The pastor stayed in doors and prayed before leaving the next day, he prophesied breakthrough for us and death for the suspect. My mother in-law swept the pastors footprints from the living room to the gate.

I then decided to stay away for sometime from my husband, I applied for further studies in another state and left. He called to tell me he has divorced me

This is not Nollywood story oh!

Fablady:
In a nutshell, he does not care about how I feel. He can't be bothered about what is going on with me or in the home. Intimate things that husbands should know about their wives....nada. Sex life.....total disaster. Every time I try to talk to him about working things out, it ends up in a quarrel with him blaming me for everything. Every single thing has to be my fault. I feel emotionally and psychologically abused. Not sure how long I can cope with the abuse. I don't think he loves me, and I mean the type of love a man should have for his wife. If he ever did, I believe it ended the day after marriage.

@ Op

I understood you story very well because I had the same challenge with husband. Our marriage lasted for almost 5 years and we divorced few months back. Even though, I married in my 30s, I was a virgin and had no experience on how to handle men. I think we started quarreling 7 months after our marriage but I did not notice it much because I loved him so much.

Prior, to our marriage, I was a civil servant had 2 businesses and a mortgaged house yet to pay which I got from my office. I contributed a lot to our wedding even took up the responsibility of buying our food when I moved into his house.

After our wedding, he asked me to relocate to where he was, I resigned from my job, stopped my business and followed him. When I moved in, I united him and his brothers, supported him to help them solve their problems. I also contributed when we built our 2 houses in the village. Being a hardworking lady, I never requested money from him and even use my money to buy things for his mother. I did all these because I wanted to build my marriage.

My dear, my husband changed 7 months after our marriage. We started quarreling over any little thing. I noticed if I am happy he is sad but if I am sad he is happy. Every single thing has to be my fault and I kept apologizing all the time. I was equally emotionally and psychologically abused. I tried to discuss with him on many occasions but he will never listen to me. It got to a time we got use to being sad My sister, I kept fasting and praying for peace in my home. The worst part of the whole story is that he stopped praying and when I pray alone, he walks to me to tell me to stop disturbing God. Since, I moved into his house I had constant nightmares and my period does not not stop. Yet, I kept praying and visiting hospital for 5 years. But, when ever he travels my period will be regular and normal

I never complained to any one but God. He even tries to discourage me from calling his mother and brothers wife. During our IVF he does everything not to go to the hospital with me and says I should not depend on it. He kept saying everyone must not have a child so I should worry less. When I had stomach pains he was watching football and refused to take to me to the hospital. I had to crawl to the hospital all alone. When I got to the hospital I was admitted and he called me because he needed food.

When he pays our house rent he complains he had no money. When we won lottery of about 1millon Naira, he listed the things he will do with the money and bought secondhand clothing for me from it. I was happy and thanked him. Yet, I bought and cooked our food throughout our stay together. My dear, I wash his cloths, clean the house and stock the house with the money I made from my former business. The money he gave me after our marriage I gave back to assist him. In fact, I was ready to give my life for this guy because he was my first love. I also paid our house rent on may occasions. I tried my best to make him happy but he is never happy expect I carry all the house burden.

On his birthday, I buy things for him and prepares his favourite meal. On my birthday, he forgets it and when I remind him, he says everyday is birthday. He always try to annoy me but he is so nice to people outside. Friends envy me because they do not know what I was passing through. Yet my sister, I kept praying to God till....