Thank You. We contacted two before now. Nordica Fertility clinic and precious conception(agency)

It's quite expensive but room is given for you to pay in parts.

sassysure:
So, moving on....,

Madam, respect as u have made u your mind to do what's best for you.


But there is one thing I will love to ask.

How do u start surrogacy in Nigeria?
Are there agencies responsible for it or is it an agreement between you and the hospital ie, hospital will provide the lady and do all the paper work etc.

Also, anybody know of any hospital, agency etc that do this?
I assume Mavis3 live in Lagos. I maybe wrong anyway.
If there are tested and trusted places in Lagos she will have the opportunity to chose the best.

Let's help her pls.

Thanks a lot Bukatyne. You are a sister.

Thanks for the advice and counsel.

I will take your suggestions into consideration.

My sister, it has been a rough three night o.Mind calculating like the computer and plenty tears.

I met him when I was 19. He was 23. I just got admission into the university then after my diploma program, and he was in his final year. I didn't have that space in school cos he was like a shadow following everywhere.


He even went ahead to defy the rule on
no male visitors for the girls in my home, to come and introduce himself to my elder brother.

My eldest brother insisted I graduate form school, Serve and enroll for a Masters before getting married.
So we married six years after we met.

I had to share on this platform cos I wanted different views from different people and thoughts and not family because that was the only way sentiments will not be involved.

And i am happy I did.
Una thank you.



I

bukatyne2:


Hello Mavis3,

I am happy you have had the sit down with your husband and he sounds remorseful enough to make it work. You have also done your analysis and decided that your marriage/husband is worth 'fighting' for.

I would rather you strike while iron is still hot than wait to go to your brother's place and back. You don't know how long the lockdown is thereafter, you want to stay with your brother for a month before coming back to take decisions with your husband.

In the alternative, if your husband wants to join you to your brother's place, let him. You can still have your space to breathe.

During this lockdown, take it to God in prayers, pray for His peace, healing, Strength etc. He promised the broken hearted healing, pray to him and also pray for clarity.

Since you have decided to continue in your marriage, it would make no sense to do things to jeopardize the new found 'thingy' you both are trying to build with leaving pressing decisions till you are back months after. By then, he is probably moved on or toughened up. There is a reason people are told to address issues while fresh.

All the best and you will have your babies.

P.S.: You are really strong o! made me go through the hassle of creating an alternate account for the first time in my 8 years here.

Thank You so much.

Misscongenialit:


Hey girl, you are very strong and i admire your courage a lot. Pls continue to be strong and may God continue to make a way for you.

Just my opiniom tho: if he wants to close the joint account , fine then u channel the funds to surrogacy or IVF.
Pls dont take adoption option because his child will always be given priority over the adopted child for blood.so dont fall for that

Dont give tye impression that u still have money otherwise u will be cajoled to use it for "family" now, whatever u re opting for whether surrogacy or ivf make sure you use everything in the joint savings

Forget all thia his story, put on your thinking cap , leave love aside , begin to keep your personal money known to u alone or ur parents.

No need to go on leave, the condition for staying is that u must begin planning the ivf or surrogacy now . If u leave , remember the aunt is still there, if she can convince him to have and keep a child, she can still convince him to bring the child and mother to ur house wen u are away.

You have put so much into this marriage to just walk away leaving another bitch to enjoy ur sweat, stay and call the shots , this is the chance u have to get a child out of this marriage you have the knife and the yam.

Be wise , stoop to conquer!!

Thank you dear. I appreciate your prayers and advice.

sisisioge:


Yes! This sounds so good!

The surrogacy part especially. I know a woman that did hers. They had the baby and fell naturally preggers when baby was like 3 months. Baby A and B ended up being 1 year apart. Good luck.

Thank you so much Graxie. I love you plenty and God bless you too

Graxie:
Thank God for his marvellous help, you are doing well. Keep taking it one day at a time. You will surely pull through. I thank God for your kind of woman, strong and sound. I thank God that you are taking decision that will make you stronger not following the usual societal norms. It pays to know your value. I hope someday another woman going through such, will read this thread and learn. We have some individuals who are bent on making women feel less than human, they enjoy dishing out horrible advice all in the name of marriage without considering the emotional trauma of the woman involved. To them marriage is a woman only achievement and so she must tolerate whatsoever no matter how weighty, it shows your husband is still sound not the typical ones we have here that have started jubiliating about more babies coming from baby mama. You truly need a me time, it will help you to get your esteem back. Please don't forget to keep praying, you need grace to finish strong. You will have your kids not as revenge but as a gift from your maker. It is well!!!

Hello Everyone.
I was to update yesterday and I opened the thread and saw a warzone. And I was confused. Please make we take am easy o.

@Oyoolima I am doing fine. The pain is easing and i don't feel that much anger anymore.

@ Bukatyne,. Fountainofyouth, Graxie, Merakhi, and all of all of I am still fine. I appreciate you all.

@ Crackhuas take am easy and I appreciate your advice as well

Hubby and I:

We had a lengthy and intense conversation cos I need answers. I had alot of why's.

It's so lengthy, but there was a lot of crying from both of us, regrets, anger and we just let it out.
And alot of pleading from his end.

At the end he said he wants his marriage to work and don't want to lose me.If only I will give him a chance, he will prove to me how sorry he is and make me happy again.

He said if I want a separate account he is willing to do that but he is scared of me leaving him.

He couldn't explain why it happened but said he is sorry for the betrayal and pain he caused me and for making me so unhappy. And he wants to make it right by me. He said Aunty will never bother me again and he will not bring up anything about the child until I am ready and comfortable talking about the child and his welfare and we will go by what I want regarding the child.

I told him I have heard. But I really want to be alone for a while and get back my sanity.
Told him I am still going to proceed for a leave once the lockdown is over and I won't be staying in town , I will be spending the leave at my brother's. He said that means he will take a leave too and he will inform my brother we are coming together to stay at at his place. I told him I want to go alone and that's the one he is raising face for now. Has been sulking since yesterday and funny, he is making calls and telling his friends we are travelling to see my people for a month after the lockdown.

He said if closing the joint account will make me happy, he is ok with it. And that i never mentioned going back for further studies but if that is what I want to do it's stilll ok .


Last night he asked me if we can start the adoption process immediately and what sex we would go for. I told him I can only talk about that after my leave.

He also spoke about the surrogacy agency we contacted. He asked if I can hold on from school since I have a Masters and we channel the money for the surrogacy since I said the project we are working on should be on hold.

I told him I can only give him a feedback at the end of my leave.

Thank you all once again for checking on me and for all the advice and prayers.

Thank you all for your advice and counsel.

Graxie like you said, I have more than enough advice to pick from. All the comments helped and guided me on making my plans and re strategizing.

On Aunty's Visit;( It's quite lengthy o)

She came by the house yesterday evening and it was for a meeting.
She said she wants to speak sense into me and her Nephew.

She said husband's girlfriend traced her to her home and told her husband doesn't pick her calls or reply to her messages.
That baby is sick and she sent a message to husband and husband did not reply. Husband has left all responsibility to her alone and she is suffering with baby and husband threatened to arrest her when she said she was going to meet with me and tell me her woes.

Aunty said a good wife should encourage husband to be responsible and do good by his child no matter how the child came about. That I have stopped husband to accept the child and to have anything to do with the child and that shows I am not a good wife.

I didn't utter a word. Husband told her to leave me out of all that. He said if she had told him that was her reason for coming he would have adviced her to stay at home and he will find time and see her.

Me I kept quiet and did not say a word.

She gave alot of proverbs and told me to practice the Christianity I profess and show love.
I thanked her for coming and she left.

I did not say or ask any question concerning what she said. Even when hubby saw her off and came back and started apologising for everything that is happening and for Aunty's behavior, the only thing I said was it's ok, I am not offended.

Had to send a message to husbands elder brother that lives in UK. He is very principled and Sincere. And what he says is respected in the family.
Told him what's up and about Aunty coming to.my house to insult my person.

He wasn't happy at all, said he will call Aunty. Don't know what he told them, Aunty called this evening to apologies on how she spoke to me and father in law too called to tell me Aunty acted alone, he is not part of it.

Brother in law also called to tell me he has told Aunty not to further stress me with the issue of husband girlfriend and baby.
That husband should handle his shit.

Right now, I am prepared. Will be taking a leave once the lockdown is over and I am leaving the house for a month. I will be staying with my elder brother in another state for a while.

I have decided that no Kobo of mine will go for the upkeep of the child and I stand by that. Call me wicked I don't care.

I will start processing my transfer to another state where my mother and siblings are, so I will be closer to my family.

I am going to tell him this night that the project we are working on will hold. I want to go for further studies and will need the money.

We are no longer going to have a joint account. The money we have in it we will split.

Once the work transfer pulls through, I am moving to my state.

I need some time alone to breathe.

Thank you all for your advice. If anything new comes up, I will sure let you guys know.

Thank you Graxie.
Just like you said I have enough to.pock from.

Thank you all for your advice and it has really helped me to draw a plan and arm myself for what ever is coming.

At least I feel better compared to how I felt yesterday.




[ author=Graxie post=88160716]Poster let me advice you ahead, please there are people you shouldn't waste your time replying. They are good in making light of women problems here, they applaud rapists, cheating, Child Abuse and even women slavery. Do yourself a favor by ignoring such, they are already here. Be wise. In fact it's enough, stop updating this thread, you have enough advice to pick from. [/quote]

Reading your comments is making me stronger and helping.me to take decisions which as at yesterday I couldn't take.

Your counsel is so deep. Thank you. The meeting has started already o.

To me not finding out, I can't explain why I didn't find out. Normally I don't check his phone not because he said so, but I didn't really think it was necessary.
He can leave his phone at home and go out and I still won't check because I have my own that keeps me busy.

And his routine activities remained same.
Normal hanging out with friends
occasionall travelling, he has never slept out, only when he is out of town And his phone is always there , he will not rush to pick his phone when its ringing and all that.

My job is quite demanding and the truth is once I am home from work, I don't bother my head with other stressful things. I just want to relax and enjoy being home.

My dear I can not accept a co wife o. I gree say I will be tagged jealous and all but I will not accept a co wife. I can't deal with it.

I saw a post on this platform some tine.ago about surrogacy and I got their details. We booked for an appointment and even had a virtual session with the pioneer who also had her children through surrogacy.

Because we have a project at hand now, we decided to keep that on hold as it requires plenty of money and concentrate on the project so we will not be overwhelmed and stretched above our limit.
We have visited the ministry of youth and women affairs to make enquiries about adopting before all this wahala came up.

About the money issue, i am sure that is why his Aunty is coming this evening.

oyoolima:
Mavis3,
I'm sorry about your current suffering.Everything you feel is valid.Your pain,the feelings of betrayal,anger ,thoughts,hatred,revenge etc

Personally,I think forgiveness is a personal process and it's not something that happens instantly,you have to process and decide what your own version of is however long it takes you.Do not let for yourself to be bullied/railroaded into anyone's version of what good wifery should look like.


When you and hubby were getting married,I am sure there were plans and thoughts of having children and when it became a struggle,your husband's desire did not change,same way as yours remained.

You have a right to have a child,same as he does, unfortunately some people may have urged him on to start trying with someone else. His family is 100% aware and probably were the first people he ran to tell,do not be decieved.

Marriages that usually steer through infertility successfully are most times cases where the man is the one with a problem.

There's an interesting study that shows that divorce rates increase when the woman is ill Vs when the husband is ill.
See link
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26315504

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/men-more-likely-to-leave-spouse-with-cancer/?_r=0

Apply it to your case and get brain.

Time to re evaluate the relationship. If you want to adopt,be aware that you are adopting for yourself because his family wil likely not accept the adopted child especially as he's not shooting blanks.They will say why adopted when he has a biological child .

The child and the other incoming children deserve to have their father in their lives ,you cannot stop him.He was running another household under your nose and you didn't even know.

Some have accepted a co wife and other children while not living in the same house.It depends on you,do you love him very much and do you think you can love him inspite of all this.Do you want the marriage with him to continue?

He has a whole other family which will keep expanding ,even if you bear your own children later on,these ones will not disappear unfortunately.

Children deserve to be loved by their parents.You do not owe them love neither should you be wicked to them.Its not their own doing.
I'm saying 'them' now just to prepare you for the future because this baby is not the last one.

Did you consider surrogacy? I wonder what his thoughts are now and whether he would want to finance it or even the IVF.

Last option though is to open up your marriage and be wife number one,she has had a son so in some tribes that makes him the heir to whatever kobo your husband has.


First step is to reorganize your finances, separate it from his.He now has another home he has to finance,unless you don't mind them being part and parcel of your budget.

Start saving and preparing for your own children.They will also need an inheritance.

I'm surprised your husband had an affair for one year( he confessed to one year,it may have been ongoing for longer) and you did not know or suspect. Abi you turned a blind eye , good Nigerian wifey style?

He may not be happy to separate the money though so be prepared for blackmail,strife and family meeting

Pele o.

I know my husband deserves to be happy and so do I. But he won't be happy at the expense of me being unhappy.

My sister I know I can't love that child. Not now anyways. I don't hate him too, I just don't know what I feel about him.

And right now, I can't explain what I feel for my husband as well.

I think what he wants most now is being a father. And to experience fatherhood and everything that comes with it. I want that for him as well.

For me, I want to be a mother too but not to the child he had with his girlfriend.

His Aunty sent a message she is coming by the house this evening she wants to see me. I know he has told her what transpired yesterday and this morning.

I dey wait.

merahki:



You should come out of this difficult situation empowered and happy, no matter how long it takes to become so.
There is a child now, and it has a right to a father, remember this.
You deserve to be happy, remember this.
Your husband also deserves same. Remember this.
Are your happys in the same path or crossed? What do you think is your husband’s greatest joy now, you or his love child? Or what? What do you think he wants most now? Face this well. What do you want the most now? Can you get if from each other?
My point is to take you to different options. You have options especially as you have a job.
You know you can be happy with another life and man or without any? Especially as you don’t have a kid yet?
Are you sure your husband doesn’t secretly want to be with his girlfriend and child? Think this through well well.
Don’t because of staying married agree to having the child in your lives and maltreating him/her later. He/she does not deserve anything but love and care, and did not ask to be born. If you cannot be party to this? Leave now darling, it is okay to. If you can find a way to love the innocent child and are sure your husband still loves you? Or if it is okay for you to share him with another because they may still be an item, you know? Then you may stay. Otherwise this is all a recipe for disaster.
In all, make that decision that empowers your soul. The happiness of it will come later.
(I think I have said a lot of meaningless drivel up here...but I hope somehow, you get the essence of it). The truth of this is that I feel that you and your husband now want different things. I may be wrong though so facing my questions may help you know for sure.
Take care.

Thank you so much Nooil. I really appreciate your input and everyone here. I will do as you have said because I really need answers too.

Nooil:


And you shouldn't feel bad at all. He broke the trust, and he should spend time fixing it and not trying to demand something from you too soon.

He should even be asking for your permission to open another account for his illegitimate child so he won't take further advantage of you.

Dear, before moving forward, you need to look at your husband in the eyes and ask him questions about what the future holds.

Don't sweep things under the rug because he will take you for granted and do whatever he wishes.

Think about asking him these questions, and watch his countenance when he answers them.



Why do you think it's normal to use our joint account for this child?

Why didn't you use a condom with this lady? Were you planning to get a child outside this marriage?

When is the lady moving into the house? (Don't ask him if he is going to eventually bring the lady into the house. Ask him like you already know its what he is planning to do. His answer and facial expression might give you more details about his future plans)

When are we going for our next IVF? (If he wants a joint account to take care of his child, then you deserve as many IVFs as you please)

Can we fully adopt this baby? Like my name and yours on his birth certificate? (If you're going to train someone, you should as well get full ownership)

How long do you want this marriage to last? (Just checking if he hasn't made up his mind to bring in another woman)

Ensure you keep a straight face without emotions when asking the questions. Also, use a calm voice, avoid arguments of all kinds. Stick to the questions, no need for deviating matters.

You need to know the future of your marriage. Don't let anyone think they are going to box you into a corner where you become helpless and agree to all their requests.

You can still have a baby. Just ensure you stay happy. Fill your phone with uplifting Christian songs that uplift your spirit when you're down. Being bitter won't do a single thing.

Get close to children. Volunteer to work in the Sunday school at church. Buy gifts for children, even the illegitimate child. Love children, and you'll be blessed with as many as you desire.

Thank you. When I got to hear about the child and the other woman and I was seriously down emotionally, his Aunty told me that it's a painful situation but they can't just ignore their blood. That I should try and get to know the lady and see how we can bond for the sake of the child. I told her I will never stoop that low to do that. Last month,same Aunty invited me over for the weekend cos we stay in same town, and she told me that she will be happy if I can just put my emotions aside and be reasonable about the child. That my husband should be responsible for the child's upkeep and he can only do that if I cooperate. I told her the child is not mine, so I should not be dragged into any decision that has to do with the child.

The above happened last month.

So I am actually not just going to sit and wait for anything to take me by surprise. I didn't have a sound sleep last night, but it was thoughts of how to move forward and readjust that was in my head.

Once we get our salaries for the month, we transfer into the joint account.

But i have decided that mine will remain in my salary account from this month.
I have hinted him this morning about having separates account and I intend to work on that.

Brazenbabe:
His family is in on it.
He would go ahead to make a 2nd and 3rd baby with her.
No baby mama is threatening him, he knows what he is doing.
Get used to the fact that the woman is your Co wife.
He would pay for her bride price and tell you 10 years after.
He would say the woman refused to let him see the boy unless he marries her.
He would say she seduced him into the getting her pregnant again.
The earlier you remove love and other mushy emotions and make rational decisions that would help you move forward, the better for you.
Start by dissolving the joint account
By now, you should have even stopped contributing to the house expenses.
Since he wants to be a typical entitled randy naija husband with misplaced ego.
Give it back to him by letting him bear the cost of all your responsibilities.
If he has enough time to get a woman pregnant, he has enough time to make more money

PS: This is the best time to make your demands, and share your assets with him. Now that he is still feeling guilty and pussy footing around the issue. He would be quick to do whatever yob you say to appease you.
Act fast before his family get involved and embolden him, else you are leaving the marriage with nothing.

Thank you . My anger and bitterness towards him is enormous now. I feel he faked the begging and the I am sorry stuff initially. Or why will he just come up now about taking care of his child. He deliberately exposed me to HIV/AIDS and other STIs. And even demonic soul ties because I don't know the number of men his baby mama was sleeping with plus him. Exchanging someone's destiny anyhow .
I keep going for test every month since he told me this just to check my status and it is not easy on me. I drag him along all the time to check his too and I don't repeat hospitals.

Knowing your partner freely cheated on you can be very painful especially when you are faithful.

Even in my sleep my head was full with different strategies to build more on me and start living for me.

I no go come die walahi.

Graxie:
Hmmmmmmmmm, our society put too much pressure on child bearing, when he was cheating he didn't remember pastor, now he is using pastor to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes I love deeper life and assemblies of God, your husband would have been given back chair. The type of marriage so called Christians enter into without the fear of God is alarming. He knew you guys were waiting yet he was busy sleeping around without condoms. I know you can't leave your marriage, I also know the useless baby mama will even want to be second wife. Please stop that joint account and start looking out for yourself. You see why I advise TTC women to go for adoption, how can you wait for 5years without adopting? If not for anything, you need to raise kids while you are young. As it is, just take it one day at a time.

Hmmmmm. People have suggested all you mentioned to me but I never wanted to get myself involved in dubious or diabolic way of getting pregnant and to live with the guilt all my life knowing how the baby came about.

He asked me this morning if I have thought through what he told me yesterday. I said I am still thinking about it but I have also been thinking about having separates account once the lockdown is over. And when we do that, we will now discuss how the upkeep of his child will be.
He said but we decided on a joint account before we got married and it has been working for us. I told him just like we took a vow of for better or worse and I can see how that is working for us now.

That's what I told him this morning. I have never spoken to my husband in the manner I spoke to him this morning and surprisingly I don't feel bad at all.

Nooil:


Hi dear, the truth is you have no option but to keep on praying, having hope, faith, and being joyful singing praises to God always, while earnestly waiting for answers to your prayers.

Unless you want to get a child from baby factories, bath with black soap and sponge, sleep with another man to try your luck, steal a newborn baby after pretending you're pregnant or get a divorce.

What I'm trying to say is you have to try and pray without ceasing. Because your hope is in the Lord. Ask for strength and God will renew your strength. Be strong.

As for the joint account, it's time to have a personal account. If your husband can betray your trust the way he did, of what use is a joint account?

Do you think that is all what a single woman's life is all about? Parties, Abuja, Lagos and Dubai? Some people thinking funny Sha

ProtectMyMoney:
My question for Op, how were you living out your single life before you got married?

Was it parties, Abuja today, Lagos tomorrow, Dubai next tomorrow?

You can choose the option of leaving your husband like Toke Makinwa did...when she found out her husband impregnated someone else, or you can pressurize your husband to pay for another IVF cycle for you.

If your eggs are still good, let the ivf clinic try day 5 rather than day 3.

Both of us are signatories

You highlighted most of my worries.

Thank you for the advice, we were discussing adoption before this came up. I will intensify it now.



.

frozen70:


You see, no one prays for situations like this, who is the signatory to the account

He should as well open an account for the child and runs it the way he wants

One day he will beg you to accept the woman to start living with you guys

I suggest you start something doing on your name with your own share of the money, unless he permits you to use all

Lure him to follow you, let both of you go for adoption of a child and pls adopt a baby girl

My reason is that, that woman will not release that child to you guys, never she will rather wants to live with you people and you will be very hurtful about it

Tell him as you wait on the Lord, you want to adopt, in a polite manner, he will reason with you

Now my reason for you to adopt is because I don't want you to be lonely, so the child will be your companion incase he starts misbehaving

If along the line he wants to bring the woman in, tell him to rent a house for her else where because her presence will be hurting you

Use part of the money to adopt and pls gor for a girl child

Thank you .
The child is not in my home now, she only threatened to come and drop him. I don't think she wants
to give full custody.


[ quote author=nikkyshyne post=88131411]Forgive your husband. Is the child in your home now? Will the baby mama be willing to give you guys full custody or what?
I honestly don't support including the upkeep in your joint account though. You should be willing to give out your money without compulsion.
Accept the child as yours, it paves way for your baby too.
Wishing you baby dust. [/quote]

Thank you so much for this counsel. Kai accepting the child is so difficult for me. Thinking of him, her and the child gets me really upset. But you have spoken well and thank you again.
[

quote author=Donald3d post=88132010]This is sad
There isn't any excuse for cheating, because if the tables were turned, it wouldn't be accepted.
The deed is done, what's the way forward.

1. Acceptance :

You really have to accept what has happened deep down in your heart, its ok to feel sad, its ok and normal to feel betrayed, its ok to cry.
But, you have to accept what has happened has happened, nothing would change that.
The child is here, he needs to be responsible and look after the child.
Forgive him as well from the depth of your heart, I know its hard, but you need to bring yourself, not to hold it against him anymore.
Please accept the child.

2. Confirmation:

Your husband needs to confirm the child is his, investment in a child (emotionally and financially), isn't an easy task, it would be very heart breaking if he later finds out the child isn't his, after all the investments..Young ladies these days can be desperate and can go great lengths to use other people for their gains.A DNA test needs to be done.

3. Move Forward :

Since we have accepted the point above as a fact, and its confirmed that the baby is his, you need to move forward and not weigh yourself down .
Allow him take care of the child, think about the child and not the two adults who decided to engage in copulation.
The child is innocent in all of this, and needs to be take care of. Please let him, take care of the child, from a distance.

4. Prevent a Recurrence :

If he is given too much freedom to see the child's mother, be rest assured that there is a possibility of him cheating again, even against his own will.
Suggest a full adoption procedure, this prevents him from constantly having to see the child's mother, it may seem selfish to her, but you also have to protect your home.
Either way, and whatever is decided on, he needs to maintain as much distance as possible from her. They should never meet in private spaces, you could also tag along if he has to see the child, it may seem like being clingy, but it isn't.

5. Keep Praying & Seeking Medical Help :

Inability to conceive can be a mentally and emotionally challenging situation. I encourage you not to lose hope, keep praying, keep seeking medical solutions as well.
This isn't a time to be down, this is a time to put on your full armor, protect your home, protect your mind, ensure you give yourself peace.
Your worries could even prevent you from conceiving, conception can be a very complicated process that can be influenced by a wide array of external and internal factors.
God hasn't forsaken you, He wouldn't , stick with Him

I'm praying for you.

[/quote]

Ishilove:
It's rather unfair imposing such on you. He should take care of his child with his own money.

Thank you for this. I feel the same way.The child is not part of my plan and I really don't see him as my responsibility but solely his and I don't think I can give my consent to that.

[quote author=PuZZyNegro post=88131781]

Your husband is EVIL. let's call a spade a spade. He is in a marriage union with you and yet dating another woman outside.

Trust me, this is a perfect plan. He intentionally got the lady pregnant due to your inability to conceive.

His next request will be to beg you to allow the lady to come live with you and then you have a co-wife.

Just prepare yourself for the worst.

My sister did IVF three times and they all failed. She did the fourth one and it worked.

If your husband truly loves you, he will not stab you with this type of action.

If you were my sister, my advice to you would be to leave the fucking marriage. It doesn't worth it.

THE MAN IS A USELESS THING.

This is paining me as much as it is paining you because my sisters have been in this type of situation and only God knows how bad I will feel if any of the husbands get a lady pregnant outside.

Things that involve giving birth can easily be sort out by couples due to advancement in technology.

No excuse for extramarital affairs. Once again, tell your husband I HATE HIM FOR BETRAYING YOUR MARITAL VOW. [/quote
]

Seriously I feel very sad and have been unhappy since morning.
I feel I am being taken for granted.

merieam16:
Are u a christian? if yes, u need to move closer to God than ever. His all you need to get ur strength

I am just so bitter and angry that I can't even pray anymore.

Dear Nairalanders,
I had to open this new account Because I have friends here and family members.

Please kindly advice me on this. As I am so bitter and unhappy right now.

I have been married for close to mine years without a child. I have had two miscarriages and couldn't take in again and we tried IVF once which failed.

My husband has been patient and supportive and have been wadding off any form of interference and other than that we had a beautiful marriage and close friends even think we are a perfect couple.
My pain started some months back when our pastor called me for an urgent meeting. On reaching there I met my husband and pastor told me my husband has a confession to make.
My husband told me he had an affair with a lady for a year which he ended because he was feeling guilty. But the lady had a child for him from the relationship which he just got to know recently when she called to tell him. And baby mama has threatened bringing the child to the house if he doesn't meet her demands.

He begged me for forgiveness and so did our pastor. I was heartbroken but I forgave him and took him back.
Early this morning, he told me he wants my permission to become involved in the child's life and be a father to the child.
We own a joint account and our finances is usually.planned as we talk about what we use money for. He wants us to include the upkeep of his child in our budget for each month .

I feel batrayed,angry and bitter.
I told him i will give him an answer when I am done thinking about it.
But I am not happy and I also feel cheated.

How do I handle this please?
Married folks in the house please I need your advice on this.

Pls mod, front page.