₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkieee:
Engineering is an excellent field for girls to focus on; the course isn't a problem or an issue since engineering opens the door to lots of opportunities for intelligent students out there. After finishing up with her Engineering program, she could do something in nursing for a postgrad if nursing is still on her mind, or some other healthcare program too.

If she is doing well where she is, and her fees are being taken care of, then there is no problem with her remaining there for as long as possible. The more important thing is ensuring she does not fall into the hands of the many predators out there, like her mother before her. And this applies to all young women, regardless of their upbringing, so do not feel that the girl will be particularly targeted. However, coming from an abusive home/background like hers, she is more vulnerable.

I had suggested the girl withdraw from school. Although she learnt hairdressing but that can't sustain her. She's in year 1 in a 5 years course. Her brother will be writing WAEC next year while the two other ones are in high and basic school.

ibechris:
Your father actually saw something about that evil man but you know, it is a waste and vain to advice two lovers.

honestly. As little as i was then, I knew the man was nothing to write home about. Her almost 18 years decision has destabilised the family now. I had shouted at her, why didn't she listened to her father then and even after forging ahead why didn't she tell us what she's passing through in the hand of that man. Her decision to leave now was even influenced by the church. They said we should thank God we saw her alive. The man is a beast

pocohantas:
Oh sorry about that. You sound older, so I thought she is your younger sister. I agree your parents didn't do enough, because I can't imagine one man convincing my daughter to abscond with him. My guess is their relationship wasn't the best. Did she leave the first daughter with him?

She's in school, in one Eastern University. I guess she'd be in Port Harcourt with her father during holidays. My sis was even saying if she had the means, she'd have asked her to sit for jamb next year and process her admission to UNILAG. Her dream course was Nursing but got Engineering. With that, she'd be with her mother in Lagos during holidays.

pocohantas:
You mean a man like you and your father abducted your 22yo sister in the name of love and marriage. Moved her across Nigeria and loaded her with pregnancies? Your parents failed that small girl and allowed a wicked agadi nwoke to deceive her.

She has to pick herself up, work and fend for her kids. If the man was so bad, she should never have had 4 whole kids with him. She owes those kids a lot and she has to do the needed. She should also ensure her daughters doesn't fall prey to such in future like someone pointed out. There is a reason she rushed into the arms of a man almost twice her age. If she doesn't take care, if she doesn't heal and restrategise, those kids of hers would have it hard. I wish her the best.

I was 9 when they met. I hadn't through with high school when they moved to Port Harcourt. As for my late father, I do question him about his daughter, even though he tried all he could then to abort his mission. I felt his effort wasn't enough.

My only sister is married to an Igbo man from Imo State while we came from Ogun State. She was 22 when they met, while the man was 39. The man happened to be her first love, according to the man. Their marriage is almost 18 years with 4 kids: two boys and two girls. My parents don’t support the marriage, but the man insisted it’s either my sister or no one else. My father begged my sister not to marry this man, but she insisted. He got her pregnant and never paid her bride price nor married her legally. My father still beseeched her not to continue this marriage journey, but she never listened. He relocated to Port Harcourt from Lagos in February 2014 without letting us know their reasons for relocation.

This year makes it 11 years since we last set eyes on my sister. She doesn’t have a phone so we couldn’t reach her. Whenever we call the husband, he always gave us excuses: he’s not around, he travelled, she has gone to church, etc. And sometimes when we luckily reached her through her husband’s phone, she always made it look like she’s fine, even though we knew she’s not. My father lost his mother in 2019, her paternal grandmother; she and her husband didn’t show up. My mother lost her mother in 2021 and her younger siblings; my sister and her husband never showed up. We lost our father in 2022, same thing, they didn’t show up.

We got a call last month from her that she’d be coming to Lagos to see us. She arrived on July 14th, 2025, with 3 of her children. She narrated all what she has gone through in her marriage, how her husband beat her physically and emotionally almost every day. She learnt catering and decoration, but he never allowed her to work, he didn't allowed her use a mobile phone, nor establish her. He collects any money sent to her through her family and the church she attends. The husband has a younger brother abroad and, according to my sister, the man has sent her husband money and buses several times to sell, start up a business, and ensure he pays his wife’s bride price, but he never listened. My sister overheard her husband’s conversation with his brother in Igbo dialect, how his brother was shouting at him on the phone, asking why he refused to pay his wife’s bride price, and the husband said to his brother that he will not pay it because my late father gave him a tough time since he didn’t want him to marry his only daughter. So to him, it is payback time. This man always embarrasses my sister in public. He always goes to church to embarrass her, including in front of the pastors and members.

This same man has never called her ever since she came to Lagos, at least to know how she and the kids are faring. The church has been so helpful, according to her. It was the church that gave her transport money to come with her children. He almost collected the money from her, discouraging her from coming, but she insisted. Her first child is 17 and she's in school, studying Engineering, suffering, as the father has refused to work. The pastor has helped him secure jobs several times, but he always turns them down. My sister said she’s fed up with the marriage and she’s never going back. Things have been so difficult for my family even before their arrival, now she came with her children to complicate things and make it worse.

Her daughter always disturbs her on the phone, crying and asking for money, and she has no money. I wonder who advised the poor girl to sit for jamb and enrolled in school. I was forced to send ₦5,000 from the ₦12,500 in my account. I have been having sleepless nights about my sister situation. How I wish she listened to our late father, how I wish she had listened to the family. Her children cried to bed last night without food. School will resume in two weeks’ time, what would be their fate? The day I set eyes on my sister, I couldn’t recognize her. She looked pale and worn out. Someone who’s not 40 yet. My mother is so heartbroken.

All these break my heart.