₦airaland Forum

zaynie:
Miamimama, I carry yansh for you o.
You get patience well well.


1. Hope you have protected sex with him, dem girls out there, not all of them are nice o.
I just found out yesterday that my aunt got infected with HiV from her husband of 6 years.
It happens! Dont let it happen to you o!

2. He might be going thru a mid-life crisis.
When did he start? Since the beginning or a few years back.

3. Pray....pray....pray.
Pray he stops
Pray none of the girls get pregnant.
Pray he doesnt get infected.



I'm sorry I cant advice what to do, cos until a person is really in this kind of mess, you cant say for sure.
But I will tell my thots on this.
- He is not just sleeping around, he is trying to hurt you. That is why he is not discreet, thay is why he is picking on girls you know, that is why he says he's sorry and goes back to do it again and again....he really isnt sorry!
Perhaps you need to think back on why he might want to hurt you.

- You know why men in the western world cheat with caution and show remorse when caught? Its not because they are truly sorry or wouldnt do it all over again if given a chance, its because they are afraid of what will happen to them of the woman decides to avenge herself. This fear has been passed from generation to generation and now it is a norm.

3. He needs to stop.
- so he can be a good role model to his sons.
- so his daughter wont think that men arent worth your troubles or your dedication.
- so you can have your respect, his attention, some peace?
- so he can have a lil respect and be std free at least.
- to obey God....heck he's a pastor...he should know better!

4. Do you want to stay?
- believe that this is his worse and remember you vowed to stay for better or worse. Hope and pray that he snaps out of this phase so you an enjoy better days with him.
- do you want to stay until a greedy girl concludes that she deserves to come inside the house and shares the roof with the father of her child.
- do you want to stay to show your sons that a man can get awat with cheating serially on his wife.
- do you want to stay and show your daughter that it is okay for a man to serially cheat on her as long as he is fulfills the provider role.
- to continue to maintain a rep....Mrs XYZ

5. Do you want to leave
- because of the shame and disrespect he brings to you.
- because of your restless heart....breaking over and over again.
- because of the kids.....he disrespects them too and soon they will hate him and disrespect him esp once they can cater for themselves or leave the house.
- to spite him and make him see what he is losing or has lost as the case maybe.


What do YOU want to do.
There are plenty tested and trusted strategies. Lets know what you want to do.
-I want to stay and make it work. Rough it out and win.
OR
- I am done fighting....he's not worth it. I cant do it anymore, I love me more than I love him. I just want a way out.




Put in mind that a serial cheater or wife beater hardly ever changes, they suppress the urge and time/ age/ maturity gradually wipes it off them, not always tho.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.
Goodluck

Hmmnmn.!
1. It is well! I need to get tested!
2. It has been going on like this for a very long time, he will stop and continue. But it's worst now that he is fully established and comfortable to some extent.
4. I'veasked him several times,if there's anything I've done wrong, the only thing he said was that I'm not satisfying him sexually(which I'm trying to improve)sometimes he will say he is just playing with his phone by chatting with all those girls.
5. I don't know what to do to make him stop. My daughter is even another case because she's already having a different mind towards marriage.

I really want to stay and make it work. I've been suffering with him for the past years. Another girl can not come and reap where she did not sow.
Can I still conceive?, because he mentioned something about having more children(we have just two children)
But giving birth has not been easy for me as I had both children through cs and the doctor advised me not to take in again.?

I am dark(ebony). I really dress very well of which he compliments often.
He is really a good man but its just this infidelity issue.
I just pray God will touch him.
I have people I can report too but its going to bring shame to the family and can finish his career.

Thank you mama's for your suggestion.
I wish you all joy in your marriage.
Cheers!

Ma'am chinwendym..
Hmmmn.. If there is anything after prayer I have done that, I've been to several moutains ,fasted, gone to several marriage counselor (he is also a marriage counselor)
Sometimes I wonder what he teaches young couple who comes to him for counselling.
Some even come to me and tell me how dh restored their marriages and I just go in to cry that why is ours crumbling.
I was almost getting cream to make me fair (all those girls are always fair). It is that bad!
Now he is delving into politics and I know more is yet to come.
I'm just tired.

SAbi mama's in the house. Good morning o.
I'm sorry for derailing this thread. I used to peep in here once in a while wth my other moniker. Although I am not pregnant,I don hang Booth tey tey(my last born is 17years now).

Well, what is bothering me now is a very long story but let me go on to the recent one that is giving me concern. Its traces of infidelity from my Dh.
We've been on this issue since last year, I have called the family members over this issue and they talked to him(they couldn't do much,cos he is the eldest). I've had heart to heart talk with him,and he confessed and apologized late last year. I also asked him what does he want that I'm not doing of which he told me and I'm trying my possible best to improve in that aspect.
But each time we are getting over the current girl, I'll start seeing another one via his Whatsapp,sms and call log( I had to tell him to block off his fb account, cos what I saw is disheartening.)
The last girl was a girl who lives in the same street with us and the girl had the guts to tell me that she is not leaving my husband alone, and she even disrespected me during one of their chats I saw on bbm and my husband entertained her. It was only God who took control and removed her from the Picture and dh apologized to me and the kids(they are aware, my daughter was the one who found out).
Fast forward to now: we went for a program in akure and I was the one who catered for the crusade. It was a really large job and I needed more servers, so there is this girl who happens to be among the children our charity organization sponsors in akure whom dh discussed with to bring some of her friends to assist and I'll pay them.
Now this same girl is now the girl dh is having an affair with. She sends mssg to him requesting for money and recharge cards,calls him everyday, make plan to meet each other at hotels whenever he comes there.
I confronted him about this of which he denied and said I have a negative mind(I had to let it slide and allowed him embark on the journey in peace). He even told the girl to lie to me If I ever called her, but I didn't.
Now, initially he changed her name on his phone so I won't know but now he told her to be hiding her number whenever she wants to call him.
My question now is what can I do? Should I call the girl and confront her? Because I'm tired of all this, our marriage is 20yrs now and I've endured enough.
I feel like walking out of the marriage but for the kids.
Though he has never laid a finger on me,he still does his fatherly duties and try much to make me comfortable. But I am still hurting inside knowing fully well that my husband is having an affair outside.

P.s.: he is a pastor in the church and a well respected man. I'm in my mid forties and he is in his early fifties.
I really need mature responses on how to handle this matter.cos I'm contemplating on reporting him to the church..
Sorry for the long epistle.

I had to bring this here because of the sanity and love here.