₦airaland Forum

desireoge:
Madam believe me when I say most married people live like this .
I almost left my marriage last December. Even till now I'm not still happy with my husband but I just told myself that since he doesn't abuse me physically,

I asked my kids and they said I should not divorce their daddy. The oldest is 14. It's not really easy to be a single mum.

There are many ways to go around it. Detatch yourself from him. Sleep in different rooms. Discuss only important issues concerning kids. Create your happiness around your kids and external friends. The lists goes on.

If you leave, you will be lonely o. I don't know what he has been doing to you anyway but if he's not physically abusing you or cheating with abandonedment, please stay.

This is dangerous, you are breading resentment, you guys are delibately sabotaging your homes. For what? Why not just leave? You want the man to take care of the children and play the fatherly role and then you leave him at old age. Why cant you address the real problem. Give him better sex, food and love and see how if he would change. Even demonic men will have a change of heart. You proving stubborn and setting boundaries will only make the man more hardened and cause resentment on your side. Honestly a lot of women dont understand the role in a home and marriage. Even born again women, you will see them praying to God, serving in church, kneeling down for pastor, yet no biblical understanding of their role and power as wifes. If a man is not beating you or cheating which other problem cant be resolved.

letskeeptalking:
I don't agree . . I am not responsible for the state of this marriage. . . and it took me a while to realize that. But you are right on one thing, I won't learn how to solve my problems here. I'm also not trying to solve anything.

Can't people who have gone through divorce just share their experiences and stop trying to fix my marriage? If I wanted to fix it I will be in a therapist's room, not here.

Go to reddit if you want to hear stories of divorce them plenty for there well well.

You also just confirmed my suspicion. I am 70 percent certain you are a major source of the problem in your marriage.

Why do you want them to share? Why is that important to you. You think marriage is a game or tales by moon light.

Every person experience in the journey of life is different, whether is it marriage, career, children etc. Stop looking for other people's story to motivate you and focus on your own journey. What I have also noticed is many divorcees always want other women in marriage to join them in their failed divorce. It is like a kind of cult, like the feminist thing. Be very careful, they are lonely and miserable. if you really need genuine advice speak to your parent particularly your mother. She must have seen it all and will be experienced to tell you the truth with love. No shame talking to your parent, they will always love you.

I will continue to say it, most women are very selfish being, when they touch money pride sets in and they begin to see the husband from a different point of view. Pride is a destroyer, do not let those around you in Canada influence your thinking and marriage. Many of them are miserable.

Humble yourself and let the holy spirit do the rest if you still want to have a home. No situation remains forever as long as both parties want to work together. Agreement is very key, somethings wont change, however we always compromise. No one gets it all.

letskeeptalking:
So are you divorced then? How can you help? Because I don’t think this has anything to do with feminism!

I think it does, although we don’t fully know the source of the conflict in this home. From what I’ve seen and my personal experience, many happy homes often become that way because of the wife. Please don’t misunderstand me—there are truly terrible husbands out there, and issues like domestic violence or cheating are serious and not something to overlook. But if those are not involved, many other issues can be worked through when both people are willing. This feminist tendency and pride is number killer of marriage. A meek and submissive wife hold the home. She is open to talk freely about issues. Remember what Proverbs 14:1 says A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands". It didnt say a wise man or a wise couple. The life and death of a marriage is in the hand of a wife.

Sometimes resentment builds quietly. Instead of calling her husband aside and saying, “This is what I’ve noticed,” and having an open conversation, frustration grows. Communication could solve many of these problems before they escalate. But you see that pride in women, that belief they are equal to a man, is the number cause of problem. Every spouse should know their role and their place in a marriage. They should support each other not want to take over the role of the other spouse.

Women are complex, and emotions play a significant role in how they behave. A man may be loving his wife, but if she does not feel loved in the way she needs, she will begin to frustrate the marriage. I also feel ladies are clever, self centred and selfish. It is always about their interest. When she doesnt see any value the husband is adding to her life (eg she has her own money and house) she begins to look for ways to create crises and eventually leaves. This one is doing 50 50 with her husband, that things will be bitting her body. Ladies naturally are not created to carry financial responsbility for long. Those who do lose respect their spouse. That is why men and husband have to always look for how to continue to create value for their wife, in whatever way possible, whether it is my helping her with chores, giving her money or gift, good sex anything she needs. I can go on and on but I will stop here.

@OP, if you truly want to leave, that is your choice. Marriage is not by force but by choice and commitment. If you decide it’s no longer for you, Please leave, infact making the decision now will be great for your husband, he can quickly move on with Life than at an old age. Nothing is out there particular in Canada. I wish you the very best.

AndroBlaze:
From all you have said and your further responses I think you need to accept this is a lost fight and try and get your mind to accept that this baby will come.

I know it's not easy but if you push the matter further, your marriage and your wife will never be the same again, no matter what you financially achieve later on.

I don't blame you in anyway BTW, in fact I am almost certain your wife engineered this scenario.

I am also beginning to think so as well, some months earlier she had told me she wanted more kids and I said no, I wasnt interested, I explained the reason which I thought she agreed to. Thinking back now, I suspect she may have tampered with the implant.

Aside the financial stress which she doesn't seem to be concerned about. We have two kids already. Why have more? The cons outway the pro. Tried to do the analysis. A couple of things I do right now as a dad. It is really painful when the value of a man and a spouse dont align on life goals. Very frustrating. I am beginning to see her in another light.

Hightablevoice2:
My own two cents too will be that you should thread lightly in matters of abortion with a woman you are already married to first.. she may never see you the same ever again if you push too hard. A blessing is blessing and at 39 at that.. Perhaps in your mind it's a necessity to abort given the plans you have laid down for yourself, it is an absolute right of every thinking man, but to her if you do push it too forward, you might appear as a bit selfish. Motherhood is everything to a woman. Financial independence or not.. Take that away from her, you scar her. Even if or when she understands your reason, she will never get over it. And given that it's intentional and not a miscarriage.

Second if it's financial insecurity and independence.. I will say this, you have been strong and resourceful enough to have carried your family up to this point, maybe this readjustment might stress you a bit, but then again it's always here and there for men in this world. Stress is part of any able body man daily life. However in the long run, that stress has always paid off, stressing rightfully at least that is, and you will be surprised you may be the one that will benefit the most at the end of the day, because not limiting your self with whatever you have going on right now but pushing yourself further to provide and cater for your family will generate new ideas in you that even you probably didn't know you are capable of.. maybe you need to make more connections, maybe you need to establish a little bit more, or maybe you just need a new different perspective of what it is possible in the realms of men, such thinking could be enough to unlock and generate unseen opportunities and God's favor.. Just by simply understanding that, it should enough to raise your spirit a little bit. You are a realist, and that helps too.

Lastly. I will say, if God has decided to bless your household with a child, you should be honored. I don't know if you are religious or not, but in logical terms you are only as good as you think you are, plan or no plan, and in many ways too a man is only as weak as he beliefs himself to be.. In the end, it's a matter of individual and personal conviction of your own capacity and capabilities.. follow your guts, you are still the master of your own destiny. If however your wife isn't on the same page afterwards, no talk say Dem no warn you.. instead of waiting to be 90 years old, perhaps you should shift perspective as to what would your 90 years old self tell your 39 years old regarding this, what advice will he give, be it positively optimistic or later regret, which ever suits you best, you will know.. If you think you will be happy sticking with what you already have, perhaps you can come to sort of an understanding with her because it's not just your decision alone, it's also her child that you are talking about getting rid of. But either way, your wife na still your wife, just be willing to accept that she may never see you the same again. Marriage na by strength, no be by plans alone. Men plan, God executes.
Wish you well brother.

Thank you, I appreciate the advice. Will bookmark your note.

KanwuliaExtra:
Easy for men to mention abortion to women because it is not their bodies that will be mutilated. Imagine a man asking his wife for an abortion out of selfishness and wickedness, I hope your wife leaves you for the kind of wicked heart you have. Your concept of love is quite sickening. Tufiakwa.



Disgusting! Go and watch a real or AI video of an abortion process, then come back and repeat all this nonsense you are spewing here, Life is not all about you and your selfish needs and wants. You need to grow up and man up to your responsibilities. If your wife agrees to this sordid decision, she will HATE you for life. You have absolutely no idea what love means.

I think you shd go watch the video yourself, Nigeria is not a country that allows abortion by law, hence it mostly bad and horrible stories people hear. wacks clinics or procedures done by incompetent doctors. Oversees there are abortion clinics which have safe and advanced techniques with very minimal risk. We Nigerians demonize alot of things. Alot of sentiments and emotions. I dont understand your comments on selfishness and wickedness. You are not in my marriage and you have no understanding of the sacrifices I have put in my marriage or things I have done as a husband. It is selfishness, pure wickedness and gross irresponsibility to bring a child into this world without being able to take care of the child. I am 100% certain this my wife will leave when money becomes a problem. I know this for a fact! Also go and watch the justice court on youtube, you see how many families breakup and struggle all because of money. Women are a very complex human. I will work hard and pray for God's provision, however take a pragmatic approach which is to work with what I Can control.

How am I suppose to know the contraceptive implant will fail. She has been on the contraceptive implant for the last 3 years and it was working fine until now We did take some precautions.

When you say getting an abortions will impact her body can you expatiate on this, abortion is legal over here? Before we had her two boys her first three pregnancies were lost and we did have an abortion to take out the gestation sack

Kobojunkie:
1. You had all of ,these many reasons, yet you did not consider getting a vasectomy or at least ensuring you use protection every time you had sex as a result?

2. You knew all of this, yet you did nothing to protect the future you supposedly want for them? 🥱🥱

3. Well, getting an abortion would impact her body and mind in many ways. But I guess that all means little to you since the reason why you did not bother using protection yourself or getting a vasectomy to preserve your dreams is that you reasoned your body would not need to deal with any of the impacts if pregnancy happened, right? 🥱🥱

4. Seems you love everybody, but seem unwilling to do even the bare minimum, which is maybe to use protection yourself or get a vasectomy to protect anybody. Goodluck! 🥱🥱

Please bear with me I created a new account to remain anonymous.

Greetings everyone. I am currently facing a very difficult situation and would appreciate some guidance.

I have been married for ten years, and my wife and I have two wonderful boys. Like any marriage, we’ve had our challenges, but we have always worked through them and made things work. I have been the sole financial provider for our family.

In early 2025, we relocated to a new country and have been gradually settling in. When we arrived, we both found employment, but unfortunately, my wife’s lost her job. Since then, she has been passively searching for work and has been quite selective about the type of job she is willing to take, but so far she hasn’t received any interviews.

After the birth of our second child, I clearly communicated that I did not want to have any more children. I encouraged my wife to use contraception, which she agreed to, and I frequently asked for reassurance that it was still effective because I was certain I did not want another child. I must say I messed up here, I too should have had a vasectomy.
Last week, she told me she had missed her period. We took a pregnancy test, which came back positive, and a scan today confirmed that she is six weeks pregnant. She is very excited about the pregnancy, but I am deeply distressed and unsure how to express my concerns without causing harm.

I do not want another child because of the financial, emotional, and mental strain it would place on me. I am 39 years old, and my wife is 33. Being pregnant will also make it even more difficult for her to find employment, she I have been encouraging her to. At the moment, I am fully responsible for all household expenses, including rent, utilities, and food. Throughout our ten years together, I've carried 100% of the financial burden and was happy doing so, even during the times she was working. I never pressured her or asked for anything in return We live in a rented basement and have no support system in this new country—all our family members are back home. When I asked her to explain her reasons for wanting to keep the baby, just emotions and wanting to have a baby girl. She even requested a scan picture of the fetus afterwards we saw a radiographer. Pushing for an appointment

I strongly believe in being able to adequately provide for my children, including their future education, whether college or medical school. Adding another child would significantly increase the pressure on me and delay any sense of financial stability or retirement. I am content with the two sons we have and feel that another child would limit my ability to be fully present and supportive for them.

When I shared my concerns and mentioned the possibility of an abortion, my wife became very upset and started crying. I am worried that pressuring her could lead to resentment, and I do not want to force her into a decision. At the same time, I feel that my situation and perspective are not being fully considered.

I am struggling to find a way for her to truly understand my point of view while also respecting her feelings, and I am unsure what the best next step should be. I love my wife but this is too much on me.