₦airaland Forum

Fineman2:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX3BOG9On5c?si=lFvG35P6PnmCHsdU

malali:
In a move that is nothing short of revolutionary, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, the distinguished architect of modern Lagos and current commander-in-chief of Nigerian politics, has unveiled his masterstroke to solve all of Nigeria’s most pressing issues. No, it’s not a complex economic reform, nor is it a technological breakthrough. It’s rice. Yes, you heard that right. The humble grain that adorns every Nigerian party plate is now the golden key to unlocking Nigeria’s prosperous future.

Insecurity? Rice Will Save the Day!

First on the list is insecurity, a thorn in the side of our great nation. Why bother with expensive defense contracts, military strategies, or peace negotiations? Asiwaju’s solution is far more ingenious. Imagine Boko Haram insurgents and bandits laying down their arms, not because of any fear of retaliation, but because of the irresistible lure of a steaming bowl of jollof rice. “They will abandon their nefarious ways and embrace the warmth of rice diplomacy,” a Tinubu aide reportedly stated, with a seriousness that can only be matched by a plate of smoky, party jollof.

Unemployment? Just Add Rice!

Unemployment, another persistent problem, is about to meet its match. Forget vocational training or job creation schemes. Asiwaju’s rice distribution plan will turn every unemployed youth into an instant entrepreneur. With just a few bags of rice, young Nigerians can set up “rice kiosks” on every street corner. “Who needs skills when you have rice?” is the new mantra. And let’s not forget the ancillary jobs created in the rice distribution chain: the bag carriers, the vendors, and, of course, the eaters.

Healthcare? The Rice Prescription

Nigerians have long suffered from a lack of medical facilities, but that’s no longer a problem in Tinubu’s Nigeria. Hospitals? Clinics? Who needs them when you have rice? Asiwaju’s health policy will see patients being prescribed two cups of rice a day. “A bowl of rice in the morning, and your malaria is gone by evening,” proclaimed an optimistic government health official. And for those suffering from more severe ailments? Not to worry, just up the dosage.

Minimum Wage? Paid in Rice!

The debate over Nigeria’s minimum wage has been contentious, but Tinubu has the perfect solution: pay the minimum wage in rice. “Naira is overrated,” said a spokesperson. “With the fluctuating currency, rice is the only stable measure of wealth. Why demand a pay rise when you can demand a rice rise?”

Inflation? Rice Stabilizes Everything

As the cost of living continues to spiral, Nigerians have been crying out for relief. Enter Tinubu, with his economic theory that rice, being a staple, can stabilize everything. The new financial policy? Peg the value of the naira to a cup of rice. Economists are scratching their heads, but Tinubu’s team insists that when rice prices stabilize, so will the economy. Forget petrol; rice is the new black gold.

Power Outages? The Energy of Rice

NEPA (now euphemistically called “Never Expect Power Always”) has been the bane of every Nigerian’s existence. But what if the solution was as simple as a bag of rice? Asiwaju envisions a future where rice is used not just for consumption but as an energy source. “Rice-powered generators will light up every home,” a policy document declares. It’s unclear exactly how this will work, but if anyone can make it happen, it’s Tinubu.

Traffic Congestion? Rice Lanes to the Rescue

Lagos traffic, a nightmare of biblical proportions, is another problem that rice can apparently solve. The new plan? “Rice lanes” on major highways, where cars powered by rice-based biofuel will glide smoothly to their destinations. And for those who can’t afford biofuel, never fear: you can always barter your way through with a few cups of rice.

Education? Learning Through Rice

The education sector has not been left out. Asiwaju’s vision for Nigerian schools is a curriculum centered around rice studies. Students will learn mathematics by counting grains, geography by studying rice-growing regions, and history by tracing the origins of rice in West Africa. It’s a holistic approach to education that could only come from the fertile mind of Nigeria’s political sage.

The Rice Revolution

In all seriousness—or as much seriousness as this proposal deserves—Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu’s rice-based solutions are nothing short of groundbreaking. They promise to tackle everything from insecurity to traffic congestion, unemployment to education, all with a simple grain that has nourished generations. Of course, the details are a bit murky, and the logistics a tad ambitious, but when has that ever stopped a Nigerian politician?

So, as the nation waits with bated breath, we can only hope that Tinubu’s rice revolution will be the panacea Nigeria needs. After all, in a country where the absurd often masquerades as reality, who’s to say rice isn’t the answer to all our problems?

davit:
At last, Arteta defeated Emry!

Afolavid:
You asked for a quote after the match.

Minimum of 2 goals? Still looking for the goals. Football isn't by emotions bro. I hope you've learnt your lessons.

edogu:
Trossard should start ahead of Martinelli

helinues:
Goal Arsenal

0-1

Second time Odegard would be given that same pass to Saka

helinues:
We no get sickness or diseases for here. Thank you

arimahoseloka:
Why are they still breathing

Sannisege:
Na lie. Peter Obi would never have sworn in this woman as CJN. Person wey use Igbo man as his campaign coordinator in sokoto state, na him go cum swear in Yoruba woman as CJN? See how this yeye boy almost cost his mother this exhaled seat. Foolish youngsters. I hope they are learning their lessons now.

madridguy:
Obidence are just shameless people. You are saying someone is not your president yet you carry cloth follow your mama go take his excellency handshake

Difrent:
He has rights to his own thoughts and actions, he shouldn't be forced to take his mothers political views

But Obidiensts started this and we warned them then of the effects . You can't want everybody to vote for your candidate and those who don't are tagged igbos haters , targeted in cyber attacks ,bullied online and offline , blackmailed , their businesses destroyed , their endorsements cancelled ..... All because they want to exercise their right to freedom of choice just the way the Obidiensts are exercising theirs. No now , you don't do that In a democracy

nlfpmod:
DJ Cuppy posted pictures from her recent water baptism at the Holy Trinity church in Brompton, UK, reflecting on her re-dedication.

In her caption, she wrote:



https://www.instagram.com/p/C_AtGoPI4qY/?igsh=bW55c3B5ZDA4b2hi

iwaeda:
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/imE5h5ohhLgX8Znc/?mibextid=oFDknk

EreluRoz:
All because of p, they like what they hate infact they die there 😂😂😂
Did you read the part he said they continued dating? Let me keep laughing 😂😂😂

KingintheNorth:
Let me tell you a a true life story.


It actually happend about 10 years ago but the memories will live with me forever . Although I have not talked about it on social media but I feel like telling the story so that people will learn. It's a long story but I'll make it brief.

I was cohabiting with my girl back in the Uni, we have been like that for a few years , but then one day I came back to my lodge late in the night because I watched a football game on my way back from school. I opened my door and met my girl on the floor. She was motionless and her eyes were wide open, I checked her pulse but I couldn't feel anything. Her teeth and her palms were clenched tight. I panicked and just froze at the spot not knowing what to do. I then called a few people in the lodge and alerted them about what was happening but before I knew it , the whole lodge people have gathered in my room and outside the door.

Nobody could tell what must have happend to her. We thought about rushing her to hospital but the school clinic is closed and there are no good hospitals in the area because the school is in a remote location, and it was almost midnight at the time. Some people did different type of first aid on her , trying to see if they can revive her but after few hours there still wasn't any sign of life.
People started suspecting that she might be dead and started taking somethings from their rooms and leaving the lodge immediately. Out of the 30 occupants of the lodge only one person (student pastor) remained with me. The rest ran away from the lodge ,even my best friend .🙁

The student pastor prayed and prayed to see if she will come back to life but nothing happend , at about 4am the Pastor told me that he has done everything he can and that it's in the hands of God now. He then went to his room. It was just the two of us left in the building.

I sat down in my room, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't cry , I thought about how I was going to be arrested and charged for murder when in truth I'm innocent, which nobody will believe because of nigeria justice system. I thought about my parents , how they sacrificed to send me to school not knowing I was cohabiting with a girl . At some point I thought about running away, but that will mean I'm guilty and perhaps how far and how long would I be on the run before I would be caught.

I didn't know who to call , I was just bereft of ideas. I decided I'll submit myself to the police in the morning and explain what happend and possibly face the consequences. As I sat there waiting for day to break, I started scrolling through my phone contacts.
Mind you, I believe in God but I'm not a very religious person. I came across one pastor that gave me his phone number a long time ago. I then decided to just try my luck and call him. I called him and he picked up the call immediately as if he was waiting for the call.
I wanted to tell him what's happening, but he cut me short and told me he already knows. That he was disturbed in the spirit and God revealed it to him so he started praying but he didn't know it was for my situation he was praying for at that time.

He told me I should not be afraid , that everything will be fine. He asked me if I have any sachet water around , I looked around and got a sachet water . He then asked me to put the phone ontop of the water so her can pray in it. I did as he asked. After praying , he then asked me to try and force open her mouth anyway I can pour some water inside ,then sprinkled the rest all over her body.

I did everything he instructed. He then told me that everything will be alright and ended the call. By then it was almost 6am in the morning. I just sat there starring at her , then I saw her hand move a little bit, I cleaned my eyes and got closer to her so as to be sure my eyes were not deceiving me. Her hand moved again , then her legs . Before I knew it she opened her eyes and sat up. I couldn't believe my eyes, I was in shock and was wondering if I'm imagining the whole thing.

Then she spoke and asked me what's happening, and why is her body wet with water . I rushed out and called the student pastor who came running in to witness the first miracle of my life. He was singing praises to God. I knelt down and prayed to God and thanked him for the first time in a very long time . I made her a cup of tea after which she has a shower.

At about 7am in the morning, none of my lodgemates have returned . I looked outside the gate from my room and saw some of them with other people gathered in small groups whispering, waiting to get the full gist of how my girl died in my room .

I called my bike guy to come to the lodge because I want to take her to the hospital for checkup, I then came down to the gate with my girlfriend. As they saw her , they opened their mouth with shock and we're too surprised to talk.

To cut the whole story short . I learnt some valuable lessons . Cohabiting with anybody you are not married is very risky, you wouldn't know the risk until something happens to him or her.
The second lesson I learnt was that, when you get in trouble that's when you will know that you are alone, people will run away from you.

Anyways , we continued dating, but I rented an apartment for her so stay separately. I also stopped her from sleeping in my place. Untill we eventually parted ways after I graduated.

officialwdhtvv:
Emirati shares his thoughts on Nigerian women especially those from Lagos and Abeokuta, Ogun State

Take a listen!!!

#wetindeyhappentv


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6ZdcZdmdyM

anonimi:
If you want to wail ebiNpawa, do so with your open chest instead of this stylish bẹgbẹwọ̀ wailing.

CyrusVI:
I feel that The FG should give some explanations to why these things are like this

I know its a very big project that looks really promising, but FG should try carry us all along, so that naysayers can be on same page with us

PBAT!!!
Forward Ever

politicoNG:
A Tinubu supporter laments


Dipo Bello


Iyaboawokoya


Dipo Bello

RZArecta:
Madness. Mad people everywhere in this government

AnonPoet:
https://newsdirect.ng/reno-omokri-exposes-daily-trusts-hypocrisy-over-new-presidential-jet/

goldfish27:
Tenant wey never pay house rent dey cook big turkey make landlord dey see

obonujoker:
With Tinubu at the helm, it will be zero, just like there Olympics

tunjijones:
Everybody dey put eye for presidency but the worst set of politicians are the governors.

Like how has Ogun state being spending all the revenue they make...

ivolt:
First, list the measurable significant impact the 4 months administration has made.

Vinnie2000:
Most Successful Blacks like to claim to be Igbo.

Dats how that Beauty contestant Adeshina went to add Chidimma to her name.

I like how South Africans dealt with her.

JAPAHTML:
Exactly what I will do to Bokoharam if become president I will destroy all the useless place they operate

Islie:
Lawmakers Exchange Blows During Heated Debate, Leave Bloodstains In Chambers In Turkey


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ovu5xW5cOw?si=LDEUSU-UuAUIlfff



https://saharareporters.com/2024/08/17/lawmakers-exchange-blows-during-heated-debate-leave-bloodstains-chambers-turkey

Truvelisback:
Good day, fellas. How many of us remember this bed?

ogododo:
https://punchng.com/again-p-harcourt-refinery-fails-to-begin-operations-after-six-postponements/

WhiteIverson:
Very soon the FG will proclaim banditry and terrorism as a fundamental human right