₦airaland Forum

MPESA:
How I wish this man will go through all your advice here despite be an EDO man you too more of Igbo man as well... Thanks so much for your contributions it shows that some people still care about tradition and culture in this our time.

I read every single advice here and I value them all. I'm thankful to everyone. It will help build up my confidence in whatever decision I will take later. Some people are thinking it is a joke. But I want to assure them that it is not a joke. Before this issue came up, I have account with nairaland. But because of the nature of this issue, I created fresh account. I'm so so surprise this will generate so much interest from nairalanders. Finally, I thank everyone for your contribution, even those who mocked us, those who insulted us and those who used kind words on us. This world is like standing fan which blows one side and then turns to another side. Try to be your brother's keep in any condition because u don't know what tomorrow will be. Thanks.

Ohizman73:
lastly I want to ask a crucial question.the funeral expenses who footed them, were was ur uncle buried in your place or outside,did the wife partake in the traditional rites, then after the funeral and all what decision did the elders and ur family take on his pty, whom then what decision did they take on the wife and welfare of the children. What tribe is your uncles wife. Then also what tribe is your wife. What religious sect are you.

Nobody have access to my uncle's Pty. You don't discusse about the property of a dead man who had a wife. His widow automatically has control of all that. Funeral expenses in Igbo is shared among relatives but the immediate family contribute more. All of us are from the same community.

Saintmary:
For a woman whom you see as a mom to make this kind of request of you means she has given it a lot of thought. Chances are, she might have consulted one or two elders discretely.

I think her mum is involved in this her decision.

Ohizman73:
I never insisted that in your place people force people on people.already the proper advice has been given . We are not also forcing the woman on you.you have also hit the nail on the head that it's like your uncle was sick before he died sort of having fertility problems. You ask the wife what was the reason why she could not have another child when your uncle was alive. Of course you know the answer.and of course it is crystal clear that it her condition that has descended to her stooping low to make such request.if your brother was alive and she made such request it becomes a sin. Then as he's dead you never had interest or wanted to convert your brothers pty to yours.from these tread a majority have given the same advice as mine. Already some people are making mockery of her predicament and yours. And starting to toe another line bringing up religious sentiments and insuring these trying to offer you proper advice.your uncles family welfare lie in ur hands after his death.you spoke well of him and his wife.it is really unfortunate.we don't pray for any bad misfortune what if that his only son dies.did any body foresee your uncle would die at his prime.i think I have done my best in advice. Lastly what tribe is ur uncles wife and what tribe is your wife. Did the family not partake in the burial of ur uncle. what was the elders decision on their brothers wife and his interests. That aspect is compulsory in ibo land.you made mention that she did a sort of traditional mourning ceremony for her late dad.i know how you feel with the claim that ur uncle was like a father to you and the woman like a mother.what is paining me is that it seems no mature female has contributed to this tread. I wish you the best and good luck

You have said well and I'm grateful dear. But please how do u see in Christianity perspective? I'm a kind of a person who believe in heaven and hell. But I have tried to find scripture that's for or against the act but couldn't. That's I take to this forum. I don't want to meet my religious leaders over the issue. I'm looking forward to to your response.

Ohizman73:
Did he say he was disturbing the woman or did you not follow up the tread .his wife has no say or authority over this issue .that is why ibo people take marriage seriously and have great influence on whom their wards want to marry and lace of origin. There are reasons for all these, it is when things start happening that it now becomes a case of oh, if I had listened or known. A non ibo woman marring an ibo is bounded by their traditions and must comply. If she knows she is not liable to be bounded she should not marry the man. In ibo land it is the mans family she marries.then in the event of default, matters are directed to the elders.the odd the man has brought to the table is a clear and simple matter, it is nothing new. Then I had earlier asked him since he stayed with them what happened that the woman had no child between the time interval of 12 years. Then the woman is being tactical to avoid a situation whereby a hasty decision is passed on her by the elders to force any member of their brother on her.the woman is now between the devil and the blue sea. That is part of the travails of an Afro woman in losing her husband.

Nobody forces anybody on a woman in my place. The advice I need is just based on conscience because I use to see the woman as somehow a mother and my uncle as a father. And moreso I'm a Christian. These were the reason I objected. But she keep telling me that I should think about her condition of having only one child.

Ohizman73:
the other question I have asked you that you have refused to answer is what happened that ur uncles wife did not have any other child between the 12 year interval that she had ur uncles only child . Is it that ur uncle had infertility problems. For now to make this request shows some light that she is fertile all along even nearing menopause.

Yes my uncle suffered sickness for some years before his death. May that was the reason. Whose fault it was I don't really know because I didn't discuss anything like that with any of them.

Ohizman73:
Good enough an ibo person here has chiped in a word on the cultural aspect and the bitter truth. it is not the womans fault to fall into such predicament of losing the love of her life at his prime. with the age ,the woman has all claim to make such request. do you know expect her at that age to go and look for a new husband. moreover she is already approaching menopause fast.it is also not her fault that she did not give birth to another child during the 12 years interval she gave birth to her only child. since you stayed with them you should know better. however this matter still lie your uncles kin. it doesnt mean sleeping with her physically ,if you dont relish the idea. you can donate sperm,

Her real intention I'm very sure is for procreation. She is not financially capable of doing ivf.

mkoabiola:
Which movie is this?


Who wrote d script?

I need tovwatch d movie

This is real story. It is not play. I need advice .

Ohizman73:
the woman never said anything bad.it would sound absurb to many this modern time.And moreever since it was not forced on by her by the family.What has been the families reaction ,at least they took part in his funeral ceremonies. there is a procedure in this regard concerning her fate.despite modern times and all you are the best relative in line.the family opinion matters alot ,most especially if they were in good relations with the man. you own it a responsibility to take care of the mans business interest till the children are of age and affairs of running the mans home. that is why conscience wise you visit the place out of goodwill. what part of nigeria are you from.what is the age of his only son.what age did ur uncle die.what is ur age and his wifes own.

I'm Igbo and 37 years. She is 42 and her son is 12 years while my uncle was 51 years when he died.

I had a good uncle who passed away three years ago. His wife morned him for one year. I lived with that my uncle until I got married and parked to my own house.

I use to visit the house sometimes. After the mourning, his wife called me and told me that I should give her more children. She has only one male child. I refused. But She said I should do it for her because she doesn't want children outside the family because she loved my uncle and our family and that she can't continue to stay with only one child.

I'm completely confused. First I'm married doing that is infidelity, sencondly, the uncle was like a father to me before his death. And I see it as a big sin.

Please somebody should help me, what do I do here? How do I handle this issue? Thanks for your candid advice.