₦airaland Forum

XhosaNostra:
I'd say you're a narcissist, but you're self aware. People like you usually have deep-seated abandonment issues or suffer from fear of rejection. You only skim the surface when it comes to emotions, so noone can get close enough to inflict any sort of pain. Get them before they get you type of thing. Underneath the seemingly uncaring facade, there's actually an extremely sensitive person that's scared to death of getting hurt, so they put up all these defences to protect their mushy core. Something like a human crustacean One person will manage to break down your walls though, mark my words. But it'll only take one person. It won't be easy sailing. There'll be a lot of vacillation between enmeshment & suffocation on your part. Good luck to the poor girl

I'd say I'm a malignant narcissistic; I think that's the psychological terminology when narcissism overlaps with sociopathy and sadism. But I'm not a fan of labels. I don't think labels explain the full gamut of my very complex personality. There are still other mental disorders I have that I didn't mention but these ones are more on the sexual side. They are actually much more interesting than cluster B traits.

But enough with the unsolicited psychoanalysis you fucking show off. You think you have me figured out don't you. All you are doing is making unfounded conjectures and hitting your hammer kilometers away from the nail. You know nothing about me other than the info I gave you, so don't try to paint a picture of my past or define me as someone with abandonment issues who's afraid of rejection.

And if you were smart enough like you are deluded to think you are, you'd have figured out that the reason why I created this thread in the first place wasn't for solutions to my "problem" but because I needed people to talk about me while I listened. I derive a lot of gratification when people discuss things I did; they don't even have to know I did it. It's satisfying in a way, but it's even more satisfying when they discuss me, but not in a derogatory sense. You should understand what I mean. Call it attention seeking or whatever, it doesn't matter.

But life can be so boring you know. When you aren't moved by the mundane activities and useless feelings that drives majority of people, you get your fun through OTHER means that in most cases might not be socially endorsed.

But you are right on one thing. I'm the most self aware narcissist you'll ever meet, and probably the most intelligent you'd ever meet.

I want to share my problem with you guys in the hopes that maybe I'll get some good advice or at least some insight into my problem.

When people first meet me their impression of me is that I'm good looking, cool and intelligent. Most girls usually assume that I have a girlfriend or a legion of side chicks that I Bleep whenever I want to.

The truth about me is that I've never been in a proper relationship with another woman before. All I've had is sexual partners that I stop talking to after I have sex with them, and girls I get intimate with just to control them and get them to fulfil my desire of having a female to own, please me and do my biding, and then I get bored of them and cease contact and move on like I never knew them.

The reason for this behavior is that I don't possess the emotional resources needed to engage in a healthy relationship with another human being. I have no empathy and I usually feel no guilt or remorse for my actions. It's impossible for me to care genuinely for another person. I don't feel people's pain or suffering and I'm not moved by the death of family members or friends. I simply do not care for any other person but myself. I've been this way for a very long time. I lack the ability to maintain relationships with people hence why I lose friends often. Relationships are usually a means to an end for me and when that end is met, I become irritated by the person I've gotten close to.

Despite the fact that I don't see the point in relationships, I still find that I get jealous of couples in healthy relationships. It's not like I want to experience what they experience, just that I am envious of the fact that they are participating in something I can't participate in.

When I find a girl that I want to get close to, I'm usually consumed with jealousy over her previous relationships, and over any current relationship she has with any member of the opposite sex, even if it's merely platonic. All I want is for her to devote all her time to me and shower me with attention and love. The problem with all this is that I don't want to reciprocate this behavior. In fact the idea of devoting attention to, and showering affection on someone else irritates me. It's all pointless, but I enjoy when it's done to me.

Another weird side to all this is that I don't just want to control the girl, I also enjoy making her feel bad, but in a way that makes her crave for me more. I enjoy poking holes in herself esteem, making her second guess the presumably good qualities she thought she possesed, making her not feel wanted by me, and making her do more to please me.

I don't love women, I only become obsessed with them. Obsessed to the point that I'm constantly tortured by thoughts of them being sexual with another guy especially when it's someone she has dated before. I want her all to myself and even if she had sex with someone before I met her or before we became close, I am filled with anger and jealousy whenever the thought crosses my mind, and I want to punish her for that. It's like I want to erase her past and replace it with me. I want to be all she's ever had. I don't want anyone else in her life and I don't want anyone else in her past.

All this must sound crazy to you guys but this is my reality and it's eating me up. I need advice.