₦airaland Forum

sandra2025:
Can I ask you a question here?
Has your ex given birth to her husband?
If yes, too bad.
She doesn't love you one bit.
She succumbed to family pressure.
She's already tired of her husband.
Anyways, she still loves you but only want you as a soft landing.
You should man up and reject her politely.
Don't be single for long.
Search for a nice, humble, caring and understanding babe like me.

Nope, she's yet to give birth, it's not up to a year yet her bride price was paid.
Thanks for your advice, have blocked her everywhere after explaining the reasons why it won't work between us.

Hello everyone, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to advise me, I really appreciate it. After going through all the responses and having a deep thought, have decided to let her go, even though I feel pity for her. Have sent her a last message to let her know I don't hate her, but love isn't enough and I have to be logical in my thinking and steps in life. She has been blocked on all social media, phone numbers blocked and deleted, chats, everything that gives me access to her deleted, the chapter is now closed forever. Thank you everyone.

Kobojunkie:
1. Remember, be honest with yourself! You are the one here asking us questions about your past with this girl. Why? Because suddenly a future with her seems possible, and you are hesitant. That ain't love! 🤔

2. Good! She should go find herself, and then find a man who will love her regardless of her shortcomings, and she, too, will love him. 🤔

3. OK! Let her be, abeg! You go find yourself the woman who you will not need to write a long explanation about and will not hesitate to love and embrace. 🤔

Alright, thank you boss.

Kobojunkie:
Why put the onus on her when you said you accepted the fact that another man had claimed her, yet continued to remain in communication with her even after that? 🤔🤔

2. In this day and age, you could have easily blocked her number with an easy click of a button. So why didn't you? If you had simply blocked her number and asked all your friends to ignore calls from her, she might have simply moved on eventually. But here you are literally saying she is the excuse for why you did not block her. How do we reason that one now? 🤔

3. If you are honest, you would probably need to admit to yourself something like, "The only reason I held on to communication with this girl probably had to do with the fact that my ego felt bruised that another man took her from me when I had nothing to offer her." I mean, you clearly didn't really love her because now that she is almost available, you aren't hoping to have her at all. (And yes, some men would do exactly that to get back the woman they loved.)

Tell that woman that you are not waiting for her, so she does not ruin what she has(assuming it is salvageable and worth salvaging) for your sake. 🤔

Okay, now I'm the one that didn't really love her?
I'm seeking opinion to be sure I'm not about to make a mistake, have told her not to make any decision because of me and she said she's not making the decision because of me, she said she has pleased everyone and wants to please herself, she said by time she makes her decision, if I'm still available good, if I'm not, it's all good. I'm not trying to hurt her or anything, I just want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.

Astonmartin:
You are a very big phuul and SIMP if you are even still thinking of accepting that girl back. When someone sincerely loves you, she is meant to stick with you through thick and thin, which she didn't do cos she backed out and went for the grass that wasn't really greener on the other side. Go for a lady who really loves for who you are because I'm certain this your ex will bail out again if you accept her back and along long the line you get to face a little financial crisis

Hmm, okay boss, noted, thank you.

thorpido:
Move on.You are not her best option but the available option.
If she didn't insist on marrying you when you dated,then someone better is there for you.

Okay boss, thank you.

Kobojunkie:
You harbored feelings and kept in touch even after she was married. If you had a wife and she kept in touch with a lover from her past who was like you, would you have tolerated it? 🤔

We spent a year together, and she had already broken up with the man who eventually paid her bride price six years ago. According to her, there had been no communication between them during that period; he only communicated with her family. He paid her bride price a month after NYSC, and before that, he had only seen her once after several years.
So do you really think it would be that easy for her to completely cut off communication with someone she was in love with and had been with until after NYSC?
Also, for context, she was usually the one who reached out to me first. She felt that whenever I tried to cut communication, it meant I hated her, which wasn't the case. I still cared about her and didn't hate her.
I'm here because I genuinely want honest advice, not to defend what she did or justify anything.

Kobojunkie:
1. She was not unfaithful to you while the two of you dated. Her parents were ready to marry her off, and you were not ready. So what is it that makes her untrustworthy? 🤔🤔
She gave me assurance when she knew after service she would go for the man, how do you trust someone that assures you several times and was very convincing about it.

2. You were willing to tolerate it, but have now chosen to make red flags out of it, meaning you probably only wanted her because someone else wanted her? 🤔
That's what you think? Someone i loved so much and cared for, there are some details I left out about the sacrifices and things I did for her because it's in the past and people here might call me mumu, if I could tolerate her then she choosed someone else over me because I couldn't offer the financial security needed at that time, it's fair for me to also have a second thought about tolerating the red flags.

3. You probably only wanted to possess her because you could not stand that you lost her to someone else. Call her back and tell her you are no longer interested, but are merely OK with being friends. Let the woman be, abeg! 🤔
I didn't hold her, she has always been the one reaching out,not me. I took my loss already.

4. All these worries somehow surfaced after you realized that you may no longer have competition for her very soon, abi? Call the girl and tell her to do her best in her marriage; that you are not interested, abeg! 🤔

5. Stop stalking married women and giving them false hope! 🤔

How am I stalking her? Anyways, thank you for your input.

Kelvinnchucks:
2

Always them. The ones that their boyfriend are abroad and that's what the family wants for her.

Trust me. Don't go for her, you'll only get heartbroken. Accept defeat.

Yes boss, have accepted my fate since last year that is over, maybe I should have blocked her since then, if have done that we prolly won't be having this conversation, I kinda feel pity for her though but I won't forget every advise I get here, I'll stay away from her.

[quote author=Kelvinnchucks post=140313557]So.. I'm having the same problem you are having hence I'll like you to take this seriously even though I'm finding it hard to take my advice too.

You don't love her technically, she probably made you feel loved in ways nobody has "yet", then you got addicted because she chose someone else over you, now your brain thinks getting her is the biggest prize, but the truth is.. you aren't the option she wants, you are the best option that's available. The husband you want to save her from will still sleep with her again maybe tonight and after you think you've gotten her.

You won't listen but the best solution is to wait for someone who won't make you type on nairaland because you are confused.

Have a nice day.
Leave people's wives alone too captain save a hoe.[
Hmm, noted, thanks boss. I'm not holding anyone's wife o, since the brideprice have been paid, we haven't seen for once, same way she haven't seen the person that paid her brideprice cause he doesn't live in Nigeria

Hello, weldone everyone. Please, I’m in a dilemma and I need honest opinions.

The problem is that I still love her, but I don't know if I can trust her the way I used to.

Now I'm asking myself: if she eventually leaves the marriage and comes back, can I genuinely build a marriage with her again?

I also worry about the fact that she is currently married. Even if she eventually leaves, would I be making the right decision by going back to someone who once chose another man over me and is now returning because she's unhappy?

What would you honestly do if you were in my position? Would you consider taking her back and starting over, or would you let the relationship go completely?

Please, I genuinely want honest and mature opinions. Thank you.

Thank you very much amazing people of NL, I'll put all the whole advise into use, work on myself and move forward.

Nonexisting1:
Being in a relationship or marrying an adult stops nonsense like this. If you want to date a man or a woman, date an adult, not just a grown baby. As long as you know and trust who you are marrying, heaven will not fall if family members don't support your marriage or attend your wedding but I'm sure the overgrown baby you were dating didn't know that.

Hmm, it's hard for her choosing a man over her family i guess.

Talkisneeded:
Forge forward with your life, you don’t get everything you want in life,guess this is one of those thing…

Thank you 😊

labake1:
Sorry, na so heartbreak be
You will be fine
Focus on your life and your own love will find you

Thank you 😊 I'll do that

davosea:
I know what it seems like 'getting candy from a child',its hurt but u gotta keep ya head and handle it.

Thank you 😊

labake1:
Sorry, na so heartbreak be
You will be fine
Focus on your life and your own love will find you

Thank you 😊

thank you in advance. It is well. Life goes on, I'll be fine

flakkybakky:
Damn the repercussions, she is interested or not bold enough, wetin be this, in this time and age

She's not bold enough to defy her family and follow her heart.

Have accepted my faith and moving on with my life. With time, I'll be alright, from all the advise here, have gathered all the strengths I need.