₦airaland Forum

Spainever:
From all indications it appears :
1. DNA test is urgently needed. Go borrow money and do it today
2. Your wife appears older than you but she is hiding her real age
3. She married you because of pregnancy
4.If the DNA confirms the child is yours , you need to move to new location otherwise you will not have peace
5.When a woman constantly refuse her husband sex ,it is clear there is someone who is doing the job for the husband
6. You rush to marry her without due investigation
DNA is needed now not later in the year ,it must be done now now

Thanks for the advice. Once I see the money I go do the DNA test

Memberclub:
Fake ass story.. 2M for selfcon

I said close to 2M, yes for two years, including agent and other fees.

In Lagos yes.

GboyegaD:
Do you guys have a budget you go by? I would suggest you draw out one and agree on what percentage each party contributes. Whoever buys the food will not solve the problem if there are no accountability and transparency in the marriage. As for she moving out again in the future, your stance is very good provided there is no form of physical abuse going on.
Why did you wait if you ever had an iota of doubt on the child? Go do the DNA and give yourself the rest you desire knowing your truth. Lastly, what does the marriage law/act says about a child born within a marriage in Nigeria?

Thank you for this advice, I will work on having a budget for the family and try to convince her to commit a certain percentage as contribution. Accountability is necessary.

I will have the DNA done within the year, I’ve wanted to do it for a while now but when I think of the amount I just feel reluctant and most times when there’s no serious issues, I don’t prioritize it.
I never expected there would be reasons for doubt on that that’s why I delayed. I met her as a church girl and she constantly gives the impression that she isn’t that type of person. She hardly replies her WhatsApp messages when it’s not business related.
However, in order to be have peace of mind and trust.. I will do the DNA test.

I don’t really get the context of the question about what the law says about a child born within a marriage in Nigeria sir. Please make it clear

Kobojunkie:
How old is your wife? 🥱🥱🥱

she said 25 but I’ve seen an old document of hers that says 27, and also her antenatal form carries 27. I know ladies don’t always feel comfortable giving their actual age, there’s usually about -2 difference in the age they tell other people.

GboyegaD:
Could she be she's confused and not ready for marriage? A friend once dated a lady who when he asked where she see them in a couple of years told him she sees them being separated and the children in her custody. With that, my friend silently withdrew, and she kept saying he broke the relationship without any good reason. I brought this up because from the way she is acting, she might be one of those who feel the husband is only useful for childbearing. If that is the case, it will be challenging for her to change.

You mentioned she was earning better than you at first. What is she using her salary for now? Why do you have to take on so much more responsibilities?

She still earns more than I do. She keeps saying she is spending her money and that I am not appreciative. She told her mother that I do not give her enough money, that I do not support her business financially, and that I do not buy things for our baby. I felt ashamed when her mother confronted me about it.
I have decided to handle things differently. I will be buying food items and getting things for our baby myself instead of giving her money. However, I have told her that if she leaves the house again, it will be the end of our relationship as a couple.
I refuse to put myself under financial pressure to meet expectations that are unfair. I work remotely, and she is also unhappy that I stay at home while she goes out to work.
I want to do a DNA test so I can know what steps to take next. That way, even if we separate, I will know whether I am legally responsible for paying child support.
At this point in my life, I need peace of mind and focus so I can build my future, not deal with constant distractions. If I had known things would turn out this way, I would have refused to get married or suggested that we delay it. That said, I would never deny my child.

Chinemlix000:
Probably there's one or two things you ain't doing right

Investing in knowledge will help go a long way

How come I got a lot of people here wanting to sell a class or course to me?

I want to meet and work with like minds not a class. Pls don’t come and be asking me to join your class. Thank you

iProducts4U:
Yh i can do thumbnail design for you and even write youtube scripts, 07061769157 whasapp

Best to work in a team cuz quantity helps for traction

I have reached out to you via WhatsApp.

Mee346:
Op. I sent you a mail request. Let's discuss

Ok I just responded

Are you into faceless AI YouTube content creation and based in Lagos?
I’d love to connect with you—possibly become friends and even meet in person.
I struggle with consistency doing this alone, and I believe having a friendship or accountability partner will help improve our consistency and learning.
Please reply if this sounds like you.

Helpout12345:
Make sure you don’t initiate any action like chat, delete or anything at all so that she will not suspect.

2. Whatever you are seeing there, DON'T use it to talk or react to her or anyone so that she will not suspect

3. Keep screenshot of any evidence from the WhatsApp.

4. You will need patience on that WhatsApp. It might take months before you see anything important. Don't be in a hurry.

Ok I will do that.

My major problem now is to do the DNA test.
As long as I am yet to be sure about the baby’s paternity status, my mind won’t rest. It’s not easy trying not to let it influence my behaviors as well.

Maybe I should save up money and do it in 3-4 months time

Helpout12345:
I said it. That woman didn't love you. You were just a plug-in and your usefulness to her is over. Dig more on her relationship with that guy.

Are you still on the WhatsApp? Or is it disconnected?

I’m still on the WhatsApp

Onegai:
Go to Lagos Island, they are there, a big building somewhere around Broad Street.

I just called them to confirm, it’s actually N290k

Thank you

Onegai:
Go to Lagos Island, they are there, a big building somewhere around Broad Street.

Thank you. I will find out the amount and look for the money to have it done. I appreciate your assistance

Nahimm:
I tried looking them up on google but couldn’t find it.
Please how do I find them, location or online page

I guess this is it

Onegai:
Nahimm

That's odd...Synlab listed the prices of all their tests online save that.

Anyway, you can go to Lagos DNA Testing Center, it's accurate and cheaper there

I tried looking them up on google but couldn’t find it.
Please how do I find them, location or online page

I don’t post in NL, I had to create the account to post.
The thing has made me very depressed and I’m struggling to focus on myself. I need to do a DNA test to know if the baby is really mine.

I recently cl@ned her WhatsApp to see if there’s something going on with her that i need to know and I discovered this contact that has disappearing messages turned on. No chat history but he messaged recently so I saw it and my attention was drawn to the picture of the guy. I searched deeper on other social media platforms to see the guys pictures and my baby has about 85% resemblance with this guy, bald head, open teeth, V chin shap, and one wrinkle line when she smiles, unlike me, I have full hair on my head, my chin is oval or U shaped.
This guy stays at a place she occasionally goes to for business purposes.
I feel very helpless now, I just need to do a DNA test
I asked for the cost and it’s around 1.3m
I don’t have any money now.
The thing is really disturbing me.

bigiyaro:
If Regina still fled from her billionaire husband, then you should know that money is not your problem, even if you give your wife millions every month, her spending habit or whatever she uses the money for will simply change. If the money you are giving her before covers chicken stew, she will want to upgrade to turkey stew, buy her 2024 range rover, she will want 2025 range rover.. hope you get what I mean, you will only send yourself to an early grave if, you think your life is all about filling a bottomless pit.

this is tough

EmperorIsaac:
But, the story is AI generated! Quote me daily.

It’s not I only used Ai to polish my writing

Mods please can we move this to fp?

elmagnifico411:
This is even not about the finances. Your wife is not into you.. eh r accepted marrying u cos of the pregnancy thereby not wanting to appear unserious and be called names. You know these things are now, western parents believe a lady should marry whoever got her pregnant, and that’s what happened.

So, no matter the amount you earn, there’ll always be problems. It’s a compatibility issue. I’ll advise u check yourself and make sure your mental health isn’t tampered with. 3 months is just too small.. you guys don’t know yourselves at all, and she’s not trying to come around even after marrying you.

If I were you, I won’t ask her to come back home. I’ll just be sending upkeep for the baby and continue my life alone. When she comes back to her senses, she’d return and wait outside till I arrive cos I’d have changed the locks.

I have thought of that too.. I am confused about it because this was someone I tested when we met, before the pregnancy I used to threaten her of ending the relationship when she lies or do something I dislike and she will involve her mother to beg me.
She used to pray for me in her mothers house which her mother always tells me,
She called every morning.
She supported me even financially at some point then.

The whole change happened when we started living together.

At this point want to do a DNA test for the baby but the cost is holding me back.

ayoncox:
All you explained is typical of most Nigerian ladies, she is just gaslighting you, your own role is to overlook. Get more busy, work on increasing your income, because you are now dealing with Version 2, version 3 is coming

Thanks for the advise, please what does the version 3 look like?

I turned 29 about a month ago. I met my wife in the first quarter of 2024. We dated for a short period—about three months—before she became pregnant.

At that time, I was earning very little and living in a face-me-I-slap-you single-room apartment. My wife, on the other hand, was working, had a side hustle, and was also in her final year of a part-time academic program. She earned more than I did then. I was almost done with my own part-time program and was hopeful that completing it would help me secure a better job.

My wife is from the South-West, while I am from the Middle Belt. I loved her deeply and did not want anything to make her unhappy. I agreed to marry her, but I was not financially prepared for the traditional marriage list her father gave me. Because of the pregnancy and the need to be married before the baby was born, we opted for a court wedding.

After the baby was born, we moved into a one-room self-contained apartment. God helped me secure a new job, and my income improved, although it is still not enough to say I have full financial stability.

After childbirth, I began noticing many issues. I cannot say they were unusual because we had never lived together before—she only used to visit me occasionally. My wife comes from a family where her parents are separated. When we started living together, we experienced frequent misunderstandings. She was often unhappy, easily provoked, and at times verbally insulting toward me. I also noticed challenges with hygiene and other domestic concerns.

People around me advised that these behaviors might be related to postpartum changes, so I tried to be patient. At the time, I worked from home, assisted with household chores, and made conscious efforts to make her comfortable and happy, but it remained difficult.

Whenever we had issues, she would invite her mother and sometimes her mother’s friends into our home. They would speak in her language, which I do not fully understand, and she would describe me as wicked and complain about finances. At that period, I was indeed struggling financially. I had debts from securing the apartment, which cost close to two million naira, and although she also supported during that process, the financial pressure was intense.

My wife does not talk much, but when she does, her words are often very hurtful. She has made statements such as threatening to curse the water and salt she used to cook for me and calling me broke and proud. I overlooked many of these comments, believing they were influenced by postpartum stress.

One pattern that concerned me over time was laundry. She would not wash my clothes. Personally, I do not see washing my own clothes as a major issue, especially since we do not yet have a washing machine and I have time to do laundry. However, when I wash, I wash everyone’s clothes—hers, mine, and the baby’s, including her underwear. Over time, it became concerning that even when she did laundry, she would not wash my clothes unless I complained.

Financially, I give her close to ₦100,000 monthly, which is about 60% of my salary, to cover feeding and the baby’s needs. I also take care of other household bills. Hospital expenses are covered under my HMO.

Despite this, she often makes it seem as though the money I give her is insufficient and that she spends far more.

I have tried to communicate constructively. For example, I suggested that she buy food items in bulk instead of in small quantities, but she does not take this advice.

One issue that escalated matters significantly was intimacy. She often reacts aggressively when I touch her at night. I have tried explaining that I understand intimacy cannot happen all the time, but when she declines, I expect politeness rather than kicking, shouting, or asking me to leave her alone. On the rare occasions when she responds more calmly, she gives reasons such as needing to wake up early for business or to prepare the baby.

She sees her mother almost every day and regularly shares details of what happens in our home with her.
Last month, following a serious disagreement, she left our home with the baby and went to stay at her mother’s house. During efforts to resolve the issue, her mother told me several things I had not previously known, particularly complaints about the amount of money I give my wife. I eventually settled the issue by stretching myself financially to satisfy her family.

Despite my efforts, my wife did not return immediately. She stayed at her mother’s house for approximately one month and returned only when she decided to do so.

My own mother, who had not yet met my wife, initially encouraged me to be patient and make peace. She supported the steps I took to resolve the issue so my wife could return home. However, after I had done everything requested and my wife still delayed her return, my mother became more protective of me. She suggested that I relocate and inform my wife of my decision—if she agrees, we relocate together; if not, I should proceed alone.

My mother’s concern is that this pattern might repeat in the future, possibly many years later, where my wife might leave with the children, disrupting my life and delaying my progress.

I have not acted on my mother’s suggestion.
My wife has now returned, and things appear slightly better, but her manner of communication has not changed significantly. She remains very defensive and does not welcome open, healthy conversations. When I feel overwhelmed, I go silent to avoid becoming aggressive. She also tends to withdraw and remain quiet.

At present, I am focusing on improving myself, particularly financially.

At some point, I considered divorce and discussed it with her. However, our nine-month-old baby is a major concern for me, and I genuinely want a stable and healthy home for my family.

I would appreciate guidance on how to handle this situation.