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Lately, I have found myself studying my own thoughts. Looking at my past. Looking at my present. Looking ahead at my future. Watching the things I do, the things I enjoy, the things that come naturally to me. Creativity. Leadership. Managing people. Building ideas. Solving problems. Dreaming bigger than my circumstances.

And the more I look, the more I realize that I am not made of only one thing.

I am made of strengths and weaknesses.
Discipline and distraction.
Wisdom and mistakes.
Courage and fear.
Progress and setbacks.

All of them exist in me at the same time.

There are days when I feel completely aligned with the person I want to become. There are other days when I fall short of my own standards. Days when I look back and wish I had handled things differently. Days when my actions do not perfectly reflect my intentions.

But perhaps growth is not about eliminating every flaw.

Perhaps growth is learning how to walk with all of it.

Like Naruto learning to face Kurama, not by pretending the darkness did not exist, but by confronting it, understanding it, and eventually turning that struggle into strength. Every scar. Every mistake. Every weakness. Every regret. Every lesson. None of them disappear. They become part of the fuel.

Life is not won in a single grand moment.

It is won in the ordinary seconds.

In how I spend this minute.
In how I respond to this challenge.
In how I recover from this mistake.
In how I choose to think when nobody is watching.

Every hour is a move on the chessboard.
Every day is another opportunity to position myself for the future I want.

Some forces will come from outside.
Some battles will come from within.

There will be distractions.
There will be temptations.
There will be failures.
There will be moments of doubt.

But there will also be resilience.
There will be growth.
There will be wisdom.
There will be victories.

My responsibility is not to control everything.

My responsibility is to keep moving forward.

To walk each day well.
To walk each hour well.
To walk each minute well.
To walk each second well.

Regardless of what happened yesterday.
Regardless of what happens tomorrow.

Today, I move forward.

I will survive.

I will prevail.

I will push.

I will triumph.

And I will play this chessboard of life with patience, wisdom, and courage.

One move at a time.

Today, I found myself thinking about some of the things I have done that I am not particularly proud of. Some decisions, some actions, some moments that, if given another chance, I might have handled differently. For a while, it is easy to focus on those moments and allow them to define the entire day, or even define who I am. But the truth is, no human being is made up of only their finest moments.

I am learning to accept every part of myself - the parts that shine and the parts that still need work. The disciplined side and the careless side. The confident side and the doubtful side. The moments where I get things right and the moments where I fall short. They are all parts of the same person. Pretending the flaws do not exist does not make them disappear. Acknowledging them is what gives me the opportunity to grow beyond them.

Advice often tells us to be better. Reality teaches us that becoming better is rarely a straight line. Sometimes growth looks like success. Other times it looks like recognizing a mistake, accepting responsibility for it, and choosing to do a little better tomorrow. Not perfection - just improvement.

I do not have to love every decision I have made today. I do not have to celebrate every action. But I can accept that they happened. I can learn from them. I can carry the lesson without carrying unnecessary shame. Every experience, whether good or bad, leaves behind something valuable if I am willing to pay attention.

The person I am becoming is not built only from my victories. It is also built from my failures, my regrets, my moments of weakness, and my willingness to confront them honestly. Today may not have been perfect, but it was real. And sometimes being honest with myself is a greater step forward than pretending I have everything figured out.

So I accept all of it - the good, the bad, the things I am proud of, and the things I am still working on. They are all chapters in the same story. And tomorrow, I get another chance to write a better page.

Metacognition.
Premonition.

Be the combination of subconscious and super conscious in the the conscious plane. That's the perfect zone to not give in to any distracting internal and external force.


Float in the the universal pool of information - knowledge.
Tune into the right frequency.
Remain connected.


Life is a wilderness of maze.
Navigating various phases is a continuous part of us.
Navigate.
Navigate.
Don't complain.
Don't attract negativity.
Don't give into primitive thinking or pattern.

Growth mindset.
It is a game of chess.

4TH JUNE, 2026

You must expertly study yourself and become a master of metacognition. If you don't understand the way you think, why you do what you do, and how to override your innate reactions to new stimuli and information, you will always be driven by your lower senses.

To finally take hold of life requires a grasp of "self"

Jung wrote: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

God is the One who not only gives us life, but's also the sustaining foundation of our free will & reason

When you do come to know yourself, God becomes increasingly self evident -- through your flaws and your gifts, shine His graces


NOTE: important to note that this is to not be taken as “know thyself” as in know one’s limits. this is a call for knowing one’s infinitude.

1ST JUNE, 2026

So much is happening. Sometimes, I don’t even have time to stop and think. I move from one place to another, and everywhere I go, people are demanding something from me. One small mistake anywhere could become a big problem.

There’s my personal work. The company. My duties as a personal assistant. All in 24 hours. Time is running so fast. And I need money. Thank God relationship issues are not in the mix - my soulful friend doesn’t add to my stress. The only battle now is my Kuration. I need to conquer that. I also need to work on my communication skills. I get anxious when I’m around many people. Sometimes I feel that a burning stick might help - but I know that’s not the real answer.

I was so mentally stressed yesterday that after eating indomie and bole, I just slept off. No warning. Just gone.

The truth is, for a few of us, there comes a point where too many things are happening at once. We don’t have time to pause, reflect, or even plan properly. Everything runs on crazy autopilot.

But whatever it is, I must find a way to manage it all. Trust in God. And trust in myself.

D- REALM
The tear-an unexpected leak in the armor of command.
A crack where rank fell away, and only a man remained.

Others turned, soft-footed, granting the mercy of absence.
But one figure did not fade.
One figure stepped into the silence,
closed the distance where titles dissolve,
and wrapped two arms around the quaking frame.

No words.
Just the slow steadiness of breath against a shoulder.
Just the holding-
as if grief were something to be carried, not hidden.

And then, from the ruin of composure,
a shift.
The senior officer pulled back,
looked into the face of the one who stayed,
and chose him.
Not for skill.
Not for loyalty in bright weather.
But for the quiet rebellion of presence
when protocol said look away.

The initiation began - not with a ceremony,
but with a broken man deciding:
This one knows how to hold what hurts.
This one is worthy of the name.

31ST MAY 2026

On repeat, I have been listening to Asake's Forgiveness: "Father, forgive me for the bad, bad things wey I don do, do..." The song has been stuck in my head all day, playing over and over like a reminder of the things we wish we could do better.

Today, I went out to do some exercise. Omo, I have lost form. I played football with my loved ones, and while we won the match and I scored the winning goal, I was also confronted with the reality that I am no longer as fit as I used to be. In a way, I won the game but lost to my fitness level. It was a clear reminder that I need to start incorporating a proper exercise routine into my daily activities.

Thank God I did not miss the opportunity to go for the exercise. In fact, I had planned to go swimming afterwards, but it seems that will not happen today. The football alone was enough to show me that there is work to be done on my body and overall fitness.

After I came back, guess who went into the bathroom to do a video call after the whole tiring day? Honestly, I do not want to continue with the whole video-call stuff again. Trust me, it is too risky, and soon "see-finish" will enter. Looking back, all the people this thing has been done with should never have been a thing in the first place.

Moreover, it is affecting my mindset. It pushes me towards becoming a person who only focuses on the moment — a "let's just do what we need to do and get it done" type of mentality. That is not the kind of person I want to become.

The only good thing is that this realization is happening at this point in my career and life. It gives me the opportunity to work heavily on myself before I get to the big stage. Habits can be broken. It will take time, discipline, and consistency, but they can be broken.

Kuration! I want you to know that your days are numbered. This year must not pass by without this nasty habit being broken. Enough is enough.

Well, Kuration aside, one must map out his life well. While breaking bad habits, one should also be gaining more ground on the path towards bigger dreams. There is no point removing something negative if you are not replacing it with something meaningful. Life requires strategy. It requires making intentional plans that will take you to where you need to be at every phase of your journey.

There is a work gist I will probably write about later, but not now. For now, I want to visually map a story with words and put the right pieces together. Sometimes, ideas need space before they are ready to be fully expressed.

Each moment I come here to pour out words - to journal, in a way - it is with the aim of becoming a much better person. Every reflection, every observation, every honest admission is part of that process. I am heavily working on myself, and I believe that with time, consistency, and God's help, the person I am becoming will be far better than the person I am today.

Broken I am,
I am deeply in the pool of shame,
Seems like I will still do it again
Yes, I don't want to ever do it,
But it can't just end like that,
Healing begins long before the whole wound is sealed up,
Now, it is to find strength in all my scars.

30TH MAY 2026

It is a new day but what is new if I am drowning in my old habits. For four to five hours, I have been in the grip of - let's call my bad habit "KURATION." Yes, it is what you think - masturbation.

Quick flashback, I was just sn innocent young boy in the bathroom showering as accidentally placed my third leg in between my two legs and I had a striking sensation. The first time, I didn't even know what I had done, how I had achieved it because the next day I tried to remember how I had had the pleasing sensation I couldn't remember.

Back to present.
Multiple times. Yes, I used to do multiple times, but now I want to do it while having video call with a lady. I just want them to watch me as I do my thing. This habit has been formed from watching some search entry words like "d**k flash, Whatsapp video call, and so on." You see why they say your mind is a computer that absorb and refined all you feed into it. Now years of watching and wanking to those dark sites video, now I am more in a compulsive state where I randomly want to dial ladies number - majorly those that we may have done stuffs like that before. No, this is really terrible now. It needs to stop now before it gets seriously much bad than this.

Does one ever question the process that leads to the progress? What if the process is now making you question a lot of things?

IN BETWEEN, A ONCE FED FINGER IS MOVING FUNNY:
I brought someone to a place of work. Now, the person just want to be dealing with the principal directly. This is someone that was almost taken out of the system, I had to come in for the person. Well, now I just had a private discussion with the principal and he is complaining about the person. Well, truth is, the best thing is just to wish him well. In pidgin, "dey your dey."


BACK TO THE WHOLE PROCESS AND PROGRESS TALK:
Truth is, life has ways of making you question a lot of things. The real focus is having the right mindset and keep your head up high as you voyage on the path of growth. Do the needful. Thing rightly. Play your cards well. Manage things much better.

For about seventeen years, I have been fighting a silent battle within myself. What hurts the most is that instead of fading away, it keeps growing into something even worse. Back then, it was hidden and private, but now it is slowly becoming something shameful and harder to conceal.

29TH MAY 2026

Welcome.

Usually, when someone arrives at a place, they are greeted with warm words and open arms. But here, I think the roles are reversed. You will be the one welcoming me - into your thoughts, your imagination, and the quiet corners of your heart where these words may choose to rest.

What you’ll find here are pieces of my life - moments, encounters, feelings, questions, and memories gathered along the way. Some are gentle. Some are heavy. Some may even unsettle you a little. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe it means they are real.

These are my experiences, yes, but once you read them, they become something more. I want you to see them through your own eyes, feel them through your own memories, and walk through them with your own understanding. In a strange way, every reader gives these expression a new life - this is what I desire the most from writing all these words.

So, welcome to my quiet, unpolished world - a place filled with different seasons of emotion and experience. A place where I will be journaling life as it unfolds, while also traveling backward to revisit the roads, moments, and versions of myself that shaped the person writing these words today.

Note: some expression may feel like conversations. Some may feel like confessions. Others may simply feel like sitting beside someone in silence, watching life happen. I have no linear structure for this - it will shock me, if in many years, I look back and see my warped minded expressions look linear.

Anyway, whatever or whichever you find here, I hope you find a piece of yourself too.