₦airaland Forum

Thanks Opeace for suggesting a heart to heart talk. That you are awake, advising me means a lot. But the third party i mean is having a known physical presence sit and judge on the matters of our home. That category i don't classify the NLs, because i am only anonymous seeking to filter knowledge from unknown people who (because they have no clue who i am) would counsel me without bias.

Wonderful counsels. Mskrisx, thanks for your great insights. You melted my conscience, providing a hope i so much cherished. Opeace, Freedom4Biafra was right. I and wifey made a vow never to let the third party in. That's what marriage course thought me during pre-wedding preparations. Not even my own relations nor in-laws will get a wind of how we are running the family. It was a firm decision we v made. As an adult, i v seen marriages went in to flames because the couples opened the door to third party. We 'd make our mistakes, settle them and grow in wisdom to handle issues better.

I am married with no kids yet. I am a professional, but my work does not pay much. Because of that, my family had to put up with the little that i come home with at the end of every month. It pains me that in the face of many domestic needs begging for attention, i only can do little. In order for us to cope, i resorted to the common man economic tool - scale of preference. I give priority to those the family consider capital projects and attend to the others after. This method however has not appealed to my dear wife. She acknowledged that we go for the big financial tasks, but at the same time argues that i have not been given her chunk of money for her needs. It's undoubtedly true that every wife needs monetary tips to attend to her private needs, i don't know exactly how to achieve that from my little salary without sealing off the so-called big projects. At the moment, she just finished Uni and awaiting NYSC. So, she hasn't started doing something yet even though we have a plan for that. Few months ago, she started agitating for change of our accommodation which i gave in to, because truly that was long overdue. I borrowed some money which we are still paying with interest. I am working on starting a small business for her (before the NYSC next March) and i am also planning to pay (half) of the school fees which her Uni mandated us to pay as part of her clearance for the service, but still we are at loggerheads because i wasn't able to leave out some big cash with her. Being at home, i attended to her basic needs (not all though) and promised her i would arrange to be paying some stated amount from my salary as soon as we are cleared off our debts and pressing needs, but at every slight provocation, she reminds me that i am not doing enough for her financial needs. The problem is, i don't see a way of meeting her expectation unless i give up those big ones (which directly affects her and increase the family's chance of doing better). People who have found themselves in this situation, please share how you handled it. It'd really help me resolve it without making a mistake. Thanks