₦airaland Forum

Juliearth:
Babe,you should have turned on your Antennae while courting him. Clearly,you have been deceived....how can a man earning a good pay not be able to sponsor his wedding to a great extent? Well,you will be fine. I belief things will take shape now that you are in the picture....remember not to get pregnant until things improve.

He didn't wash his hands off the wedding completely. He handled some expenses and now that I think of it I believe he borrowed money to pay for those few wedding expenses because he sent money to me to cover costs of some few things but the money was sent through his friends account name and number.
When I queried why his friend was the one sending the money he said that person was owing him money before.

moski5:
So many suggestions and blames on the Op, you 4get anyone could have been in the same situation in fact A lot of people go into Marriage hiding stuff

Op, you are in an interesting position, and you're going to make decisions that will determine how the rest of your Marriage will be, great or not. I don't know what those decisions are, I think if you are 'praying' you have a chance to turn things around.
I do hope in the years to come you n hubby maybe kids will c ds post n have a good laugh.
Wish you the best

Thanks for understanding. This type of thing could happen to anyone. There are many women presently who are the ones feeding their families, not because they were not vigilant but because the husband suddenly changed after children came. And the wife had to provide since she couldn't watch the kids starve.

I also hope all these things pass away.

tabithababy:
Op, is your husband a Yoruba man?? If yes, congratulations cos Yoruba men prefer to be fed by their wives.

No he isn't Yoruba

nnamdibig:
But from what you said, he married to satisfy his people not because he wanted or was ready mentally to marry.
Always pray that she changes.
This kind of thing can be very difficult to deal with.

Yes, I will keep praying.

cococandy:
We ladies often fall into such traps because we don't want to be labeled as materialistic or any of those other insulting words people use to describe ladies when they try to make sure the man can contribute financially.

As it is now OP you have to three options.

1) leave him. (drastic huh?)

2) make it clear that he will be the home keeper while you take on the role of provider (and some men are already squirming in their seats).

3) do everything by yourself until you die from the stress. ( probably the choice he'd prefer).

OP I hate to be the one who doesn't have sugar coated words for you but I doubt he will change.
I hope he does.
I'll advice you to Measure your pocket well before you have any kids for now or you will be stuck being a single 'married' mom who has an older adult male child to cater for as well.

Sorry if my post doesn't make you feel better.
But I hope it helps you seriously examine your choices.

Your post was actually very helpful.
It did make me feel better.
Thanks.

I can't tell him to do my housework because he might pick offence and think I am insulting him or trying to bring him down. He won't understand.

I can't leave him either.

I will reduce the comfort at home. Maybe that will help.

nnamdibig:
How can you not know where your husband is working before getting married to him?
What is the circumstances surrounding ur marriage??
Was he forced to marry you?
Am asking all these because I can't understand why a full grown man will be this lazy and uninterested.
He may be doing all these to get at you.
Something must be wrong somewhere.

He wasnt forced into marriage. On the contrary he wanted it more than me because his people were pressuring him to get marriage due to his age. He told me after the wedding that a great weight has been lifted off his shoulder since he is now married.

My own personal belief for why he is doing all this is that he knows I will provide food and money no matter what he does so now I want to be lazy and stop providing as much as before.

Maybe he will sit up.

thorpido:
Good one,especially the TV and electricity and of course fuel for gen.
If he doesn't wake up after all these,then there is a personality problem.

to be honest I think he has a personality problem.

His married friends are doing so much better than he is but he just doesn't care.

Prognose:
Smh.

If he is not man enough to fund his own wedding
Then he's not man enough to take care of you.
Prognose.

i know I made a mistake and I regret it presently.

The attempts I made to find out what he has saved in his bank accounts were met with refusal by him. He kept insisting that he saved money and he can cater for us and there is no need for him to show me his account.

I also hardly used to ask him for money when we were dating because I didn't want to come across as materialistic and because he said he was saving money to invest for the future.

I regret everything now.

I feel so stupid for believing and trusting him.

thorpido:
As it is now,keep pushing him.Withdraw some supplies.Refuse to pay for certain things in the house.

this is actually what I plan to do. Maybe it will get him out of his comfort zone.

I didn't renew our DSTV subsciption when it expired so we havent watched tv in more than a week. Also, I plan to stop subscibing for our prepaid meter for electricity.
I will also reduce our feeding to twice a day. If he still doesn't budge then once a day.

Xiadnat:
You forgot to pay attention to his work habits/ethics or is it you were blinded by the initial 'gra gra' or 'bling bling' or as your case may be.

Dating/courting process is for 'investigation', 'learning' time NOT for pre-wedding pictures and showing off to friends that you have snagged a man.

Due deligence process is when you literally investigate these issues ahead of time. He couldn't have conned you for 1.5 years unless it was long distance.

thanks for your words of advice.

Yes, it was indeed a long distance relationship. I only used to pay him a visit once in a while like once in three months and even at that I dont spend up to a week because I don't want temptation to step in since we were in a no-sex relationship.

sunnydayasaba:
How did you meet him? Did you both never dated before you married him? Alot of question needs to be asked, what does he even sale?

I met him a year and half before our marriage at a social event.

Am sorry but I can't tell you what he sells for privacy reasons.

dingbang:
How did he get money to fund d traditional wedding and church mariage

he didnt fund it.

My parents covered up to ninety percent of wedding expenses. They wanted to help so that he can use his money for our new family after marriage instead of blowing it on wedding party.

Right now I don't know how to feel. The problem is that my husband of six months plus has not been providing anything for the family since we got married.
Before marriage he told me he was making enough money to cater for a family. He even mentioned a six figure amount and said he doesn't make anything less than that in any given month. I asked him several times and he assured me that he is capable of providing.

He said he was fully capable of taking care of a family with his entrepreneurship business which he is into. The business is all about buying and selling and he has to source for customers to buy his wares if not he doesn't make any money.

Since we got married he isn't even pulling his weight to get buyers. The first month after our marriage he was at home not doing anything, his excuse was that he was resting after the stress of marriage activities. I has to talk and talk and complain and after that he started going out once in a while to source for customers and then will come back home with the same story of he couldn't find any buyers. Even at that he never goes out to try to get something doing, anything else like a job no matter how small the salary is, he is always in the house lying down or going to a local joint nearby to sit with the neighbours.

I am running out of money to take care of both of us. The job I have doesn't pay me well I don't know how to handle him anymore since cajoling isn't working. He just isn't interested in providing for us and seems to be fully satisfied with just staying at home and eating food.
The last time he went out to get customers was during the Easter break. He wanted to stay home all day and I had to start explaining again why it's better for him to go out as and get a job instead of staying indoors.
If I don't complain he doesn't pull his weight.
I am tired.
I feel so angry but I don't know how to express my anger. What annoys me is not the fact that he doesn't provide but the fact that he lied to me about having a steady source of income before I married him.