a man walked up to the bartender and told him he should bet with 1k dat he wud pee from were he is standing right into d cup without spilling on d floor.d bartender agreed,but d man started to pee everywere on the floor,even on the bartender except d cup.they both started laughing.the bartender said he shud pay him his money(1k).the man left and went to d far corner of d bar and collected 30k from a man(whom he had a bet that he wud go and pee on d bartender and the bartenter  would even laugh about it)he paid d bartenter his 1k and walked away with 29k laughing

Some people are only alive because its illegal to kill them.

I hate it when clothes look better on the hanger than they do on your body.

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

People say I have a dirty mind, but then again, if THEY don't, how did they understand what I was saying.

I like to be in the background since everyone wants to stand out.

You are nothing but broken dreams and empty promises.

I wish Facebook had a "slap" button .

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

I see a fly following you so I automatically assume you smell like poo.

Abortion doesn't make u unpregnate. It makes u the mother of a dead baby.

Be very nice to a person that smokes, every cigarette might be their last.


I have an amazing ability! I find objects just before people lose them. The police, however, call it theft.

Never share your problems with anyone, cause 20% don't care and 80% are glad you have them.

You remind me of my Chinese friend, Ug Lee.

Your teeth are so messed up they look like Chinese letters.

A man traveling with six children, "all these kids are yours?" man replies "no, i work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints"

I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

There's just no pleasing women, you give them an inch and they want eight.

Its funny how everybody who supports abortion has already been born.

I may look calm and I'm smiling but somewhere in my brain I'm holding a chainsaw.
H.A.T.E.R.S= Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

You hold the key to my heart, too bad i changed the lock!

Never steal, the government hates competition.

I may look calm, but in my head I have killed you three times.

You're so broke, you can't even pay attention.

Why don't you go slip into something a little more relaxing, Like a coma.

Everyone has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.

My key -- simple. I NEVER, ever give up. I simply out run failure in time. Fear is only a sprinter w/flash. I am a long distance runner.

If you didn't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't think it with your small mind and spread it with your big mouth!

I hate weddings because every time an old person see's u they poke u and say "hey your next" so I started doing the same to them at funerals. Too bad I can't set my hopes too high, 'cause every hello ends with goodbye.

If practice makes perfect, and there is no such thing as perfect, why practice?

Always FORGIVE your enemies. Nothing annoys them more!

"To lead people, walk beside them, When the best leader's work is done the people say, 'We did it ourselves!'"

‎"If I can't have you, at least i was able to know I HAD you."

The difference between “like”, “love”, and “in love” is the same with “for now”, for a while”, and “forever.”

‎, If I don't have a purpose in my life, I will make YOUR life, a living hell.

when you wake up you are guaranteed death, taxes and problems. But life is 10% what happened to u, and 90% how u respond 2 it.
A relationship is like a plant needing the TRUTH to grow, you starve your relationship by lying, it'll eventually die.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Life is a question, nobody can answer it & Death is an answer, nobody can question.

My heart was taken by you, broken by you, and now it is in pieces because of you

Love is like falling down, in the end you're left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever.

can't really tell if you are really flirting with me, or just being extra friendly.

when a girl says "its okay", "I'm fine", or "don't worry about it", you should know its not really okay,

An "EX" is called an "EX" because it's an Example of who you shouldn't date in the future.

Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. If u love me, I'll always be in your heart, if u hate me, I'll always be in your mind.

A real man doesn't love a million girls. He loves one girl in a million ways.
People say nothing is impossible, I disagree, try describing a color to a blind person.

I'm actually not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm kidding.

I am the author of my life, unfortunately I'm writing in pen and I'm unable to erase my mistakes

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
A best friend is someone who is totally aware of how not-so-smart u are but still manages to be seen in public with u.

We all have slow moments yours is just longer than others.

You have one advantage over me: you can kiss my backside and I can't.

Laughter is a Smile with the volume turned up

Congratulations, you have officially proof that murder should be legalized. Support the legalization of exterminating idiots!

People like you are the reason why people like me take medication.
The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.