₦airaland Forum

Shugarlord213:
You only want to reap where your poor husband has struggled. How much you put for the imaginary house sef??

Women always want to push the hubby family away imagine. Mtcheeew... believe a woman at your own peril most especially leeches

You must be very stupid to think the way you are thinking right now. I know you are a man, and it is men like you that think women are slaves. You dive rock the day you meet an educated woman.
And if you are a woman, may you suffer meet a man and his family that will use you like a slave.

mikolo80:
define healthy distance so? so now you own him cos you gave all your income you think you've done anything special you try to make everyone happy
you make no one happy you are weak so? buy your own na you want your kids to grow up indisciplined abi cos you de yankee first mistake de fool ursef
it will break you knew all this yet posted on public forum
you're not very bright ppl have faced worse and don't beach and moan like you hey dumdum
you were not married out
you chose to marry a guy whose priority you are not

You sure do sound like an hypocrite. You can tell these rubbish to your sisters or your daughters if you are ever privileged to have one.
And may you marry a woman that will put her family’s interest before yours.

mikolo80:
she will go back to her fathers house that day

You see how stupid you are? I pity this partial idiot

greatgod2012:
This is one of d questions i hate most in my life. How can you compare d mother with a wife.
The two of them are peculiar in their own way.
And for d wife, has it occurred to her that d man can exist without d wife but cant exist without d mother giving birth to him.
Im not d type of wife that will see my MIL as a rival but as a person that should be highly appreciated and respected.

When you jam a mother inlaw that you can never please, or want you to worship her, this your statement will change. Hahahahah

baddy404:
Is it not that same MOTHER that GAVE BIRTH to him and trained him before you could marry him? Or is it not that same MOTHER he took you to and agreed that he can marry you
YOUR SON WILL ALSO DISOBEY YOU IN JESUS NAME.. ((AMEN))

If he want to remain under his mother’s umbrella, then he is still a boy.
Men get married, not boys!!!

twosquare:
Really, I don't know what else to say. Pray and talk it over with him wisely. That's part of what I use to tell people who "think" they are "wise." Yes, I understand the positions of some "not too cool" comments earlier but no matter how beautiful the idea sounds, if it is not scripture; it isn't scripture. That's why the first responsibility of the man is to the wife, then the children. Anyone (either husband or wife) who jeopardizes his/her garden (marriage) for the sake of others (siblings, dad, mum, relations) is not wise. This is not selfishness but commandment. You have got to be a praying woman because it is already getting on the kids who are meant to be the godly seeds God need for their generation, and if that's messed up by outer forces who wants to burden your husband because "it is their son," that isn't good. I will still say you should communicate with him in wisdom.

Thank you

twosquare:
Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31 and vice versa. extended relations/families should not get priority. People forget that when married, they have decided to start their own genealogy...The only responsibility is just to take care of both parents on the husband and wife's side according to the blessing apportioned to the new family by God (With sense). NewMe135

love the word you used, “with sense”. I am definitely not against catering for his parents, and even his siblings. But if having them in my house will seize the peace of my household, then it does not worth it. They don’t lack anything, and I believe that is the most important thing. I too have a family, but I have never brought them into my house because there is bound to be conflict of interest. This case is even worse because my husband’s brother is way older than him, and my husband that I know will not let him exercise seniority in his house. So when they have a fall out because of their ego, who will the family blame?

NoToPile:


Help me ask him ooo

Parents will behave and conform sharp sharp when it comes to their daughters home but will want to make life a living hell for their sons wife, same parents different approach to siblings of opposite sex.

You are very correct. One part that pains me so much is that these same parents have daughters, and they never let their daughters Inlaw’s treat them quarter of the way they treat me. They are always ready to put up a fight and tell them that they laboured for their children, hence would not allow anyone to mistreat them.
So where did I come from? Maybe I fell from the sky.

project4OO:
We are not trying to judge you. However to get the best of opinions, you need to be open minded. Don't fight anyone or everyone that contradicts your preconceived opinions. If you have the solutions, I'm sure you would have solved the problem long before coming to NL.

No one here really can understand the perfect picture until we hear the other side of the story, so relax, be open-minded, pick those points that affect you (even if it doesn't go down well) and see how you can manage the situation.

Thank you for the prayers, but I don't think it is necessary, I'm still expecting answers to some prayers I made some 25 years ago. You don't need to add new ones.

My wish is very necessary. Because I want you to be in my shoes since you believe I don’t want to accept my Inlaw’s. This is a special prayer for you.

Farmerforlife:
Did you see her mention how they 'made her miserable'? She probably just wants to be miserable because her husband did not take her advice and abandon his family. Some women just like to assert authority.

If you did not understand that part in my post, you probably lack understanding.

[quote author=Fame333 post=66123409]please dear... my advise to u is this... in marriage there comes a time like this when you will even doubt if this man have ever loved you. put all such thoughts aside and practice what i called '' Highly Patience''. be patience and give them all available chance in you home...sit back and watch how things will turn out in your favour.

dont allow lack of tolerant to send you packing from your home
be wise and be very wise dear.

Thank you. Patience is not stupidity. I hope you will say the same to your sister or ur daughter if you have one

Farmerforlife:
Your emotional outburst is meaningless. Learn to accept that your husband's family has a right over him. Forget all that feminist nonsense. You are not a queen. I will have a broken home only if I marry someone with your mentality, which I certainly will not consider. Action is not necessarily negative, and an action woman is not only one that goes around feeling bitter about life and trying to control every aspect of her husband's behaviour. If you like, continue your campaign of opposition to your husband's family, and you will see how long your marriage will last. Wives are easily replaceable, family is not...think about that, your husband surely has.

With this ur infant behavior, I doubt if any woman in her right senses will ever marry you. Even if she mistakenly does, let me see how long ur marriage will last. It is men like you that think women are only good for sex. But it is these same women that will bear children you will call your own for you. Why don’t you impregnate one of your sisters let them have children for you. Or better still, marry them since you love your family so much. If you still have parents, ask them where their parents are now. Also ask them where their siblings are now. They are/have living/lived their lives already. Your father and mother will remain together and be there for each other till death do them path. Carry your family on ur head okay. And stupidly ignore your immediate family. Let’s see how you will be treated at your old age.

You have chosen your path. I wish you the best. As for me, my immediate family’s interest comes first before my extended family. I don’t hate them, in fact, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. But maturity is placing people and things in priority. I will place my immediate family in priority.

project4OO:
@OP, what exactly do you want?


Seems like you're more interested in throwing curses around. You're not exactly what you portrayed in your opening post. Your expressions here show the exact reasons you're constantly at war with your husband's relative.


Take it or leave it, you share some portion of the problem.

project4OO:
@OP, what exactly do you want?


Seems like you're more interested in throwing curses around. You're not exactly what you portrayed in your opening post. Your expressions here show the exact reasons you're constantly at war with your husband's relative.


Take it or leave it, you share some portion of the problem.

Thank you very much. I hope you someday feel what I felt if you are a woman. And I hope you have daughters if you are a man.
So the fact that I came here should make people insult me? I am not here to pretend. I am here to pour out my heart. What will it profit me to lie? Are you or anyone going to beat me? Or are you going to give me an award?
I thank the sensitive people in this forum who were sensitive to my concerns. Nigerians think they are mini gods when people ask them for help.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me. Judge me after you are done wearing my shoes.

project4OO:
@OP, what exactly do you want?


Seems like you're more interested in throwing curses around. You're not exactly what you portrayed in your opening post. Your expressions here show the exact reasons you're constantly at war with your husband's relative.


Take it or leave it, you share some portion of the problem.

Thank you very much. I hope you someday feel what I felt if you are a woman. And I hope you have daughters if you are a man.
So the fact that I came here should make people insult me? I am not here to pretend. I am here to pour out my heart. What will it profit me to lie? Are you or anyone going to beat me? Or are you going to give me an award?
I thank the sensitive people in this forum who were sensitive to my concerns. Nigerians think they are mini gods when people ask them for help.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me. Judge me after you are done wearing my shoes.

NoToPile:
You are being biased and unreasonable abeg, I believe you are a man. 6 months accommodating inlaws that make your wife and children miserable is unrealistic to the extent she ended up at the hospital. The fact that the eldest child hate the grandmum after their stay is alarming, children love grandparents.

Your woman is also your family and extended Family ties are negotiable, when family tries to hurt the wife and kids then all bets are off IMO. Men should let them know you don't hurt my wife and children pls it's that simple, they will caution themselves.

He definitely is a man, a senseless one at that. My wish for him is to marry a woman that can put him where he belong. It is never good for a woman to be a “yes sayer”. My mistake was saying yes to everything they said. It is ok to say no at times. That was what I did not know before getting married. I wanted to please people and displease myself, forgetting that I can not please everyone.
May he have daughters and give them to a man that he and his family will treat her the way I was treated. If I want treated favorably, good. But if I was not, let him learn his lessons.
I am not laying a curse, it’s only a wish for him.

People understand things better when they are in your shoes.

Farmerforlife:
Suffered what? That you have to increase the size of the meal? Or that you have to say a couple of good mornings extra? Is that what is leading to stress that will end your life? SMH. What you are suffering is a blow to your possessive pride, led on by all the feminist nonsense that many women take pride in; that your husband has dared to go against your wishes and is favoring his family instead of you, inspite of how you have 'suffered for him'. Let me tell you, what you have supposedly suffered with him is not up to a tenth of what they have done for him, so if you feel bad about him not serving you alone, think how they feel, and digest that. Your approach is needlessly confrontational and over dramatized, and even your second 'explanation' with all its parables, proves that.

As for your ineffective wishes for my life, I will have you know that any woman who thinks that she can replace my family in my life will be shown the door, double quick. I will not allow a woman to dictate my relationships, or my family ties with petulant remonstrations. In my opinion, the only mistake that your husband made was that of permitting you to believe that his family ties are negotiable. He should have made a firm stand from the beginning.

I only hope you don't behave this way with his family in front of your children, or else, the pepper they will show you when you are old will open your eyes. By the time their wives start on you, with their open support, you will understand what you have done.

Best wishes.

Listen, let me tell you something. It is men like you who think they know it all that will one day end up breaking their home. After they are done breaking their home, their family will then blame them that they were not man enough to hold a home.
The Bible that says “that is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh” know how important a family bond is.
If you have sense at all, you will know that it is the same wife I plan to mistreat that will cater for you, until death do you path. You must be an illiterate not to understand the meaning of healthy distance.
May you be blessed with female children and marry them to a man that him and his family will will use them like they fell from the sky.
I don’t know why stupid Nigerians like you never want to develop some sense. You feel a woman should be treated like trash.
May you marry a woman that will give you the taste of your own medicine.
If you notice my username, it is “NewMe”. NewMe because my old quiet self did not favour me, saying yes to everything. I hope you marry a woman that will not make the mistake I made. I hope you marry an action woman that can put you where you belong when you mistreat her.

Just a word for you, “treat ur woman like a queen, and she will treat you like a king”. It is not a one way thing, because it’s not a master/slave relationship. If you so need a slave, go get one and don’t disguise yourselves as a husband because you are not matured enough to be called one.

nwanneni:
how was she maltreated by her in-laws? Why did she not tell us that part?I can just tell the op is being overly dramatic.it wreaks all over her write up

Go read my new reply

ImaIma1:
So that is why they should come and stay for 6 whole months? 6 months!!! Even if they laboured for their son, he is a married man and their interference in his home is supposed to be limited.

Not even one person,...mother inlaw, father inlaw, brother inlaw with wife. He should just bring his whole village. And they will always find fault in what she does.

Thank you for talking some sense into his/her head. People just talk without thinking.
How possibly will I like the idea of them coming, especially his brother, when my husband cannot even come with his elder brother’s behavior for 6 months. Then when they quarrel, his family will then be on me.

zeb04:
Invite your family over too.also no need to please anyone.

If some days you go to work without eating,then do it. if other days you work over time, do it.

When people see say,you know they look their face,everyone(even hubby) will adjust or go back home.

But if they know they still have that hold on you,forget it,they will move in totally.

Thank you for your suggestions my friend.
I value my family but the family I have with my husband comes first. I cannot let them leave in my house, they would not even welcome the idea. Because no matter how good they are, relationships might sour. That is why healthy distance is very important. There is dignity in short visit

Acidosis:
You married him, knowing that his family has no love for you?


Seems like you trapped a man with pregnancy in the UK with the hope that the young man will abandon and forget his family in Nigeria (like some dummy men do).

Don't ever try to snatch a man away from his family, it will backfire someday! The last thing any sensible man wants to hear from a woman is to abandon or stop his parents from visiting his home. Let me tell you a secret: even if a man HATES his family, he won't accept anyone instigating him against the same family he hates so much. He wants the hatred to come from him and him alone.

You need understanding. Jumping into conclusions. Go back and read my post before commenting senselessly.
I said I had good relationship with his whole family before his parents came visiting.
I said I don’t mind him caring for his family, I could even contribute. But he should keep a healthy distance. Ask google the meaning of healthy distance.
Did you see anywhere in my post where I said I hated his family?
Please think before you comment

eezeribe:
100% correct... Women think they can just hack into a man's life and become number one...

I pray God bless you with a daughter. Until then, you are still too young in brain to understand issues like these.

So if this was the other way round, will you say this same thing that the men think they can hack into women’s life and become number one.

I hope your wife puts her family’s interest before your sorry self.

Farmerforlife:
Madame, I will inform you of the stark reality of your situation...stop basing your values on hysterical telenovelas.

Where were you when they were spending sleepless nights taking care of your husband for the first 3 decades of his life, making him into what he is today? Now you want to come out of nowhere into the picture and take him away from doing his duty to them. If my wife made a similar statement, that would be the beginning of the end of our marriage. When you marry a man, you marry his family, it is not an either... or... deal. If you are so fragile that the presence of his family affects your health, go stay in a hotel. They want to exercise their right upon their child and grandchildren.

No offense intended.

My wish is for you to suffer half of what I have suffered in their hands if you are a woman, and Let someone tell you to leave the house you contributed money with your husband to own.
If you are a man, I wish you meet a woman that will give you your medicine if you or your family dare to mistreat her.

nnamdibig:
What are those bad things they(your parent in laws) did to you?
No sensible human being will judge based on one sided story.

I don’t want to narrate, but you can see some of those things on my new reply.

sirusX:
It takes prayer to rise beyond challenges.
Truly, it’s not easy being in your shoes and your husband definitely has an obligation towards his family...but still, it takes a man with grace to listen and understanding what his partner is going through

Never relent in your prayers and when you find a favourable time, try to sit him down and reach his heart with your words

I pray he comes around and realizes that as you became one in marriage, he needs to stand by you despite attachment to his parents and siblings

All these started when his parents got bad home. He was supportive while they were around

alimaa:
Inferiority complex "please don't mind my English"

That is humility my dear!!! No one is perfect.
Try to be positive with your speech. It’s people like you that woukd write a paper, make blunders and boast to your friends that you have done so well.
LEARN THE ART OF HUMILITY.

For those of you who have come here to judge me, for the records, I got married to my husband in Nigeria before we moved out of the country. It will disappoint you to know that I got pregnant after we got married, and suffered with him to achieve all we have today. I did not meet him already made, we started our hustling together.

Maybe you may might understand my situation if you had a sister who married a man, struggled with him from the beginning, worked and gave him all her income, and did all she could to make him and his family happy, only to be seen as a weak person who they can use like she fell from the sky. Maybe if she also tells you that her husband bought a property in Nigeria with their sweat, but she has never set her eyes on the documents, not even a picture of it.
Maybe if she also told you that their kids became scared of his mother because of the way she treated them you might understand.
I kept quiet for years because I wanted peace. I gathered everything inside of me. What happens to an elastic when it is stretched beyond its limits? IT WILL CUT!!! Do you know that our physical well-being is controlled by our inner peace? Maybe you go do some research.
People just come out without thinking, making senseless replies because they know how to conderm others. If you face a quarter of what I faced, you will not live to tell the stories.
When you have daughters, or if you have sisters, you can marry them out to a man and tell him and his family to treat her she fell from the sky.

We used to be love birds before his parents came visiting us. I had very good relationship with his whole family before his parents came and spoilt it all. I am the quiet type that hardly react to things, but one thing I hate is oppression. Because of all they did to me, to the extent of me having a miscarriage as a result of stress, I lost trust in them. But in all those, after they left, I still called them to say hello because they remain my husband’s parents forever. Because of all they did to me, my husband promised me that they would not visit us anymore since I almost lost my life.
After a few months, my husband started to tell me his parents were coming from Nigeria to spend another six months with us. I felt betrayed by my husband. I started to feel he did not value my life. I am not against him showing love to his parents, in fact,I still sent them money. He knows that bring them into our home is trouble for me. The worst is that he is also bringing in his brother and his wife to come live with us for six months too. *His brother does not like me, because their parents don’t like me*. Even if he want to support his brother, he can do it outside our home. I even volunteered to work to help pay rent for his brother and his wife, because I want peace in my home. All these to no avail. When I complain about the way he put his family’s interest before me and our kids (our kids that his mother treated badly because she hate me, to the extent that the older one became scared of her) he tells me that I am being inconsiderate. Thousands of pounds were spent to take care of my medical bills when his parents were in our house. Though the govt paid it, but all the suffering was bore by me alone
I need advice please!!! My home has become a quarrel zone. We now hardly stay 1 week without quarelling, when I say anything, he relates it to his family and tells me he must help them. I am not against him helping them, but I think helping them from a distance is more healthy for the family we both have together. I believe in HEALTHY DISTANCE, but my husband do not see things in this light.
Please don’t mind my English.

For those of you who have come here to judge me, for the records, I got married to my husband in Nigeria before we moved out of the country. It will disappoint you to know that I got pregnant after we got married, and suffered with him to achieve all we have today. I did not meet him already made, we started our hustling together.

Maybe you may might understand my situation if you had a sister who married a man, struggled with him from the beginning, worked and gave him all her income, and did all she could to make him and his family happy, only to be seen as a weak person who they can use like she fell from the sky. Maybe if she also tells you that her husband bought a property in Nigeria with their sweat, but she has never set her eyes on the documents, not even a picture of it.
Maybe if she also told you that their kids became scared of his mother because of the way she treated them you might understand.
I kept quiet for years because I wanted peace. I gathered everything inside of me. What happens to an elastic when it is stretched beyond its limits? IT WILL CUT!!! Do you know that our physical well-being is controlled by our inner peace? Maybe you go do some research.
People just come out without thinking, making senseless replies because they know how to conderm others. If you face a quarter of what I faced, you will not live to tell the stories.
When you have daughters, or if you have sisters, you can marry them out to a man and tell him and his family to treat her she fell from the sky.