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Exciting Job Opportunities In The Niger Delta - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Exciting Job Opportunities In The Niger Delta by Rhea(f): 4:11pm On Jun 08, 2007
Our Client, A Niger Delta Militant Group With Branches In Strategic
locations throughout all the six South-South states of Nigeria is
seeking 
to expand its operations to Abuja, the Federal Capital territory. This     
expansion has brought about vacancies for qualified and experienced
young 
officers. The positions are:                                               
                                                                           
Area Head, Kidnapping:                                                     
                                                                           
The successful applicant who will report to the Executive Council, and
the
Executive Director, Abuja, is expected to possess the following           
competencies:                                                             
                                                                           
1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant agitation. (Membership
of   
Al-qaeda, Hamas or other similar organisation will be an added
advantage) 
                                                                           
2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian and German           
                                                                           
3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and Albinos               
                                                                           
4) Ability to swim in deep waters                                         
                                                                           
5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by sight                   
                                                                           
6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and Ministers of the
Federal   
Republic of Nigeria.                                                       
                                                                           
Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must be provided         
(pictures preferable)                                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
Photographer:                                                             
                                                                           
1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war zones. (Domestic     
fights do not qualify as war zones for these purposes)                     
                                                                           
2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera lighting.               
                                                                           
3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of expatriates, as an aid to     
taking high-quality pictures, is a must.                                   
                                                                           
4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and Internet photo
uploading
software is a must.                                                       
                                                                           
Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples (must contain         
kidnapped persons OR be taken in war-zones OR be nightshots in
blackspots 
like Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
Militant Trainee:                                                         
                                                                           
1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50, be at least 4m
tall, 
and may be male or female.                                                 
                                                                           
2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.                     
                                                                           
3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen will be given       
special consideration.                                                     
                                                                           
4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.                     
                                                                           
5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge of foreign
European 
languages, and persons with the ability to swim.                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
Renumeration:                                                             
                                                                           
Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with industry standards       
(payments in foreign currencies).                                         
                                                                           
Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.                       
                                                                           
Excellent training, involving offshore secondment (Iraq, Afghanistan
etc) 
from time to time                                                         
                                                                           
Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine, The Economist and     
other International magazines.                                             
                                                                           
Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian politicians, oil         
magnates, and foreign businessmen.                                         
                                                                           
                                                                           
Interested applicants should forward their applications and detailed       
curriculum militae within two weeks to:                                   
militant-recruitmen t@OsamaConsulting.com
Re: Exciting Job Opportunities In The Niger Delta by Brodericks: 10:50am On Jun 09, 2007
Na my bros them u wan try mock? Shoo, which levels come be that now, abi winch dey worry u.

U better mind urself ooo, make we no draw rain here ooo

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