I've created this thread to allow our sisters in Islam address these listed issues concerning them,


1. I have heard of a particular trend amongst of our devoted sisters that really pisses me off,i learnt some of them don't like to tie the knots or date someone whose knowledge on the Holy Quran doesn't match theirs.

2. It takes time to even get good muslim sisters,and if you're lucky to see one there's no way you'll get her to talk rather they snub or ignore you.

3. They out rightly judge you by the way you dress,must i stop wearing jeans and T shirt because i want to date an hijab sister?.



Why is it so hard getting good muslim sisters?,i really don't understand.Please i would like to learn more from guyz on this.

err . . .brb . .

Yaw sokhna ci bayel togne lolu bakhul

hehehe togne nu mala bilahii!!!

I don't get you guyz o!

MIrhABi:

I've created this thread to allow our sisters in Islam address these listed issues concerning them,


1. I have heard of a particular trend amongst of our devoted sisters that really pisses me off,i learnt some of them don't like to tie the knots or date someone whose knowledge on the Holy Quran doesn't match theirs.

2. It takes time to even get good muslim sisters,and if you're lucky to see one there's no way you'll get her to talk rather they snub or ignore you.

3. They out rightly judge you by the way you dress,must i stop wearing jeans and T shirt because i want to date an hijab sister?.

Why is it so hard getting good muslim sisters?,i really don't understand.Please i would like to learn more from guyz on this.

It is becasue of they way they have been brainwashed by the mediocre islamic lecturers in their midst, who subtly teach them the level of their faith is a reflection of how they dress. I dress in jeans and t shirts and they are my favourites !!

mukina2:

err . . .brb . .

Haba ! longest time , where have u been hiding. Let us talk soon insha´Allah

Bro i have missed you too lets talk soon yeah

@Lagosboy; « #5 on: Today at 02:23:04 PM »
[Quote]Quote from: MIrhABi on July 11, 2011, 08:37 PM
I've created this thread to allow our sisters in Islam address these listed issues concerning them,


1. I have heard of a particular trend amongst of our devoted sisters that really pisses me off,i learnt some of them don't like to tie the knots or date someone whose knowledge on the Holy Quran doesn't match theirs.

2. It takes time to even get good muslim sisters,and if you're lucky to see one there's no way you'll get her to talk rather they snub or ignore you.

3. They out rightly judge you by the way you dress,must i stop wearing jeans and T shirt because i want to date an hijab sister?.

Why is it so hard getting good muslim sisters?,i really don't understand.Please i would like to learn more from guyz on this.


It is becasue of they way they have been brainwashed by the mediocre islamic lecturers in their midst, who subtly teach them the level of their faith is a reflection of how they dress. I dress in jeans and t shirts and they are my favourites !![/Quote]As sSalaamualaykum wa Rahmatullah. Even in winter of old glory London, as to the bold? don't freeze up bro. there are wives in your future.

Sweetnecta:

@Lagosboy; « #5 on: Today at 02:23:04 PM »As sSalaamualaykum wa Rahmatullah. Even in winter of old glory London, as to the bold? don't freeze up bro. there are wives in your future.

Ah Egbon wa alaykum salam, in winter i just add a jacket to it. I dont wear the jalabbiyyah and i hardly even wear the Nigerian native except on rare occassions. I just feel comfortable in jeans and shirts and in the summer i like to wear shorts (off course below my knee cap).   

@Lagosboy; As sSalaamualaykum wa Rahmatullah. this [egbon expression]. is a change from the norm. calling me egbon is surprisingly refreshing. thanks. jazakAllahu khair. how do you know i should be called egbon, though?

Lagosboy, being a perfect example of a well-raised omo Eko, will show you the respect you deserve.  Better to err on the side of caution and call someone egbon until you know they're younger than you, than to be so forward as to treat them like your mate. 

Anyway, you display a good amount of maturity and knowledge, so my aburo, Lagosboy, is only doing the right thing.

Salaam.

So far, nobody has addressed the poster's questions. I am waiting for the response from the sisters in particular  .

Believe me, dressing is important but your behaviour is far more important. It is this point that I think a lot of Muslim sisters miss. And there is no doubt, balkanisation is going on in our campuses, where we have most of the brightest Muslims male or female.

maclatunji:

So far, nobody has addressed the poster's questions. I am waiting for the response from the sisters in particular  .

Believe me, dressing is important but your behaviour is far more important. It is this point that I think a lot of Muslim sisters miss. And there is no doubt, balkanisation is going on in our campuses, where we have most of the brightest Muslims male or female.

I wrote a long response days ago, unfortunately, I couldn't submit it here. But I'll try and summarise.

MIrhABi:

I've created this thread to allow our sisters in Islam address these listed issues concerning them,


1. I have heard of a particular trend amongst of our devoted sisters that really pisses me off,i learnt some of them don't like to tie the knots or date someone whose knowledge on the Holy Quran doesn't match theirs.

2. It takes time to even get good muslim sisters,and if you're lucky to see one there's no way you'll get her to talk rather they snub or ignore you.

3. They out rightly judge you by the way you dress,must i stop wearing jeans and T shirt because i want to date an hijab sister?.



Why is it so hard getting good muslim sisters?,i really don't understand.Please i would like to learn more from guyz on this.

To start with, I'd say your post is rather judgemental and definitely does not represent ALL muslim sisters. Now. . .

1. A sister may be wary of tying the knot with a brother of lower Islamic understanding for fear of the fact that the brother may bring her down spiritually. Men are the heads of the homes. It's better for him to be of higher level of understanding and spiritually well-grounded than the wife in order to carry all members of the family along.

I've seen many cases where a sister married with her full hijabs and along the line the hubby begins to complain that he's not comfortable with it, she should remove her socks, reduce her hijab etc and gradually faith dwindles.

2. You call it snob/ignore. I call it bashfulness. You don't expect a muslimah to be too extroverted. Shyness is part of the deen. Most of those sisters you see are intelligent and interesting but they're not just loud. If you're responsible and a good muslim, I doubt if any sister won't give you audience if you have something meaningful to say. But remember, Islam discourages idle talk and unnecessary free-mixing of genders.

3. No, you don't have to stop wearing jeans and T-shirts in order to get a muslim sister to marry. Your disposition and intentions are what really matter. If a sister sees that you don't appear serious, and only wants to 'date', she will likely not give you audience.


Getting a good sister isn't that difficult. There are thousands of them out there awaiting Mr right. But have you stopped to examine yourself? Yorubas will say "ba ba se rin la nko ni'. If you're a regular guy on the street or one who parties, clubs etc and isn't seen as one who's serious with the deen, most sisters won't pay you any attention.

^^^ Interesting submission. Okay, but I must agree with OP, there is a serious disconnect between young Muslim men and women in Lagos at least. In addition, divorce rates are also increasing based on my perception, there is obviously a problem somewhere.

maclatunji:

^^^ Interesting submission. Okay, but I must agree with OP, there is a serious disconnect between young Muslim men and women in Lagos at least. In addition, divorce rates are also increasing based on my perception, there is obviously a problem somewhere.

Divorce is a topic for another day/thread entirely.

On topic, I beg to disagree with you. In Lagos? Nah! What part of Lagos? As far as I am concerned, lagos sisters are too social for my liking. do you attend muslim gatherings? Have you ever been amidst Muslim students on campus? They relate well! Brothers and sisters. I doubt if any MSSN brother will agree with you and OP.

Lagosboy:

It is becasue of they way they have been brainwashed by the mediocre islamic lecturers in their midst, who subtly teach them the level of their faith is a reflection of how they dress. I dress in jeans and t shirts and they are my favourites !!

@Lagosboy

I wonder where you have been.

Can't believe you wrote the above. It's unlike you to generalise as such.

leave dem hijab sisters, dey prefer to pretend 2 be clean & stigmatize pple wearing jeans rather dan showing dem d way.

zayhal:

@Lagosboy

I wonder where you have been.

Can't believe you wrote the above. It's unlike you to generalise as such.

he didnt generalise, sadly its the truth and its everywhere

limpopo:

leave dem hijab sisters, dey prefer to pretend 2 be clean & stigmatize pple wearing jeans rather dan showing dem d way.

kwarect . .double gbam!

zayhal:

Divorce is a topic for another day/thread entirely.

On topic, I beg to disagree with you. In Lagos? Nah! What part of Lagos? As far as I am concerned, lagos sisters are too social for my liking. do you attend muslim gatherings? Have you ever been amidst Muslim students on campus? They relate well! Brothers and sisters. I doubt if any MSSN brother will agree with you and OP.

Your post buttresses my point, not every Muslim is an active member of the Muslim Students Society of Nigeria (MSSN) for varying reasons. I wonder if an active MSSN sister would look out of that group, there are other Muslims doing their thing elsewhere, they pray at the mosque, take part in some activities but will not follow the MSSN regiment.

^^^Ok now I get what you and OP are getting at. But I still don't agree with you entirely. My point still remains that if a brother observes his prayers, dresses normally (there's nothing wrong in wearing jeans and T-shirt) and carries himself with respect, I don't see a reason why he should have problems attracting a muslim sister.

Of course, not everyone will be an MSS member, I only used MSS as example since it's about the most common on our campuses. There are sisters who don't even join MSSN. Aside school, what about work places, neighbourhood etc.

I still maintain that a brother who appears responsible won't find it difficult getting a sister to marry. But perhaps I too should be careful not to generalise. I'm talking based on what I've seen around me. Perhaps you guys have experienced something different. So it'll be good if more sisters would come up to tell us their take. Or betterstill, I'll begin to observe more closely and perhaps even ask sisters around me.

Ok, now I just remembered this, there's this family friend of mine, male, who said I'm the one who changed his perception about muslim sisters. He used to nurse the belief that those sisters in hijab are unapproachable and would scorn any brother who doesn't have an 'alfa' outlook. He saw sisters as snobs, just like the OP. He had all of this in his head without a single justification. All was assumption. All these changed when he and I became friends. We talked a lot, about academics, social life, sports, everything. He confessed that he never knew 'hijabites' talk like this. As a result of this, he changed his view and became more confident to greet and talk with the sisters in his class in UNi. My point here is that at times, we make assumptions and draw conclusions from these assumptions without verifications.

@maclatunji have you had any unpalatable experience with a muslim sister? And please, let us separate personality traits from muslimah's character.

zayhal:

^^^Ok now I get what you and OP are getting at. But I still don't agree with you entirely. My point still remains that if a brother observes his prayers, dresses normally (there's nothing wrong in wearing jeans and T-shirt) and carries himself with respect, I don't see a reason why he should have problems attracting a muslim sister.

Of course, not everyone will be an MSS member, I only used MSS as example since it's about the most common on our campuses. There are sisters who don't even join MSSN. Aside school, what about work places, neighbourhood etc.

I still maintain that a brother who appears responsible won't find it difficult getting a sister to marry. But perhaps I too should be careful not to generalise. I'm talking based on what I've seen around me. Perhaps you guys have experienced something different. So it'll be good if more sisters would come up to tell us their take. Or betterstill, I'll begin to observe more closely and perhaps even ask sisters around me.

Ok, now I just remembered this, there's this family friend of mine, male, who said I'm the one who changed his perception about muslim sisters. He used to nurse the belief that those sisters in hijab are unapproachable and would scorn any brother who doesn't have an 'alfa' outlook. He saw sisters as snobs, just like the OP. He had all of this in his head without a single justification. All was assumption. All these changed when he and I became friends. We talked a lot, about academics, social life, sports, everything. He confessed that he never knew 'hijabites' talk like this. As a result of this, he changed his view and became more confident to greet and talk with the sisters in his class in UNi. My point here is that at times, we make assumptions and draw conclusions from these assumptions without verifications.

@maclatunji have you had any unpalatable experience with a muslim sister? And please, let us separate personality traits from muslimah's character.

No, but I am a very observant individual. At the moment, women (including muslimahs) are not high on my list of priorities. Unless of course one really outstanding individual knocks me of my feet, which is a very difficult thing to do.

zayhal:

@Lagosboy

I wonder where you have been.

Can't believe you wrote the above. It's unlike you to generalise as such.

Salam sis, i have been doing lots of travels recently across the atlancic and highlands of europe. However , these days i have been more active on the politcs thread as sometime ago i was not too happy with this section   

However, I dont think i generalised and if it sounded as such it was never intentional . I stand by my point though that some medicore lecturers have over the years created an image of an ideal husband which unfortunately places an emphasis on outward appearance for a male.

I have delivered talks in places where when i am called people look down on me because of my looks initially , but mellow down when the listen to the content of my speech. I was recently in Lagos and was at the palms in Lekki and i wanted to pray and saw a brother whom i asked if he knew where i could do salah. He was shocked and later on told me i should please try to dress in "sunnah clothing" because he could never imagine i was a muslim or practising muslim. ( i was wearing a bermuda jeans shorts and a t shirt". 

The definition of "sunnah clothing" is not what i want to go into here but with all humility i dont think there is anything called sunnah clothing aside any cloth that covers the awrah of a man, which makes the word sunnah clothing insignificant to me.

I have had intercations with some sisters who say "i love the sunnah look", loving something is not a problem as it is a personal choice but looking down on others who dont have a look the mirrors the image you have been taught is what i frown upon.

Islam should never be reduced to dressing and the length of a sisters hijab is meaningless to me as regards her taqwa, faith, knowledge and spirirtuality. Some people might disagree with me , i respect their opinion but hold on to my opinion due to my experiences in life and with many muslims around the world and Nigeria especially Lagos inclusive. Hijab is mandatory for a woman and it is the barest minimum , there are a million things beyond the hijab but unfortunately some of us dont see beyond that.

I do agree with you that the way a guy carries himself also matters and if he is just around to play and fool around then many sisters will not give him the audience. In conlcusion, sisters should look beyond the appearance of a guy and not repulse him because of his looks and not wearing a beard. Those things would not take him to jannah and what will take him is his taqwa which is reflected in his actions and not his dressings.

And God knows best.

isale_gan2:

Lagosboy, being a perfect example of a well-raised omo Eko, will show you the respect you deserve. Better to err on the side of caution and call someone egbon until you know they're younger than you, than to be so forward as to treat them like your mate.

Anyway, you display a good amount of maturity and knowledge, so my aburo, Lagosboy, is only doing the right thing.

Salaam.

LOLS Where is your old signature relating you to the inner walls of Lagos

Lagosboy:

Salam sis, i have been doing lots of travels recently across the atlancic and highlands of europe. However , these days i have been more active on the politcs thread as sometime ago i was not too happy with this section   

However, I dont think i generalised and if it sounded as such it was never intentional . I stand by my point though that some medicore lecturers have over the years created an image of an ideal husband which unfortunately places an emphasis on outward appearance for a male.

I have delivered talks in places where when i am called people look down on me because of my looks initially , but mellow down when the listen to the content of my speech. I was recently in Lagos and was at the palms in Lekki and i wanted to pray and saw a brother whom i asked if he knew where i could do salah. He was shocked and later on told me i should please try to dress in "sunnah clothing" because he could never imagine i was a muslim or practising muslim. ( i was wearing a bermuda jeans shorts and a t shirt". 

The definition of "sunnah clothing" is not what i want to go into here but with all humility i dont think there is anything called sunnah clothing aside any cloth that covers the awrah of a man, which makes the word sunnah clothing insignificant to me.

I have had intercations with some sisters who say "i love the sunnah look", loving something is not a problem as it is a personal choice but looking down on others who dont have a look the mirrors the image you have been taught is what i frown upon.

Islam should never be reduced to dressing and the length of a sisters hijab is meaningless to me as regards her taqwa, faith, knowledge and spirirtuality. Some people might disagree with me , i respect their opinion but hold on to my opinion due to my experiences in life and with many muslims around the world and Nigeria especially Lagos inclusive. Hijab is mandatory for a woman and it is the barest minimum , there are a million things beyond the hijab but unfortunately some of us dont see beyond that.

I do agree with you that the way a guy carries himself also matters and if he is just around to play and fool around then many sisters will not give him the audience. In conlcusion, sisters should look beyond the appearance of a guy and not repulse him because of his looks and not wearing a beard. Those things would not take him to jannah and what will take him is his taqwa which is reflected in his actions and not his dressings.

And God knows best.

@bold

You can't run away from here all the same. All of you guys running away from this section are making here rather dull.

@topic

I agree with your summation but I wouldn't pay attention to a guy on shorts and T-shirt o.

zayhal:

@bold

You can't run away from here all the same. All of you guys running away from this section are making here rather dull.

@topic

I agree with your summation but I wouldn't pay attention to a guy on shorts and T-shirt o.

Even if he just came out of a Rolls Royce Phantom and was smitten by you?

maclatunji:

Even if he just came out of a Rolls Royce Phantom and was smitten by you?

LOLs. @bold. That word has more than one meaning. Which do you mean? And why the mention of rolls royce? Everything isn't about wealth you know.

What if he's only a driver to the owner of that rolls or a friend's?

He is the owner of the Rolls Royce and you know by the way he is looking at you with dreamy eyes that he has fallen head over heals for you.

^^^You really got me laughing. Thanks for that.

Like I said before, everything isn't about wealth and affluence. Besides, I don't believe in love at first sight.

Now, back to topic!

Your responses show what the poster is talking about. How can you say you will not consider a brother with a Phantom. The truth is that you would be bemused by such a man even if you would reject a marriage advance from him. Sisters need to be real and stop forming. You can be firm, but do not present ridiculous points to try to seem perfect!

Your responses show what the poster is talking about. How can you say you will not consider a brother with a Phantom. The truth is that you would be bemused by such a man even if you would reject a marriage advance from him. Sisters need to be real and stop forming. You can be firm, but do not present ridiculous points to try to seem perfect!

Stop interrogating the sister. State your case. lol. Where are your friends? Who are your people?