₦airaland Forum

abidoye2b

Please if he is not here and a citizen already listen to your friends. There are many men within our borders for you, from many different cultures. You do not need to bring him here. Run while you can, the hair has gone up on the back of my neck. I dated a Naija man for a couple of years, the truth does not roll off of their tongues. Run girl!! Run!!

Njean

Omode

As a white American I asked how his family and countrymen would take to me when we travel to Nigeria. His answer was simple, they will know you are well loved.

Pretty sweet!! I can't imagine that everyone will collapse!!

Keep the faith.

Njean

Hi Prunella

I'm dating a Nigerian born man who lives in the states and has American born children. You are so right that the affection is private and not public. In my case, he has told me he loves me and I can take that to the bank. I expressed the importance that I hear he loves me and I do hear that from time to time. We are in a bit of a tough spot because of and ex-spouse and I'm having trouble as an American woman I want to talk it to death, but he is withdrawn and quiet. He likes to process his sad moments by himself. Hang in there, Nigerian born or culture is different but the man is definately worth it.

N

Speaking of marriage, what would a Nigeria family think of their eldest son in the USA marrying an American woman?

Hi Almondjoy

thanks for you comment, I think, lol. Actually I just wanted to know if they have the "head of the family" attitude that was present here a long time ago.

Just so you know he does have children and he has custodyof all of them. He cares for them, pays for the, totes them, meets all of their needs. She is the one that does not have custody, does not pay child support and does not do anything or them.

So, not all naija men are as you say, thank goodness!!

N

My boyfriend is from Nigeria living in the U.S. I'm interested in hearing from you on decision making. My boyfriend is the eldest male in his family. He is in the U.S. his extended family is in Nigeria. He does have his family here, American born. He is going through a rough spot and has some decisions he needs to make. What are Nigerian men like in situations like this? We are not engaged but are walking together toward this. In the past he has "asked" for my input on different subjects. This decision is a heavy one, dealing with a crazy ex-wife, and little to no discussion has occurred. Are Nigerian men solitary decision makers? His decision definitely affects me. He is the eldest male in his family, does that have an affect on his decision making process? My only experience has been American born men and they take a lot of verbal input from us, are Nigerian men significantly different??

HI Chanty

I too am from the states, white and in love with a Naija man. I fell for him almost immediately, well the second date, lol. I find him to be very true to his word. Very well thought out in his feelings, what he expects and what he can offer. He has his challenges, work, kids, ex-wife, family in Africa, but it's all good between us. We move slowly and discuss everything from what we are experiencing to what we are feeling. We are cautious but developing a strong love that will not leave either of us. As with any relationship walk slowly. Examine everything in retrospection, and know that you need to be committed mind, body and soul.

Congratulations on finding someone you are so excited about. It's a great feeling.

N

@ ochi-aha thanks for the insight. It's difficult or should I say different for me to feel the love without the words. I LIKE the words. And I use them frequently with those that are dearest to my heart. I'll have to get used to the cultural difference, because I'm sure there others coming my way!!

We are traveling to Nigeria this year to visit his family. I'm not sure what the reception will be. Some on this threads have scared the you know what out of me but maybe that is their intent. I'll take any thoughts on this wonderful man taking a tall blonde back to his native land.

Thoughts??

Okay, I too am visiting Nigeria with my boyfriend at the end of this year. We have talked quite a bit about this trip and what I take from this is that it will be an eye opener for me, a humbling experience. I am a white woman from the States and was concerned of what the reaction would be. I know the looks that we get walking around in the States, depending on where we are the stares can be intense. It's one thing to see him walk around here with a tall blonde but what will it be like there? He assures me that I will be treated very well, especially with his family because they will know that I am very loved. He assures me that my needs will be met graciously, as he tends to my needs here. He is the elder son of the family so I'm not sure if that plays a role in this situation. He is the only child out of the country and is quite brilliant. He has also spoke of spending a few years back in Nigeria when he retires but it wouldn't be permanent as his children are citizens of the States. This blog has made me nervous where I've been pretty comfortable. I've been doing some reading and talking to others, mostly white people, who have been in the country. Over and over I get that I will be treated well. I suppose that any one person could have either a bad experience or a good one. I'm hoping for a good one.

Thoughts? Comments??

How serious are Nigerian men when they say either "I love you" or "I'm falling in love with you"? I can say that American men (and I do not mean to generalize) the "I love you" bomb can be dropped fairly easily. I think with American men, the love could be quantified. With a divorce rate of 50% in the States, it is obvious that we are not taking our relationships serious enough, or we are entering marriage too easily. I'm wondering what it is like in the Nigerian culture,

Thoughts??

Jaguar1 Thanks for the input. I know my heart is in the right place and his words were, when I asked him how his family would receive me, he said he would have to present me and they would know I am a woman that is deeply loved. Of course I melted, who wouldn't!! In the brief conversations with you here, have helped me to understand a bit more which is exciting, the fear or concern is drifting away. We only fear what we do not understand. My eldest son is very excited, he's a cultural junky so to speak, he loves learning about different cultures and can't wait to get to know him. Being in the middle of the U.S. there isn't a lot of diversity, especially in my town, so this is very different for me. Not only is my new man a treasure to me, this is also fun and exciting. I appreciate you sharing with me. I'm sure I'll have more questions for you as this develops. Have a blessed day!!

Jaguar1 - Thanks for the encouragement. I must say that I find some of the things I've read about are dead on with his manner but other things are totally different. He's a nice blend of respect, a man of his word and his strong heritage. He is raising his four kids so that indicated what type of man he is. He struggles with his "American kids" and doesn't always understand them. That is where I am helpful. I'm hopeful to go home with him later this year and wonder what they will think of this white woman coming home with their son, brother, friend. How will they treat me? I would have to say his feelings will have to be strong for him to take me home with him, I can't imagine taking someone that far away to see your family and not have a strong bond. One thing I am not used to is when he tells me something, that is what he means until he tells me different, like his feelings for me. I'm used to re-occurring statements of feeling, I love you's. It's a phrase I use frequently with my sons and my man, it lifts my spirit. If you can answer any of my questions or make comment I would appreciate it. This is so cool to be able to talk to someone who has insight. My friends do not understand the cultural difference and are a little quick to judge when I talk about my relationship.

I've just begun dating a Nigerian here in the States. He's talked about taking me home with him later this year, depending on how our relationship develops. He says I will be humbled coming back to the States, particularly when going out into the villages. I'm curious as all get out. My wonder is how will they relate to me as a white woman? Will they care? I'm not sure, I don't know enough to know what I don't know!! All I know is he's a wonderful lovely man.

I am dating a Nigerian man and I must say it is a new experience. I've been online researching cultural norms, any information to see how this man ticks. It has been enlightening to say the least. Being a white woman from a small rural community, the experience of a Nigerian is something new. I've dating other nationalities before but I'd say this experience is different. I was struck with some of the comments and seeing some of the traits spoken of and others absolutely not. I'm learning this is a man of his word unlike so many American men I've dated. I'm intrigued by the cultural difference and the common threads. Of course this is God's plan and and I'm enjoying the journey. If you have any words of wisdom for me please share!! I'm very excited for this new relationship and any insight I can get would be wonderful!!