What you won't tell people is that tretinoin is teratogenic and can be harmful to a unborn foetus , hence it is only available on prescription. People go to your doctor or pharmacist for medication

With my first I was induced, the pain was out of this world. Because I was induced I had all sorts of contraptions attached to my body to monitor the baby, so I couldn't move about freely.

All I had on was an oversized tee shirt. At a point I was going to sit on the floor but my hubby told me off, I confessed my sins ,prayed for forgiveness ,sang , moaned. I kept asking the female midwives "do you have kids? Did you shout like this when in labour? Are other women like this in labour?

Then I had gas and air and the thing made me high, like I was drunk. When they finally heeded to my demands for epidural it was too late I was too dialated.

My 2nd was funny I promised myself " no drama". The moment I knew labour had set in I woke hubby, went had a shower dressed up , applied make up in between contractions.........then proper labour set in sharp sharp I carry the same hands comot the same clothes. In fact I almost had the baby on the hospital corridor.

God is great

tearoses:
If the offence is big enough, I just tend to cut the person off . . .which is something I am dealing with.
What makes it worse is that sometines I wont even bother letting you know what exactly you did assuming you didnt already know.
I can be very lazy when it comes to going the extra mile to resolving issues with people.

I hate all this "he said", "she said", "she did" and come and rojo business, so I rather just pass and move on & eventually with time I will just forgive regardless of an apology or not.

My mum is the opposite and I try and take a cue from her.
Lots of noise but no bite & once you offend her you wil hear the story of your life one minute and the next minute she will share a dirink with you as its all over. Awon drama inc.

I am your mum through and through.
When offended once I can talk and talk about it either with the offender or any one who cares to listen, I get it off my chest.
The next time I see the person it's business as usual

sihom:
Please can someone proffer practical solutions that work for folks like me who struggle with forgiveness?

I agree with Sagamite about the whole sincere & insincere apology thing but sometimes (for me) saying I am sorry isn't even helpful because the things a person may have said or done before the 'I am sorry bit' are far more weig

In other words an apology doesn't always take away the sting of a person's previous words or actions. When you consider the apology and the deed that hurt you, the apology just doesn't add up or it just doesn't impact you in a good way.

I hope I am making sense and would genuinely appreciate solutions that might help in this sort of scenario because right now I am struggling with a hurt caused by a good friend that is seriously threatening to end our friendship from where I stand.

She probably thinks & feels that because she apologized twice we are good but we are not - because her first apology came across as very flippant, carelessly offered like I can't see the big deal here. The second apology via WhatsApp voice message still had a bit of defensiveness in it like - I really can't remember saying that but anyway I apologize for everything

When I stumbled on this topic, I was eager to find out people's views.

I find it easy to forgive , my husband on the other hand can hold on to a grudge for years or even decades.
I have only held a prolonged grudge once in my life ( details withheld ) but I realised I was more angry at myself for allowing myself to be walked over and treated bad so many times by that person without defending myself.

Everyday I held that grudge I had no peace. I listened to CD's on forgiveness, songs on forgiveness e.t.c but still no peace. Then one day four years later I picked up the phone and called the person and just said hello, and that was it the burden just rolled off my heart.

I know this person will still hurt me if given the chance and I know "they" still hold on to the entitlement that "they" had the right to do whatever "they" did but I've forgiven and I'm free.
I haven't forgotten though and I'm prepared now to defend myself in the future.

I guess the ability to forgive/not forgive lies with individual temperaments , melancholics find it hard to forgive while sanguines let go easily. But temperaments could be worked on.

J

Madampinkolo:
Preternatura1,

Your mans behavior has shown he has no handle on his mom. You shouldn't have even been the one to explain much,he should have done that and his mom should have respected his explanation.. Any calls from you should have been to reaffirm what your guy said and reassure her,to tell her very soon you will come etc etc that she will even be the one tired of seeing you.It's good you placate her but at the same time don't go and over do just to please her and your man.At the same time,don't allow yourself to be insulted,you are not married to him yet!!

I wouldn't go to sleep over in any MIL house alone you are NOT married to him neither have your parents given their stamp of approval.Did they accept for you to go and spend time with her? Have they come to see your people?You can visit and go home the same day with your guy simple..all this over exposure is not necessary in my opinion. If you both got on at the first meeting,it would be a different thing as you would even be more willing.She has already been critical and insulting so how does she expect you to be eager to spend time with her.Respect and affection go both ways.

She has been very bold to tell you that she doesn't think you are right for her son,and even gone to the extent of saying you don't value the relationship all because you are too busy to visit at the moment.What will she say when you now truly offend her?
I put it to you that you may likely have it rough with her except you always bend to what she wants.
An excellent relationship takes understanding,communication and respect not force and threats.

While your parents were a bit horrified by his mannerism they didn't throw it in his face neither did they call him to lecture him.
Its all good to make excuses but I am married to someone who last year couldn't stand up to his mother when she was obviously wrong,you are sliding down the same slippery slope and you'd better wake up and sort this out before it snowballs.

You are busy,you have work to do,you will make out time to visit and go same day.She should be telling you she understands,Pele on all the work you are doing,ahh that you should come and spend time so she can pet you and help relieve the stress.That is a welcoming and reasonable MIL.


Its best you face facts and see the reality on ground no excuses.She may change she may not change.Taking the risk is up to you.All the signs are there for you to see,at least in her favour she's not pretending.
Believe me when I say a hostile MIL is enough to call off a relationship EXCEPT when the love is like do or die OR if you have a supportive and strong willed man who will check any excesses..anything less than this and you will be shortchanging yourself


You should never ever accept ultimatums from anyone,it is unnecessary at this stage.The problem doesn't just lie with her,It is your guy that's not alarmed at her hostility and rude words instead he's turning around and getting angry at you despite knowing that your hands are tied.You should let him know that he should be protecting you and politely explaining to her his stand..That he says no to her doesn't mean he doesn't love her.Alarm bells should be ringing in your head when already it's turning into you vs her.It's not necessary at all!! A wise man would see this danger and fix it now now!!

PS..I'm glad you got your house help back..I don't believe in punishing yourself with unnecessary chores when you can afford to pay someone to do it.No point starting what you can't finish.. No point over compromising on ur part and his,frustration may take over.

DO NOT push this under the rug and feel it's a one off,i will keep emphasizing that you STUDY THE FAMILY properly before committing yourself to him.She may be good,she may not be good.She may be traditional,still doesn't mean she has to be rude to make her point.Maybe this is a phase,i dunno.

I say this because if i had handled my SILs and their snide crude comments from the get go,i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have had issues at all.

Don't forget that being respectful and kind is key but don't accept insults!! If you do,it will never end!
GOOD LUCK!!
*Back to the shadows*.


A million likes for this. I've been following this thread from the shadows but had to come out to post this.
Hmnn trust me when I say a questionable relationship with your future MIL is enough to redefine your relationship, especially if your man cannot stand for you.
I write from experience. Wish I could share my story but I don't feel led to yet. Babe shine your eyes