₦airaland Forum

Eketem:
No way so they can abuse and frustrate the woman abi? No, he should sort his family issues out by himself stop bringing women into dysfunctional situations and abandon them to suffer abuse and blood pressure

As much as I love to, I don't intend getting married any time soon. I've to put things in order first; that is if I ever can.

CanadianNaija:
You are such a victim! Your kind make me sick.

You have a problem, you’ve been given solution, yet you’re still here crying.

Don’t take charge of your life ok, keep coming back for the pity party.

You better not marry anybody in this your situation, before you and your people will come and kill somebody’s daughter.

Grow a fucking spine!

No, man, I don't see myself as a victim and I'm not here for pity party. The situation is just complicated. I agree that the best decision is for me to grow a thick skin and turn a blind eye to the plight of my family members as much as I can. I however fear that that will totally alienate me from them and I will be more or less a loner in this world.

I'll still take that difficult choice though.

Ioannes:
Sorry about that. Bear it patiently until your siblings graduate from school. If there's any hustle they can do along with their studies, maybe you should set them up if you can. That'll take the burden off you a bit.

Don't get tired of them. Family is all we've got when there's no one else to stand with us.

It won't last forever and I'm sure they'll never forget this.

But limit the spending to immediate family only. Parents and siblings.

My family have never stood by me all my life. They never supported me financially or otherwise in school, I hustled to pay fees. The most painful thing is that now that I'm trying to make a living for my self, they are trying very hard to make me miserable.

You have to be in my shoes to understand what I'm going through.

Eketem:
Because you let them, maybe you enjoy the savior complex but you don't seem to want to grow at all, we gave you loads of advise but you don't seem to want to listen

I really listened to the advice I got here and that's why I got involved in ajo. I'm in a very difficult situation right now. I never expected such reaction from my mom.

Why is my family always unwilling to listen to me.
Why is my own family my main source of emotional pain and sadness. I mean, family is supposed to be there at your times of needs, but my case is different. They bring so much sadness to my life.

Mehn, these things are just getting worse for me.

So early this month I sent about 60k home, dropped 50k for ajo and the remaining for my upkeep and some bills.
Mom just called demanding for more money for her church stuffs. I told her I don't have money right now and she angrily hung up the phone. I called several times she refused to pick.

I am so confused right now...

MajorJeffery:
Carry them on your shoulder and not on your head. But as for carry, you have to bro, they especially your parents carried you once and your younger ones may one day carry you too. It hurts but that's a sad reality about we Africans and guess what, its our pride and a major source of envy of others. Average black and white old Americans in old people's homes envy their African counterparts who live in the comfort of their children's homes and have their grandkids run like ants around them.

Sir, if I continue this way they (my family) won't have me around for long. The whole situation is taking a physical and mental toll on me and if I don't do something about it I might just break down.

Can't continue like this.

Quite uplifting to share this here and have you guys care enough to reply and proffer solutions.

I'll work on some points raised. Thanks all.

onlyhandsome202:
from your write-ups, I think the constant demand is because you are not married yet. so your family feels you have no excuse not to spend on them. When you have a personal responsibility, u will notice every body will adjust.

Will be difficult to get married with no savings. Whenever I'm saving up money with the view to getting married, someone seems to always have one pressing issue or another that needs my attention. Rent, school fees, hospital bills. Kind of issues that I can't afford to turn a blind eye to.

Thanks for the reply, though.

34 and I have never really been happy for a prolonged period of time. Transient happy times here and there, though.

I'm under immense pressure from family members and even distant relatives to basically be responsible for their upkeep. Pretty much everyone around me expects that I place them on some sort of monthly salary. Yes like every month I should send stipends to like 7 people from my paltry 200k salary. Dad lost his job in the mid 90s and has since never bothered to get another. His unemployment status didn't stop him from bringing into the world three more souls. Mum's got some health issues so hadn't been working. She was very hardworking before the health problems started, to be fair to her.

So now I'm basically responsible for my parents' and siblings' upkeep and have been at it since I graduated 10 years ago. Haven't done anything with my life, I don't have any savings, not married. Just stagnant. I'm not saying is wrong to help others but I just feel like the pressure on me is a little too much and it's not fair. I deserve to be happy but I don't see that happening. I fear I'll labor all my life just to make my family happy while I live in perpetual sadness and pressure.

No Hope.