₦airaland Forum

jimmyolasun:
Bro just hold your family dear and use them as support to grow yourself... When you figure things out, invest in family and you will never regret it... infact, na she arrange breakfast this morning before I even wake up send my nephew to come call me from my apartment that food is ready.. I have a clear mind and planning is now so easy for me unlike before when I rented another man's house..

I actually learnt the hack from an uncle a long time ago when I was just done with my ssce.. now dude is doing so well and touring around the world. Yet whenever he comes back to Nigeria, na him papa house he dey stay despite having built a bigger property somewhere else. Na we dey put unnecessary pressure on ourselves o.. so long your family is supportive, you aren't lazy and you are a good child too. No look any uche face for area... If your family have the resources to keep you afloat and plan well, use it to the Max..

I'll forever be grateful for the gift of family. I appreciate all the insight you pour out here brother.

jimmyolasun:
Actually my own dad is late.. and no maid except for my nephew that stays with her and he is just 9 years old. Reason I erect the building is to create a bit of privacy.. even as my mama no get wahala but I still no want any see finish between her and my babe... But my life have been peaceful.. no landlord wahala, I eat good and I get excess save up... As in never felt this kind of freedom in years till I decided to move back home.. na we from average and poor family dey stress ourselves dey think about what people who aren't even doing any better than us will say.. if you look all these rich old money family, majority of the children still stays within the family.. check davido for example, I can bet his wife and kids still stay with his families.. the whole banana island apartment is just to have his own property.. it is mostly occupied by his boys.. the wife stays with the family until he is around..

You're not far from the truth. It irk me when struggling guys put unnecessary load on themselves when in actual sense, they can make use of resources available to them through family.
I have been out of job for few months, i am trying to rest and figure things out. My previous workplace used me like a slave had to call it quit and if no b for my family, I would have gone mad. I use to say this I would never be proofing Na man I be, and I'll let stress kill I'll always ask for help...

jimmyolasun:
I actually have been someone who doesn't give a damn right from my teenage years. Me wey go greet you and don't even wait or listen for your response.. When outside cold and my landlord increase rent pass 1m, I carry my two legs go my papa house as per na only my mama dey stay there as how I go dey pay over 1 million as rent when my family get house with compound for the same Lagos.... I accumulate funds use build structure inside the compound and renovate it because I plan say my family will be together .. I no even know whether Dem dey talk my matter for the area because " I look everyone, Nigeria economy is dealing with all of us".. so everyone gets him problem for body.. you talk my matter finish, you go enter your house go drink garri..

Though I am actually not too broke. But that pressure?? Mba.. I don't have it.. Na my peace of mind be the main thing.. Who I wan impress?? The goal is to make mama proud..

Lol. U cracked me up. Why on hell will someone have to pay that huge on rent just become u wan proof yeye stereotype that a man must leave home when u can chip in with Ur people and save yourself from landlord, tenant pressure Nd wahala here and there.

A family friend recently lost his mother who was abandoned in a 4bed flat. The woman died in her room, the maid living with her met her lifeless body early in the morning she wanted to go greet her.

The son who was suppose to stay with her mom, knowing fully well of her health issues Nd how his father abandoned the woman which led to loneliness for her, also pull away from her when he got married.

Right from onset, I have known I won't leave home, my mom stay alone and she has really suffer alot, mentally and health wisely. Her husband really dealt with her, drained her of her resources during her active year in service and abandoned her. I am the only one that can stay behind as all my siblings are female and married off. If I should leave her and something happens to her enemy, I'll never forgive myself.

I was able to convinced my partner and we have been managing with ourselves that way, I can even tell you, the way we pull up funds to cater for everyday bills really put off load on my head in this tinubulation, my life would have been miserable. It's very tough out there...

I have been renovating some part of the building that needed fixing and I will make sure I erect a BQ structure like u do in the compound, move out of the main building and continuing living peacefully. Whatever people want to say, ino dey care ooo...

When God finally bless me and I was able to erect a bigger structure, I'll still move my mom along, I can never leave that woman behind...

DyshApp:
A Nigerian woman celebrates as she finally marries her partner after 19 years of courtship and 13 years living together with 3 children.

The woman @teekay_babe shared a video from their Nikkah wedding ceremony, which took place a month ago, making their union official before family and friends.

She expressed her excitement, saying that netizens shouldn’t act selfishly, but they should congratulate her.

Despite her husband not paying her a dowry, the caption claims that she and her husband dated for 19 years and lived together as husband and wife for 13 of those years.

Their 13 years of living together produced three children.

It's what it is...
I am currently in same situation. My gf got pregnant in 2022, thou I wanted her to still stay with her family while I take responsibility and come for her Nd the child later as I was unemployed but her family disagree. There's no way I didnt persuade them but they refused, even my family wasn't in support of my decision too... My family clearly told me they'll go with whatever her family says.

After back and forth in 2023, I had no other option than for us to do an introduction without paying the bride price which I could have done leaving the ceremony behind but I wasn't in my stable mind with her family coupled with the fact I wasnt given chance to do with what I wanted from the beginning. She moved in with me in my family house and It's been 3 years now with 2 kids.
I hope I get the needed fund to get things done in the right way....

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

If your parents are the owner of where you stay, and you can still find a space to build a room and parlour by the side or at the back, you can do that and start your family.


That is what I want to do thou I am practically going through alot.

Believe me staying home really helped with the way we join hand-with-hand to endure this Tinubu hard regime, if not for that my life would have been miserable.

My father left home since 20 years ago and I cannot leave my mother to herself. She has really suffered alot, I am the only male, all my sister's are married. She's an health conditioned patient hence I cannot leave her to herself. Who will she talk to, she would be too lonely.

My mom has been so good to my wife, my sisters pamper her too. My mother gave my wife a shop space to practice her trade. In any of our misunderstanding , my family will support my wife. They will even be telling me it's women supporting women world.

If I succeed to build my own space, I'll still move my mother along. She's very active with my child, she would wake up all the night tendering to her grandchild while me and my wife is sound asleep.

Find a woman that can reason along with you thou not every woman will want to be in this setting and it is because of the many bad stories for a wife to live in her husband family house made this setting a no go area. I can read my wife body reaction to this setting but do we have a choice even thou she's not contributing to any house welfare.

Stay by your parents, do not let this woke mentality people are throwing here and there mislead you. Your parents need you, it's clear and they even say it out to you.

Fiscus105:
Legally NO

But wen kids involved, both parents aware and they leaving like couple, they are husband and wife, 75% of this in existence in Naija currently.

Meanwhile, if you do introduction and latter engagement, without going to church, mosque or registry, it still not a marriage

Haa Na introduction I do, I NVR pay bride price sef Nd 2 kids don land. I'll do the rest by God's grace, Na money turn things Lik dt...

lavylilly:
Thank you for opening up. What you're going through is serious, and your concerns are entirely valid — especially as a family man and someone trying to make a better life for yourself.

Here’s my sincere opinion, grounded in care and honesty:

⚠️ Your safety comes first. Always.
No opportunity — no matter how promising — is worth putting your life or safety at risk. Your friend's connection to a violent cult group raises serious red flags, especially if this group is known for clashes, reprisals, or criminal activity. Even if your friend has never harmed you or anyone else, proximity to danger increases your chances of being caught up in it — whether intentionally or not.

You mentioned being afraid of misplaced identity — that’s not paranoia; that’s wisdom. We've seen too many tragic cases of people being in the wrong place at the wrong time, especially in areas where cult-related violence is real.

💡 But your desire to learn tech is absolutely commendable.
Wanting to escape a draining blue-collar job and build something better for yourself and your family is a strong and admirable motivation. Tech has opened doors for so many people — including those who started with nothing. So yes, you should pursue tech. But do it strategically and safely.

🚀 What you can do instead:
Here are some realistic, safer steps to start your tech journey without taking a dangerous risk:

Learn Online: There are free or low-cost platforms where thousands have learned tech from scratch — coding, design, data, digital marketing, etc.

FreeCodeCamp, CS50 by Harvard (YouTube), Coursera, Scrimba, Sololearn, Google Digital Skills, and more.

Many successful Nigerian developers started from YouTube and free platforms before getting remote jobs.

Join Tech Communities (safely and virtually):

WhatsApp groups, Telegram channels, Twitter/X communities, and Discord servers full of Nigerian devs, designers, data analysts, etc.

Ask questions, network, and share your progress.

Mentorship at a Distance:
Your friend can still mentor you remotely. Ask him to guide you online, help review your work, or recommend learning paths — without you needing to live with him.

Look into Scholarships or Tech Bootcamps:
Some Nigerian initiatives like ALX Africa, HNG Internship, or Utiva offer training and even stipends.

Side Learning: If you can manage even 1 hour a day after work, that small commitment compounds over time. Many people who switched to tech didn’t quit their jobs immediately — they transitioned gradually.

❤️ Final Thoughts
You are doing the right thing by thinking critically. You’re not weak — you’re responsible. Your fear isn’t cowardice — it’s wisdom born from experience.

You can change your life — but do it smartly, not dangerously. Your health, your safety, and your family need you alive and growing. Let your hunger for a better life guide you — just don’t let desperation blind you to the risks.

This will live with me forever in my memory. Thank you so much for this wonderful input. I am indeed grateful.
Happy new week and stay blessed.

KillahPriest:
It's either this story is fake (most probably) or, you're just not serious

The story is not fake sir and I am serious. What do you have to advice me...

vikgreen01:
Better have a rethink

Thank you sir

vikgreen01:
Go to Twitter and follow Naija confra and see how deadly these people can be. This afternoon I read where an innocent person was gruesomely murdered by a rival who came looking for the elder brother of the guy they killed. The pictures is so gory and I wept.

I am on that page sir. That guy is really exposing their evil activities. I see those updates daily that's why I am scared...

Fetula4u:
Better stay for your mama house 🏠

I am a family man sir and I still stay for my mama house. I want to go out there to better my life

Hello Nlanders!

Please I need your sincere public opinion.

I have a friend, we actually met on a Facebook group since 2022 and we have been really close, never met physically. He recently got into the world of tech and he has been doing very well for himself. He's actually working for one of the top fintech remotely.

He has encouraged me multiple times to come stay with him for some time so I can learn tech as my blue collar job is really taking tolls on me with a meagre pay, but he is a member of a known violent cult group predominantly in the South West.

I am scared to take this step as I don't want to be a victim of misplaced identity and caught in their notorious clashes we see everyday.

I do really want to improve on myself as I am barely living from hand to mouth as a family man and health wisely I am not enjoying good health with my blue collar job.

Please say a word of advise to me. Thank you.!

Cc lalasticlala,Mynd44,Nlfpmod