₦airaland Forum

I earlier posted this story:
https://www.nairaland.com/5694171/4-out-5-pastors-said

In the initial writeup, I said how someone I wasn't getting along with someone I was dating, prayed about it with different people since we were very serious, and how majority said we were meant to be together. I however wasn't fully convinced as we seemed to be different, constantly having little issues, different views and values in life.

Moving to today...
I decided to move on from the supposed "wife". I went with someone that gives me peace of mind. I also thought its better not to live my life based on "pastor said this or that"
However, I've had recurring dreams about the 2nd lady (that gives me peace of mind). The dreams always center around us been together and she suddenly leaving, I won't be able to find her later in the dream. 2 days ago, was the 3rd dream of the same nature.

I am now slightly worried, I don't want to give in to dreams, and want to believe I can pray things are successful and go well between us. Conversely, based on our traditions, maybe I am the one not listening to advice. Between the 1st lady and I are no longer on talking terms.

What do you think? What advice do you have on how best to move forward? I want to learn from other's experience, those who have traveled this road before me.

novakk:
She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.

I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

TonyeBarcanista:
Forget about semantics and rhetorics of pastors, that lady is not your wife. You both have compatibility issue!

Yes, my thoughts too... it seems people make it work despite differences. I hear my married elders complain about their wifes all the time, but it seems everyone manages, no relationship is perfect they say

Michellekabod2:
whether pastor said or not he should leave her alone. He sounds selfish and doesn't deserve the lady for a wife. He admits he has flaws yet he can't compromise on her own fault.


It will not take time before he starts finding fault in this second lady

you are right, I know I am times selfish. I feel we both are a little selfish, so who bends for the other. I compromise, but I fear that one day, I will not be able to take some things. A torn hole, starts with a little tear.

How does one balance compromising in a relationship vs forcing the issue. Too much compromise, at a point, is just incompatibility. Now people around me saying, she is good, she is the one, leaves me confused

Illuminatus:
Dear Novakk,

Whatever anyone says, whomever they say is ideal for you, you, my dear, will be the one wearing the shoe in the long run; only you will have to live with the person you eventually choose to marry, hence you may want to choose someone you have personally picked out for yourself because:

1. I believe that on different levels, you know yourself better than anyone else and you know what you can tolerate.
2. When eventually, marital problems crop (they always do), you’ll be more inclined to work through it and keep moving if your spouse is someone you choose and you two have mutual understanding.

Don’t follow ‘Pastor said that the lord revealed’. When the un revealed trials come, those pastors won’t help you oh!

Be that as it may, marry the right person for the right reasons.

Good luck.

You’ll be needing it.

�

your second point is vry apt, its something i thought about, i fear I might tolerate it today, and one day get tired, I might then start looking for something else. I am trying to look at it with the view of let the differences be things i can tolerate

first thank you for the replies, from the counsel of others, one learns

Meanwhile, there is also someone else, we get along very well, I feel we understand ourselves, but no one says she is the one

She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.

I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?

thanks for all the advice, I would like more advice from people

She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself. I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?

Any good book Nigerian culture?

Send me a message if you are into rubber or tin export

What's the difference between nimasa and npa?

Why are separate? Do they work together?

Not done reading, but I am not surprised there are no comments. This is not a political message to support any agenda, but we should try and read more so we understand and can better articulate Nigeria's problems.

Ijeshaooduaman:
Yes. Anything wrong?

Nope. I am not looking for right or wrong. Want to hear views on how we can solve our problems. If restructuring won't solve it, would like to hear alternate solutions. Maybe separate countries will work, but we are so fragmented, separate countries might just harm the very small minority groups.

qwertyboss:
U can't restructure something that lack structure!

So what solution(s) do you think work best to solve our cultural differences?

Ijeshaooduaman:
I want it split, not restructured.

Separate countries?

Do you want Nigeria re-structured?

Click LIKE for YES
Click SHARE for NO

I don't know the benefits or what re-structuring is all about - rant below

up

Any?

tee59:
U quickly gave bribe, so u will quickly take am too if opportunity arrives.You are not living with examples one can emulate.

i dont request for money for favours. if there was a better way to handle such a situation, i would like to hear it

AntiBrutus:
Maybe your girl is one of those fighting for a better Nigeria...

Ignore her.
If those ever trigger-happy policemen cork their guns and shoot you, she'll cry...then move on. But you're dead and gone.

exactly, i mean,one has to be sensible about these things. life doesnt have replacement

Yesterday, I was driving, wanted to drop my babe at her place. we wanted to get some food so I parked by the side of the road. before you now it, 2 policemen tapped on my window. I rolled down greeted them, how far, you know, normal rap just to be friendly. I could see they were gauging me, but with my intro, they relaxed. Apparently i had parked in a spot with a no parking sign. I told them honestly I didn't know, then just settled them with some change, told them I would drive and park somewhere else.

Now my babe had been quiet throughout, but as I drove off, she started hissing, saying she was shocked I would do that. that I don't have morals bla bla, that I offered without them asking. I mean, who doesn't know that it's to sharply settle in such a situation. I thought it was a joke, this issue has degenerated into a serious quarrel, has even extended to today. My question now, is it that bad that I tipped them. it was just small parking, i didn't see the sign. Besides, the wahala of going to station, stress, does not pay me or the policeman. Or am i wrong?

iAudio:
Only Google.


Others can go to hell.

Nairaland suppose dry that list.

For your information, Nairaland is Nigeria's Wikipedia, Everything in one place.

Thats why it's not among the names above
We love our Nairaland!

which of these 3 are the most important:
Facebook
Instagram
Uber
Jumia/Konga
Netflix
Twitter
Google

happy boxing day!

Thanks! Merry Xmas in advance!

Compliments of the season guys

pls help choose between this 2

sumec firman eco1990s 1.8va
https://www./sumec-firman-generator-eco-1990s-red-675906.html

lutian 3.5va lt3600
https://www./lutian-3.5kva-generator-with-key-starter-lt3600e-black-5544401.html

mainly used evenings, to power 200l fridge, led tv, laptop, 3bulbs and a rechargable fan.

price is not important.
i was inclined to the lutian based on the fact there are no fakes, has a key starter and it will give room for other gadgets - e.g. a small ac/washing machine later. However run time per fuel load is very important to me. 15L for 12hrs compares badly to the sumec which is 5.5L for 9hrs. daily usage, and the running costs will climb steeply.

Which is better? I dont know if the runtimes stated are cast in stone. Should i go for the lutian, maybe running it with low loads will make it consume less OR the sumec and manage how many appliances i switch on?

Thanks.

enochogaga:
dont mb for that now.

what do yo mean by dont "mb" for now?

thanks

was it the same model/same output rating as the one i described above?
thanks

pls help choose between this 2

sumec firman eco1990s 1.8va
https://www./sumec-firman-generator-eco-1990s-red-675906.html

lutian 3.5va lt3600
https://www./lutian-3.5kva-generator-with-key-starter-lt3600e-black-5544401.html

mainly used evenings, to power 200l fridge, led tv, laptop, 3bulbs and a rechargable fan.

price is not important.
i was inclined to the lutian based on the fact there are no fakes, has a key starter and it will give room for other gadgets - e.g. a small ac/washing machine later. However run time per fuel load is very important to me. 15L for 12hrs compares badly to the sumec which is 5.5L for 9hrs. daily usage, and the running costs will climb steeply.

Which is better? I dont know if the runtimes stated are cast in stone. Should i go for the lutian, maybe running it with low loads will make it consume less OR the sumec and manage how many appliances i switch on?

Thanks.

pls help choose between this 2

sumec firman eco1990s 1.8va
https://www./sumec-firman-generator-eco-1990s-red-675906.html

lutian 3.5va lt3600
https://www./lutian-3.5kva-generator-with-key-starter-lt3600e-black-5544401.html

mainly used evenings, to power 200l fridge, led tv, laptop, 3bulbs and a rechargable fan.

price is not important.
i was inclined to the lutian based on the fact there are no fakes, has a key starter and it will give room for other gadgets - e.g. a small ac/washing machine later. However run time per fuel load is very important to me. 15L for 12hrs compares badly to the sumec which is 5.5L for 9hrs. daily usage, and the running costs will climb steeply.

Which is better? I dont know if the runtimes stated are cast in stone. Should i go for the lutian, maybe running it with low loads will make it consume less OR the sumec and manage how many appliances i switch on?

Thanks.