₦airaland Forum

Aha aha aha

30k?

DrFunmisticGlow:
I believe you did the right thing. It was not the best, but the reasons you had for doing it are legitimate. Never let anyone rob you of that.

I advice that you take this to your grave. Healing takes time, it's one foot in front of the other.

One day you will be able to browse online and not feel codemnation and scorn of faceless strangers like me who don't matter.

You don't have the luxury of self pity. Instead, live a life of no regrets. If you regret, it means that you are not capable of making good decisions. Don't feel bad dear. Go out to a park or somwhere with nature. You will be okay. You will be fine. You will overcome this.

Learn from your mistakes. Go to the nearest clinic for family planning so that it wont repeat itself. Hope you know your blood group and it isn't A,B, AB or O negative?

You will be fine.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate.

I'm O positive, is there something I should know please?

LadySarah:
Ogiprincess, you can open a diary In diary section to pen down your thoughts.
The guilt may not totally go away but with time it will lessen.
Am I prochoice? To an extent. You know everything before taking that decision. Don't let anyone guiltrip you. Bringing a child to suffer is more evil

I hope you have learnt ur lessons. Warm bear hugs. Also learn to play safe should you choose to remain sexually active.

Thank you so much sister.

I think I know about the guilt not ever leaving as it has been two years since it happened. And I've been celibate for over a year now.

Thank you once again

Modified

I can barely keep a dairy in book form. Online will be worse

I was listening to a sermon by Mike Todd of Transformation Church a few months after (say 5 months). Then I realized that my mistakes and the reason why things happened the way they did to me is mostly because I didn't have anyone that I was accountable to for the things I do and the decisions I made.

If I had an older Aunt or Uncle, a mentor in Church I could confide in... Just someone that could call me to order then maybe that guy would have taken me serious... I had no one and what can meek me do to him.

So I went to the church, where I met him, our church. I talked to a female pastor about everything! It went round to every pastor and that was the end of it. I'm sure I became a sermon.

I kept seeing abortion condemnation post online here and there and with each post I'll come across the reality of me having actually taken a life dawned on me. I started to feel a presence of a little baby girl, I'll cry and plead with her, telling her how sorry I am, how selfish I am. I'll be in the shower under the running water just crying and washing off. I felt so dirty!

I named her Dinah. I became suicidal, I thought the only way to right what I did was for me to seize to exist but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it because I knew it was still wrong.

I started to self sabotage. I left my jobs for no good reasons. I couldn't afford my rent and I started to squat, I didn't care about looking for a good job. I didn't think I deserved anything good in life so I made sure to run away from opportunities (if I mentioned would be recognized by people I know). I simply gave up the will to live.

I've read about women that slipped into depression and became anorexic after an abortion. My former employer diagnosed me of clinical depression but I waved it off. It took a church member and Michael Todd of Transformation Church to get me to actually listen to what God was saying to me.

I only just realized a few months ago that I've been self sabotaging. I'm still healing hence the feeling of a need to explain myself each time I'm faced with criticism. I cried terribly from reading the comments section on the topic from yesterday on front page. But I didn't cry from brokenness or despair.

I cried from being misunderstood, misplaced and judged. I'm much wiser now. And this is my story and I can't do anything to rid that part of my life. Much of what I felt spurned from feeling disappointed at myself and ashamed of the derogatory remarks I would get when people get to know this part of my life.

I lived my whole life up until that moment trying not to be that girl but like Job said "everything I feared has come upon me".

I was 24 years old, living in a room and parlour self-contain. Working two jobs in Lagos and a Christian.

I met him in church, he was my first, he had no job, I helped put his CV together.

I've been alone for so long I had a messed up idea as to what love truly is and what belonging should not take from you.

We were together for 4 months only. Everything happened so fast from never being with a man sexually to having an abortion six months later.

I followed my acquaintance home from work that morning. I took a pill with an alcoholic bitters and inserted a pill in my vagina... A full bladder woke me up from sleep but on getting to the restroom I didn't urinate. I felt a huge lump drop off my vagina, I couldn't bring myself to look I flushed.

What followed was almost two weeks of bleeding and excruciating pain, faintness, weakness and numbness. I didn't feel relieved...

Prior to getting the abortion. I had come on Nairaland to look for anyone who wanted a baby and shared a little of my story but I was faced with so much doubts and name calling I deactivated the account. I also updated my WhatsApp status asking if anyone wanted a baby but the person that was interested wanted to know if the parents are good looking. The deal fell through...

I'm an unplanned child, my mom hated me because of whatever my dad put her through and it caused me a lot emotional abuse. The reason as to why I'm out fending for myself, the reason as to why I decided to be chaste but the circles were unto me...

I didn't want to have a child I'll come to look at and hate because of the father. I felt I'd rather not have a child ever than have one and put them through what my own mother put me through.

This isn't Fiction

A thread made front-page yesterday asking a question that was my experience. The comments that followed is the inspiration behind this thread.

I'm not a writer and I failed English twice(SS2 and Waec). My punctuations and grammar will not impress you.



... Now in the office with only the receptionist to greet, I thanked God in my mind and dashed straight to the restroom.

Have you ever been in a situation where you know the outcome but were acting sure it would turn out differently? Well, there I was with the double redline staring at me.

I don't remember breathing, I did a second test and there it was again then I brought out my phone looking for the best lighting to take a picture of both strips visibly shaking but smiling somehow (I've come to know now that when I'm shaking but smiling in bad situations, that's me panicking).

I don't remember how the WhatsApp message was constructed but I remember telling him that I was pregnant with the strips as picture evidence and requested we met. Dude left me on R. I can't believe this dude thinks it's a disparate attempt of mine to get back with him.

I was so mad that I was feeling hot from within. I called his line but no response, then again and again.... I started to hate him so much I knew I couldn't keep the baby

I made a call to an acquaintance at my new night job (I was working two jobs). My acquaintance is what you'd term a "street boy" he promised to help me get rid of it. I don't why I trusted him and I don't know why he agreed to help.

Later that evening at my night job I put a call through to 'him' still, then he answered...

Him.... Hey
Me.... Really! Really!! You want to tell me you didn't see my messages to reply or calls to call back??!!
Him... I don't know what you're talking about
Me... I'm pregnant!!!!!
Him... I don't know what you're talking about
Me... Shocked to the marrow, speechless, sweating from my palms. I hung up the call without saying a word.

How much for Pregnancy test strips? I asked the pharmacist putting on a brave face and demeanor that really wasn't even needed... 150, 250 or thereabout, I don't remember.

I got 4, I don't know why... Hurriedly paid and hurriedly left the pharmacy, all this I did avoiding eye contact with everyone in the pharmacy (they were just 3 people including the pharmacist, which seemed like a crowd at that time)

Coming to terms with reality...

I need the courage to be able to write this...

Cutehector:
Ogiprincess, I think this thread will be of great assistance to us, what do you think?

I agree.

It's quite packed with information

Pegzzyg:
Hi Princess,
During my study years, a student changed from Lagos to Abeokuta Study centre in 2016, its actually feasible unless school has stopped that option.

However, you'll have to wait for school to open first. Once FG announces that Universities are opened, go to your Study centre & make your intention known, you'll be given a 'transfer form' to fill, it'll be signed & stamped by the HOD, that's what you'll take to your intended destination. I hope this helps?

Regards,

Thank you so much for the information, I appreciate.

Enskynelson:
I suggest you prepare to apply for the transfer next semester because if you apply right now, it may not have that attention since everything around transfer now is considered with relevance to the coming exams. In normal condition, it takes about 2-3 weeks. Your target is to get your Centre changed before exams 2020/2 exams which won't be an arduous task if you begin the process as at the commencement of 2020/2 semester. Cheers.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate

Enskynelson:
If you are going to take the coming exams, I suggest you stay back and finish the exams. Changing your Centre right now will be very difficult except if you are an Officer or Health Personnel dispatched to the new location due to the present pandemic and other special cases. If you don't stay back, it could make your writing the exams almost impossible. My advice is that, if your reason for changing Centre is not VERY strong, you could hit a hard rock which may lead to not being able to take the exams.
BUT... If you are not taking the forthcoming exams, you can go to your Study Centre and apply for a change of Study Centre. It may take sometime but it will be effected and you will see it when you login to the school portal.

Thank you so much for the prompt response.

I'm not taking this semester exams but I intend to continue from next semester.

How long do you think it would take for the change to be effected?

Are you schooling in Minna?

Please anyone here in Minna Study centre?

I'm moving to Bida, Niger State from Lagos and the only study centre in Niger State is in Minna.

I intend to continue schooling over there.

Please how feasible is this?

And if possible, how do I go about changing my study to Minna Niger State?

Please, Thank you

Following...

Very insightful

I've been watching lots of PragerU videos on YouTube. I've also been listening to Candace Owens, Ben Shapiro etc.

I've come to realize that a lot of times we as humans (black people in the case now). React and act out of sentiments. Black people in the diaspora enjoy the narrative of haven been slaves and the reparations that comes with it.

Feelings don't count where facts are.

.

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