Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

Hi OP

Did you eventually leave?

realtalk19:


She is trying to use all those things to break you and blackmail you emotionally.

Try to find your own place even if it's a room and work hard.

Thanks realtalk19

I do much appreciate what you've said

So you said you moved away from her house. How was it for you. Did you feel guilty like I did the first time when I left home?

Jewessgratitud3:


Look, I'm a lady and i'm not judging you or trying to excuse your Moms behavior but trying to let you know all shes doing is to protect you and your siblings and prevent you from bringing her shame but because you already have a mindset that she's toxic you won't see it from that angle. Please erase that notion from your head.

Now, have you sat down to think what are those things you're doing she doesn't like... Have you examined your attitude towards her? Ok if you're calm like you claim then why is she abusing you physically? Only a mad person will attack a calm person sitting on her own.

Again, are you working? You asked if my Mom still beat me at 26.. well she was already late by the time I turned 26 but before then she still talks to me like a baby if I don't do what she wants and I know I'm the one looking for her trouble. But then I was working and as a working class lady when I get back from work I'll carry jerrycan on my head to go look for water when it's my turn on the roster if I don't want my ears to be full that day because I'm still under her roof but now if they tell you people to do certain chores you'll be forming big girl.
Even in my late 30s I still carried baff on my head to fetch water in my sisters house before her husband dug a borehole for her. That's how far a good home training can go.

Lastly, look for money and get a place of your own and seek her consent before leaving but don't use it as a license to begin to live anyhow life cos I know men, they'll be flocking around you. Don't get carried away so your mother won't say, she said it.

So all I'm saying is get off your high horses. You too will be a mother someday. Hm

Ok ma,
I put it to you again , I'm not badmouthing my mum. Do you know what depression is?

Let me tell you. As the only girl at home now I kill myself with almost all the chores at home before going to work , my younger brothers dont do anything. I'd there's anything to cook, they'll keep it for me till I come back from work. Sometimes I stay in the kitchen for up to 11 o'clock, when will I sleep?. Is it water ? Around 5:30 I'm up to fetch water for everyone monday to sunday. I go like three streets away sometimes when water is scarce. So it's not like I'm forming big girl. Would your mother have said Ill words to you as early as 6 am? Words that can make you commit suicide. Your mum will always chastise and beat you in the presence of your younger ones, till they dont have a single drop of respect for you. The other day my brother in which I use 6 years to senior and I got into an arguement, he started using those words my mum always use on me to abuse me that day.
Fear do you know what this has caused me physiologically? I cant defend myself outside, cos when I try my words gradually turn into tears , I'm not able to control that, at the end of the day, I'm mocked for it

If I'm eventually moving, im not doing it to be free . I'm doing it to have peace of mind. I'm not a wayward person at least I've past that stage for anyone to influence me like that

So dear, my story and yours are not thesame.
I stayed with my grandmother(mothers mother) , she corrected harshly too but I still choose her anyday anytime, she did not do it as if shes God over you. She did not use words like " you wont give birth to a child" " you wont marry" " bad egg" and the rest which I dont store in my head so as not to work on me. But shes gone, if not I would have gone to stay with her

Jewessgratitud3:
Hmm.. op you're wrong!!!! Very wrong.

Now let me start with your age. At 28 you shouldn't be living under your parents. You should be responsibly and independently living on your own. You shouldn't be there stressing that old woman with your "I'm a big girl and no body can control me attitude " that is what your attitude smell of and what your mother perceives that makes her treat you the way she does. For Christ sakes if you're a big girl then leave and go be on your own where no one will control you but as long as you're still under her roof you'll live by her rules and regulations.

See, all mothers are like that but your character will determine the degree of that trait in them. If your mothers "africnaness is raised to power 2 then you are the problem. We all managed ours like that and never saw it as anything; today we are the better for it.. See they are trying to protect you and that's their own way of doing so but you will not know now. ok, imagine what your sister did.. got pregnant out of wedlock, which mother will be happy about that? The other one got married without her consent and you think she'll want you to end like them. What your sisters did has intensified what was already on ground and made her more strict to you because she doesn't want you to end up that way. Seems you and your sisters have eyes for worldly things but feel caged by her for not letting you operate with that hand. Ok, Why is she not like that to the boys? Because boys can't get pregnant and bring her Shame exactly what she's guarding against. Op, can't you see.? When they are telling you people now it will look as if they hate you, they're toxic and all that but when it happens now, you'll remember you have a mother somewhere.

Your mother is no different from most African mothers only that she added strictness to hers due to her religious position and now see what your sisters did....


I left my parents house at the age of 26, a year after my Mom died. If she was alive she won't allow me, that tells you they are simply protecting you. when I was leaving I told my dad and he gave me his blessings but while I was home before my mom died 2 years before I left she did all those mother things but I never saw it as anything or thought of running away from the house... Things were different back then and children were more respectful who know wetin bible talk then but see now you started by quoting the scriptures to justify yourself. To me thats rude. No problem with knowing your right but children of nowadays na I too know dey kill una. Quote bible , quote law to justify every action no room for moral justifications any more and that is why we have so many broken marriages because we come too know law pass ourselves. Humble yourself or leave that old woman before you give am bp biko.


Ask your brothers how they are getting along with her. You are stubborn and feel nobody can control you under person roof o. Abeg commot there, make you go test outside small and see. See how you painted your mother bad all through but you didn't even mention one single error you did. Saint Obi.
Mtchew.

I never said I'm a saint in my narrative you there. There are ways to correct a child. Did your mum beat you at the age of 20? , not to talk of 28 years

You are getting me totally wrong.
You dont know that's it's how she treated my sisters that made them do what ther did. I'm the soft one that's why I'm still enduring. I pray that no one you know experiences what we have experienced

Before you comment, read carefully oga!

Shes the one that acts like a saint
Why is she fighting everybody around her.
Dont expect me(us) to act the way the boys act, they are hardly at home and they dont spend time the we I do with her.

You dont know us that's why. People always praise me( not that I'm righteous) and say I was well brought up. If I was stubborn and arrogant, why am i not a fighter every where i go. Read well before you judge biko

Thanks everyone

Moving out has always crossed my mind but when I go to meet people for advice, they always tell me to bear. That staying alone as a lady does not paint a good picture of me. But it's getting out of hand year by year.

And most times I emotionally immature but I just cover myself up for people not to understand anything about me

She said when she gave birth to me she died and woke up. Is that why shes treating me with extra wickedness. Sometimes she even says I came into this world to kill her but her head was stronger than mine that is why she came back

Hi everyone

I'm 28 years of age and I'm female
In the book of ephesiand there's a verse that says children should obey their parents , but there is also another verse that says there that [/b]Parents should not provoke their children[b]

I'm open to criticism but put yourself in my shoes.

My mum is a pastor but at thesame time very very toxic person. My dad (bless his soul) has been seen has a bad person at home, it was not until I started looking at her toxicity apart from me that I knew that my dad wasn't has bad has she painted

She does and says everything she feels is favourable to her, then she puts it as that is what God wants. She literally calls herself God most times. Like when she wants you to do what she wants, she will say you are disobeying God that you will die.

When I was much younger I had depression which I've not recovered from till today both mentally and physically. I had no belief in myself, neither did I have a personality. It didn't make a sociable person, for example when I have a quarrel with other folks or even my younger siblings I end up crying.

She uses words that a mum shouldn't use on her children, she curses her children. She narrates how she has been suffering ti feed you since you were born , how she has clothed you , how she has sent you to you, she will always ask if you can repay her? Like why would she make such statements, did i ask to be born?

The one that will baffle you most is that as old as I am, she still physically abused me, she beats me even at this age. Last week she injured me near my eyes and the blood I lost was much. Several times I've wanted to report her but she will later manipulate me with words because she is manipulative also. She acts like okay at times just for you to listen to her , to things that had gone down in her life. But if I tell her things about my life she will use it against me tomorrow. So I usually keep my happenings to myself and just listen to her. It is still her that will be crying and saying that she takes us as friends but we dont tell her about our lives.

We are not in contact with our dads family, even her own family because of her as she is fighting them. Ever since childhood she has been narrating bad things about them to us, even encouraged us to not greet them whe they were still living with us in thesame compound.c

She fights everybody , even neighbors when she doesnt get what she wants.

And the problem is that she is extra toxic to her girl children. My elder has left the house for long and doesn't talk to her at all, she even got married without my mum attending her wedding(me and my elder sister do not share thesame father). She did not attend her mothers burial because of that quarrel she had with her family and she is the first daughter. My younger sister( thesame father) got intentionally pregnant without wedlock just to leave the house. I'm the only girl child at home now and my own level of tocixtiy is just 100
Na me suffer pass everybody. She never listens to anyone or take advice on anyone on how to discipline her children with love and not with violence.

She doesn't respect a child. Even tho I give her almost half if my salary every month, she doesnt give me a single respect. She abuses me in front of my younger brothers and their friends.


There is nothing I do that pleases her. She will use what has happened for years to still judge you, repition upon repition. She doesnt truly forgive and forget. She expects you to always do everything to her liking, forgetting you are human. She lays false accusers on me when reporting me to people , things I did not even dream of doing. She lies on me. One moments she loved you, the next day she hitting and beating you like a goat. And whether you are wrong or not , after physically and verbally abuse you, she will still expect to kneel down and beg her like God, forgetting she hurt you also.


When my dad was still alive, whenever she starts with me my dad will not make a single speech, If he does she will face him head on.
She brings her family matter to the church and preaches it like a sermon only for the members to be treating you as a bas person. She made me not to believe in God, I'm just gradually recovering from all those.

I've left the house bedorebeause of all these. But she manipulated me into coming back', crying and saying she was not able to wat

But honestly, with the way she injured me this last time, I've lost all fear fro her. At this moment we are not crossing paths. When I greet she doesnt answer me, whenever she is praying, she is abusing me saying all sorts of evil in her mouth while praying. Which Christian does that, not to talk of a pastor.
Shes still looking for ways to make trouble with me but I'm avoiding her. I don't fear her anymore. She stopped us from wearing jewelry when I was 16, but now she has made me stubborn. I'm wearing jewelry in the house and shes saying all sort of evil against me , but I dont really care

I dont think I can continue staying her. The boys dont have much problem with her. She gives them once in a while. But the girls is too frequent. P.s I'm not a bad person, I have never had a fight with anyone before, just misunderstanding here and there which is unevitable.


I want to move out, I'm not buoyant enough but as long as I have peace and mental sanity I dont mind. Because even though we resolve It today( which she will make me beg for days as if she is God) . A worse scenario will come up again

What do you think?

Let me use this medium to share mine OP

My own mother is a pastor and TOXIC as toxicity is concerned. Well I cant state everything but I will point out a few. I'm 28 years but this my mum even hits me at times. I dont quarrel with her, mind you, I only try to explain my self, last week she hit me close to my eyes and if you see the amount of blood that came out, it was much that dsy
I'm not badmouthing my mum but the things she does is just out of it. I'm mostly the one that do most of the chores at home, still yet she says everytime that I'm doing it with my whole heart, says I'm the one that suppose to train my younger ones how to do chores from the beginning. She can just wake up early in the morning after morning devotion and start using I'll words on me, I repeat EARLY IN THE MORNING, I just end up hating myself for the whole day like I'm trying to come out of my low- self esteem like this. In presence of my younger brothers' friends she can abuse me anyhow she likes, in the church thesame thing. My elder sister(but from different father) cut ties with her to this day. My younger sister purposely became pregnant out of wedlock just to leave the house not only is she toxic , she also makes trouble. While my father was alive I had witnessed in many cases also with my step siblings and neighbors

I know I'm not perfect , I have my flaws as a human but when my mum verbally abuse you, it can make you commit suicide which i was considering a a certain time in my life cos i was feeling worthless without self love. And the funniest part is that after she does this, she still expects you to kneel down and beg her like she is god. She even refers herself to God most times, she believes she does nothing wrong, shes mrs perfect aka God.

For those you who might point me wrong, what kind of person cut off ties from her family and her husband's family and forbid any form of relationship between we the children and her family or my dads family. Even neighbours, she is the explanation of what a troublemaker is. Sorry to say, its makes me hate religious people cause she calls herself a pastor even a prophet. Sometimes she acts okay before you know she switches it up and this has been going on since my childhood

I'm planning of moving out but I'm afraid cause even though I try I'm not sure I'm there yet to be able to pay part rent outside but at thesame time it's worth the risk

[b][/b] So let me start from the very beginning
My mum is a pastor,she started her church when I was 9 years old. So I and my sister have been using all sorts of jewellery since then up until I was like 18 or 19 sha,after listening to those videos that reigned back then of some people who've died and resurrected,they having experiencing heaven and hell came back to earth to supposedly list what God forbids there and all that. Things like women wearing trousers,women putting on trousers jewellery,attachments,weavon,etc sha. So after watching this video,my mum just woke up one sunday and asked every woman in the church including her mum to take off every jewelry they had on. Omo,I thought it was a one day something
Well,after some years sha,everybody returned to their earrings and all sha,including my grandmum,because we relocated with the church back to Lagos. That's how I've been till now and I'm 27 years,the thing is bothering me because I like being fashionable. I can do without the trousers o but give me earrings please.With my strong head I do attachments,wigs and even light make up now but the jewelries is what I want next. I hate it when people do call me SU . The funny thing is that my mum is really strict and she likes dictating our lives for us.
So when I go to work,i do put on necklace and when i close about getting home i take it off. I've brought up the topic several Tim's but she's always against it,but it's really bothering me .,its making people get the wrong perspective of the person I really am,should I prove stubborn and just go on with what I want?