₦airaland Forum

dicefrost:
This article will stir up ugly emotions, I ll be attacked and derided for holding an unpopular view, and not being politically correct. Hence, I would like to start with a disclaimer. First, I respect women a lot. I do not see them as second class citizens. I am not a chauvinist, and this is not a deliberate attempt to court controversy. I only wish to say the hard truth without being prosaic about it. That said, the ugly truth must be told no matter how acerbic.


The recent gender Equality bill that was thrown out from the senate generated a raucous reaction from women all over Nigeria. Female Celebrities where quite ostentatious in their support, everyone had something to say in support of the bill. It became a crime to be on the other side. I for one, I am against discrimination in any form. But I find this gender equality struggle to be quite confused, disorderly and inconsistent with the pattern of behavior of our women who are themselves champions of the course. Certain questions would need to the extricated and answered punctiliously without bias.

Are Nigerian women really discriminated against?


This is not Iran or Saudi Arabia, our Constitution secures the rights of everyone without bias for sex. What is open to me is open to any Nigerian woman. Granted, we are fresh from a generation where women were denied education, where it was erroneously believed that a woman's place is in the kitchen. We also had traditions and customs that prevented widows from access to their late husband's properties. But all those have become obsolete. Education and a little 'westernization' has changed our way of life. There are as many girls as there are boys at all levels of education today. Nobody is denied admission into any program on grounds of gender. Women are appointed into public offices, they head co-operations and institutions. The vice chancellor of my university is a woman. So I ask again, are women really discriminated against?



Have women somehow placed themselves at a disadvantage?

A fastidious look at our society today will reveal an eerie truth; women are behind. But who is to blame? Is it men? Is it women? Or is it the society at large?. Granted, there is equal opportunity for all, but have our women utilized the opportunity? Let us take a look at education for instance. At the undergraduate level in our universities, there is an even mix of males and females, all given the same opportunity to aspire and excel. But look beyond the undergraduate level, how many female professors are there compared to the males? How many University vice chancellors are females compared to the males? How many female billionaires can you identify?. Has any law or institution prevented women from reaching out to these enviable positions? The answer is No! Then why are our women still lagging behind? Its simple, that is just how our women are wired. Place a boy and a girl side by side, and watch how their lives unfold. At graduation, a boy is worried about the future, he wants to carve out his own path, he thinks about how to make money and raise a family, he has goals and dreams to pursue, marriage is only a compliment to his achievement . But an average Nigerian girl is mostly only worried about finding a successful man and getting married. Hence, the boy is more likely to pursue academics further, or chase a personal dream. But when your immediate dream is to get married, you tend to chase everything else passively. Granted, their are exceptions. I know some women who are quite ambitious and a little boisterous. But those are just the exception. For the majority, the moxie simply isn't there to chase any dream. When they eventually marry, a lot of dreams become unachievable.

Marriage is another institution in which women feel suppressed and dominated. But who do we blame for this? Remember we are in a country where religion controls lives and thinking. The major religions in Nigeria seem to have one definite organogram for marriage, whereby the man is the head of the family and the final decision maker, while the woman is a supporter or helper. There is no equality in marriage, at least that is what the Bible and the Koran teach. Hence, if a woman has a problem with this belief or practice, it would amount to a faux pas to subject herself to marriage under those laws. You cannot voluntarily subject yourself to the laws of the church or mosque and thereafter turn around to fight those laws. As an alternative, if a woman wants equality in a marriage, she should look for a suitable partner, a man who shares similar belief and values, and is willing to cede control and embrace equality. Such issues must be discussed and clarified before tying the knot to avoid personality conflict, while the marriage should be contracted without religious interference. However, If you choose to marry a typical Nigerian man, who believes he should be the head of the family, then be ready to live accordingly, or quit the marriage.




What did nature design?

Look closely at the physical, emotional and psychological make up of a man and a woman, the inequality is obvious. They were never created to be equal. The man was created to be the dominant specie, the provider and protector. While the woman whom the bible likened to a 'weaker vessel' was created to be a helper, one who should be loved, cherished and cared for. The physiology of both gender clearly shows this difference. Can you compare the physical strength and stamina or emotional make up of a man to a woman of the same age or even slightly older?. There is a question I usually ask feminists; in the advent a humanitarian crisis, why are women and children rescued first? Why are they the primary concern? Even in your own home, if you have to send someone out into a dangerous neighborhood at night, who would it rather be? your 19years old son or 22 years old daughter?. In the western world where feminism and gender equality has taken roots, has the gap between males and females been bridged? Have females become as prominent as males in all spheres of life? Let us tell ourselves the hard truth, nature created the inequality and man cannot change it.





What do women really want? Equality or Preferential treatment?

You would hear women complain about how there are not enough women in politics, to the extent of demanding that 30percent of political appointments be reserved for women. Have you ever heard women complain about the number of women in the military?. When we use to have coal mines, our Labour laws prohibited women from working in the mines. But they never complained, and they never will. Women would demand equality in marriage, but how many women would walk up to a man they love and propose to him, and then spend their own money to arrange a wedding?. A man would naturally just marry a woman he loves, irrespective of her background and current financial state. But how many women in our time would marry or even date a jobless man, say an undergraduate, and accept to finance the relationship? They will be quick to tell you how the man is suppose to be the provider, and care for her. In fact, some of our women see marriage as a poverty alleviation program. That is why they will not settle for less. Most of our female undergraduates will not consider dating a classmate or age mate, because they want someone who is above them, but they will later demand for equality. Is it not hypocrisy? Even the feminists will still prefare to marry up the ladder. What women are after today is not really equality, it is power and control, but blame them not, the tyranny of men has become unbearable. Women must feel the need to cease power and exert revenge.


What do women need?

Our women must realize that equal treatment is not always fair. Sometimes equality or equal treatment is dangerous to the weak. Will our women like to dominate the military? Will they be willing to sacrifice their 'maternity leave' and work all round like men? Will they be ready to become breadwinners and providers in the family? Are they willing to initiate marriages and pay 'groom's price? and thereafter finance the wedding? Granted, some women do these things today. But as mentioned earlier, those are exceptions, and hardly the norm. Gender equality is only achievable on paper, but not practicable, even for the women. What women really need is not equality under law, but protection under law. Women need to be protected from the tyranny of men who have over stretched their bounds, and assumed more authority than God had bestowed. As the weaker gender, laws should be passed to protect women from abuse and discrimination, and that is what that bill should be about. But it was erroneously called a 'gender equality bill' what it ought to be is 'a bill to protect the rights of women'


dicefrost.
lalasticlala I haven't been in front for a while.
vinshu
tpiar

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I see you respect women and you aren't a chauvinist but what I find is that most Nigerian men are ignorantly sexists and chauvinists. There was a recent poll that was conducted on social media recently where everyone was asked if they would want the same marriage their parents had and the women said, "God forbid". The men said they would. I wonder what those men will say same if the roles were reversed and they are asked to take their mothers' roles. The men see their parents' marriages through their fathers' eyes and the women empathize with their mothers'.

You see, many Nigerian men experience what the western world calls, Male privilege. You are not a woman so you will not know. & for the women who are against gender equality, they remind me of slaves who when they gain freedom, they are content with just anything as long as they aren't in chains. Meanwhile, they are still oppressed in many ways.
The question you ask reminds me of the White Americans who always claim racism was in the pre-1960s and does not exist today. They will not know unless they have black skin.

Now, before you wrote your post, you should have looked into the meaning of gender equality. It does not mean that men and women are same biologically. It does not even favour just 1 gender but many people just assume it favours women because it's new & different. Must be because of the male privilege which you have enjoyed since.

"Gender equality, also known as sexual equality, is the state of equal access to resources and opportunities regardless of gender. It is achieved through gender neutrality and gender equity"

So the equality bill was thrown out from the senate by a majority of male politicians who think like you, right? Men who marry underage girls, are polygamous and probably beat up their wives. How will this bill favour them really? It is funny that you applaud them when we all know they are all a bunch of airheads anyway.

As an alternative, if a woman wants equality in a marriage, she should look for a suitable partner.
This is right but the education and advocacy for equal opportunity is to let many men unlearn their bad habits. Do you know I was discussing with many men on Twitter today who claimed women are beaten in their marriages because they should know when their man is angry and keep quiet. So these men think women deserve to be beaten for talking back when arguing with their spouses? They believe it's their right to discipline their women. What about these women? Can they not get angry as well? Is anger a male privilege? Or is talking back not the essence of an argument? Do men not talk back to each other and in bars? They believe being the head of the family means you can discipline your woman like a child. Do you know the shocking number of men who think this way?
So let's say a woman cannot find an ideal man and remain single, it's still the same society which will label her an outcast and insult her for being single. Remember if a man is single, he's a korrect playa!

You cannot voluntarily subject yourself to the laws of the church or mosque and thereafter turn around to fight those laws.
Are you Nigerian? Are our leaders cheating us out of what we deserve? Do you think we deserve better? I can turn the tables around and ask you why you voluntarily subject yourself to no electric power, weak educational system, bad roads etc but still turn around to fight those laws.


Are Nigerian women really discriminated against?
Do you know they'd give more men jobs because employers know women will get pregnant and go for maternity leave. Sometimes, you have to sign a clause that you would not get pregnant in 2 years. Men don't have that problem at all.
You claim there are many female bosses around but I ask you to sincerely tell me if you think many organizations would not rather promote men than women, irrespective of capabilities.
Also, do you know what it means to me a career woman and have a family? A man can afford to take off for months on a business strip but not a woman.

Record number of male billionaires
The world started being patriarchal. Men had the upper hand while the women kept homes (you said so yourself) and probably still do, so it's no surprise they're still ahead financially. We will get there but 1st, it's not a competition. All we ask is that you do not impose limits on us. Let us see the world like babies and take advantage of every opportunity to grow.

Have women somehow placed themselves at a disadvantage?
The society already placed women at a disadvantage. If a Nigerian woman is brought up overseas, she might not see marriage as a priority and might actually give all she can to be the best she can be. I know a woman whose husband works in Shell who also started working in Total but was asked by her husband to become a housewife. The person who told me this story said he knows this woman regrets that decision today. I once had a discussion with 4 Nigerian men here in Canada and they were asking me why I will want to work when my husband might want be to become a housewife. So my dear, many Nigerian women are already placed at a disadvantage when they are born. Not all have the willpower to fight their parents. I know I gave up at a point and became the perfect home keeper to please my mom. I did chores while my brothers played games or slept. The only way I could get away from chores was if I was reading but even then, I had to be in the kitchen to prepare every meal.
Also, many of our women who are capable also hold themselves back in many ways. Have you seen women who are scared to buy cars or houses because they will scare off men? Do you think this is the only way they hold back? Do you see how the society has conditioned them to do everything for marriage. Gender equality tries to fix that.

What did nature design?
Nature designed men and women differently. Your asking this question reinforces the fact that you do not understand what gender equality means. Gender equality does not challenge nature. Women are not asking to produce sperm or get into the boxing ring with Mike Tyson. There is a reason why we have different tournaments for male and females. I have never seen any female advocating to contest in Mr Universe pageant, play soccer with Barca or challenge Mike Tyson. We understand that. That is not what gender equality is about. However, there are areas that do not depend on biology. Men are physically stronger but I'm yet to see proof that women are more or less intelligent than men.

What do women really want? Equality or Preferential treatment?
Believe it or not we want equality. We should not have to be told what we can do or not do. The fact you wrote this hefty article to define our limitations is what is wrong with your mindset and why we need gender equality. The world tells us to go be the best we can be, but men like you tell us, "No, you are women. You cannot be this or that because of this or that". Just let women be. Let them succeed or fail. At least, let them find out.

What do women need?
We need the same human rights that everyone expects, fights for and has.

I started writing on this issue on my blog and while doing my research, I came across your post and had to reply.
http://onegeria.com/2017/06/gender-equality-affects-men.html