₦airaland Forum

@Olowojeje
Thanx so much for your encouragement. I understood the need for you to use such harsh words on you, the most important thing is that no matter how hrash it was,you communicated to me which I really appreciated. You are indeed a good brother.

Thank u all for ur wonderful pieces of advice and opinions. I must admit some of them are really hard on me but its all good 4 it goes to show how U felt about my foolishness in dat relationship.

@ KX
i just crossed 30 so agewise i'm not as young as u thought; just that I foolishly trusted the girl and dats me sha. I dont believe in escapades, games and maltreating ladies.I neva had any cause to regret in my past relationships except 4 dis which i almost took to d alter but I believe God used all these to tell me severally even while I seemed not 2 understand initially that she is not my wife.

@Olowojeje,
Thanks for the "insult", I might have goofed but my head is not really brainless.All the same thanks 4 hitting it very hard on me,It depicts the dissapointments u felt concerning my action.

@Yehmey
Thanks so so much for ur understanding. I have already moved on with my life.I concluded that having done all 2 make it work and still find mysef where i am,we are not meant to be married. As a christian, I have 4given her and 4given myself too 4 acting so blindly/foolishly;we are just casual friends now.

Another funny thing is that the parents are aware that things are cloudy between us(tho i dont know the extent of what she told them), none of them has considered it wise to call me to find out my side irrespective of what their daughter might have told them.

Thanks you all, keep the advice coming cos they re making me stronger each day.

@salsera
Thanks so much, i know i'm far better off without her.I'm already moving ahead but rememba me seriously in ur prayers.I have alredy overcame and i know God will restore unto me all the years the locust , cankerworms and the caterpillars have eaten.

Thanx you all for all ur advice, i'm receiving them with open minds and they are really transforming me

@No2Atheism
Thanks so much for such a wonderful advice, i'm most elated ,ur piece of advise is valuable to me and quite expository. Wut i narrated is nothing short of the truth, infact I had 2 remove some details since d story is getting too long.

@pinky lady
Thanx, i was made to luk like a fool for meeting the parents.
I asked her one day wen d issue came up that if i dont meet ur parents now 2 advice u, is it wen we get married that is beta 2 meet them?

@poshangel ;
please read my story over again, I didnt say the "only thing" that hurt me is d parent's pretence.I narrated wut happened btw us seeking to know where i faulted,wut i narrated is nothing short of the truth,i'm even brief in order not to bore u.Did i condemn her all around? definitely there are so many gud things about her, she can cook very well, she is a gud home keeper etc but the very bad thing about her is a critical  that is tolerable,no man wants to share her woman with any1 else.

@Ejike3
I dont want to fool maself again in d presence of her parents and sibblings,they will surely think I just want to tarnish the image of their daughter.It wont cause me any trouble in d future cos I'm picking the pieces of my life and move ahead.

@bblacky
God bless u man, hyper is not my portion, I communicate my problems to God all the time and HE always sends me help from the sanctuary.

@izeek
Dont really understand ur last post

@Feelitx
I didnt tell the parents the whole truth and she continue saying that I disgraced her, U can imagine the rest, I'm even wondering that if I had told the parents the whole truth, they wudnt have believed cos they trusted this girl to the last.Anytime I visit their home,the father always tell me how lucky he is to have brought up his children in the fear of God at a time like this wen children re going haywire;I always look and smiled cos they never knew wut they have at home.She has this innocent look that deceives anybody but its just God and the Spirit of God in me that helps all the time to expose all these.Funny enuf, she is d 1st daughter, 26 by june this year and the immediate younger sister married last year when she is rounding up her degree exams and she now has a son,she manipulates all of them to support her in wuteva she does.

I agreed I must have trusted her so much but wut is d essence of relationship if total trust is missing.Everybody in my family knows her,my friends even my club meeting.

@teeowl;
pls dont tivialise this issue cos its my life.If U cant read thru it,just leave d post.Do u think its easy 4 me to post leaving my job this morning, i told U i'm a chartered accountant meaning i have serious work on a monday morning, but wut is work without sound mindset? pls i beg of u

@noetic;
My work is so engaging from mon to sat that i barely have close friends,besides I didnt tell the distant ones cos i i really want to settle down and tot i cud work it out but now i know beta

Thanks to you all for the wonderful comments.I'm greatly encouraged. I need ur prayers also cos it hast been easy for me since the day.

@izeek
I understand under normal circumstance its not gud to have read d text,If i didnt read those texts, how wud I have known of her hideous acts, I dont jst pick up her phone to read her texts, i do that weneva my instincts directs and trust me, i will always see something appaling.Thanx all the same.

She even told me last nite that she narrated wut happened that caused the 1st breakage(as in the D & C)  to her friends and all of them told her that no matter wut happened that I dont have any right to come and tell the parents anything. I'm still wondering wut kind of friends she has.

Ladies, cud this be true that my meeting the parents to advice her to sit up with the relationship is could be condemnable by both parents and all her friends?

helo nairalanders, just joined this forum and saw how some of u guys provided candid opinions to topical issues, what i'm about to share with U is happening to me rite now and I desparately need your advice, criticism or condemnation where U feel I went wrong.I used to hear of this and wave it with a hand till now.

I dont know why I shud find myself in this kind of mess but I thank God 4 everything,but I pray that God helps me to pull thru it, learn the lessons and forge ahead in life.I prayed to God for a submissive & God fearing wife but wut i passed thru is far from my prayers.I'm a young chartered accountant by profession working with an indigenious oil firm,I'm not wealthy but I'm comfortable believing God 4  advancement in llife.I'm always faithful in relationships but I hate lies in wuteva form

It all started in 2nd quarter of 2006 when i met a lady that was preparing to go for her NYSC programme,When I enquired about her relationship status,she explained that she wasnt in any serious relationship and with that we started. I trusted everything she said and b4 d year ran out,I proposed to her and she wholeheartedly accepted, I then told her to concentrate on the relationship and avoid every distraction and temptation since she is away on youth service.

When she came to Lagos on break from NYSC, i found out that a particular number was calling her always,when I enquired,she told one of such stories that there was nothing going on, that this particular guy gave him a lift from NYSC camp to her place of primary assignment and since then the guy has been a kinda pest,she said I shud trust her to which I did since that is what any relationship is all about, I even had to call the guy in her presence to stay away from causing damage to our relationship.

She travelled back to her place of primary assignment and by the time she returned again some months later,this same guywas calling her,when I asked her why this same guy, she said she just ran into the guy at the park when she was returning to Lagos.Surprisingly, two days later I saw a love text she sent to the guy,she pleaded for 4giveness and I forgave and warn her to stay clear henceforth,to which she made a firm promise to do.
About four months later, I travelled to the East during my annual vacation,we saw from time to time during that period.I woke up one morning to receive a shocking from this guy; the content of the text states " I am now through with your queen yo can now marry her,I f--ked her from back, front sideways and she is not even gud in bed,we have been living togeda like husband and wife since she came for youth service in this town but i'm now thru with her,tell her to return everything she spoilt in my house b4 she moved out.

I was confused,the problem with this lady is that she will never open up to u until she confirmed that she was actually caught red handed,anytime I suspect someting that will eventually turn out 2 be truth,she will say I shud learn to trust my lady.When I asked her about the text and cohabitation with the guy instead of her girl friend which she told me she was staying with, she denied and after i showed her the text from the guy she started crying and pleaded for 4giveness to which I 4gave and we forged ahead, few months after,her service year was thru and she returned to Lagos.

Back to Lagos, everything looks fine at the initial time till few months later when anoda number started calling her,she told me that the guy is a family friend,he comes to the house and the family members know the him,I agreed with her and told her to be careful cos my instincts doesnt deceive me.

We started searching for job for her, after few months,she was a bit sick but recovered afterwards.I went to her house one day,pick up her phone,we started dragging the phone from me,did everything she cud do 2 get bak d phone so that I dont access it, ordinarilly I wud have given up and left the phone 4 her but cos of her despiration to get back d phone,my instinct told me to hold on to the phone cos there must be something she was hiding,she cursed me and my family, used her nails on me,pour me spittles but i still held on,she let go wen she got tired and find out there was no way that was going to get back to her without me accessing it.I then scrollled to her sent msgs folder,lo and behold, she was telling the guy that the abortion went on well thru D & C with no complications, she arrogantly thanked the guy for not caring after puting her in dat condition and guess what,it was the same "family friend guy" that I warned her about.It was like the ground shud open and swallow me, we broke the relationship and on my way home, i receive a text from her telling me that she thanked God 4 delivering her from my bondage.

i was to carry drink to see the parents the next weekend,I called the dad to tell him that i might not be able to come cos i will not be in town and he agrreed, i never told him what happened.Two days later I went to their house to pick a book that I gave which I needed urgently,I stood at the balcony to collect the book from her and neva went inside as usual,at the balcony,we talked 4 sometime and I left with the book.The dad called me d next asking why I didnt come inside and I told her that I will come and explained some things to him.probably she overheard d daddy and she call me 2 ask if i was coming to tell d dad that she commited an abortion, i told her i wont but that any reason I give d dad as the cause of the breakage in the relationship,she should accept it to which she agreed.

Later that evening,i went to their house and spoke to the parents,mildly telling them that I suspect their daughter is having an external affair,i said so many things including the fact that if i dint have a genuine love for her,i wont still be coming around considering everything that has been happening to which she is the sole cause,her mother defended her that the guy is a family friend(they never knew she has even had an abbortion for him till today)

Eight weeks after precisely on her birthday,around July last year we got back again, she promised me never to do anything that will hurt the relationship again, I foolishly 4gave her and we went on till, there were still traces of lies/unfaithfulness here and there but i closed my eyes cos 1ce I mentioned any of such she will say it was becos of whut happened in d past " that i have seen her finish" so i soft pedalled on monitoring her.

Meanwhile, I took drink to the family last december to renew my intention to marry her to which the parents acted so happily and told me they get back to me and up till now, i never heard from them. I took my frient to their house on 18th April with anoda drink to remind them, the father apologised and told me that i will hear from them by mid of May

Early this year, I observed she was just talking with 2 guys always on phone, if she sends text to one of them, she will delete it and if they send to her, she will also delete it, I cautioned her and warned her to learn from the past.She travelled on gud friday (promised to come back on Easter monday but it was on Tuesday she returned)which happened to be my birthday to see her sister that put to bed in March this year, i pleaded with her to be by my side during my birthday but she refused.I had my reservation for her travelling at that time but since she was adamant, I allowed her.Just find out this past week that she actually slept in that guy's house in Owerri before going to Abakiliki to see the nephew,Yeterday,I asked her as usual,she denied till i proved it to her,she now agreed. It was then that I learnt the guy has even seen the mother and talked to the father about marrying her.

It was lastnite she told me that her parents never and her sibblings was not happy with the way i came to their house to tell them that I'm suspecting their daughter,I honestly did that so that the parents can advice her to change 4 gud if she is still interested in the relationship which is what is done in d eastern part of the country.

My fellow nairalanders, i'm tired of writing,who shud be annoyed here? Is it me that despite their daughter's unfaithfullness still came back to marry her or the parents that i didnt even tell what their daughter actually did as in d abortion,they see her as the best/nice daughter while they now see me as the devil but my annoyance is that they shud have told me that they are not accepting me instead of pretending all these while.

Please where did i go wrong? i need your candid opinion and prayers cos i'm really going thru unimaginable emotional pains rite now, I cudnt sleep last nite but I know God is working out the best 4 me. OVER TO YOU