BY REUBEN ABATI


What’s that sound I am hearing?”
“What sound?”
“I thought I heard something like miaow, miaow…”
“Oh my cats…oh yes…”
“Are you now breeding cats?”
“Not really. But I have just joined a group of concerned Nigerians who are planning to go to the Presidential Villa in Abuja to help sort out this issue of rats that invaded the President’s office and chased him out of his office as the BBC reported.”
“You mean you believe that story?”
“Nobody knows what to believe in this country anymore, but we are patriots and Baba’s loyalists, and we are determined to make our own contribution. Why don’t you join us?”
“To go and kill rats in Abuja?”
“Yes. Can’t you see that those rats are irresponsible elements? The President traveled for three months and they just took over his office, ate up the furniture in the office and now Baba has to work from home for 3 months while his office would have to be renovated, all at public expense.”
“How on earth would rats invade the President’s office?”
“You like to ask questions. Garba Shehu, the President’s spokesman and an experienced journalist who knows a story is not a story except it is accurate has told us that they are having a problem with rats in the Villa, who are you to doubt him? Have you been to the Villa before?”
“Yes.”
“So, join us. Those rats have crossed national red lines. They must be destroyed relentlessly because they are terrorists and criminals. They are in fact guilty of treasonable felony. What they have done is the equivalent of an attempted coup d’etat! We, the concerned citizens, will not take it. We have a duty to defend this democracy.”
“But why are you bothering yourself? The President has met with the Security Chiefs. And he gave them a marching order to ensure national security. They should know what to do”
“But did they obey the marching order? After their meeting with the President, the other day, they just addressed a press conference and returned to their offices. Not a word about the breach of national security by rats. I was shocked. I expected the service chiefs to march straight to the President’s office and deal with the rats with immediate effect. This is the problem. Baba has around him, people who are not ready to help his administration. Even the Generals, with all their epaulets and combat experience, are running away from common rats! You now see why some of us have decided to take up this matter as patriots?”
“I don’t think anybody will allow you to take cats into the President’s office, though. That may even be more of a threat to national security than the rats invasion.”
“Okay, what do you suggest, we go to the zoo and get lions, jackals, and hyenas to attack rats?”
“What will a lion do with rats?”
“That is my point. It is actually a job for cats. Rats flourish in the absence of cats. Don’t you know it is only when the cat is not at home that rats become bold enough to take over the house? As the Yoruba people put it, a i si nile ologinni, ile di ile ekute.”
“Abasi mbok. I could never imagine that a day will come when Okon Calabar will take over Nigeria’s seat of power.”
“Okon Calabar. Who is that?”
“Okon Calabar. That is what we call rats in Calabar. Okon Calabar is not an ordinary rat at all. It has the appetite of about ten men. Have you ever seen a rat that has a pot belly, the effect of pathological gluttony?”
“Jesus”
“That is Okon Calabar. Not even rat poison can kill it. And your cats had better be capable. Okon Calabar’s jaws are like this… strong, frightening. Ugh. In those days, Okon Calabar’s specialty was the family pot of soup. If you left your soup pot carelessly in the kitchen, Okon Calabar will lick all the soup and leave for you a clean pot. The real story is that Okon Calabar has very strong spiritual powers; it is an agent of demons and spirits.”
“Thank you. I think from now on, I will just be very careful. Anybody at all who bears Okon whether a rat or a human being… You now see why Baba had to abandon his office and work from home?”
“But is he actually working from home? I think he is working from the office.”
“The same office where the rats have taken possession?”
“I saw the photograph of the President’s meeting with the Service Chiefs. That is actually not the office in the residence. The office in the residence is small and private. I don’t know why we have to be told he is working from home, when he is actually using a second office which is part of his main office.”
“The people working for him say he is working from home, you say he is actually working from his office, another office. You and your over-sabi.”
“Well, I may be wrong. But the last administration extended the President’s office, by erecting in the green space between the President’s office and the residence, a mini-conference/banquet hall, which has a hall, a diplomatic reception room, a fully fitted kitchen, a Presidential office, a stage, a control room, a newsroom, and a broadcast room where the President can either record or have live broadcast.”
“They may have changed the design of things since you last visited the Villa. So you don’t know”
“But I saw the photographs in the media. The office in that Presidential office extension is just about 3 minutes walk from the residence. Once the President goes there to hold meetings, he is already effectively in the office. And in any case, was it even necessary to tell us the President is working from home or that rats have chased him away from his office? If they want to change furniture, let them do it. There is no point creating unnecessary news.”
“Your oversabi is getting too much these days.”
“Unnecessary news always generates unnecessary questions. Now, we have been told that N2 billion was actually earmarked for the cleaning and fumigation of the Villa. So, who is responsible for keeping the Villa rodent-free?”
“N4 billion actually. I hear Julius Berger is in charge of the maintenance of the Villa.”
“So, Julius Berger would have to explain to Nigerians how rats invaded the President’s office. Is it that they locked up the place and stopped cleaning it? Ordinarily, every part of the Villa must be kept clean every day. I still don’t believe this rat story. Rats in the President’s office? The BBC in its report was practically laughing at Nigeria. I imagine when next any foreign diplomat is posted to Nigeria, one of his briefing notes would be the need for him to watch out for rats in the Villa. Oyinbo people too like akproko.”
“Do you want to keep writing an essay on this matter or you want to join us? Any small thing, you will just start vibrating.”
“We need to raise questions. But since you insist that the rats story must be true, could that also be the reason why the Federal Executive Council meeting for this week was canceled?”
“I don’t think so. You should stop worrying about whether a Council meeting is held or not. It is not an issue. There is nothing in the Constitution that says FEC must meet every week or on any particular day. The President can choose to hold cabinet meetings on a- need-arises-basis. It is a matter of choice or style.”
“Okay, if I must join your rat-catchers gang, what is in it for me?”
“Must you always expect to be paid for every service rendered? We are a group of volunteer patriots going to Aso Rock to save it from rats. Oh when the saints/Go marching in/Oh, when the saints go marching in/Oh how I want to be in that number/When the saints go marching in/Oh when the drums begin to bang…/I want to be in that number…. Are you joining us?”
“Wait first. I think before we go to the Villa, we should take Lassa Fever vaccination as a form of protection and candidly, I think everybody in that Villa should be tested for Lassa fever. As you well know, rats are vectors of Lassa fever.”
“I don’t think this matter is that serious.”
“Still, it is better to take precautions. Doctors can be imported from either the UK or the US or the Medecins san frontieres can be called in to help.”
“We have doctors in Nigeria who can administer vaccination if need be.”
Rodents
“Which Nigerian doctors?”
“It is even the job of a nurse. Vaccination is a simple procedure.”
“If you want me to join the rat-catchers league of patriots, you will first arrange a trip for me to the UK to take a Lassa fever injection, and then I will be prepared.”
“Obviously, you are also afraid of the rats, so, you have to find an excuse to dodge. And to think I have a role for you in this all-important and urgent national assignment.”
“What role?”
“I want you to be our Pied Piper.”
“Pied Piper. What is that?”
“Don’t tell me you have never heard of the Pied Piper? The Piped Piper of Hamelin”
“No. Why should I know him? Does he know me too?”
“Kai. What are they teaching you people in school these days? And you go about pretending to be educated? Kai. Well, I can’t blame you. What should we expect when the universities are running epileptic programmes and the teachers are on strike almost every year?”
“Don’t insult me. What is your point?”
“Okay, I want you to be our Pied Piper, right? You will dress up colourfully, and play a pipe, a flute or a saxophone or a mouth organ, whichever one you can play. You will also carry our company colours”
“Are we a company and what has colours got to do with it?”
“We are a brigade. In military terms, a brigade is also a company. And when you go to war, you must carry your colors. That is another word for the flag. In this case, you will carry the Nigerian flag.”
“But music? Why the music?”
“The Pied Piper of Hamelin played music for the rats that invaded Hamelin in medieval Germany, and led them out of the city and thus saved Hamelin from an epidemic. But you are not going to play music for the rats in Aso Villa. No. No. No. Our strategy is different. We are not going to play music for those rodents and terrorists. We are going to destroy them. The punishment for treason in Nigeria is death, not music. You will play music for the kyanwas and muzuru, to motivate them.”
“And who are those?”
“Cats. Kyanwa- female cats; muzuru- male cats. We did some research and found that cats respond positively to music. No stone will be left unturned on this mission”
“So, how soon are we storming Aso Villa? The whole thing is beginning to look interesting to me.”
“As soon as we finish working out the logistics. See, our strategy is simple. The operation will be codenamed “Operation Kyanwa” by the Hamelin Brigade. The cats will attack and destroy the rats. Then we will fumigate the entire Villa. The furniture will be moved out and replaced. And by God’s grace, the President can return to his Main office, by this time next week, to continue the noble work of leading 190 million Nigerians, without any threat from irresponsible rats.”
“Brilliant”
“I take it that you are with us, then.”
“Ye-s s-ir. “

"Thank you. Let us go and teach the Okon Calabars of Aso Villa, a lesson. God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.”



Source: www.saharareporters.com/2017/08/23/aso-villa-and-audacity-rats-reuben-abati

Cc: Mynd44 lalasticlala seun Dominique

BaEnki:
Nice info shared Plurimi!

Thank you, sir!

Images of modern day Time Capsules:

Inscription on the time capsules

The exterior of the 1938 time capsule is die-
stamped with this message to anyone that
might stumble upon it prior to the scheduled
opening year of 6939:

"TIME CAPSULE OF CUPALOY,
DEPOSITED ON THE SITE OF
THE NEW YORK WORLD'S FAIR
ON SEPTEMBER 23,1938,
BY THE WESTINGHOUSE
ELECTRIC & MANUFACTURING
COMPANY. IF ANYONE
SHOULD COME UPON THIS
CAPSULE
BEFORE THE YEAR A. D. 6939
LET HIM NOT WANTONLY
DISTURB IT, FOR TO DO SO
WOULD BE TO DEPRIVE THE
PEOPLE OF THAT ERA OF THE
LEGACY HERE LEFT THEM.
CHERISH IT THEREFORE IN A
SAFE PLACE."

Photo credits: Wikipedia, Google.

The contents of Time Capsule I were recorded
in a Book of Record of the Time Capsule of
Cupaloy. The purpose of this book is to
preserve knowledge of the existence of the
time capsule for 5,000 years, and to provide
assistance to the people of the year 6939 in
locating and recovering it. More than 3000 copies of the book were distributed to museums, monasteries, and libraries worldwide. In order to avoid confusion
about the 1965 time capsule, a supplement
announcing Time Capsule II was sent to the
original 3,000 depositories of the 1938
edition.

If present-day methods of determining time are lost, future generations will be able to calculate the age of the time capsules using
astronomical data. In the year 1939, there
were two eclipses of the moon, falling on the
third of May and the twenty-eighth of October.
There were also two eclipses of the sun, an
annular eclipse on the nineteenth of April, the
path of annular eclipse grazing the North Pole
of the earth, and a total eclipse on the twelfth
of October, the total path crossing near the
South Pole.


Pic 1: Contents... Time Capsule 1. To be preserved for 5000 years.

Pic 2: Contents of Time Capsule 2

1965 Time Capsule II

Five main categories of objects were placed in Capsule II:

*Articles in common use

*Atomic energy

*Scientific developments

*Space

*Other

The "other" category included images of a
guest book signed by visitors to the
Westinghouse pavilion at the 1964 fair. Signers received tin pins, about 1.2 inches (30 mm) across (roughly the size of an American fifty-cent piece), stating, My name is in the
Westinghouse Time Capsule for the next 5,000 years. The book's pages were photographed onto acetate microfilm and placed into the time capsule. An exact duplicate of the capsule's articles resides at the Heinz History Center beside a replica capsule of Time Capsule I.

Pic 1: Replica's on display.

Pic 2: The original Time Capsule 2 on Display before immersion.

Replica's being displayed for public view. Both Time Capsules on display.

Capsule contents:
1939 Time Capsule I

Among the 35 small, everyday items placed
inside Time Capsule I were a fountain pen and an alphabet block set. Time Capsule I also contained 75 types of fabrics, metals, and plastics. Modern literature, contemporary art,
and news events of the twentieth century were recorded on a microfilm "Micro-File" for
placement in Time Capsule I; the "Micro-File"
holds over ten million words and a thousand
pictures, and has a small microscope for
viewing. There are also instructions included on how to make both a large microfilm viewer and a motion picture projector for the newsreels. Also included in the capsule were copies of Life Magazine, a kewpie doll, one dollar in change, a pack of Camel cigarettes, a 15-minute RKO Pathe Pictures newsreel, a Lilly Daché hat, and millions of words of text put on microfilm rolls which included a Sears Roebuck catalog, a dictionary, and an almanac. A variety of seeds were placed in the time capsule including wheat, corn, oats, tobacco, cotton, flax, rice, soy beans, alfalfa, sugar beets, carrots, and barley. The items in the capsule were selected to chronicle 20th century life in the United States.


During packaging of the contents, under the direction of representatives of the United States National Bureau of Standards, each object was examined to determine
whether it could be expected to last 5,000
years. In addition, care was taken to select items are not interactive and do not decompose into harmful gases or acids. Organic items (for example, seeds) were placed in sealed glass vials.

Five categories of objects were placed inside
Capsule I:

*Small articles of common use

*Textiles and materials (Assorted fabrics, Asbestos, Cloth etc..)

*Essay in microfilm = Books, Speeches, Encyclopedias, Critiques, Time tables, Circulars and 100 ordinary books of different specifications.

*RKO newsreel = The News Reel runs for 15 minutes. It comprises of significant scenes and sounds prepared into film by RKO-Pathe Pictures, INC. for the Time Capsule

*Miscellaneous items = Electric wall switch - Bryant Electric Company. Dollar bills, Silver Dollar, Half Dollar, Penny, Nickel, Dime's and Quaters.

Pic: Items to be preserved in the Time Capsule for 5000 years.

CONSTRUCTION:


The time capsules are bullet-shaped, measure
90 inches (2.3 m) in length, and have an
exterior casing of about 8.75 inches (22.2 cm)
in diameter. Time Capsule I weighs about
800 pounds (360 kg), while Time Capsule II
weighs about 400 pounds (180 kg).
Time Capsule I was made of a non-ferrous alloy called Cupaloy, created especially for this project. Designed to resist corrosion for 5,000 years! The alloy was made of 99.4%
copper, 0.5% chromium, and 0.1% silver. Westinghouse claims that Cupaloy has the
same strength as steel, yet will resist most
corrosion over thousands of years because it
becomes an anode in electrolytic reactions,
receiving deposits instead of wasting away like most iron-bearing metals. Time Capsule II was made of a stainless steel metal called Kromarc, supplied by U.S. Steel. Westinghouse Research Laboratories
determined, with extensive chemical testing, that this new super-stainless steel alloy would resist corrosion, much like the alloy used for Time Capsule I Invented by Frederick Charles Hull.

The contents of the time capsules were sealed inside an insulated, airtight, glass envelope with an interior diameter of 6.5 inches (17 cm) and a length of about 81 inches (210 cm).
The interior of the glass envelope of Capsule I
was filled with nitrogen, whereas Capsule II
was filled with the inert gas, argon. The term
"time capsule" was coined by George Edward Pendray for the 1939 World's Fair
Westinghouse exhibit in New York.

Pic 1: Scientists working on the 2nd Time Capsule.

Pic 2: See through/workings of the Cupaloy

It’s been 76 years since the time capsule was
buried and there are many objects of the original 100 that are already obsolete. Some of the items that we don’t use anymore: micro film and a micro-film reader, Dr. West’s Tooth Powder, a boy’s mechanical spring propelled toy car and a Kodak Bantam Camera. All these items were the newest of their time.

Some items that are in the time capsule that
have lasting power: an alarm clock, a 110 volt electric lamp with a 60 watt Westinghouse bulb, a nail file, a safety pin, tooth brush and a watch.

Pic 1: First Capsule immersed in 1939. In attendance; Executives of Westinghouse Electric and Manufacturing company.

Pic 2: Second Capsule immersed at the New York World Fair in 1964 (26 years later). In attendance, the new board of Executives at Westinghouse Electric and Manufacturing company.

In 1938 at the site of the 1939 World’s Fair in
New York, Westinghouse buried a 5,000 year time capsule. It is scheduled to be opened in the year 6963. It is located in the Westinghouse Pavilion of the fairgrounds in Queens, New York.

The Westinghouse Time Capsules are two
time capsules prepared by the Westinghouse
Electric & Manufacturing Company: "Time
Capsule I" was created for the 1939 New York
World's Fair and "Time Capsule II" was created for the 1964 New York World's Fair. Both are buried 50 feet below Flushing Meadows–Corona Park, the site of both world's fairs; the 1965 capsule was placed ten feet north of the 1939 capsule. The capsules are to be opened at the same time in the year 6939, FIVE Thousand years after the first capsule was sealed.
(https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westinghouse_Time_Capsules)

Pic 1: Westinghouse Pavillon. Queens, New York.
(1938)

Pic 2: Onlookers witnessing the event. (1938)

PROLOGUE: Excerpts From the book; Chariots Of The Gods.


"In 1965 the Americans buried two
time capsules in the soil of New
York so constituted that they could
withstand the very worst that this
earth can offer in the way of
calamities for 5,000 years. These
time capsules contained news that
we want to transmit to posterity, so
that some day those who strive to
illuminate the darkness
surrounding the past of their
forefathers will know how we lived.
The capsules are made of a metal
that is harder than steel; they can
even survive an atomic explosion.
Apart from 'daily news' the capsules
also contain photographs of cities,
ships, automobiles, aircraft and
rockets; they house samples of
metals and plastics, of fabrics,
threads and cloths; they hand down
to posterity objects in everyday use
such as coins, tools and toilet
articles; books about mathematics,
medicine, physics, biology and
astronautics are preserved on
microfilm.
In order to complete this
service for some remote and
unknown future race, the capsules
also contain a 'key', a book with the
help of which all the written
material can be translated into the
languages of the future