₦airaland Forum

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@LordReed, what's your take on women who return to wife-beaters?

PastorM:
@LordReed, what's your take on women who return to wife-beaters?

There is some sort of cultural context in which it seems inevitable and that is marriage is for better or for worse, including abuse. Also there is also the aspect of power dynamic that is usually skewed in favour of men. It compels some women to think the men have all the power and there is nothing they can do but submit to the abuse. It's an unfortunate situation that some people find themselves and do not wish to be in but don't have a way out of.

LordReed:
There is some sort of cultural context in which it seems inevitable and that is marriage is for better or for worse, including abuse. Also there is also the aspect of power dynamic that is usually skewed in favour of men. It compels some women to think the men have all the power and there is nothing they can do but submit to the abuse. It's an unfortunate situation that some people find themselves and do not wish to be in but don't have a way out of.

That's awful I'd rather be alone than endure such a marriage.

PastorM:
That's awful I'd rather be alone than endure such a marriage.

Sometimes it's not that simple, especially when the woman has become very dependent on the man financially or when the kids are still young.

LordReed:
Sometimes it's not that simple, especially when the woman has become very dependent on the man financially or when the kids are still young.

True. I probably think otherwise because of the society I live and the opportunities over here. God help all battered women.

PastorM:
True. I probably think otherwise because of the society I live and the opportunities over here. God help all battered women.

Even over there it still happens for people who think the resources to escape such a situation aren't available. "Where will I go with my children" is a common refrain the world over. Yeah let's help them any way we can.

I don't condone men beating their wives. But I find it puzzling when people support parents beating their kids. Both are acts of violence.
Children are weaker. They have no way of defending themselves. They can't divorce their parents.
Now if you wonder why some men beat their women, it because they suffered violence as kids. Violence begat violence.
When you beat a child, he grows to believe that you can beat anyone weaker than you be it a child or a wife.
There are a thousand better ways of correcting our kids.
Let eradicate violence from our homes.

tctrills:
I don't condone men beating their wives. But I find it puzzling when people support parents beating their kids. Both are acts of violence.
Children are weaker. They have no way of defending themselves. They can't divorce their parents.
Now if you wonder why some men beat their women, it because they suffered violence as kids. Violence begat violence.
When you beat a child, he grows to believe that you can beat anyone weaker than you be it a child or a wife.
There are a thousand better ways of correcting our kids.
Let eradicate violence from our homes.

Also you need to mention at school too where children are beaten, this should also stop

tctrills:
I don't condone men beating their wives. But I find it puzzling when people support parents beating their kids. Both are acts of violence.
Children are weaker. They have no way of defending themselves. They can't divorce their parents.
Now if you wonder why some men beat their women, it because they suffered violence as kids. Violence begat violence.
When you beat a child, he grows to believe that you can beat anyone weaker than you be it a child or a wife.
There are a thousand better ways of correcting our kids.
Let eradicate violence from our homes.

In a way I disagree. It is not fixed that a parent who suffered abuse as a child will continue to perpetuate it as an adult rather what I find is people who do not conscientiously decide to move away from the abuse continue to perpetuate it. A number of people have looked at their experiences as a child under abusive parents and decided they would make it different for their own children while others have thought that is just the way life should be. I happen to fall into the former camp, I don't beat my children but I am sternly firm when instructing them on what is right and wrong and so far so good, I don't need to beat them for them to obey my instructions.

I don't hit my children and kids are not beaten in schools over here. They dare not

LordReed:
In a way I disagree. It is not fixed that a parent who suffered abuse as a child will continue to perpetuate it as an adult rather what I find is people who do not conscientiously decide to move away from the abuse continue to perpetuate it. A number of people have looked at their experiences as a child under abusive parents and decided they would make it different for their own children while others have thought that is just the way life should be. I happen to fall into the former camp, I don't beat my children but I am sternly firm when instructing them on what is right and wrong and so far so good, I don't need to beat them for them to obey my instructions.

Not everyone that grew up in a violent home would end up becoming a violent person true. But it's far better to eradicate all forms of violence even if only a small percent of such kids become violent.
Not everyone that drinks becomes an alcoholic but if you never drink, you would never become an alcoholic. My point is, give your kids the best opportunity to grow violent free

MindHacker9000:
Also you need to mention at school too where children are beaten, this should also stop

True,

tctrills:
Not everyone that grew up in a violent home would end up becoming a violent person true. But it's far better to eradicate all forms of violence even if only a small percent of such kids become violent.
Not everyone that drinks becomes an alcoholic but if you never drink, you would never become an alcoholic. My point is, give your kids the best opportunity to grow violent free

I agree.