₦airaland Forum

hearttoheart001:
. If she complains I will turn deaf ears to it. After all, she wanted it

hearttoheart001:
. To be honest, I appear very gentle but I am not. A lot of people feel I am a gentleman but I know within me that I am very rudest if I am pushed. I believe I am a leader naturally so I don't go about shouting I am a king rather my doing should do the talking. I like to earn and command respect not trying to force it down on people. Maybe I should start acting like a bully

MrBrownJay1:
I don't think you should ever change, but at the same time, you should listen carefully to what your woman is saying here...

socialmediaman:
If she complains and you turn deaf ears, she shuts down and you lose the partnership and connection you were looking for… then the roller coaster. This is the time to figure things out with each other

LilMissFavvy:
All of your ladies sudden complaints, all boils down to the issue of finance. She is feeling worried and insecure. From the description of yourself seen above, very few ladies would have issues with you in a relationship or marriage. She seems to be a very smart woman and must be considering if it will be wise/worth it to continue to stand by you, waste more years, miss other suitors, etc. Or do you think your woman doesn't know how ungrateful most men* are? After she stays put, will you not later in the future feel you are doing her a favour when you realize she is getting older? When you come here the "evening newspaper men's association abusers*" of nairaland will tell you to dump her, that she didn't contribute anything, that there is nothing like "I stood by him till he made it".

Sit your woman down and make her understand that you are for real/ your intentions. From the description of your story, you have a very beautiful relationship, the issue you brought here is very minor. Work hard and improve your finances. If she's smart, I believe she will hold on and not allow the trying times/financial challenges to make her quit.

hearttoheart001:
. She seems not to understand my intention and I don't know how to make her understand.

Kelechi009:
Hearttoheart001 you sound exactly like this person: real matters a few days ago

Why do you keep creating different users?

GboyegaD:
Try to break it further down and ask questions as you go past each point. You could ask her to tell you what she thinks of each point and that way, you know if you guys are communicating.

Nicklaus619:
This Is why I shove red pills down the throat of simping dudes

Op, you simp around your woman and no real woman wants that, you act weak and sissy and she find that disgusting, she don't see you as a man that can protect her, women want guys that can protect them and they feel like a queen around them,

Women secretly wish to be rude while with their man because they know their man can protect them, but when u seek your lady opinion and always beein a sissy around her, it disgust her

Have u asked your self why girls prefer bad guys,

That's because they feel that the bad guy will never let no one touch them even if Nah them find trouble

That's every woman's wish, they need a protector and assurance all Time. Make some more money, Hit the gym op and change your orientation this year about women, good luck

Be an Alpha-Swallow the Pill, the colour is Red

missimelda01:
First she said you should work on your financial life, now you're not assertive enough...I think you should focus on making more money and becoming successful, that's her major issue with you.
When a man becomes rich, there's always an increase in self confidence and that doesn't mean he has to be authoritative, commanding and rest.

Op you don't need all those negative traits to be ‘in charge’ of your relationship and if your girlfriend wants a toxic person, let her go and find him elsewhere.

hearttoheart001:
I don't expect her to be an equal partner in terms of spending. She can help out whenever she feels she needs to. Things will fall in place sooner than I expected because I am working towards it. I only need a little more time. I wish you could relax and appreciate my efforts.

hearttoheart001:
I and my lady has a very beautiful relationship that will lead to marriage not too distance time. I like having an open conversation with my lady. She is free to clear the air with me in all things. I see her as a friend, companion, team player, queen, and lover.

In one of our conversations, my girl told me I tick all her boxes like 80% but I should work on my financial life. I also believe in a traditional way of marriage where a man provides and protects his home. Granted I have made some not too good choices and I throw money away. This affects my pocket which my girl step in at some point. Due to covid 19, all senior non-essential staff was let off. I am without a job at the moment, while looking for a job or travelling to an outside country, I decided to position myself to earn big by learning a skill apart from a school degree. I am neck-deep into the skill and I know something good will come out of it.
My girl does have this feeling that I won't be able to provide for her, even though I am a good person according to her. I keep pushing it to assure her that she will be happy with me. Both of us have made a lot of sacrifices, I don't intend to leave the relationship.




What leads me to create this thread. I was having a conversation with her, she told me I am not "Assertive enough". I was a bit shocked. I intend to build a home where my wife is an equal partner but I am the head, my wife co-decision maker, my wife as a friend not subordinate, I am to be loved by my woman not feared. I understand Assertive to be:1 Confident 2. Forceful 3. self. confident 4. Positive 5. bold 6. Decisive
7. Assured 8. commanding 9. Authoritative 10. Dominant 11. Pushy 12. Pushful. 13. Domineering. 14. Determined.


To the best of my knowledge, I know I am decisive (though I seek her opinion on any issue to carry her along), I have built enough self-confidence but I respect people's boundaries and choices. I may be a very private person but I am bold, daring, and positive.
I never want to be pushy, authoritative, domineering, and forceful in my relationship or marriage. I want her to love me not to fear me. So I am surprised by her word. I will like to know what she means and how to make a necessary change. I notice some lapses in our relationship but I choose to allow it to slide because I want us to enjoy the serenity surrounding our relationship.

I have asked her if she wants me to be a NIGERIA KIND OF MAN not An Ideal kind of man in the relationship, she gladly says yes. So if I am an Authoritative man, pushy kind of man, domineering man, controlling and commanding man, will it help my relationship? Is there something she is telling me or I need to know? Please I need all the advice from people who are in a relationship or marriage. I am completely disturbed. I need that bashing and advice. Thanks

Everyone who has worked with me does say I am bossy, I am principled, I am a perfectionist. I never wanted my lady to feel that way. I accept most of her flaws, I only wanted to make a friend out of her.

I intend to show her this thread so we can both learn from it.

Acidosis:
You've been reading too many tales from Nairaland feminists. They come online to lie about how they want to be equal heads or partners and decision makers in their home but deep down and in their respective homes, the husband makes 80% of critical and key decisions.

Your lady is real. She's spoken the mind of at least 90% of Nigerian ladies.

You might need to re-evaluate the essence of that relationship based on the other issue (financial). Personally, I don't accept pressure from anyone. If you feel you're under some form of pressure, you should do some evaluation. Make it financially at your own pace. You no come this world to come serve woman.

hearttoheart001:
I am trying to avoid flatmate or live inmate in the future. Hope she can really handle what she is asking for?

Erums:
Assertive means... You are not hitting money making opportunity... Stop fucking around.. Get by he strap.... Get.money and be assertive

yuping:
She want you to always stand your ground, makes decisions by yourself, when a man always ask opinion from a lady (always) some women don't like it. Some lady just prefer a relationship you argue about things but I think you prefer to avoid argument which makes it boring.

hearttoheart001:
. Like me being, the boss, authoritative, controlling, and domineering right?

Bigcowhorn:
Yes.

I'm that way precisely.
Very controlling and dominating, bossy WHEN ROBBING PEOPLE

Kriss216:
[b][/b]
You see all these in a Nigerian girl


You seriously need an Optician asap!

ozonechrome:
Only poor men think all there is to being a man is money.

What happens when you meet a woman that has more money than you do?

hearttoheart001:
I know it is not do or die affair but we have come a long way. 2 years in it. A lot of sacrifices. There was a day I went to pray for myself, the man of God told me I am having a double mind in my relationship. Truly I was. An African American agree to relocate me for a job but I will make a baby with her. I thought about it and how my girl will feel. The man of God said I should not hurt an honest and caring woman who love me. That evening I told the lady, I am in a relationship. Leaving is not the solution, I believe we can make it work.

Acidosis:
You've been reading too many tales from Nairaland feminists. They come online to lie about how they want to be equal heads or partners and decision makers in their home but deep down and in their respective homes, the husband makes 80% of critical and key decisions.

Your lady is real. She's spoken the mind of at least 90% of Nigerian ladies.

You might need to re-evaluate the essence of that relationship based on the other issue (financial). Personally, I don't accept pressure from anyone. If you feel you're under some form of pressure, you should do some evaluation. Make it financially at your own pace. You no come this world to come serve woman.