₦airaland Forum

Depressionkill:
Thank you all for ur comments, I didn't take any for granted! I have learnt one or two lessons from everything said so far. Truth is, I don't care about him coming back/fulling his promises or not, if he comes back, he should go to his mother I don't want trouble in my life. I'm just pained that he put me through so many pains and I got into this massive debts because he wasn't "alive" to his responsibilities....... No be man matter be my problem now, even my side hustle which greatly relieves my meagre salary has crumbled!! I just hope God helps me out of this mess as I have no hope of sorting myself. I had already thought of taking my kids to my elder brother but since he didn't approve of the relationship from onset.....I don't know how to! I'm a very emotional person, easily triggered and I don't call for help easily......I can't believe I wrote this much sha! Wow!!

don't be too quick to write your husband off. Things might actually been going too bad for him too, give him time and continue hustling, I don't think any reasonable man can leave his family and just forget abt them just like that

NoToPile:
Well 52k with 2 kids - feeding, paying houserent, school fees and all other things is not a joke, it's not enough simple. She will barely get by.

Just food stuff for the kids will gulp a substantial amount of that money. Food is astronomically expensive now. So what should she cut down, food for the family, house rent or school fees?

Just saying anyway, I hope OP gets help.

Anyway OP it's expected your MIL will think you are the one not allowing their son to live up to his responsibilities to them, if you ask me that's least of your worries, that's how some I laws are. if you explain to her and she doesn't listen just ignore her when she starts.

Your major aim now is to ensure you and your children get by and a bit comfortable at least till your husband's feet is stable enough to send chop money.

The minimum wage in Nigeria is 30,000. There are many private organisations that pay much less. There are many families being owed salaries for months both by government and private companies. Some of these families are more than 3 in number and they have not died. OF COURSE i know and agree that it is not enough but it is the reality of the condition. You should not spend or borrow above your limits.
This is financial wisdom 101. Even people who earn more don't have debts of 700k, this is definitely trying to live above your means.
She can cut down house rent and school fees by changing accomodation and school. No one's destiny is tied to a particular house or school.
Tough times don't last but tough people do. She has to be tough and disciplined on feeding too. Unfortunately, they can't eat the same things they were eating before. Either find cheaper or less for the mean time.

Depressionkill:
Once again, I appreciate you all for your inputs, opening up has given me a bit of relief!

I understand that everything is entirely my fault!!! I should have changed apartment, the children school and other adjustments but in all fairness, I never knew it would turn out like this! I mean, there was an agreement/promise! On the issue of family, I have both parents (they are aged), I have other family members too but truth is, if they could help, I wouldn't go into debt in the first place, talk more of running online behind a new moniker to solicit help!!! I'm not proud of doing this but in all I appreciate everyone for the encouragement and criticism! Here are few things I've learnt since yesterday.....

1). I have to lock up and face reality
2). I have to change the children school to a much more affordable one, I've not paid for this term.
3). I need to move to a very affordable apartment, probably an outskirt of Lagos.
4). I could actually survive on 52k monthly pay if I plan well
5). I should make plans to pay up what I'm owing, even if I would borrow to pay.


Note: I've made two progresses so far.....
1). A lady reached out to me yesterday, her elder brother is in Canada so she collected my hubby's details. Her brother promised to help us trace him, at least to be sure of his well-being.
2). I have gathered some courage to face my brother, even if I would get a rejection (my fear of rejection made it very difficult for me to ask for help, coupled with the fact that I wasn't even groomed to murmur) I would still try. I am meeting him this weekend!

Again, thank you all, I appreciate everyone!

Dear, I feel so bad for u rn, my mind is stuck with u and I don't know why. I think u need help with 2 urgent request which are knowing ur hubby's whereabout and paying ur accumulated debts. God bless d person dat reach out to u from Canada, I pray d search is successful and fruitful. There is nothing I want to say dat haven't been said by others, u need to cut down expenses and adjust to d new u. Trust God, u will bounce back in no time. I sent u a PM, reply to it, I could epp with a token. It's nothing much oh but it could feed ur kids for a few days. God will epp u pay off d debts as I believe u've learnt ur lessons. Peace be unto u

Image123:
The minimum wage in Nigeria is 30,000. There are many private organisations that pay much less. There are many families being owed salaries for months both by government and private companies. Some of these families are more than 3 in number and they have not died. OF COURSE i know and agree that it is not enough but it is the reality of the condition. You should not spend or borrow above your limits.
This is financial wisdom 101. Even people who earn more don't have debts of 700k, this is definitely trying to live above your means.
She can cut down house rent and school fees by changing accomodation and school. No one's destiny is tied to a particular house or school.
Tough times don't last but tough people do. She has to be tough and disciplined on feeding too. Unfortunately, they can't eat the same things they were eating before. Either find cheaper or less for the mean time.

I do understand your point sha but the economy is just so messed up, money has little value these days. 2 years ago the 52k would have more value.


The major thing that keeps coming to my mind while reading the post is food food food and feeding money, especially with little children. 2adults can decide to spend less than 2 children, even fruits is expensive. For children to eat healthy meals these days you need some change in your hands.

Sighs!

GloriousGbola:
My guy travelled to Yankee as a coder, some years back. He went completely offline

Someone was telling the missus the guy was offline because he was doing top secret work for Google. I pooh poohed this, did some Google fu

I found he got arrested by police, accused of resisting arrest and jailed for over 12 months or so. I think trump had initiated some no bail law for immigrants, and he may have had no one to bail him.
Guy developed an infection and died in prison.

So i basically found through Google that my guy was dead. A real fked up story

Abasi mi
Really sad story.

Reality3080:
u watch too many Yoruba films

Tell her to live d life of a single mother n when d man comes back they can take things up from there, which it's very unlikely he comes back

I
If you had read my comments very well, you will read where I said, don't allow depression gets her in, she should move on with her life, while she looks forward to reconciliation

Let her use her head

So God forbid, if this man is no longer there, how will you survive? So you got married with his salary in mind to survive or? You are funny sha. One thing I find funny is people borrowing far more than they earn. So, you think all these people you are borrowing from that you cannot pay back, don’t have better things to do with their money abi? You borrowed over a years worth of salary.

I think your problem is your spending habit and not your husband! He’s still trying to find his feet, so you have to manage till he does. See how you are even borrowing on the salary the man has probably not been able to earn. You better stop this borrowing habit before they tear your cloth on the street one day.

baby124:
So God forbid, if this man is no longer there, how will you survive? So you got married with his salary in mind to survive or? You are funny sha. One thing I find funny is people borrowing far more than they earn. So, you think all these people you are borrowing from that you cannot pay back, don’t have better things to do with their money abi? You borrowed over a years worth of salary.

I think your problem is your spending habit and not your husband! He’s still trying to find his feet, so you have to manage till he does. See how you are even borrowing on the salary the man has probably not been able to earn. You better stop this borrowing habit before they tear your cloth on the street one day.

If you are game, I will give you a job of 50k and two children to take care. I will give you free accommodation and it will be in an area where things are cheap.

Let's see how you will cope without borrowing or writing threads like this.

I will just assume you've not started earning money, that's why you think a grown up woman and two kids can survive on 50k monthly.

Karleb:
If you are game, I will give you a job of 50k and two children to take care. I will give you free accommodation and it will be in an area where things are cheap.

Let's see how you will cope without borrowing or writing threads like this.

I will just assume you've not started earning money, that's why you think a grown up woman and two kids can survive on 50k monthly.

the only way one can live on that money is if one is prepared to accept a DRASTIC drop in standard of living.
your kids going to one useless public school that is a breeding ground for area boys, okada riders and incompetent artisans

maybe move into that house that was on FP the other day.

any health issue vibes and prayer.

GloriousGbola:
the only way one can live on that money is if one is prepared to accept a DRASTIC drop in standard of living.
your kids going to one useless public school that is a breeding ground for area boys, okada riders and incompetent artisans

maybe move into that house that was on FP the other day.

any health issue vibes and prayer.

Bros, even if the kids drops out of school. Even if the rent is free, even if she works very close to her home. There's no way she and two kids can survive on 50k per month. I know what I am saying.

Feeding alone will gulp that money, unless she wants to be drinking garri and sugar everyday.

What I think can help her is to change job. Or get a boyfriend that will give her money and of course she should seal her womb. No more child o.

bjprodint1:
i am managing 20k salary with 2 kids without support.i am a private sch.teacher,we are on holidays,no work,no pay.i am d cause of all my wahala,but i will never kill myself.if i should kill myself,what happens 2 d kids?my sister,d debt is d issue here.please when God help u clear d debts,please stay away 4rm it.good luck!

Thank you Madam for this......her problem is lack of patience and greed. Because husband go canada she already start digging hole for him. Someone who might not be stable yet.

You problem madam is thought of dollars $$$$ entitlement

Your mother in law 's problem dollarsv$$$$$$ entitlement.

You need help paying the debt but dont do it again.

A problem shared is problem solved. I am willing to help but i need to speak husband 1st.

Karleb:
If you are game, I will give you a job of 50k and two children to take care. I will give you free accommodation and it will be in an area where things are cheap.

Let's see how you will cope without borrowing or writing threads like this.

I will just assume you've not started earning money, that's why you think a grown up woman and two kids can survive on 50k monthly.

You just come online and think you can talk anyhow to any body. Do you even have 50k to feed yourself or you are the OP lying that you are hungry. So people like drivers, men, whose wife don’t work and are making 50k. How are they doing it? Some have 4 kids. In this life if you don’t live according to your pay, you will steal, borrow and kill.

At every stage in life we must humble ourselves and live a lifestyle that matches our pocket. In 1yr this madam has borrowed 700k. So that means her lifestyle demands she should be earning about 1.3m every year.

When you come online to write rubbish, make sure you think well and use your brains. Ok?

Depressionkill:
Good afternoon my good people of nairaland. It is with utmost sadness that I write and pour out my mind on this hot sunny noon! I had to create this account just for this purpose so that I don't get trolled unnecessarily (I can't handle it, I could eventually commit the suicide).

Here is the story of my life


Right now, I'm in so much debt that I don't even know how I can get out of it. I just borrowed money to renew house rent in February and I also owe a lot of loan apps that I consult for emergency bailout. As I am now, I am owing nothing less than 700k and I practically have nowhere to sort my self. I cried like a baby yesterday knowing that I have failed as a mother! No food in the house, yet I can't get help because I've not paid people that borrowed me some money in the past.

Having thought about this further.......

It seemed you are the cause of this problem madam..................maybe!

1. Why did you went to borrow that N700,000 and you better tell the truth. Maybe u have bragged about your husband been abroad and you wanted to live up the hype/fake lifestyle u created for your self. The more I looked at ur story ..... a lot of things don't add up.

2. Why did your husband stopped talking to you??

3. Why did the mother in law came to park food in the house. she thought you living large or heard about your new found lifestyle. she came to investigate.

Now your secret about to bust and next thing you wan commit suicide to cover shame. Abeg no try am.

Women and fake tears ehn

hmmmmmmmmmmm

baby124:
You just come online and think you can talk anyhow to any body. Do you even have 50k to feed yourself or you are the OP lying that you are hungry. So people like drivers, men, whose wife don’t work and are making 50k. How are they doing it? Some have 4 kids. In this life if you don’t live according to your pay, you will steal, borrow and kill.

At every stage in life we must humble ourselves and live a lifestyle that matches our pocket. In 1yr this madam has borrowed 700k. So that means her lifestyle demands she should be earning about 1.3m every year.

When you come online to write rubbish, make sure you think well and use your brains. Ok?

Some of you people see absolutely nothing wrong with poverty. SMH!

You know say funds never set...you dun go born 2 kids...wetin b una problem...na u sabi. Solve your problems urself

Why are all mother in-laws WITCHES ?

Good morning and thank you all for your time and inputs! I feel so honored getting a lot of good advice and suggestions from you all, my life is a mess right now with lots of regrets and "Ifs". I wish I could turn back time, I would have done better

baby124:
You just come online and think you can talk anyhow to any body. Do you even have 50k to feed yourself or you are the OP lying that you are hungry. So people like drivers, men, whose wife don’t work and are making 50k. How are they doing it? Some have 4 kids. In this life if you don’t live according to your pay, you will steal, borrow and kill.

At every stage in life we must humble ourselves and live a lifestyle that matches our pocket. In 1yr this madam has borrowed 700k. So that means her lifestyle demands she should be earning about 1.3m every year.

When you come online to write rubbish, make sure you think well and use your brains. Ok?

leave them alone,when they finish decieving d op she will come back to her senses.

There are people earning less than that with same responsibility n still managing.

It annoys me when I read d 700k borrowing part

Karleb:
Some of you people see absolutely nothing wrong with poverty. SMH!

so it's reasonable to b earning 50 n having a debt of 700?

N many of u will blame buhari for stupidity n cluelessness Abu?

So someone earning 50 per month should spend 150 cos she wants to prove she's above poverty?

People like u live fake lives n u get burnt for it,she should learn to live within her means,school fee is not paid everyday,n there are still moderate schools around in which u can moderate it by taking some time out to teach your child personally.

So u believe u can blackmail people with d poverty line abi, then b earning 100 n spending 200 then come back after a Year to tell us your story

Reality3080:
so it's reasonable to b earning 50 n having a debt of 700?

N many of u will blame buhari for stupidity n cluelessness Abu?

So someone earning 50 per month should spend 150 cos she wants to prove she's above poverty?

People like u live fake lives n u get burnt for it,she should learn to live within her means,school fee is not paid everyday,n there are still moderate schools around in which u can moderate it by taking some time out to teach your child personally.

So u believe u can blackmail people with d poverty line abi, then b earning 100 n spending 200 then come back after a Year to tell us your story

You are just talking trash.

If you are game, I will give you two kids to take care of with 52k monthly job and free accommodation, let's see if you won't develop marasmus if you don't borrow.

Karleb:
You are just talking trash.

If you are game, I will give you two kids to take care of with 52k monthly job and free accommodation, let's see if you won't develop marasmus if you don't borrow.

u no get sense

Let her keep borrowing now,I trust those loan apps to embarrass her beyond her expectations in front of people she was trying to impress cos u don dey vex me like this,how can a reasonable person who claims to b sane b earning 52k n borrowing 700k n it's not as if she used it for capital project or health issues or travelling expenses.

U should ask her what she used all d money for?
People like u will always want to live above your means n u will end up embarasing yourself in front of people u are trying to form for then u turn to a laughing stock.

In this same country where some are earning less than 30k with family n are managing,someone is earning 52k n complaining.

Have u asked her how much her accommodation cost?
Someone is earning 52k n complaining n still add debt of 700k n u want me to applaud her n u are screaming poverty as if u are mentally slow.

You are just one annoying nuisance

As per op,body go tell u later when those loan apps embarrass u n people start laughing at u,u better start living within your means this guy will just lead u astray


Your signature reads whatever happens be your real n b true to yourself but u are decieving another person

Is d op real with her lifestyle?
Is she true to herself?
At least lie to d world n not to yourself,u can claim dangote for anyone but when u reach your closet u wake up to reality.

Op is on coca cola budget n she's drinking Bellaire rossay

Don't quote me ooo cos I dey vex for u,just lock up with whatever u have to say

Reality3080:
u no get sense

Let her keep borrowing now,I trust those loan apps to embarrass her beyond her expectations in front of people she was trying to impress cos u don dey vex me like this,how can a reasonable person who claims to b sane b earning 52k n borrowing 700k n it's not as if she used it for capital project or health issues or travelling expenses.

U should ask her what she used all d money for?
People like u will always want to live above your means n u will end up embarasing yourself in front of people u are trying to form for then u turn to a laughing stock.

In this same country where some are earning less than 30k with family n are managing,someone is earning 52k n complaining.

Have u asked her how much her accommodation cost?
Someone is earning 52k n complaining n still add debt of 700k n u want me to applaud her n u are screaming poverty as if u are mentally slow.

You are just one annoying nuisance

As per op,body go tell u later when those loan apps embarrass u n people start laughing at u,u better start living within your means this guy will just lead u astray


Your signature reads whatever happens be your real n b true to yourself but u are decieving another person

Is d op real with her lifestyle?
Is she true to herself?
At least lie to d world n not to yourself,u can claim dangote for anyone but when u reach your closet u wake up to reality.

Op is on coca cola budget n she's drinking Bellaire rossay

Don't quote me ooo cos I dey vex for u,just lock up with whatever u have to say

Bros, I can't agree less. Some ppl tend to spend money they don't have to impress ppl that doesn't love them. One thing I'm very sure of is she had learnt her lesson in the most bitter way, for her to come online to seek help. I just feel anybody dat can help her out of dis mess should do so for d sake of her poor kids (nobody should come for me oooh, na my opinion I talk). I doubt if anything can make her borrow those heavy loans again as she don learn dis one badly, in all Sha, let's be emphatetic, what's she's going through is a whole lot. Trust me

Depressionkill:
Good afternoon my good people of nairaland. It is with utmost sadness that I write and pour out my mind on this hot sunny noon! I had to create this account just for this purpose so that I don't get trolled unnecessarily (I can't handle it, I could eventually commit the suicide).

Here is the story of my life

I am a graduate and a mother of two lovely children, legally married to my husband who travelled to seek greener pastures in Canada in early 2020! We were eagerly willing and trying to relocate together as family (we had only one child then) but because it was tough and we didn't have much money, I suggested he goes alone and bring us in, in no time. We both agreed to do this, and we focus on sending him alone. To God be the glory, he left in January 2020. I was nursing a 2year old toddler and also pregnant at that time.

We were communicating on phone real good and I was also dreaming of joining him with the children as agreed but anytime I talk about this, he tell me abroad is not always as easy as we think, things are rough and tough blah blah blah. Eventually we stopped reaching out to us, not sending upkeep money to me and the children. Anytime we ask, he'd say things are tight for him that he will sort us when he have the money. Though I also work here but I don't earn enough to sustain two children and myself. As a matter of fact, I had to wean my baby earlier than necessary because I couldn't afford to eat good meal to lactate well, I started feeding him family meals at seven months

I had to borrow money to sustain and survive. My monthly pay is 52k but monthly expenses is more than enough to gulp all and run me into debts. For instance, I had to buy diaper, feed the kids, pay school fees and even house rent! I don't even want to talk about how I've been wearing shoes that disgraces me all about or how my wardrobe had malfunction several times, those are least among my actual problems.

Right now, I'm in so much debt that I don't even know how I can get out of it. I just borrowed money to renew house rent in February and I also owe a lot of loan apps that I consult for emergency bailout. As I am now, I am owing nothing less than 700k and I practically have nowhere to sort my self. I cried like a baby yesterday knowing that I have failed as a mother! No food in the house, yet I can't get help because I've not paid people that borrowed me some money in the past.

My mother in-law called me early this month that she wanted to see her grandchildren so I promised her that I will bring the children during the Easter break but she says I shouldn't worry, she will come and check on us. When she came, she went round the house and even check my bedroom then she burst into tears that I should stop hindering her son from performing his duties to her, she started accusing me of many things and called me a lot of unprintable names, I told her I was experiencing the same thing but she held unto her belief. She really frustrated me that day, she took foodstuffs from my kitchen and did all sort of this that made me feel really bad. I am frustrated, I have ran into so many debts just to fend for my children, I have become a shadow of myself due to depression, I have failed my children!! I do have suicidal thoughts lots of times, I have thought of ending life but what would be the fate of my children?

Sorry for my long post but I need some words of encouragement as I'm going through a lot right now, including things I can't pen down!!!

If you can inbox your husband's details, i may reach him and talk ro him on your behalf.

GloriousGbola:
The responses are sad.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaPAbi0xtQ8

So many Nigerians have fully embraced the poverty mindset.

Really sad responses i swear!

Be strong, don't ever allow depression to win over u, u can't afford to fail your kids if der fada failed them, living abroad may be hard in d beginning but its always better dan wat is obtainable in Nigeria, not being able to send upkeep for his kids and wife is just pure wickedness, i dont know his condition but its pure evil dat he should allow u to b taking care of all d bills, please and please b strong for ur kids, 08126291129

You have a valid point but i am sure she must have learnt her lessons and for dos reading dis should also learn, i love some of d point u raised but let's dont say words dat will lead dis lady to blv her situation is beyond redemption, she has to face reality and cut alot of tina to save herself and kids but honestly some men r not worth it

Reality3080:
u no get sense

Let her keep borrowing now,I trust those loan apps to embarrass her beyond her expectations in front of people she was trying to impress cos u don dey vex me like this,how can a reasonable person who claims to b sane b earning 52k n borrowing 700k n it's not as if she used it for capital project or health issues or travelling expenses.

U should ask her what she used all d money for?
People like u will always want to live above your means n u will end up embarasing yourself in front of people u are trying to form for then u turn to a laughing stock.

In this same country where some are earning less than 30k with family n are managing,someone is earning 52k n complaining.

Have u asked her how much her accommodation cost?
Someone is earning 52k n complaining n still add debt of 700k n u want me to applaud her n u are screaming poverty as if u are mentally slow.

You are just one annoying nuisance

As per op,body go tell u later when those loan apps embarrass u n people start laughing at u,u better start living within your means this guy will just lead u astray


Your signature reads whatever happens be your real n b true to yourself but u are decieving another person

Is d op real with her lifestyle?
Is she true to herself?
At least lie to d world n not to yourself,u can claim dangote for anyone but when u reach your closet u wake up to reality.

Op is on coca cola budget n she's drinking Bellaire rossay

Don't quote me ooo cos I dey vex for u,just lock up with whatever u have to say

Oh well, it's a dead end!!!!!!! I did my best, yet I failed!! I accept my defeat, it is my fate!!!!

Thanks everyone!!!

I have been following your thread, hang on there mama.. what are the regrets and 'ifs' - your kids?
People are going through a lot so please hang on there.
I lost my dad 2020 with two siblings moving to final year, I took loans so pay fees, I was practically a shadow of myself. They both graduated from Uni last year and currently doing their NYSC. I payed the last outstanding of the loan April this year to the Glory of God.
It hasn't been rosy at all but let this be a motivation for you. You can, you will and you must! Don't quit mama, we are cheering at you!

Depressionkill:
Oh well, it's a dead end!!!!!!! I did my best, yet I failed!! I accept my defeat, it is my fate!!!!

Thanks everyone!!!

Sent you a PM.Hope you reply.

Depressionkill:
Good morning and thank you all for your time and inputs! I feel so honored getting a lot of good advice and suggestions from you all, my life is a mess right now with lots of regrets and "Ifs". I wish I could turn back time, I would have done better

I have replied your DM.
I detest mothers going through stuff like this.
Your hubby is in Canada.He can’t tell me $200 CAD which I almost 100k cant be sent to his family on monthly basis not matter the challenges he’s facing.
Let’s get to work if you are ready.
Things will surely change for the better.He has to be responsible for his family.

Worst come to worst,$100 a month won’t be bad if you add to your monthly income.

After many years of you facing it alone with the kids,he will now walk in and start claiming father of the kids.Nah!!!!

And as for you,you need to cut off expenses that ain’t worth it.Live within your means and spend prudently.That impulse spending must stop.

Abroad is not easy-peasy the way people back home portray it.Nevertheless,he has to be involve.
Leaving you and the kids behind alone is emotional trauma.When you now add financial constraint to it,it becomes suicidal.

I pray things work out good for you.

Reality3080:
u no get sense

Let her keep borrowing now,I trust those loan apps to embarrass her beyond her expectations in front of people she was trying to impress cos u don dey vex me like this,how can a reasonable person who claims to b sane b earning 52k n borrowing 700k n it's not as if she used it for capital project or health issues or travelling expenses.

U should ask her what she used all d money for?
People like u will always want to live above your means n u will end up embarasing yourself in front of people u are trying to form for then u turn to a laughing stock.

In this same country where some are earning less than 30k with family n are managing,someone is earning 52k n complaining.

Have u asked her how much her accommodation cost?
Someone is earning 52k n complaining n still add debt of 700k n u want me to applaud her n u are screaming poverty as if u are mentally slow.

You are just one annoying nuisance

As per op,body go tell u later when those loan apps embarrass u n people start laughing at u,u better start living within your means this guy will just lead u astray


Your signature reads whatever happens be your real n b true to yourself but u are decieving another person

Is d op real with her lifestyle?
Is she true to herself?
At least lie to d world n not to yourself,u can claim dangote for anyone but when u reach your closet u wake up to reality.

Op is on coca cola budget n she's drinking Bellaire rossay

Don't quote me ooo cos I dey vex for u,just lock up with whatever u have to say

Now that I have quoted you, maybe you will hang yourself.

The offer is still on the table if you are game.