Depressionkill:
Good morning and thank you all for your time and inputs! I feel so honored getting a lot of good advice and suggestions from you all, my life is a mess right now with lots of regrets and "Ifs". I wish I could turn back time, I would have done better

If the hands of time could be turned back, chances are you still would've made the same decisions, because there's no way you would've known what the future held.
Most of the decisions we've made, we made them because they seemed good at the time.

So, there's no point being hard on yourself and living with regrets. Things are not always going to be the way they are with you at the moment.
Everything is going to be alright eventually.

For now, think of a something extra you can do to generate more income.

Now you can see what that man was passing through before he made his plan to relocate, women like the idea of marriage but they don't know how to be responsible. Just a yr your husband travelled responsibilities won kill you

Karleb:


If you are game, I will give you a job of 50k and two children to take care. I will give you free accommodation and it will be in an area where things are cheap.

Let's see how you will cope without borrowing or writing threads like this.

I will just assume you've not started earning money, that's why you think a grown up woman and two kids can survive on 50k monthly.

I feel you Karleb Baba...

GloriousGbola:
Many years ago, my sis and her husband also japaed. Her husband was in pwc and he travelled as a pwc staff
Sis was a doctor doing cert exams. My guy was laid off and things changed immediately. He could not get a job with his naija degree. He had to do a Yankee masters. For like two years plus everyone was providing support before they found their feet again.
Saving grace was everyone was doing reasonably well and could chip in.

Obodo oyibo can flip on you fast. And unlike Indians, Nigerians do not do the community support thing.

I completely disagree with the bolded

Depressionkill:




Current status......I don't know
Visa category was work visa, the agent says we can join him after he settles down which normally wouldn't take above 6months but it's now more than 2years

Op, where in Canada was your husband based the last time you spoke?
I am in London, Ontario

1Sharon:
All these (fake) sob stories on NL. We are no longer moved and impressed.

What makes you think her story is rubbish ?

TheCongo2:


What makes you think her story is rubbish ?

What makes you think it isn't?

1Sharon:


What makes you think it isn't?

I never said it wasn’t.
But you should give someone the benefit of doubt until the person proves otherwise

TheCongo2:


I never said it wasn’t.
But you should give someone the benefit of doubt until the person proves otherwise

That's why your pastors take you for fools

1Sharon:


That's why your pastors take you for fools

And who told you I have a pastor?
You are full of assumptions.

Tushnigerian:
I have been following your thread, hang on there mama.. what are the regrets and 'ifs' - your kids?
People are going through a lot so please hang on there.
I lost my dad 2020 with two siblings moving to final year, I took loans so pay fees, I was practically a shadow of myself. They both graduated from Uni last year and currently doing their NYSC. I payed the last outstanding of the loan April this year to the Glory of God.
It hasn't been rosy at all but let this be a motivation for you. You can, you will and you must! Don't quit mama, we are cheering at you!

Sorry about your dad.
How old are you?

Reality3080:
let her keep borrowing now since she's d first person to earn 52k with 2 kids,some people even earn less n they are managing.

Hope she's not spending like d wife of a Canadian?
Hope she's not living to impress?
Hope she's not living to prove a point to people that her husband is abroad?
Cos I can't picture how 700k came in when she's working.

Too loww,but borrowing up to 700k is not too high?

Baba you just typed out my thought exactly, because if not that she was living a "fake" life to impress people that she is the wife of a Canadian immigrant, I see how 52k isnt enough to manage with 2kids.

Like some folks had previously mentioned, there are families, as in husband, mother and children that earns less than that amount right now, and are perfectly fine...

I was actually already feeling sorry for her up until she mentioned she had borrowed up to 700k, meanwhile just her and two little kids..

Steady259:


Baba you just typed out my thought exactly, because if not that she was living a "fake" life to impress people that she is the wife of a Canadian immigrant, I see how 52k isnt enough to manage with 2kids.

Like some folks had previously mentioned, there are families, as in husband, mother and children that earns less than that amount right now, and are perfectly fine...

I was actually already feeling sorry for her up until she mentioned she had borrowed up to 700k, meanwhile just her and two little kids..

Are perfectly fine? Are you sure about that?

Depressionkill:
Oh well, it's a dead end!!!!!!! I did my best, yet I failed!! I accept my defeat, it is my fate!!!!

Thanks everyone!!!

What do you mean by dead end? Your brother didnt help?

I wan to help this lady but she has stop communicating.

To those of you who feel 52k will be enough for a mother and 2 kids are are wicked.
Feeding,School fees,Rent etc.

Just got back from Naija and I can tell that country is a place full of agony,rage and anger.

Level of poverty at the moment is extremely unbearable.

Imagine bread I use to buy back then 250 now sells for 800.

TheCongo2:


Sorry about your dad.
How old are you?

Thank you so much, he died 2020, I was 25 years. I just clocked 27 years old.

Tushnigerian:


Thank you so much, he died 2020, I was 25 years. I just clocked 27 years old.

Be very strong and courageous

Depressionkill:
Once again, I appreciate you all for your inputs, opening up has given me a bit of relief!

I understand that everything is entirely my fault!!! I should have changed apartment, the children school and other adjustments but in all fairness, I never knew it would turn out like this! I mean, there was an agreement/promise! On the issue of family, I have both parents (they are aged), I have other family members too but truth is, if they could help, I wouldn't go into debt in the first place, talk more of running online behind a new moniker to solicit help!!! I'm not proud of doing this but in all I appreciate everyone for the encouragement and criticism! Here are few things I've learnt since yesterday.....

1). I have to lock up and face reality
2). I have to change the children school to a much more affordable one, I've not paid for this term.
3). I need to move to a very affordable apartment, probably an outskirt of Lagos.
4). I could actually survive on 52k monthly pay if I plan well
5). I should make plans to pay up what I'm owing, even if I would borrow to pay.


Note: I've made two progresses so far.....
1). A lady reached out to me yesterday, her elder brother is in Canada so she collected my hubby's details. Her brother promised to help us trace him, at least to be sure of his well-being.
2). I have gathered some courage to face my brother, even if I would get a rejection (my fear of rejection made it very difficult for me to ask for help, coupled with the fact that I wasn't even groomed to murmur) I would still try. I am meeting him this weekend!

Again, thank you all, I appreciate everyone!

1. This is quiet painful but you can only judge hubby If you find out that he is doing well over there and refused to care for you Guyz.. Life is not easy anywhere in the world..

2. I understand its difficult to survive with 52k salary & two kids considering the high cost of goods and services but 2 things I may suggest you do:

A. Accept your present reality on the debt. Bodly take their phone calls or call them and explain to them your trauma/anxiety & problems you are going through. If possible, honestly ask that the forgive of the debt as you have no means of paying back for now. They may not be happy with that, but I promise they would have no option than to waive and consider that as a bad debt..
I manage one of the biggest money lending companies in Abuja and we have seen many cases like this.. nobody will kill a debtor that honestly has no means to pay back.

B. Cut down drastically on your cost of living and expenses & forget about the debt for now after step No. (A).. Change your kids school, your accomodation and cost of feeding..
Disassociate with some of your friends that may want to shame and laugh at your present predicaments..

You can be happy and live again