Ishilove:

After leading some impressionable people astray, you got over your fear and still went ahead to marry. This is why I carefully sieve what I allow influence me on social media because if one is not careful, one will be lead into a pit.

Na so...

Everyone needs to be wary of what they read on social media.

The impression people create online and what is obtainable in real life is almost always not the same.

Ishilove:

Wos wos wobi, Mrs Ogbeni, shut the fvck up ke koshi danu. I had soundly ignored you previously, but i see you edited your post to add the last line. You think I have the time for useless e-fights? You may have the time but I definitely do not. You say if I should 'come at you with nonsense', you will reply in double measure or whatever rubbish you spewed. It is like you are high on your own potently stinky fart. You wrote nonsense many years ago and till date, even after seeing the light, you have not edited what you wrote. You started out saying marriage is bondage, and yet you still went into the same 'bondage'. Meanwhile, some foolish people will get their misguided inspiration from your original point of view. It reminds me of when Tonto was manless and she was calling herself 'king', but when Kpokpogari came into the picture, she remembered she is a woman and her son needs a father figure.

Wo, all of you should fvck off jare. Don't bother replying because I am going to ignore you so hard, you will doubt your own existence. Shior.

My goodness, like your ignoring anyone means anything *fallsdownfromacoconuttreelaughing*

Girl you are more demented than I thought and to think I used to sort of respect you on nairaland. Wasted respect.

Don't have anything else to say to you. Not everyone is as slow as you are and I don't even have the patience to waste educating you.

Dear, you should go back to school cos clearly, you are uneducated. If you were you would have seen that the first post was a cry for help, not whatever your misguided and slow-working brain is telling you.

I have better things to do so won't type much. But always remember that it is not a crime not to understand a thing. However, if you draw conclusions in that state and go on to pass judgement, then you would clearly be seen as the fo.ol that you are.

Peace

Samcent:


Na so...

Everyone needs to be wary of what they read on social media.

The impression people create online and what is obtainable in real life is almost always not the same.

Yes, people need to be wary, which is why I felt I just had to come back to drop that last post.

Years ago, I was a young lady tormented by great fear of the marriage institution. Every marriage I had seen was plagued by pain and sadness (or maybe I focused too much on the bad).

I avoided relationships as best as could and when I entered any, jumped out within six weeks.

I was tired of that life and the loneliness it brought. I knew there had to be something beautiful out there and so sought help for my irrational fear.

My first post was a cry for help.

I remember the day I posted it clearly. I sort of wanted married folks to come out to allay my fears and assure me I was so wrong in my beliefs and ideas of marriage. Instead, what I got were married children who decided to turn this place into a playing field.

There were a lot of sensible responses too though, ones that allayed my fears enough for me to take that plunge and I'll forever be grateful to those guys.

Posts on nairaland rank well in search results and this one do too. I'm hoping one woman out there who has the same fear of commitment and marriage from the negative experiences she's had growing up sees this and comes to realize and understand that, like all things, marriage also has the good and the bad.

We can choose to focus on the bad and end up with a warped view of it, or see the good too (the many examples of good marriages out there) and see that marriage can be a balanced, beautiful union between two souls who are committed to each other and are ready to face the world as a squad.

It took me several years to get to this point (endless pain and confusion, not to mention the missed opportunities) I'm hoping it takes her just a day to see the truth of marriage

For all the married women out there, I would appreciate your viewpoint about Nigerian marriages. Is it like a bondage for women. Once a woman gets married she's expected to change her entire self to please the man.

I believe in being submissive o, but some men can take it to the extreme. [b]My mum and sisters keep telling me there's nothing in marriage and we single girls shouldn't be desperate to rush in. [/b]And I saw for a fact that my dad wasn't the best of husbands.

I recently left a relationship where the guy was overbearing. He wanted things done his way ALL THE TIME. I had to think of ways to make him happy always and each time he brought up the subject of marriage I froze. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with him.

This is the original post where a young lady was only asking a question. I never made any assertions that marriage is a bondage because I didn't have the expertise to do so. All I did was ask a simple question from a place of fear.

I asked those who had gone into it if it was one. The close people around me told me it was nothing to look forward to and I only wanted to get a broader view on the topic.

If this topic had been asked in a few white forums, the responses probably would have been something like:

"Girl, your ideas of marriage are so wrong and you should see a therapist help you work through those issues. You've been fed the wrong ones too long."

Or

"No, marriage is beautiful and you will see that in time."


Not the barrage of insults that accompanied that simple question.

In my humble opinion, I feel we Nigerians need to stop seeing insults as the first response to things. We don't know who might come across our posts and how our responses might impact them.

ahnie:

My mama don take ova the baton from me.lolz!



Pls let it slide you hear.

Nwene n'maru, I've said my bit and moved on. I've already told her I'm ignoring her so she should feel free to rant and stain everywhere with saliva. Ko kan aye

bukatyne:


Nice one.

Since you are the OP, you can modify the OP & insert this post underneath.

I wish you a blissful home.

Yeah, I'll do just that.

Godmother:



Yes, people need to be wary, which is why I felt I just had to come back to drop that last post.

Years ago, I was a young lady tormented by great fear of the marriage institution. Every marriage I had seen was plagued by pain and sadness (or maybe I focused too much on the bad).

I avoided relationships as best as could and when I entered any, jumped out within six weeks.

I was tired of that life and the loneliness it brought. I knew there had to be something beautiful out there and so sought help for my irrational fear.

My first post was a cry for help.

I remember the day I posted it clearly. I sort of wanted married folks to come out to allay my fears and assure me I was so wrong in my beliefs and ideas of marriage. Instead, what I got were married children who decided to turn this place into a playing field.

There were a lot of sensible responses too though, ones that allayed my fears enough for me to take that plunge and I'll forever be grateful to those guys.

Posts on nairaland rank well in search results and this one do too. I'm hoping one woman out there who has the same fear of commitment and marriage from the negative experiences she's had growing up sees this and comes to realize and understand that, like all things, marriage also has the good and the bad.

We can choose to focus on the bad and end up with a warped view of it, or see the good too (the many examples of good marriages out there) and see that marriage can be a balanced, beautiful union between two souls who are committed to each other and are ready to face the world as a squad.

It took me several years to get to this point (endless pain and confusion, not to mention the missed opportunities) I'm hoping it takes her just a day to see the truth of marriage

This is beautiful.

...

Klass99:


When you resurrected your thread and provided an update, I went to the first page and read through all the pages. At no point in time did I get the feeling you said rubbish, you pissed all over the institution of marriage or misled anyone with your concerns or questions about marriage, at that time.

The current drama I'm witnessing on your thread makes me wonder if it is the same original post or thread I read. I simply concluded that perception and understanding differs from person to person, what I read and understood as a naive young girl wondering about marriage and asking questions about it, others have read and understood a different thing.

If it is any consolation to you, I understood you/your dilemma, I don't think you were out of line for voicing your thoughts, doubts or concerns back then and seeking the views of married folks regarding your fears. I also appreciate that you returned with a positive update after 7 years of marriage.I see you, I feel you and I understand you.

My sentiments exactly! This whole thing is just a clear case that the "caucus" system on nairaland is quite strong.

A member tows a part and the rest don't bother to give in to wisdom but must follow the same path.

The OP has done well to update this thread to set things straight.

...

Klass99:


When you resurrected your thread and provided an update, I went to the first page and read through all the pages. At no point in time did I get the impression or feeling you said rubbish, you pissed all over the institution of marriage or misled anyone with your concerns or questions about marriage, at the time.

The current drama I'm witnessing on your thread makes me wonder if it is the same original post or thread I read. I simply concluded that perception and understanding differs from person to person, what I read and understood as a naive young girl with concerns about marriage and asking questions about it, others have read and understood a different thing.

If it is any consolation to you, I understood you/your dilemma, I don't think you were out of line for voicing your thoughts, doubts or concerns back then and seeking the views of married folks regarding your fears. I also appreciate that you returned with a positive update after 7 years of marriage.I see you, I feel you and I understand you.

Gbamilicious. Better oyel dey your head.

Ishilove:

After leading some impressionable people astray, you got over your fear and still went ahead to marry. This is why I carefully sieve what I allow influence me on social media because if one is not careful, one will be lead into a pit.

You can say this again and again.

Godmother:



Yes, people need to be wary, which is why I felt I just had to come back to drop that last post.

Years ago, I was a young lady tormented by great fear of the marriage institution. Every marriage I had seen was plagued by pain and sadness (or maybe I focused too much on the bad).


It took me several years to get to this point (endless pain and confusion, not to mention the missed opportunities) I'm hoping it takes her just a day to see the truth of marriage

You have done well to come back to give updates and I am glad you took the best of the advise giving to you then.

Many people on this forum are in similar state as you were, but they focus only on negative experiences to say "marriage is bad", "marriage is this and that", "men are scum", "Nigerian girls are useless" etc on here.

I just hope folks here apply wisdom in sieving comments on here when they seek advise.

Godmother:
I just went through this thread again and couldn't help shaking my head at pdude and skills.

Those guys were immature and silly, and to think one was even married at the time. Makes you wonder about the caliber of men we have these days.

I asked a simple question and they went on a rampage showcasing their stu.pidity and low IQ.

I'm married now; for over seven years. I finally got over my fear of marriage and took the plunge.

Marriage is not what I expected; it's so different from what I thought.

It can be beautiful if you marry the right person, stay committed to it; work hard at it, give as much as you get, laugh together, and pray.

I just thought to update this thread so any young lady currently having that irrational far I had will know not to.

Pdude aka pdudd is now in his 40s(for real). The last time I saw his useless moniker, he was busy ranting about African American females on his threads. I don't know if his marriage crashed.

He is probably hiding with another moniker and deceiving fellow f@gg0+s in the red pill thread.

Good thing you married right and are enjoying your marriage. Good luck.

Klass99:
When you resurrected your thread and provided an update, I went to the first page and read through all the pages. At no point in time did I get the impression or feeling you said rubbish, you pissed all over the institution of marriage or misled anyone with your concerns or questions about marriage, at the time.

The current drama I'm witnessing on your thread makes me wonder if it is the same original post or thread I read. I simply concluded that perception and understanding differs from person to person, what I read and understood as a naive young girl with concerns about marriage and asking questions about it, others have read and understood a different thing.

If it is any consolation to you, I understood you/your dilemma, I don't think you were out of line for voicing your thoughts, doubts or concerns back then and seeking the views of married folks regarding your fears. I also appreciate that you returned with a positive update after 7 years of marriage.I see you, I feel you and I understand you.

Thank you for dropping this piece.

If you see people who are bitter about marriage and are legitly p*ssing on it, omo, you go run.

The OP was nowhere close to "preaching" to people or giving off any wrong impressions about marriage. She didn't even say menaskum or any of the sorts... like, damn. We all are allowed to grow and have fearful, imperfect moments o. For someone who didn't even have the best of dads, according to what she said.

The OP held no conclusive and opinionated beliefs... just something limited to her own experiences that she came to share online.

...

Godmother:
I just went through this thread again and couldn't help shaking my head at pdude and skills.

Those guys were immature and silly, and to think one was even married at the time. Makes you wonder about the caliber of men we have these days.

I asked a simple question and they went on a rampage showcasing their stu.pidity and low IQ.

I'm married now; for over seven years. I finally got over my fear of marriage and took the plunge.

Marriage is not what I expected; it's so different from what I thought.

It can be beautiful if you marry the right person, stay committed to it; work hard at it, give as much as you get, laugh together, and pray.

I just thought to update this thread so any young lady currently having that irrational far I had will know not to.

You're wicked Sha.

Do you know how many innocent girls you misled in 2012?

glimpse33:


You're wicked Sha.

Do you know how many innocent girls you misled in 2012?

explain how she misled them?

For all the married women out there, I would appreciate your viewpoint about Nigerian marriages. Is it like a bondage for women. Once a woman gets married she's expected to change her entire self to please the man.

I believe in being submissive o, but some men can take it to the extreme. My mum and sisters keep telling me there's nothing in marriage and we single girls shouldn't be desperate to rush in. And I saw for a fact that my dad wasn't the best of husbands.

I recently left a relationship where the guy was overbearing. He wanted things done his way ALL THE TIME. I had to think of ways to make him happy always and each time he brought up the subject of marriage I froze. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with him.

Klass99:


The first text in bold made me smile, I like the phrase legitly pissing on. Second text in bold is just an accurate take on real life.

It's usually the intense aggression, arm-chair diagnosis of others, how we quickly jump to a negative interpretation of someone’s comment or situation and start to speculate on things they didn't write or say in their post, that always baffles me.

Someone even went as far as saying we (women) after desiring reckless gbola, sudden money, lies, experiencing disastrous gbola, ending up with fools, yada yada yadaa.......we generalise for all men. Meanwhile he generalised for all women and I wondered, how does the original post correlate with such vitriol?

The topic of the thread is misleading but when you read the main post, you ought to understand what the original poster was on about and where she was coming from.

Wooh Noliaa, have a productive and fruitful day joor.

They are right tho Why chase reckless gbola, disastrous gbola, when you can simply be at peace with glorious gbola?

cococandy:
explain how she misled them?

The topic

On the flip side I can’t believe this thread is already 10 years old . I feel like I remember it. Or maybe it was a similar thread that I’m remembering. But time does fly indeed. Before y’all know what’s up another 10 years will breeze by just like that.

Enjoy your life now o.

Acidosis:


The topic

MODs do modify the topics/headlines to make it more click baity and attractive for argument. Most threads titles aren’t the original words or phrases the posters use. The MODs usually paraphrase it to suit where they want the conversation to go. I thought you guys knew this

Nahhhhh, Nigerians have a VERY unpleasant streak. A very very mean streak. Just the way we raise children. Punish them for pouring water away, punish them failing to walk well as toddlers, punish them for pooing on their bodies when they've not been pottytrained o.

I did not even read the initial comments from the first page... that's one of the reasons I usually read the OP alone and skip to the next thread, because I know the comments are most times nothing to write home about. But as always, and even different from other topics, I am utterly shocked and disappointed at these comments. And is it one lady up there that's always being/been praised as a savage legend? Just came from nowhere, joined forces with another and started bullying the OP, bodyshaming her. Like, over what exactly??

And I don't want to bet that those people believe in not dying in silence?? Like, why are we always so condescending as a people, when the person being addressed has not warranted it or whatever?

Oga o.

The same frustration person go pour for your innocent body for car park early momo for Monday morning na the same frustration we dey show online. And we're supposedly happy as a nation?

Hmm. It is well.

Klass99, do have a lovely, beautiful day, too, o jere.

GloriousGbola:


They are right tho Why chase reckless gbola, disastrous gbola, when you can simply be at peace with glorious gbola?

Is gbola how we invoke you?
Klass mentioned it and you appeared

cococandy:


MODs do modify the topics/headlines to make it more click baity and attractive for argument. Most threads titles aren’t the original words or phrases the posters use. The MODs usually paraphrase it to suit where they want the conversation to do. I thought you guys knew this

True but mods only modify front-page threads. I don't think this made the front page at any time (based on the number of views).

Different people have seen different parts of marriage.

I have an aunt - very wealthy, married to this day, but the marriage had issues. From both sides. They have five middle aged daughters. Only the first born is married. The ladies are all very well to do, very successful, but the stuff they saw as kids - they gave marriage a hard pass.

Some people see happy marriages, others see toxic ones. And you have to ask the question - do I want this for the rest of my life?

I remember something kray from my uni days. This guy and girl were dating from sec school and both came to Unilorin. Now in girl was HOT and the guy was just there, and it started showing. Plenty of toasters for the girl. Next thing the guy starts beating on the girl. Like wtf.

And the guys mum tells the girl, a 17 or 18 year old, well that's how some men show love and some other bs. That means that is a household where domestic violence is accepted. Imagine a girl growing up watching her mother being beaten on the regular and everyone glossing over it.

Some will simply decide this is not for me. I can be fine and not beat up by my damn self

cococandy:


Is gbola how we invoke you?
Klass mentioned it and you appeared

Post gbola 3 times and glorious gbola will appear on your thread with his trench coat

_{I follow you and I saw your posts on the thread}

Acidosis:


True but mods only modify front-page threads. I don't think this made the front page at any time (based on the number of views).

Well even if that’s the case here, the post body itself conveys the OPs thoughts better than the one line heading. I don’t see how that one sentence should be enough to deter anyone who was interested in getting married anyway. I mean even for those who had doubts about marriage, I still don’t see how that one sentence would be the deciding factor for them. I think we would be over reaching to say OP ruined the idea of marriage for anyone.

GloriousGbola:


Post gbola 3 times and glorious gbola will appear on your thread with his trench coat

_{I follow you and I saw your posts on the thread}

was just teasing you

cococandy:


Well even if that’s the case here, the post body itself conveys the OPs thoughts better than the one line heading. I don’t see how that one sentence should be enough to deter anyone who was interested in getting married anyway. I mean even for those who had doubts about marriage, I still don’t see how that one sentence would be the deciding factor for them . I think we would be over reaching to say OP ruined the idea of marriage for anyone.

Very true.

I think the main issue is the fact that OP married the same guy that made her create this sort of thread. People come here everyday to ask this question "didn't you see the signs before marriage?"

So I feel like someone ignored the signs and the whole essence of the thread (and the new update) is confusing. But well... I wish her the best. Change is constant and happiness is key.

...

Acidosis:


Very true. I think the main issue is the fact that OP married the same guy that made her create this sort of thread. People come here everyday to ask this question "didn't you see the signs before marriage?"

So I feel like someone ignored the signs and the whole essence of the thread (and the new update) is confusing. But well... I wish her the best. Change is constant and happiness is key.

Oh did she? I didn’t see that part.

Happy 7 years anniversary OP. Both of you must be doing something right if you’re coming back to make happy updates. Congratulations