₦airaland Forum

Wittyglam:
This is going to be a 5mins read I hope so.

A friend of mine (Daniel) has been going through a tough time with his mom and girl friend (wife to be).

Wahala started when Daniel informed is mom about his intention to get married. Only for the mom to find out the woman he wants to marry is a single mom of two(kids). All hell broke loose.

Daniel’s mom has begged him to quit the relationship and kill the idea of marrying her but Daniel has refused and told is mom how much he has struggled with relationships, this is the only one that has made him happy and given him peace of mind. Daniel’s mom is more concern about the issue the kids can cause later in life, Daniel already told the mom how they have tried to reach out to the father of these kids but he wants nothing to do with them, since he already has a family.

The kids are bearing the name of their mother’s dad and once they get married the kids are taking his name. Daniel becomes their biological father automatically.

Daniel’s mom doesn’t want this union. She’s already threatening to commit Suicidal and it’s getting to Daniel as he is not willing to loose is mom and he is also not ready to let go of the love of is life.

The girlfriend has asked him to end the relationship but he’s not ready to. I don’t know what to tell him.

I need your help.

Wittyglam:
Daniel’s mom doesn’t want this union. She’s already threatening to commit Suicidal and it’s getting to Daniel as he is not willing to loose is mom and he is also not ready to let go of the love of is life.

The girlfriend has asked him to end the relationship but he’s not ready to. I don’t know what to tell him. I need your help.

NemoDatQuod:
I don't know about Daniel, but if my Mum pulls such a stunt, I will ask her to show me where she will like to be buried after she commits suicide. But my mum is the first to tell you that you are now an adult who should make all your own decisions based on the training she gave you when you were still a minor, in addition to your life experiences.

Beremx:
Why would Daniel’s mother be threatening suicide because his son has found love? So what if he’s in love with a single mother? Our society isn’t fair to single mothers at all. They deserve to be loved

obinna58:
Man wants to father two kids while single no kids women plenty, soon the woman go use am care for her kids and dump his sorry ass, the man go die of severe heart pain las las
I pity the mother sha

chybyke2:
The issue at hand is hydra-headed. @OP, you failed to tell us if the woman your friend wants to marry was legally betrothed to the father of her two children.

Your friend's mother is foreseeing looming danger but your friend is reasoning with his third leg. He should sit down with her mother and analyse the pros and cons involved in such a marriage.

Although, he is not going to live with her mother for the rest of his life, the unforeseen resultant effect might consume him if care is not taken.

Remember, those children belong to someone else and their father might come for them tomorrow when fortune smiles on him. At that time, your friend might have spent a lot of money training them.

My advise:
1. Tell your friend to have a round table discussion with his mum on this issue in other to x-ray the grey areas surrounding it if truly he loves the girl.
2. Find out why the lady separated from the ex.
3. If the answer he gets from 1&2 above are positive, he should involve the families of the girl and her ex concerning the children. If the family of the ex and the ex himself are not interested in the children, he should persuade them to sign agreements forfeiting those children.
My 2 cents though.

Klass99:
Some mothers with extreme drama, emotional blackmail and a manipulative attitude . Always acting like they own you and your life because they gave birth to you.

How did Daniel's girl become a single mother of two? The answer will help me frame my response better but it really doesn't matter. If the single mother situation is as a result of a reckless lifestyle, I'll have reservations too, as Daniel's friend or relative. If it's a case of divorce I won't have a lot of reservations just more of curiosity.

I firmly believe your life is yours to build and not for others to steer in whatever direction they want, so on that basis, Daniel can pretty much do what pleases him or suits him best. On another hand I have reservations about unencumbered people attaching themselves to encumbered ones. But that's just me!

Daniel's mom needs to keep it drama free and competently put her points across, as to why she thinks this may be a wrong move.

Richy4:
The ball is in your friend's court.. If he knows how to reach his mother's heart, Now is the time to bring in all his arsenal and persuasive skills...

It sounds like Daniel is from a knitted home...So he should know how to get to the mother's heart.. since the mother knows that emotional blackmail might work on him....

There are some parents who will never try suicide threat before their children because they know their kids will be happy to see them go
what are the sex of the two kids OP?...based on African culture, it will be easier if they are female not that it matters though..

NemoDatQuod:
I don't know about Daniel, but if my Mum pulls such a stunt, I will ask her to show me where she will like to be buried after she commits suicide. But my mum is the first to tell you that you are now an adult who should make all your own decisions based on the training she gave you when you were still a minor, in addition to your life experiences.

A sensible mother understands that she is not the one getting married and she will not be the one living with the woman. Daniel is an adult. He should make his own decisions and live with the blame or the accolade. The hundreds of thousands of marriages collapsing every year are contracted with single women who do not have kids. A single mother may actually be more mature and help ensure her marriage works. But if it does not work, it will not be because she has kids.

Daniel should be more concerned with whether he truly knows the woman he wants to marry and understands her character and values. So far he is not getting married because what happens in "za oza room" is very sweet, he should be alright. He should also be sure he himself is a marriageable material. Chikena!

Kobojunkie:
Daniel has to decide whether to have his life ruled over by his mother even in marriage. That is simply what it is.

onumadu:
What a mother sees (about other women) sitting down, a son cannot see even if he climbs a tree.
BUT, the man is an adult and should be allowed to make his mistakes.
My worry is that the girl/woman in question even advised the man to end the relationship, and he is adamant.
THAT IS A RED FLAG.
Marriage relationships should always be fairly MUTUALLY DESIRED.
The girl/woman doesn't need to marry again since she has those two kids. So, she really doesn't need the man per se.

I would find me a "tear rubber" biko!

Beremx:
Why would Daniel’s mother be threatening suicide because his son has found love? So what if he’s in love with a single mother? Our society isn’t fair to single mothers at all. They deserve to be loved

Beremx:
Why would Daniel’s mother be threatening suicide because his son has found love? So what if he’s in love with a single mother? Our society isn’t fair to single mothers at all. They deserve to be loved

Wittyglam:
This is going to be a 5mins read I hope so.

A friend of mine (Daniel) has been going through a tough time with his mom and girl friend (wife to be).

Wahala started when Daniel informed is mom about his intention to get married. Only for the mom to find out the woman he wants to marry is a single mom of two(kids). All hell broke loose.

Daniel’s mom has begged him to quit the relationship and kill the idea of marrying her but Daniel has refused and told is mom how much he has struggled with relationships, this is the only one that has made him happy and given him peace of mind. Daniel’s mom is more concern about the issue the kids can cause later in life, Daniel already told the mom how they have tried to reach out to the father of these kids but he wants nothing to do with them, since he already has a family.

The kids are bearing the name of their mother’s dad and once they get married the kids are taking his name. Daniel becomes their biological father automatically.

Daniel’s mom doesn’t want this union. She’s already threatening to commit Suicidal and it’s getting to Daniel as he is not willing to loose is mom and he is also not ready to let go of the love of is life.

The girlfriend has asked him to end the relationship but he’s not ready to. I don’t know what to tell him.

I need your help.

Acidosis:
You mean women?

Berem, would you support your son if he decides to take the same step?

Note, I am not against the relationship but more often than not, people love to speak against victimisation only when they're the victim.

Wittyglam:
mother’s can be manipulative sometimes to get what they want but I’m scared because I don’t know if she is for real or faking it. It’s a hard decision that is why I put it out here.

Foodqueen:
Just know that no matter what u do, she will always wish that those children have their biological father.

Wittyglam:
but what if that is not what she wants to do? This is a real life sorry and we should not judge like that, don’t you think so?

Wittyglam:
This is going to be a 5mins read I hope so.

A friend of mine (Daniel) has been going through a tough time with his mom and girl friend (wife to be).

Wahala started when Daniel informed is mom about his intention to get married. Only for the mom to find out the woman he wants to marry is a single mom of two(kids). All hell broke loose.

Daniel’s mom has begged him to quit the relationship and kill the idea of marrying her but Daniel has refused and told is mom how much he has struggled with relationships, this is the only one that has made him happy and given him peace of mind. Daniel’s mom is more concern about the issue the kids can cause later in life, Daniel already told the mom how they have tried to reach out to the father of these kids but he wants nothing to do with them, since he already has a family.

The kids are bearing the name of their mother’s dad and once they get married the kids are taking his name. Daniel becomes their biological father automatically.

Daniel’s mom doesn’t want this union. She’s already threatening to commit Suicidal and it’s getting to Daniel as he is not willing to loose is mom and he is also not ready to let go of the love of is life.

The girlfriend has asked him to end the relationship but he’s not ready to. I don’t know what to tell him.

I need your help.