₦airaland Forum

But OP you seem like a fool too. I mean, it is obvious that these people do not care if you live or die. They obviously dislike you and will never like you.

Why not do what a sensible man would do? That is, completely cut them off and face your life squarely.

Your problem seems to come from low self esteem. Hence, you are chasing their validation. If not, I do not see any reason why you should still be in contact with people who are clearly your enemies.

If you do not solve your esteem issues, If you do not start to act like A MAN, if you do not begin to defend yourself and your son - and girlfriend against these animals you call family members, you won't go far in life.


Man, cut those people off.. Acting soft hearted will get you killed sooner than you can think.

Be a man. Take the hard decision - that's best for you.
Cut off those animals from your life.


Again, do not listen to that fool intruder15.
Only marry your girlfriend when you are fully ready and capable. It is your choice. Do not allow any random stupid stranger to decide your life for you.

Why do you call her your wife if you did not marry her

Tammyor2:
She came to the village for an occasion, she wanted to stay at my place for sometime but I do not want her around.

My mom is in her late 40's, she is a type of woman who doesn't care about her child wellbeing and being the first child from her womb, I was most affected. Countless time I have faced pain and cry asking myself if she is truly my mom. She has an habit of raining curses on me since my young age until I left home at 15. Over the past 10years i have been staying with one family to another working my ass off. Trust me I have had my own share of sufferness. The most astonishing part is through those years my mom might only call once in a year and that's after facing backlash from family members why she do not care about her son.

She also always have her way of blocking extended family members from helping me by either fighting with them at the brinks of them helping me or she will sha do something awkward at those moments that will make the helper back off.

I won't be able to go into details of the sufferness I had been through with no support or parental love/care. Atleast if parent don't have money, they will support there child with prayers and care.

2020 I went home after 10years away, due to little misunderstanding, she knelt down in the middle of the compound and started raining curses on me, saying I will never prosper and all sort of different curses. I had to left home bcus of that. I went to further my studies at sch by engaging in all various type of hard labour. My mom will usually tell me going to school is not compulsory for me, that if I can't afford to go to school I will do hard labour. Yet when it comes to my younger brother she will have money to pay for his schooling and upkeep

Fast forward too last tear, things started going well for me, I was okay and doing pretty fine in school. Because of the loneliness and love I never had at young age, my girlfriend got pregnant and I told her to keep the pregnancy bcus I'm very sure I could take care of them.

That same last year, I wasn't happy deep down about the situation my family were in, so I gave about 50% of my savings to my mom too start a medium business for the family upkeep. A month later grandma died and my father had no money for burial. Yes my father and mother have been living together all this while. My dad is different from my mom toward me, he will always support me when he has, but he is not a fighter, he doesn't care either but hevis better than my mom. he will only give wen he have it. Though He finally succumb to my mom pressure and they both forget about me 2016 as a failure who will never make it. I was just 20years old then with ND certificate.

For the burial, I was foolish enough to support them with almost all I had, and my mom also diverted the money I sent her for business into the burial. After the burial they all went their way and I'm left with my pregnant wife and depleted account balance. A month too the due date, things were so bad I already have plans to sell some of my furniture's wen my baby arrive. After my baby naming ceremony I was left with only 12k in my account and nobody to look on too. Non of my family member attend my child naming ceremony, only three people from the extended family who are close by came from my villagewhich is 7min drive to where i reside. My parents didn't even call me or my wife to send a little token for the child or at worst ask for his wellbeing.

Luckily for me again after the child dedication things started improving, my child brought favour and luck. A family member ask my parents why they didn't attend their grandson naming ceremony, they told him because I do not support their family despite me having money. I was so angry they could utter those statements after all I had done for them. Many more I did for them was not mention here. I later found out my father was angry because I gave my mum money to start a biz fir the family but I didn't give him money to build a house.

Despite all they did, I put it behind me and still started giving the little I could afford, they won't ask me directly if they need any thing but would rather tell people or family members to call me which often pisses me off, they have spoilt me in the face of families and old friends that i have money but dont want to help them. They do not appreciate the little I am doing.

I am currently serving NYSC, but because I have been taking care of my wife and boy Without help form nobody dey thought I am very rich. I have explained to them I'm not what dey think I'm yet but they won't bulge, they get angry anytime dey need and I could not provide. I don't have a car neither have I build a house.

Despite all this I still give them everything and they still kept on telling people I'm not helping them. My younger brother university education fees and welfare is on me, I pay 50% of thier rent recently, I send some cash periodically to them too yet they are not appreciative, everybody in the family sees me as someone who's not giving his parent.

I Iive in my state of origin and my parent are staying far east. Recently my mom came home for an occasion and want to stay at my place, I was not kinda comfortable with her coming around, I do not have that feeling. Yes I could send them money and cater what I can but I do not want her around me for now atleast not until I have figured out my life and settled down. They have called almost all the family again telling them how I don't want my mom to come to my side. Everybody in the extended family thinks I'm rich. I'm really afraid something could happen to me(Village people things)

My child is 10month now, and non of them have send a single penny for him.

I'm just confused because I know if I fall today again, there will be no shoulder to rest on, all I have is my wife(not wedded yet and my parents don't care about that) and my child.

Pls I need advice on what to do and how to handle them. I'm confused they might want my head through this hatred.

Samantha123:
Why do you call her your wife if you did not marry her

because I'm not running from my responsibilities.. u guys will just be asking op off question

Marriage is earned, you don't just cohabit with someone and call her your wife.

You not running away from your responsibilities does not make her your wife.

What about her dignity as a woman? Because right now she's just your girlfriend and baby mama doing wifely duties, more like a self made wife.

If something bad happens to you, your family will still kick her out of that house, take everything away from her, and send her packing because they wouldn't recognize her as your wife.

Lekan239:
because I'm not running from my responsibilities.. u guys will just be asking op off question

Tammyor2:
I tried doing this. The pressure from the extended family was so much on me. My parent kept feeding them with lies and about how I have money and I'm ignoring them. My living close too the village does not help matters too. No body from my family has seen my baby boy since I gave birth,

dont you know how to block numbers on your phone

Samantha123:
Marriage is earned, you don't just cohabit with someone and call her your wife.

You not running away from your responsibilities does not make her your wife.

What about her dignity as a woman? Because right now she's just your girlfriend and baby mama doing wifely duties, more like a self made wife.

If something bad happens to you, your family will still kick her out of that house, take everything away from her, and send her packing because they wouldn't recognize her as your wife.

lol. I'm not the op abeg

satandeterrible:
intruder15 you be idiot. Big bastard you be. Very useless animal!!!

Why are you talking about vrujde price and marriage with the lady? Did the OP come here to complain about his girlfriend?

Why can't you just up your disgusting, dirty, diseased mouth as you obviously have nothing intelligent to say.

Miserable bastard. The OP is not seeking your useless advice about marriage to his girlfriend. The OP is seeking advice about his toxic and demonic family members.


Nonentities like you should be shot at sight. You are very sick inythe head. Stupid animal.

Focus on the topic and stop pressuring the OP to marry.
Fool!!!!

Please I am not the source of your problem. If you are going through mental issues related to marriage, don't vent it on me please.

Take your pills as applicable and leave me out of it. OP complained of his parents not regarding his baby mama. If he is Igbo, the child he calls his own is not even regarded as his own until he has paid her dowry.

Which explains why his parents don't regard her and the child.

I think everyone is saying the same thing.

Cut them off!
If they failed in parenting for you as a child, don't fail in parenting for your child.

You've started a new family.
Save some money and make it official with your baby mama.
You're not married to your mum!

You must have come this far by not listening to her when she told you "school is not for you".
If you keep listening to what people are saying, you won't go far.

intruder15:
Please I am not the source of your problem. If you are going through mental issues related to marriage, don't vent it on me please.

Take your pills as applicable and leave me out of it. OP complained of his parents not regarding his baby mama. If he is Igbo, the child he calls his own is not even regarded as his own until he has paid her dowry.

Which explains why his parents don't regard her and the child.

Shut up mumu. The parents are not regarding the OP talk more of his girlfriend. They hate the OP, how much more his lover?

The problem is not about marriage or not, the problem is the hatred being shown to the OP by his demonic family members and how he is foolishly trying to make things up with them.

People like you who are suffering in their marriage always go about asking other young men to marry so they can join you in your misery.

God will not allow me care for who neglected me.

Tammyor2:
thanks very much.

About cohabiting with my woman, I can afford to wed her any moment, I don't want to spend any penny on that yet, not until I'm very much settled, and she understands me. But early next year we will be going for just small court marriage

Pay her bride price and settle her family before court marriage. No do pass yourself! Just a small ceremony will do.

Be a man, real man
If your parents maltreat you, they did it to spur you to greatness.

I don't see any thing wrong for your mom to stay with u. But if u don't space in your house, you can explain to her. All these epistles are unnecessary. Blood is thicker than water.

Block everyone's number from your phone, including extended family members.
Stop sending any money to anyone and face your life squarely.
Look for ways to succeed without any family baggage.
They don't even like you, talkmore of loving you

Chief, the matter is quite simple...

Change your phone number and ensure no one in the family, (extended family inclusive) have access to you.

Send money to your parents once every month because it's the right thing to do but DO NOT communicate with any of them.

Do not allow any of them come to your dwelling and if possible change your location

Go ahead and do the court wedding. Forget traditional wedding for now. It's not a must

Draw closer to God and ask him for help when you are lost or confused or feel dejected.

The reason you are helping your parents is because you are seeking their approval especially the approval of your mum. You are yearning for that piece of love you never got from them and you are thinking "if I do this they might just show me a bit of affection"; my brother the earlier you face it the better, you may never get any form of affection from them. Focus on yourself and try to be a better man.

Finally and again, find God if you haven't and stick close to HIM.

linnyx:
Chief, the matter is quite simple...

Change your phone number and ensure no one in the family, (extended family inclusive) have access to you.

Send money to your parents once every month because it's the right thing to do but DO NOT communicate with any of them.

Do not allow any of them come to your dwelling and if possible change your location

Go ahead and do the court wedding. Forget traditional wedding for now. It's not a must

Draw closer to God and ask him for help when you are lost or confused or feel dejected.

The reason you are helping your parents is because you are seeking their approval especially the approval of your mum. You are yearning for that piece of love you never got from them and you are thinking "if I do this they might just show me a bit of affection"; my brother the earlier you face it the better, you may never get any form of affection from them. Focus on yourself and try to be a better man.

Finally and again, find God if you haven't and stick close to HIM.

@OP, pls copy and paste this post somewhere you can easily access it; read it over and over again, and do exactly as advised. Kindly note the bolded also. This was what I wanted to type before seeing the post.

Finally, work on your self-esteem seriously, because over the years, it has taken severe battery from these enemies disguising as family. Please stay far from toxic members.
Receive Christ into your life and start nurturing your relationship with Him. Very soon, you will begin to see changes in your life.

Matters like this no dey hard me. I go don harden my heart, block everybody and REALLY focus on my life.

help them from time to time but your first priority should be your family. If you're not there today, they will still survive.
Don't worry about what people say because people will always talk

Hmmm....

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