₦airaland Forum

Mindlog:
His mum is supposed to be there before he met his wife, just as his mother-in-law was there for her daughter before she met her husband.

As a married man, his wife is not a stranger but she and their children comes first before his birth family.

Don't mind all these JAMB candidates

Klass99:
If I understand you correctly wifey expects that if you're sending money to your folks, you should send the same amount to her folks too, am I right?

I don't know about the both of you, but if it were me I will do right, do good and do well by my parents, to the best of my ability without looking at what my spouse is doing for their parents or looking to them to do right by my parents for me, when I am still alive, working and earning.

Occasionally, I may ask my spouse to please pick up the slack for me and send something to my folks, if it's a rough month financially and I can't do so. If hubby on his own sends something to my parents without me asking I will be glad and appreciative. But to badger and hound him about it or pick a fight over it, when my hands are not broken, my brain is not malfunctioning and my siblings haven't passed yet........make I bend first.

Aged parents are a vulnerable set of people who need support, care and help the most, especially if they were good parents who did well by you. Additionally their youth and strength are gone, so if you don't help them as a child who has the capacity to do so, no be ment be that?

Usually siblings band together to take care of their parents, it's either they all contribute a monthly sum to be sent home or one sibling sends an allowance of say 50k for February, another does so for March and the responsibility is rotated that way on a monthly basis. It is not that you will go and marry someone's child then want to push the responsibility for your own parents onto them as well.

Honestly, I mean no offence but you and your wife are annoying! Sending money to your folks shouldn't be a bone of contention, where one or both of you start lying or hiding to send money home.

QED ²

Karleb:
I wonder why you people make life difficult for yourselves intentionally.

Why would you both agree to tell each other about when you send money to your parents.

That's some bullshits. So long you are doing your duties to her and you send to your in-laws sometimes too, you will do no wrong by not telling her how much you send to your family or know how much she sends to hers.

Marriage go just easy finish but una go dey find ways to make am hard.

I taya o.

Klass99:
If I understand you correctly wifey expects that if you're sending money to your folks, you should send the same amount to her folks too, am I right?

I don't know about the both of you, but if it were me I will do right, do good and do well by my parents, to the best of my ability without looking at what my spouse is doing for their parents or looking to them to do right by my parents for me, when I am still alive, working and earning.

Occasionally, I may ask my spouse to please pick up the slack for me and send something to my folks, if it's a rough month financially and I can't do so. If hubby on his own sends something to my parents without me asking I will be glad and appreciative. But to badger and hound him about it or pick a fight over it, when my hands are not broken, my brain is not malfunctioning and my siblings haven't passed yet........make I bend first.

Aged parents are a vulnerable set of people who need support, care and help the most, especially if they were good parents who did well by you. Additionally their youth and strength are gone, so if you don't help them as a child who has the capacity to do so, no be ment be that?

Usually siblings band together to take care of their parents, it's either they all contribute a monthly sum to be sent home or one sibling sends an allowance of say 50k for February, another does so for March and the responsibility is rotated that way on a monthly basis. It is not that you will go and marry someone's child then want to push the responsibility for your own parents onto them as well.

Honestly, I mean no offence but you and your wife are annoying! Sending money to your folks shouldn't be a bone of contention, where one or both of you start lying or hiding to send money home.

You just nailed it.
Barman, abeg give her anything she wants to drink

Don’t push it bro your in the Uk and legal system will be against you. How you later you and your wife run the home 50 50 is my annoyance leave western lifestyle you be African man she isn’t even suppose to know how much you take home she controls your finance and how you spend you money at this point. And right now she is manipulating you as well put your feet down say no more sending to parents I’m sure there is proxy some else can send on your behalf not just you a friend etc. be creative man. Woman no fit get sense pass man they fish brained.

You need to cut some slack b. As a man, you're entitled (this I took from wise old men) to a certain degree of discretion. The mistake can still be managed. Don't change a mutual agreement with one statement. Being discreet does send wrong signals (that's why I used the word 'manage') even if you're not the philandering husband. Over the years women get to respect us for some discreet actions bourne out of love and peace. My advise is this: Firstly you bleep up letting your wife that deep into a preserved sanctity, that of the relationship between you and your parent. That needs to be corrected discreetly (no more forensic auditing). Let her spend her earning the way she dims fit. Secondly, let the last bedroom ruckus die quietly. Choke it with silence. Thirdly, it's a very minor incidence, get it off your mind and don't give the quarrel a foot hold. Stay blessed.

This is what I plan to do henceforth.
I think because she contributes to bills, she feels entitled to a 50-50 arrangement.

Karleb:
I wonder why you people make life difficult for yourselves intentionally.

Why would you both agree to tell each other about when you send money to your parents.

That's some bullshits. So long you are doing your duties to her and you send to your in-laws sometimes too, you will do no wrong by not telling her how much you send to your family or know how much she sends to hers.

Marriage go just easy finish but una go dey find ways to make am hard.

The problem is that you make twice as much as your wife and she’s contributing to the mortgage and other expenses in the house. Which tells me you have your eyes on her money. Hence she kept her eyes on your money too.

ctex4real:
This is what I plan to do henceforth.
I think because she contributes to bills, she feels entitled to a 50-50 arrangement.

What percentage does she contribute?

Thanks mate, I know we made a mistake. Gosh, I had this lofty idea of doing everything together including finances. I was dead wrong! Thanks for your time tho

Pastoshizzy:
You need to cut some slack b. As a man, you're entitled (this I took from wise old men) to a certain degree of discretion. The mistake can still be managed. Don't change a mutual agreement with one statement. Being discreet does send wrong signals (that's why I used the word 'manage') even if you're not the philandering husband. Over the years women get to respect us for some discreet actions bourne out of love and peace. My advise is this: Firstly you bleep up letting your wife that deep into a preserved sanctity, that of the relationship between you and your parent. That needs to be corrected discreetly (no more forensic auditing). Let her spend her earning the way she dims fit. Secondly, let the last bedroom ruckus die quietly. Choke it with silence. Thirdly, it's a very minor incidence, get it off your mind and don't give the quarrel a foot hold. Stay blessed.

Simple and short

Richy4:
<<Both of you should sit down and draw a monthly budget that will keep the household running..

<<Mortgage, Children's upkeeps, insurance, groceries etc ....Calculate the total, Do ratio/percentage based on the contribution.. Open a joint account where both of you can deposit it whenever you were paid.. she will donate/ deposit her own part of the agreement while you will put your own part as well based on the budget...Both of you should Strictly agree that opening that account was for those things and not for personal shopping..

<< The rest of your earnings(personal account), u can do whatever you wanna do with it..You can give your family any amount that you want,... and she too can do whatever she wants with her own personal account including giving her family whatever she desires...

I see, coming from a woman, I now understand. I now know what to do. Thank you xx

cococandy:
The problem is that you make twice as much as your wife and she’s contributing to the mortgage and other expenses in the house. Which tells me you Jane your eyes on her money. Hence she kept her eyes on your money too.

70-80percent of her pay goes into Bill's for the house and mortgage. I spend 90% of mine or sometimes even 100 on some mths.

cococandy:
What percentage does she contribute?

This issue requires wisdom on your part because you are in the UK where the woman is almost in control of the family.

Much as one would expect both of you to me commited to your marriage, it seems to me as if your wife is more committed to her mum than the marriage. Yes, she needs to support her mum but if what you stated is true, that her mum is more financially buoyant than your mum, I would expect her to be more reasonable. I hope her mum is not the one putting pressure.

Maybe your wife is being indoctrinated to believe that she have more powers that you do in the marriage because of your location.

There are issues to explore in this matter. Obviously, there's a own sense of entitlement from one quarter.

Send me a mail if you don't mind.

ctex4real:
Hello everyone, I never knew I could be in this situation even though I read other people's stories here.
I would appreciate the advice from experienced married people here pls.
I am married with 2 kids.
My wife and I work in the UK and although I earn twice as much as her, she supports bills in the house. We contribute towards the mortgage together as well.
We do not have a joint account, however, we pledged that we would inform the other party whenever money is being sent back home as courtesy.
Due to her level of support, I agreed to send money to her parents whenever I send to mine. Her mum is based in the US but not really financially buoyant (still not as bad as my retired dad in Nigeria)
However, I realised that she wants such fund split 50-50 between our families. This has caused problems in the past. Hence, I resorted to sending money secretly to my parents who are usually cash strapped.
NOW THE ISSUE
Wife caught me on one occasion sending money to my parents without her knowledge. She asks me and I denied initially but later admitted and apologized, tried to make up in some way.
To find out if I had been sending money severally in the past without her knowledge, she plays a mind game by telling me that her co-wife (my brother's wife) who had just come into the UK with my brother told her (my wife) that my mum secretly advised her (my brother's wife) to be sending money very well back home(to my parents) like I do and that she should not let my wife know about it. By this, my wife alleges that I have been sending money back home.
I denied I ever used to send money secretly, insisting that that episode was the first and last. She agrees and lets it slide.
3mths down the line, I ask my mum if she ever said anything like that and my mum's voice broke down, she denied it with her life and was was really disappointed that my wife could lie against her.
I have pleaded with my mum to keep mum about the issue and I have full trust she will.
I feel really hurt and cannot understand why my wife would go to the extent of lying against my own mum. I want to confront her and express my profound disappointment.
My wife has also sent money to her mum without telling me and although I found out 2mths ago, I have not mentioned it just waiting for the right time.
I always wanted to be open/honest but my wife being inconsiderate by demanding 50-50 was what pushed me to send money secretly.
She denies ever being against sending money to my parents.
What would you advise me to do please? No insults and matured comments only please.
MODs please send to FP pls!

you are d weakest man I Kno on Earth, tueh

The idea of sending the same amount of everything to both parents is somewhat unreasonable

Point 1, both parents don't live in the same country; hence, different cost of living.

Point 2, the needs of a de facto single mother and a typical mom and dad family would differ in many ways.

Point 3, the pressure on an only-child situation would be greater than a family with 5 children.


Maybe it's time to reconsider this fixed, joint-everything situation. You both should take it easy and be flexible, please. Life is not that hard.

ctex4real:
Hello everyone, I never knew I could be in this situation even though I read other people's stories here.
I would appreciate the advice from experienced married people here pls.
I am married with 2 kids.
My wife and I work in the UK and although I earn twice as much as her, she supports bills in the house. We contribute towards the mortgage together as well.
We do not have a joint account, however, we pledged that we would inform the other party whenever money is being sent back home as courtesy.
Due to her level of support, I agreed to send money to her parents whenever I send to mine. Her mum is based in the US but not really financially buoyant (still not as bad as my retired dad in Nigeria)
However, I realised that she wants such fund split 50-50 between our families. This has caused problems in the past. Hence, I resorted to sending money secretly to my parents who are usually cash strapped.
NOW THE ISSUE
Wife caught me on one occasion sending money to my parents without her knowledge. She asks me and I denied initially but later admitted and apologized, tried to make up in some way.
To find out if I had been sending money severally in the past without her knowledge, she plays a mind game by telling me that her co-wife (my brother's wife) who had just come into the UK with my brother told her (my wife) that my mum secretly advised her (my brother's wife) to be sending money very well back home(to my parents) like I do and that she should not let my wife know about it. By this, my wife alleges that I have been sending money back home.
I denied I ever used to send money secretly, insisting that that episode was the first and last. She agrees and lets it slide.
3mths down the line, I ask my mum if she ever said anything like that and my mum's voice broke down, she denied it with her life and was was really disappointed that my wife could lie against her.
I have pleaded with my mum to keep mum about the issue and I have full trust she will.
I feel really hurt and cannot understand why my wife would go to the extent of lying against my own mum. I want to confront her and express my profound disappointment.
My wife has also sent money to her mum without telling me and although I found out 2mths ago, I have not mentioned it just waiting for the right time.
I always wanted to be open/honest but my wife being inconsiderate by demanding 50-50 was what pushed me to send money secretly.
She denies ever being against sending money to my parents.
What would you advise me to do please? No insults and matured comments only please.
MODs please send to FP pls!

You have to confront and challenge your wife

Then forgive her and ask mum to forgive her

That will throw caution to her

You both worked - you make twice her pay - not joint account. She still contributed towards you guys building the home to make it financially stable for you, herself and the children. Her contributions made it possible for you to be on the higher hand financially.

What you did is not right. Sit with her and apologize. Then come up with how you can both do it with each contributing idea better way to give. If you have siblings, get them involved in sending money to your parents too.

Your brother is in the UK - Make sure to split it by month. Don't let your siblings make you alone carry the responsibilities of caring for your parents!
Dig into each parents needs eg medications, food, care etc first make sure you done pay bills and have enough for you, herself and children then split and give.

We give both parents same amount and then supplement with extras to whomever needs it.

If any parent needs more , we give.

You both need to sit down and understand that needs will vary,there will be times that one party will need extras.Both of you should be fine with it,so that no one feels cheated. This will aid openness when giving the topups.

Bare minimum could be 50/50 for both parents and then add on as you wish .

Or you both do it separately..depends on what kind of home you want to run. No pattern is wrong as long as both of you are in agreement.

I wont ever place ANY woman above my mom as far as she's alive ....

armyofone:
You both worked - you make twice her pay - not joint account. She still contributed towards you guys building the home to make it financially stable for you, herself and the children. Her contributions made it possible for you to be on the higher hand financially.

What you did is not right. Sit with her and apologize. Then come up with how you can both do it with each contributing idea better way to give. If you have siblings, get them involved in sending money to your parents too.

Your brother is in the UK - Make sure to split it by month. Don't let your siblings make you alone carry the responsibilities of caring for your parents!
Dig into each parents needs eg medications, food, care etc first make sure you done pay bills and have enough for you, herself and children then split and give.

I was waiting for who would say the bolded.

Acidosis:
The idea of sending the same amount of everything to both parents is somewhat unreasonable

Point 1, both parents don't live in the same country; hence, different cost of living.

Point 2, the needs of a de facto single mother and a typical mom and dad family would differ in many ways.

Point 3, the pressure on an only-child situation would be greater than a family with 5 children.


Maybe it's time to reconsider this fixed, joint-everything situation. You both should take it easy and be flexible, please. Life is not that hard.

I think they made that decision after a steamy round of sex that left Oga extremely satisfied. Because the thing confuse me I no go lie.

pocohantas:
I think they made that decision after a steamy round of sex that left Oga extremely satisfied. Because the thing confuse me I no go lie.

This is the comment of a woman who understands and implements the adage - a man always pays for sex (one way or another)


The fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach while riding him.

The efo riro is strong with the kwinp

pocohantas:
I think they made that decision after a steamy round of sex that left Oga extremely satisfied. Because the thing confuse me I no go lie.

Decisions made after a steamy and hot sex always come with consequences. I guess he has to live with this consequence for a while.

He earns X 2. She supports bills. It doesn't make sense to split send equal sums to both families.

nicerod:
You are a simp bro


Ya mum was there before u met ur wife.


Is she sending money to ur parents like you used to send to her mama?


Family first before any stranger bro.

All these unnecessary headache sha

NoToPile:
I was waiting for who would say the bolded.

Autobot05:
I wont ever place ANY woman above my mom as far as she's alive ....

Make sure you marry your mum.

Jovialjune1:
Make sure you marry your mum.

Stop crying... marriage isn't mandatory

Autobot05:
Stop crying... marriage isn't mandatory

Of course...if only your Dad didn't marry your mum.

Jovialjune1:
Of course...if only your Dad didn't marry your mum.

Lmao ... stop being pained because I stated facts

Women will leave their husbands at any slight misfortune in a marriage ( mostly for financial reasons)...
But mum (family) always stays.

A man in his full functioning brain wont place his lifelong mom below a woman he picked outside and made her his wife ( this doesnt count for irresponsible mothers tho )