₦airaland Forum

Proserpina:
I think the question here should be what do you really feel for your mother? Obligation or love? Children seeks the absent parent more so don't feel guilty about wanting to keep in touch and hiding her from others. If you feel obligated because she's your mother then you will know if she's worth the risk.

And what do you feel for your step mom? Gratitude or Love? You most likely feel the former else telling her about your mom won't be an issue here. You believe if she knows,she will deem you ungrateful and cut you out,which may not be the case in the long run. If you see her as a friend,mother , companion and not your source of survival you will be plain with her. With a mother-child conversation,your mother's topic will be talked about freely. Unfortunately a barrier is still there deep down in your heart, to you she's not your mother after all.

on point! The barrier is there i didn't recieve any parental love. I met my stepmom late last year. It's hard tq

Meritjoshua:
i'm just wary of what could happen in future. I don't want my stepmom to be like "so you have been calling your mom and you didn't tell me". And telling her will be a big slap to my mom's image due to what she is facing presently. j

You just seem to be worrying yourself about a nonissue. Your stepmom has no right to tell you to no longer engage your mother or your father. she is a step and she knows that.

Meritjoshua:
i think the best thing is to tell my mom to be on lowkey after all she caused everything. I spent my childhood without any parental care. It got to a time that i ran away from where i was living, i was just 12years. I stole #200 because the woman i was living with refused to give me food. I almost died. I had a nasty expirience p

The way young people can be half sensible is quite unbelievable. Oga, you don't have to hide! There is nothing to hide about. Your people will be more hurt if they eventually find out that you've been relating with her on a "lowkey" level. Please be a wise man who learns from fuulish a man's mistake. Good luck!

churro:
Does your biological mum have any way to contact your biological dad and step mum? If not do not bother yourself about revealing anything to them. Just tell your mum, you have forgiven her but right now you need to focus on your studies. Don't give yourself emotional pressure for nothing. Dont tell your step mum and dad. And if your mum keeps calling you and bothering you after you've told her you've forgiven her just block her number. You are still very young abeg for all these drama they caused.

like seriously... My mom keep playing victim card. "it was your dad that maltreated me" bla bla bla

Kobojunkie:
You just seem to be worrying yourself about a nonissue. Your stepmom has no right to tell you to no longer engage your mother or your father. she is a step and she knows that.

she is a step but she stood with my dad when he needed her most. My mom made a grave mistake. She failed as a mother!

Proserpina:
And you will choose your run away mother over a woman who has been there for you? Really?
Later they will say step mothers are witches, you see life so?

If I were to be in your shoes I will let the woman who is the closest I have to a MOTHER know. It's no big deal really, you are in the Uni now so definitely "she" can't come to pick you again so really what are the odds?

the best thing is to keep everything as a secret

Meritjoshua:
she is a step but she stood with my dad when he needed her most. My mom made a grave mistake. She failed as a mother!

Did your dad not equally fail you as a father? Both of them are supposed to provide you with support even to this point in your life but they aren't. So, both parents failed you. This is, however, about whether to tell your stepmom, and I wonder why you feel guilty that she is not aware that you are in contact with your mother. You have yet to explain exactly why you feel that kind of guilt.

Meritjoshua:
the best thing is to keep everything as a secret

Why secret? Why are you so racked with guilt over something that ought not to be an issue?

Kobojunkie:
Did your dad not equally fail you as a father? Both of them are supposed to provide you with support even to this point in your life but they aren't. So, both parents failed you. This is, however, about whether to tell your stepmom, and I wonder why you feel guilty that she is not aware that you are in contact with your mother. You have yet to explain exactly why you feel that kind of guilt.

I think it's because he is not really close to his step mum whom he met just last year 2022. He dosent know how she will react especially now that she is the sole sponsor of his education. As a son, he dosent also want to belittle his biological mum before a step mom by telling her his mother's ordeal and hardship.
I quite understand the young man. And I feel for him. He has and had never had any close relationship with any family member so he is confused and lost.

There is no wrong in telling ur dad...and ur step up at the same time..just sit them down n tell them..
They are elders n they are wiser n know better..
Keeping all this to yourself is even worse..
They'd would never tell u not to talk to ur mum..
That I believe.

Since u don't live with ur step mom.
Then don't bother telling her..
And at yr age
U r suppose to be focused on urself ooo not ur mother..
Wise up.

churro:
■ I think it's because he is not really close to his step mum whom he met just last year 2022. He dosent know how she will react especially now that she is the sole sponsor of his education. As a son, he dosent also want to belittle his biological mum before a step mom by telling her his mother's ordeal and hardship.
I quite understand the young man. And I feel for him. He has and had never had any close relationship with any family member so he is confused and lost.

I sense the same which I why I hope by reasoning all out --- honestly too-- he can maybe see that he doesn't have to be hard on himself.

Meritjoshua:
My mom left my dad when i was just 6month old. Since then i have been living with my mother until 2010 when she took me to live with a relative in kwara state, i lived there for six years.
During my time there my mom only visited twice, so there is no strong relationship between us. During my stay in kwara state i was badly maltreated.
Ïn 2016 my grandpa( my mother's father) came to kwara and took me to ibadan to live with him. But unfortunatly i misbehave and i was taken to my mom.
I was about 13yrs old at that time, and i didn't really see her as a mother tho my step dad treated me well. I left her place in 2017 to live with my dad for the first time in my life. And since them my mom has refused to visit me. My step mom never knew i existed(she later met me in 2022) and she took me as her son having heard that my mom dumped me. My mom started calling me few months back which is unknown to the rest of the family. xi

Your Mom refused to visit you probably because she felt betrayed somehow. Or maybe she didn't want to get entangled with your Dad again.


See, if I were you, I would try to be close to those who catered to me during the most delicate years.


A man that kept you a secret because of another woman, distanced himself from you without knowing how you fed or if you were okay. Please think deeply and don't make your mother's efforts over you go to waste. Find a way to reach your grandpa, he's a gem.

Meritjoshua:
i think the best thing is to tell my mom to be on lowkey after all she caused everything. I spent my childhood without any parental care. It got to a time that i ran away from where i was living, i was just 12years. I stole #200 because the woman i was living with refused to give me food. I almost died. I had a nasty expirience p

Don't listen to the people that are pushing you to forgive the woman that calls herself your 'mother'.
Most of them are females and are always sentimental towards their own gender.

The woman doesn't actually merit that mother status in your life.
Forget her and focus on the people who're currently taking care of you.

She only started calling you because she needs some financial help from you: A typical female behaviour

ChybuzzDD:
Don't listen to the people that are pushing you to forgive the woman that calls herself your 'mother'.
Most of them are females and are always sentimental towards their own gender.

The woman doesn't actually merit that mother status in your life.
Forget her and focus on the people who're currently taking care of you.

She only started calling you because she needs some financial help from you: A typical female behaviour

Good observation 👍 The young man should tell the mother to give him space and stop calling him. Since the stepmother is the one financially supporting the man in university and the biological mother is not capable, he should not tell the stepmother about the mother.

Meritjoshua:
My mom narrated how her husband(my step father) ran away leaving her with three kids. She is now working in a private h institution tho she isn't financialy boyant yet. She keep telling me to forgive her that she didn't delibratly leave me. She tried to brainwash me but i don't give a Bleep coz i didn't receive any parental care from her and my dad.
So my question is i do i cope coz my dad, step mom and the rest of the family didn't know that she has been calling me. I'm just afraid because it might cause issue in the future. I don't want to hurt my step mom. I don't want to snub my mom and l don't want to tell my dad about her. What do i do?

Keep everything secret and sort every one privately

churro:
I think it's because he is not really close to his step mum whom he met just last year 2022. He dosent know how she will react especially now that she is the sole sponsor of his education. As a son, he dosent also want to belittle his biological mum before a step mom by telling her his mother's ordeal and hardship.
I quite understand the young man. And I feel for him. He has and had never had any close relationship with any family member so he is confused and lost.

This is the MOST realistic summary here!

As a man old enough to be this young man's father, I think "for now" , do not let your left hand know what your right hand does. Keep your communication with your mum low key but show her love and audience at least at a minimum.....she is your mother.

No matter what the case is ,you can't quantify your mother's love in comparison to your step mother that you JUST met. Your step mother can EASILY discard you for any reason at any time . Show gratitude by not telling anyone and focus on your schooling .