₦airaland Forum

Romanoff:
The first thing you should address is if she's level headed and well brought up with strong values. How do you treat her, do you treat her as an equal or do you treat her as a subordinate?

Cause the cases of wives "becoming something else" after relocating abroad with their husband that I've seen, I've realized that these women were just enduring the men in Nigeria. They got abroad and found their voice that poverty and "what people will say" (if they divorce or leave their marriage) kept hidden.

What type of woman is she, what kind of family does she come from, what are her values? (practical values that you've seen her demonstrate). Does she respect you, are you two Christians (not just the church going or the form filling type). I'm asking if you're christians cause if you both are, it means you share the same values as regards marriage.

Are you secure in the marriage/relationship, either you relocate abroad or not, does she respect your role in her life?

Are you ready for the culture shock that awaits you abroad? In the abroad, marriage is a partnership, not a "I'm the man of the house, you must obey me" type of marriage.

She works, you work, you two contribute to running your home, you two must work together to achieve tasks and goals for the family. You two will have conflicting work schedules, you two must learn to manage expectations abroad, the things that you use to do in Nigeria might not work abroad and if not managed properly, it can impact your marriage.

Be ready to cook, clean and look after the kids while she works and you are at home cause in the abroad, these tasks are not just for women, na two of una go do am.

So if your marriage will will stand the cultural shock awaiting you, please be prepared to face these realities. If you're an African man to the core, kindly stay back in Nigeria and have an African Marriage.

PS: it's obvious you don't even trust this woman, please leave her alone.

Sliding in a prenup without her knowledge is fraudulent and will cost you more in a developed country.

You better save yourself the trouble and do the needful.

I no know why una dey always need advice for wetin dey obvious.

Thank you for the wise opinion..
We working on our indifferences and all is working well.

Romanoff:
The reason you think it doesn't favour men abroad is cause you're use to the privilege that patriarchy gives to African men, especially in marriage.

No sane woman will treat a man who loves and respects her badly.

This is what I know.

If you're already seeing red flags now, I'll suggest you don't go any further.

You wrong with the first paragraph/assertion; i drew those conclusions based on stories i read not whatever african privileges you thought of. I grew up with no silly thought of "African privilege" same as my sibling&family bonafide resident in the abroad.

wunmi590:


I don't know why you people are always afraid to take your wife along with you abroad, yes some might be bad, but not all..

Don't let what you read online put fear on you, do your due diligence and move with your wife...

On my own end, I'm married to a very good woman from a reputable background, I can't travel out to stay for long without bringing her along with me, she's a blessing to me generally....

Wunmi i had known about your positivity via comments and this been encouraging. Thank you for the words.
We good now and waxing stronger

Kobojunkie:
WIll you also include details of what your brother did to give his wife leverage over him after he brought his wife over? Or do you intend to conveniently leave that part out of the story in order to demonize the woman?

JeffreyJunior:
Based on all you wrote down, you don't trust her and if you don't, don't do that which you have planned to do.

It can only be red flag, not pink flag or horseblood flag and in your case, there are lots of red flags already.

Nothing guides a man more than his instinct, follow it. If it tells you not to do something, don't push it any further.

Thank you Jeff!
All is working well

frozen70:
Listen to your heart and follow his direction
Your intuition can't be wrong

Thank you.

brian91:
To give further answers to your questions;
Yes she was groomed in a morally inclined, home as we met and fell in love in church. She graduated from one of those church private university in Nigeria. She is modest to say the least and I TREAT HER AS AN EQUAL and respect/give room to her views/opinions cos my mother trained her boy even though she wasn't rich. I ain't a religious guy since i hardly go to church but i have a good standing with my creator in prayer and supplication.
My just fear is the cultural evolution over there knowing fully well it does not favor men. I only wanted to be on a safer option perhaps else i am considering prenup!

Forget about meeting in church. Different people go there for different reasons.

Someone who put up a knife during disagreement is definitely not well brought up or has lost the good upbringing!

I saw this trick on TV.

Mix the prenup papers with other documents not related to marriage or anything like like, maybe insurance documents.

Make sure the first two pages are from the insurance, in that way, she wouldn't see a need to read further.

Tell her that her signature is required because you want to add her as a beneficiary and make sure she signs the papers in your presence because if you leave her with the papers, she might go through them all and find out what you're trying to do.

brian91:
Hello guys. I tried not to create a new moniker for this and swallow the pride else i use this.
Am in my early thirties, with a good career(Network Security) else i should be relocating soon by God's grace for further knowledge. I am in a serious relationship(dated 2 years) already proposed. She's a newly graduate and tryna push a career too. Our intention and plan is to relocate together but i FEAR for my sanity and emotion as i had read so many life stories of women turning to become something different upon arrival, some imperfection she portray although i ain't perfect either. I am never for divorce else i took my time up to this age before i decide to propose.
One of it is, she is naive that i saw how guys disturb her and i be like why do you give number in the first place; secondly, she is a bit stubborn not that i can't put her in place but my fear is it's a woman world that any little thing they call the cops. All of this she had promised not to ever happen again and ask i give her second warning to prove herself. I am still scared cos have read, heard and seen how wives turned against their sweet heart to the extent of tarnishing and disrupting the husband/partner life and pursuit.
I need your further view on this, I AM LOOKING INTO DOING A PRENUP but don't know if it can be slided into our marriage document without she, her family or my family knowing about the contents?

NB: I shouldn't have said this but let me. An incident happened that she was at fault but in a way to persuade and beg, she seized my phone, locked the door at me and promise to pick a knife at herself. Although she ain't aggressive to fight me but i fear she might frustrate me to do what i detest so much.

RoyalRoy
Seun

brian91:

poco, you need to let go of your emotion when adjudging.

Emotions is part of our daily life, so I don't understand this noise Naija men make about emotions. I bet I would have let my emotions be if I was on your side. If you no wan marry her, shift and let us hear word abeg.

pocohantas:
Emotions is part of our daily life, so I don't understand this noise Naija men make about emotions. I bet I would have let my emotions be if I was on your side. If you no wan marry her, shift and let us hear word abeg.

Poco you no well
Have we met that you could quickly throw-in at every "NAIJA MEN"
Abeg tame your emotion so as to avoid misjudge.

brian91:
Poco you no well
Have we met that you could quickly throw-in at every "NAIJA MEN"
Abeg tame your emotion so as to avoid misjudge.

I said what I said. Stop disturbing us.
No be you first go abroad.

pocohantas:
I said what I said. Stop disturbing us.
No be you first go abroad.

Still you no well
For even emphasized on the above
But you know say cotonou sef na abroad so ease yourself of that immature remark.

brian91:
Wunmi i had known about your positivity via comments and this been encouraging. Thank you for the words.
We good now and waxing stronger

Bless up bro...

May God continue to bless your union with wisdom and more money 💰 🙏

wunmi590:
Bless up bro...

May God continue to bless your union with wisdom and more money 💰 🙏

Amin ati Amin

brian91:
Thank you for the wise opinion..
We working on our indifferences and all is working well.

I'm happy for you.

Romanoff:
I'm happy for you.

Thank you...