Hello guys. I tried not to create a new moniker for this and swallow the pride else i use this.
Am in my early thirties, with a good career(Network Security) else i should be relocating soon by God's grace for further knowledge. I am in a serious relationship(dated 2 years) already proposed. She's a newly graduate and tryna push a career too. Our intention and plan is to relocate together but i FEAR for my sanity and emotion as i had read so many life stories of women turning to become something different upon arrival, some imperfection she portray although i ain't perfect either. I am never for divorce else i took my time up to this age before i decide to propose.
One of it is, she is naive that i saw how guys disturb her and i be like why do you give number in the first place; secondly, she is a bit stubborn not that i can't put her in place but my fear is it's a woman world that any little thing they call the cops. All of this she had promised not to ever happen again and ask i give her second warning to prove herself. I am still scared cos have read, heard and seen how wives turned against their sweet heart to the extent of tarnishing and disrupting the husband/partner life and pursuit.
I need your further view on this, I AM LOOKING INTO DOING A PRENUP but don't know if it can be slided into our marriage document without she, her family or my family knowing about the contents?

NB: I shouldn't have said this but let me. An incident happened that she was at fault but in a way to persuade and beg, she seized my phone, locked the door at me and promise to pick a knife at herself. Although she ain't aggressive to fight me but i fear she might frustrate me to do what i detest so much.

RoyalRoy
Seun

The first thing you should address is if she's level headed and well brought up with strong values. How do you treat her, do you treat her as an equal or do you treat her as a subordinate?

Cause the cases of wives "becoming something else" after relocating abroad with their husband that I've seen, I've realized that these women were just enduring the men in Nigeria. They got abroad and found their voice that poverty and "what people will say" (if they divorce or leave their marriage) kept hidden.

What type of woman is she, what kind of family does she come from, what are her values? (practical values that you've seen her demonstrate). Does she respect you, are you two Christians (not just the church going or the form filling type). I'm asking if you're christians cause if you both are, it means you share the same values as regards marriage.

Are you secure in the marriage/relationship, either you relocate abroad or not, does she respect your role in her life?

Are you ready for the culture shock that awaits you abroad? In the abroad, marriage is a partnership, not a "I'm the man of the house, you must obey me" type of marriage.

She works, you work, you two contribute to running your home, you two must work together to achieve tasks and goals for the family. You two will have conflicting work schedules, you two must learn to manage expectations abroad, the things that you use to do in Nigeria might not work abroad and if not managed properly, it can impact your marriage.

Be ready to cook, clean and look after the kids while she works and you are at home cause in the abroad, these tasks are not just for women, na two of una go do am.

So if your marriage will will stand the cultural shock awaiting you, please be prepared to face these realities. If you're an African man to the core, kindly stay back in Nigeria and have an African Marriage.

PS: it's obvious you don't even trust this woman, please leave her alone.

Sliding in a prenup without her knowledge is fraudulent and will cost you more in a developed country.

You better save yourself the trouble and do the needful.

I no know why una dey always need advice for wetin dey obvious.

That incident u narrated up there is enough red flag.

She will put u in a deep shit when u marry her.

Even saint among them changes.

I don't know why you people are always afraid to take your wife along with you abroad, yes some might be bad, but not all..

Don't let what you read online put fear on you, do your due diligence and move with your wife...

On my own end, I'm married to a very good woman from a reputable background, I can't travel out to stay for long without bringing her along with me, she's a blessing to me generally....

You cant have a prenup added to your marriage documents without her signature. If you do, it will be a void document.

Meanwhile, you won marry person wey you dey doubt already. Isn't God just awesome

It's a 50-50 thing o



But it might ends in tears

brian91:
■ One of it is, she is naive that i saw how guys disturb her and i be like why do you give number in the first place; secondly, she is a bit stubborn not that i can't put her in place but my fear is it's a woman world that any little thing they call the cops. All of this she had promised not to ever happen again and ask i give her second warning to prove herself. I am still scared cos have read, heard and seen how wives turned against their sweet heart to the extent of tarnishing and disrupting the husband/partner life and pursuit.
I need your further view on this,
■ I AM LOOKING INTO DOING A PRENUP but don't know if it can be slided into our marriage document without she, her family or my family knowing about the contents? NB: I shouldn't have said this but let me. An incident happened that she was at fault but in a way to persuade and beg, she seized my phone, locked the door at me and promise to pick a knife at herself. Although she ain't aggressive to fight me but i fear she might frustrate me to do what i detest so much.

1. Why are you marrying this woman if you obviously have reservations about her and her intentions?

2. Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman. If you cannot both agree to the terms and conditions stated in your prenup, then your marriage cannot have one. it is as simple as that.

LoL........
I'd to create a thread too exaplainin what my simp bro went through bringing in his wife.......u cud read that story...........

FairlyUSEDpussy:
LoL........
I'd to create a thread too exaplainin what my simp bro went through bringing in his wife.......u cud read that story...........

WIll you also include details of what your brother did to give his wife leverage over him after he brought his wife over? Or do you intend to conveniently leave that part out of the story in order to demonize the woman?

Kobojunkie:
WIll you also include details of what your brother did to give his wife leverage over him after he brought his wife over? Or do you intend to conveniently leave that part out of the story in order to demonize the woman?

Shut up idiot.......
That post is for sane pple.....

FairlyUSEDpussy:
Shut idiot.......That post is for sane pple.....

Which you obviously aren't, right?

Based on all you wrote down, you don't trust her and if you don't, don't do that which you have planned to do.

It can only be red flag, not pink flag or horseblood flag and in your case, there are lots of red flags already.

Nothing guides a man more than his instinct, follow it. If it tells you not to do something, don't push it any further.

brian91:
Hello guys. I tried not to create a new moniker for this and swallow the pride else i use this.
Am in my early thirties, with a good career(Network Security) else i should be relocating soon by God's grace for further knowledge. I am in a serious relationship(dated 2 years) already proposed. She's a newly graduate and tryna push a career too. Our intention and plan is to relocate together but i FEAR for my sanity and emotion as i had read so many life stories of women turning to become something different upon arrival, some imperfection she portray although i ain't perfect either. I am never for divorce else i took my time up to this age before i decide to propose.
One of it is, she is naive that i saw how guys disturb her and i be like why do you give number in the first place; secondly, she is a bit stubborn not that i can't put her in place but my fear is it's a woman world that any little thing they call the cops. All of this she had promised not to ever happen again and ask i give her second warning to prove herself. I am still scared cos have read, heard and seen how wives turned against their sweet heart to the extent of tarnishing and disrupting the husband/partner life and pursuit.
I need your further view on this, I AM LOOKING INTO DOING A PRENUP but don't know if it can be slided into our marriage document without she, her family or my family knowing about the contents?

NB: I shouldn't have said this but let me. An incident happened that she was at fault but in a way to persuade and beg, she seized my phone, locked the door at me and promise to pick a knife at herself. Although she ain't aggressive to fight me but i fear she might frustrate me to do what i detest so much.

RoyalRoy
Seun

Listen to your heart and follow his direction
Your intuition can't be wrong

brian91:

NB: I shouldn't have said this but let me. An incident happened that she was at fault but in a way to persuade and beg, she seized my phone, locked the door at me and promise to pick a knife at herself. Although she ain't aggressive to fight me but i fear she might frustrate me to do what i detest so much.

RoyalRoy
Seun

This flag is so red, but I'm afraid that you are already making excuses for her, by saying "she ain't aggressive to fight me ..."
A cousin of mine divorced his wife merely two months after marriage because she jumped on his car's bumper in a fit of rage after he walked out on her during a misunderstanding.
That was it for my cousin. The whole world begged him to take her back, but he wouldn't. Till date. He remarried.
A wise man can smell a violent woman from years ahead.
Any man who hates beating up a woman would mostly develop that keen and sharp instincts to avoid cantankerous women.
You are in Nigeria, and she is already pulling knife on herself. Overseas, she will find her natural habitat.
Run while you can.
Travel alone.

You have your reservations, don't marry her.

Relocate as an unmarried man and be open to relationship with ladies you will meet where you will be relocating to.....at least it will cut off the story of bringing a wife and she changed for the worse.

Not to discourage you but

Yeah . About the Prenup thingy someone should answer it abeg

Romanoff:
The first thing you should address is if she's level headed and well brought up with strong values. How do you treat her, do you treat her as an equal or do you treat her as a subordinate?

Cause the cases of wives "becoming something else" after relocating abroad with their husband that I've seen, I've realized that these women were just enduring the men in Nigeria. They got abroad and found their voice that poverty and "what people will say" (if they divorce or leave their marriage) kept hidden.

What type of woman is she, what kind of family does she come from, what are her values? (practical values that you've seen her demonstrate). Does she respect you, are you two Christians (not just the church going or the form filling type). I'm asking if you're christians cause if you both are, it means you share the same values as regards marriage.

Are you secure in the marriage/relationship, either you relocate abroad or not, does she respect your role in her life?

Are you ready for the culture shock that awaits you abroad? In the abroad, marriage is a partnership, not a "I'm the man of the house, you must obey me" type of marriage.

She works, you work, you two contribute to running your home, you two must work together to achieve tasks and goals for the family. You two will have conflicting work schedules, you two must learn to manage expectations abroad, the things that you use to do in Nigeria might not work abroad and if not managed properly, it can impact your marriage.

Be ready to cook, clean and look after the kids while she works and you are at home cause in the abroad, these tasks are not just for women, na two of una go do am.

So if your marriage will will stand the cultural shock awaiting you, please be prepared to face these realities. If you're an African man to the core, kindly stay back in Nigeria and have an African Marriage.

PS: it's obvious you don't even trust this woman, please leave her alone.

Sliding in a prenup without her knowledge is fraudulent and will cost you more in a developed country.

You better save yourself the trouble and do the needful.

I no know why una dey always need advice for wetin dey obvious.

To give further answers to your questions;
Yes she was groomed in a morally inclined, home as we met and fell in love in church. She graduated from one of those church private university in Nigeria. She is modest to say the least and I TREAT HER AS AN EQUAL and respect/give room to her views/opinions cos my mother trained her boy even though she wasn't rich. I ain't a religious guy since i hardly go to church but i have a good standing with my creator in prayer and supplication.
My just fear is the cultural evolution over there knowing fully well it does not favor men. I only wanted to be on a safer option perhaps else i am considering prenup!

Foodqueen:
That incident u narrated up there is enough red flag.

She will put u in a deep shit when u marry her.

Even saint among them changes.

Exactly my fear!
But am at cross road and gone way deeper wish i could tell.

Kobojunkie:
1. Why are you marrying this woman if you obviously have reservations about her and her intentions?

2. Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman. If you cannot both agree to the terms and conditions stated in your prenup, then your marriage cannot have one. it is as simple as that.

Like i pointed earlier, have got my imperfection too else everyone of us is working toward being better. See eh, where person wan start from since majority out there are just lust, infatuation. If you don follow woman and mehn you go fear their attitude and priority on the latter end. Some dont reveal flags but we see the marriage scandal here.
To the second, we both have priorities we defined. But you know humans are prone to sliding it off on the long run.

frozen70:


Listen to your heart and follow his direction
Your intuition can't be wrong

Yes and well advised.
Am really unto that just that have got deadline.
Thank you.

onumadu:


This flag is so red, but I'm afraid that you are already making excuses for her, by saying "she ain't aggressive to fight me ..."
A cousin of mine divorced his wife merely two months after marriage because she jumped on his car's bumper in a fit of rage after he walked out on her during a misunderstanding.
That was it for my cousin. The whole world begged him to take her back, but he wouldn't. Till date. He remarried.
A wise man can smell a violent woman from years ahead.
Any man who hates beating up a woman would mostly develop that keen and sharp instincts to avoid cantankerous women.
You are in Nigeria, and she is already pulling knife on herself. Overseas, she will find her natural habitat.
Run while you can.
Travel alone.

It's well. It's just peeps marital stories i read, seen even here make strong man fizzle

Kobojunkie:
Which you obviously aren't, right?

I think he is right

When you get to the abroad, find a lady there and marry. Some of you “diasporans” no dey let person get small rest of mind. Always acting like someone is out to use or frustrate you. Whereas you can stay single or marry a woman when you get there.

If that girl na my sister, I will advise her to take a walk. This is to avoid a situation where she has to walk on eggshells for the rest of her life. If she has issues, then she can work on it, but you will go with your paranoia first.

Mindlog:
You have your reservations, don't marry her.

Relocate as an unmarried man and be open to relationship with ladies you will meet where you will be relocating to.....at least it will cut off the story of bringing a wife and she changed for the worse.

EOD! As they are scared of taking the lady there, the lady is also scared of fitting the narrative of women that change abroad. You can’t say your mind again. Even when he annoys you, you go just dey bear am.

brian91:


To give further answers to your questions;
Yes she was groomed in a morally inclined, home as we met and fell in love in church. She graduated from one of those church private university in Nigeria. She is modest to say the least and I TREAT HER AS AN EQUAL and respect/give room to her views/opinions cos my mother trained her boy even though she wasn't rich. I ain't a religious guy since i hardly go to church but i have a good standing with my creator in prayer and supplication.
My just fear is the cultural evolution over there knowing fully well it does not favor men. I only wanted to be on a safer option perhaps else i am considering prenup!

The reason you think it doesn't favour men abroad is cause you're use to the privilege that patriarchy gives to African men, especially in marriage.

No sane woman will treat a man who loves and respects her badly.

This is what I know.

If you're already seeing red flags now, I'll suggest you don't go any further.

brian91:
■ Like i pointed earlier, have got my imperfection too else everyone of us is working toward being better. See eh, where person wan start from since majority out there are just lust, infatuation. If you don follow woman and mehn you go fear their attitude and priority on the latter end. Some dont reveal flags but we see the marriage scandal here.
■ To the second, we both have priorities we defined. But you know humans are prone to sliding it off on the long run.

1. My issue isn't that of your individual imperfections but the fact that you are already creeping around behind her back Eben before marriage to her out of disrespect for her intelligence as a human. Try to imagine if she were the one trying to take insurance against you in your relationship and maybe you get an idea of how preposterous your situation right now really is. You are literally planning to put up walls against her before you both even say your I Dos. What bigger red flag is there?

2. Humans are prone to sliding it off in the long run? That is why a 50-50/partnership marriage agreement is commonsense or at least an arrangement where both agree to and sign the prenuptial together, which is not your plan.

pocohantas:
When you get to the abroad, find a lady there and marry. Some of you “diasporans” no dey let person get small rest of mind. Always acting like someone is out to use or frustrate you. Whereas you can stay single or marry a woman when you get there.

If that girl na my sister, I will advise her to take a walk. This is to avoid a situation where she has to walk on eggshells for the rest of her life. If she has issues, then she can work on it, but you will go with your paranoia first.




EOD! As they are scared of taking the lady there, the lady is also scared of fitting the narrative of women that change abroad. You can’t say your mind again. Even when he annoys you, you go just dey bear am.

But they will still go back to Nigeria to marry as most don't feel comfortable with the assertiveness of the ladies in their host countries exhibit.

Mindlog:


But they will still go back to Nigeria to marry as most don't feel comfortable with the assertiveness of the ladies in their host countries exhibit.

They should stay with those ones, make we fit drink water keep cup. At least those ones are not with them for papers. If you talk, wahala. If you no talk, e go be say you dey pretend make e fit carry you abroad. Abegi! He should go marry abroad. I won’t be surprised he is the one turning her into a mad woman. 😀

pocohantas:


They should stay with those ones, make we fit drink water keep cup. At least those ones are not with them for papers. If you talk, wahala. If you no talk, e go be say you dey pretend make e fit carry you abroad. Abegi! He should go marry abroad. I won’t be surprised he is the one turning her into a mad woman. 😀

poco, you need to let go of your emotion when adjudging.

brian91:



poco, you need to let go of your emotion when adjudging.

Have you relocated?

Kobojunkie:
1. My issue isn't that of your individual imperfections but the fact that you are already creeping around behind her back Eben before marriage to her out of disrespect for her intelligence as a human. Try to imagine if she were the one trying to take insurance against you in your relationship and maybe you get an idea of how preposterous your situation right now really is. You are literally planning to put up walls against her before you both even say your I Dos. What bigger red flag is there?


2. Humans are prone to sliding it off in the long run? That is why a 50-50/partnership marriage agreement is commonsense or at least an arrangement where both agree to and sign the prenuptial together, which is not your plan.

Nice opinion, KB! Already i had crippled those thoughts as we consistently work our indifferences toward perfection.

Mindlog:


Have you relocated?

What question is that and do i know you?