₦airaland Forum

tunwumi:
The question is not meant for you. It's beyond you for now.

Babatunjo:
Not sure if the OP will get to read this:

A man who drinks to overcome his family problems will eventually ruin that family. The wife and kids will also suffer and it will affect their future.

Life happens to everyone and I don't blame him at all for the financial challenges... However he has 100% blame for a decision to start drinking to forget his problems.. it's selfish and a lazy solution.
If he's truly depressed he should confide in you and take antidepressant drugs and counselling.

Most domestic violence and abuse are almost always linked to alcohol use. Almost always.
Apart from you being traumatized, you children are already being condemned to grow up with serious psychological trauma.

I'm not exonerated you too, especially if you are a nagging person which pushes most men, especially those with low self esteem to alcohol use which they now use to come and confront their wives and cause all sorts of domestic violence and abuse, usually in the presence of the children...

So.. my advice is for you to leave the marriage.
Let me repeat again. Leave the marriage very early.
Even if he makes it back again, he'll use it to punish you.

I am a man, but for the sake of your young children, your sanity and if you want to enjoy your old age, start strategizing now on how to leave.. and leave once your plans are solid.

As for the man, don't hate him.. he's a victim of life plus his inborn personality.. stay in touch with him, send money to him when you can.

Samantha124:
What is unlawful is unlawful, it doesn't matter whether you're married or not.

I once got my sister arrested for laying her hands on me because I told her the bitter truth.

And I didn't do it because I hated her or something like that, I don't believe in using violence to solve minor issues... In fact, I hate unnecessary violence.. She later acknowledged her mistakes and apologized to me and we're now good sisters.

The husband also needs to acknowledge his mistakes and apologise to his wife, he should also help with house chores since the wife is the one going out there and bringing in money into the house so as to cover his shame.

Some women would've left him long time ago, but this woman stood by him for the past two years and even now she's still standing by his side.

Verokeena:
It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

Matix222:
Is only on NL you see people like you yet married advising people about their homes what do you know about family? Stupid thing

braine:
I'm telling you, my brother. This is one of the reasons I'm not married yet and having my peace for along as I can.

UnfairLife7:
the earlier you know a woman doesn't have a home once a man raises his hand on her the better for you.

Bribri:
Am sure osinachi will have a rethink and rather stay alive. She did nothing wrong she is even nice.

Procashtips:
Read my comment again.

You believed her without asking a question but asking me series of questions instead, what does tjat make you?

Ab025:
Believe this poster at your own peril.

Until we hear from the husband too before we know what really happened. I'm my experience, Women have a way of narrating events like they never had any faults....

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Kobojunkie:
So why exactly do you feel guilty for having him arrested for 2 days? Would this all had gone better if he had taken to smashing your head after smashing everything else?

Now that you are obviously aware the man has taken to acting out violently, don't you think it makes sense at this point to distance yourself and your kids from him instead of worrying whether he is in speaking terms and if he has eaten or not? Please, separate yourself from that man asap. The space might do him a whole hell of good..

TheMostComplex1:
Please don't ever consider this comment because if you accept violence it will continue until you are no more

Persephone1:
You don't get it,do you?

I'm not against arresting a man over domestic violence. I am on about preparing for the outcome. If you want a happy marriage or any marriage at all after a dispute, police shouldn't be an option. That's the point.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

braine:
■ There are some lines that must not be crossed, raising your hand to beat a spouse is one, the other is arresting the spouse (at least in Africa). Abroad, the man would have suffered more for this. You cannot tell me this is repairable.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

TheMostComplex1:
Domestic violence should end in police cell

Kobojunkie:
There is nothing Christian about any of what OP reveals she has been dealing with though so why suggest you forego a professional counselor for a supposedly "Christian" one?

Persephone1:
And where did I say op should accept violence?

Did you read backwards?

Samantha124:
Again you're not answering my question.

I want a yes or a no.

BRATISLAVA:
Preach.

The extent they can go to justify their proclivities in others is an eyesore. Imagine where they feel he has a reason for beating her, yet they don't feel he should be imprisoned, because hurting another person against the law is not a big deal? Even if he killed her you would still read that type of daft comment.

The way some people have integrated into society is worrisome.

Persephone1:
Of course it should but you shouldn't go back hoping and apologizing for what you presume to be the right thing. 🤷

TheMostComplex1:
You said police should not be an option so meaning that she should call families who will just threaten him unlawful

fof1:
But Talk True O...Where you Snobbing Him bcoz he has been idle and with out Work? Have you been cheating on him and not giving him attention since? Then You Caused it. you push him into Depression and Alcoholism...Change Ur Ways,Pls. RECOVER UR HUSBAND PLS.

TheMostComplex1:
Exactly I don't just know why she's apologising

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

occfx:
You sound like you are in the same shoe, respect is reciprocal. If you see nothing wrong in your partner ignoring you at that critical time then you are damaged beyond repair. If you are not married yet, make sure you don't swear any oath during your marriage at least your hubby will know exactly what he is going in for. Until I hear from the man, I don't believe this woman story however, i don't support any form of domestic violence.

BRATISLAVA:
Lol @point 1.
They will say anything to justify and perpetuate their proclivities. It is professional courtesy in the battery club.

braine:
I'm telling you, my brother. This is one of the reasons I'm not married yet and having my peace for along as I can.