₦airaland Forum

We are presently witnessing an unprecedented rate of divorce in Africa. A good percentage of women are becoming disillusioned in their marriages and as such many are filing for divorce or separation almost on daily basis.

A recent visit to a customary court (name withheld) in Lagos shows that more than 60% of all cases that came up in a particular day is on divorce.

While many women have good reasons to divorce their partner that they vowed to love until death do them part; a good number have no cogent reason apart from being seen as feminists.

Before you divorce your husband, it is important you consider that the next person you are falling for may be worse than the person you divorced.

A woman who divorced her husband and married another is mostly likely going to be at a receiving end in the second marriage. No body is an angel. Trying times will come in your union with the second man. You will most likely be reminded that it was your bad character that made the first man leave you. You may not find any defense when your second husband reminds you that you are in capable of keeping a home. References will be made to your failed marriage.

One reason why I support divorce is domestic violence. Even at that, the second man may even be worse than the first. If you divorce the second, you may likely be alone without a man. No man will take a woman divorced 2 times seriously.

There is a case that made me bring up this advice. A lady divorced her husband for a reason only God knows. The husband made every effort to save his marriage, all to no avail.

The lady in question married another man who appears a little more classy and well to do than the first. Three months into the marriage, it crashed. Both divorced and the new husband threatened to kill her if she comes near his house.

This lady is depressed now. I have been encouraging her that the world has not ended. She confided in me (because we are in the same office and she have some respect for me) that if she had known, she wouldn't have treated the first husband the way she did. She told me that she had to endure in her second marriage what she was unable to bear in the first just to make the second marriage work.

But alas, it crashed. Most women in their second marriage tend to endure what they were unable to tolerate in their first. This is just so the second wouldn't crash.

The society will normally blame a woman who is divorced twice. Think about this, no reasonable and responsible man will ever have anything to do with a woman who is divorced 2 times.

If you divorce your husband at the flimsiest of excuses, chances are that you may get someone far more worse than your first husband.

What are your opinions.

No two people married themselves because they hated each other.

It is disrespect, dishonesty, taking the other for granted,( see finish)and selfishness that eventually leads to the crashing of the union.

Marry your friend who genuinely cares about your well-being is the only advise that I can give anyone on marriage.

.

Look at this one with his 1920 thinking. So what if you are alone without a man? So what? Better to be alone than been in a miserable relationship. Gone are the 1950s where women were stuck in marriages and stay there just trying to save face and just to prove they got a man.


Longevity in a marriage means nothing if you ain’t happy at all.

Better to be single than been in a miserable marriage.

I was privileged to be at this year Catholic Judicial year of inauguration.
A paper was presented Titled; Rapid increase in the nullity of marriage cases in abuja. A thing of concern. The statistics were scary but not shocking.
I think, there is more need for priest, pastors and all who involved in the preparation of couples for matrimony should do more in educating spouse on their duties of new state of life.

Dereformer:
What are your opinions?

I am of the opinion that one should flee from anything that hinders them from enjoying their peace of mind. For some, that act will involve fleeing from a bad marriage. For others it may involve quitting a job, quitting a church, or moving out of a certain town/city.

However, I'm more concerned with why you deem it necessary to use 1624 scare tactics to intimidate women in 2024?

Another rubbish post

Rokiat:
Look at this one with his 1920 thinking. So what if you are alone without a man? So what? Better to be alone than been in a miserable relationship. Gone are the 1950s where women were stuck in marriages and stay there just trying to save face and just to prove they got a man.
Longevity in a marriage means nothing if you ain’t happy at all.
Better to be single than been in a miserable marriage.

Kaching!

akaahs:
I was privileged to be at this year Catholic Judicial year of inauguration.
A paper was presented Titled; Rapid increase in the nullity of marriage cases in abuja. A thing of concern. The statistics were scary but not shocking.
I think, there is more need for priest, pastors and all who involved in the preparation of couples for matrimony should do more in educating spouse on their duties of new state of life.

How does educating people in their supposed duty in what you term a new state of life solve the nullity of marriage statistics problem though? Is the goal to keep people chained longer in marriage or to get individuals, even couples, to enjoy a better quality of life?

Klass99:
1. Your post comes across as biased and as scare mongering.

2. Divorce is not the end of life, neither does it mean that divorced folks are failures.

3. Couples should be at liberty to divorce for valid reasons and NOT compelled by anyone to stay married for wrong or unhelpful reasons.

Valid reasons will differ from person to person, based on their unique circumstances, so personal prejudices cannot be the yardstick for judging what constitutes a valid reason or not.

You are too smart with your number 3 reason ..
Including your last paragraph....

God knows best

Oga marry the girl.

At least she won't feel the divorce again
..

So with all the rate of hardship in Naija na this kind post u con write mtheeww

We only have weddings these days and not marriage.

People only think of the day they get married especially the female, that’s why they are quick to call it their day. SMH. They believe marriage is just some fantasy world just like “dream wedding” where husband would be so rich, cute, tall and be perfect and where they imagined having a maid at their beck and call.

They only realize later on after the wedding that marriage is living with the person you wedded and their “fantasy” is not reality hence the attitude.

They sometimes take solace in some friends who give them fake advice or fake pictures of how they are living in paradise which of course is all in their head.

They then begin to think of leaving their husbands, thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, but alas, they were deceived and only realized late.

Social media and fake life would make it get worse.

Klass99:
Lol , I enjoyed reading this and I absolutely agree with your first paragraph. I've never been married but I'm starting to realize that a bad job is like a bad marriage. The things you hear in a bad job are similar to what women in bad marriages are told.

Have I missed anything?

Yes. The fact that you can acquire chronic illnesses from both.

There's a boss from hell I worked with (I've discussed her matter with you somewhere on this site). Very spiteful thing and couldn't even make any effort to hide it. She'd particularly pick on a colleague of mine from Supply Chain, causing her so much stress to the point where her periods disappeared.
When she first told me about it my first reaction was to laugh and suggest she do a pregnancy test instead of blaming "stress". It seemed funny at the time, partly because of the way she phrased it, but I learnt later on that she was going through anxiety-induced hormonal imbalance. She also revealed to me that she had had the same experience when she first went to boarding school and when her mother passed on. May we not be the cause of another woman's amenorrhea.

Regarding the issue of divorcing and remarrying; one thing that surprised me when I started interacting deeply with Zimbabweans is their readiness to divorce and remarry. It's not uncommon to find a 37-year old Zim woman on her 3rd marriage. The way they just slide from Marriage 1 to Marriage 2, then onto Marriage 3 without batting an eyelid? A thread like this one would be a tea break joke in Zimbabwe.

Klass99:
1. My first thought at the text in bold was.........kai Fárfalla periods dey disappear? Please show me how to make mine disappear too.

Then I read the rest of your post and realised this is not a joke, you weren't kidding at all. I didn't know stress could cause such issues. I hated boarding school too, it was one of the worse times of my life.

Toxic jobs/bosses can cause real harm and damage, years after you leave you carry the memories and trauma with you. Oh yes, I totally forgot that both can you make you sick (i.e. a bad marriage and bad job)

2. One lady said she used to physically throw up because of work and the culture at her job. I thought that was an extreme reaction and ajebutter was worrying her as a white lady but now I know better from your colleague's story.

3. I hail these Zim women o, I think they are what Naija men need to recalibrate their brains, from their silly attitudes in marriage and towards marriage.

1. This is not the first time I've read a post from you about how much you dread your periods. I don't know what level of of discomfort you usually experience, but me? I made peace with mine o!
Yes, apart form the usual hormonal pills women take to skip their periods, they do disappear. It happened to me when I went to school in one of Kenya's coldest towns. Anoraks, leg warmers and scarfs were part of the school's uniform - that's how cold the place is. During the 2nd year of my schooling there my periods disappeared completely for 3 months. Not even a spot seen. May, June and July are usually the coldest months in that region and I think my body just went into shock. It was also a boarding school (a girls's only Catholic school), but unlike you I loved my experience and some of the deepest friendships I have now were forged in that school. What I hated was the university. Story for another day.

2. Have you ever heard real stories from survivors of the Rwanda genocide? Some of them would narrate how they would be in a queue waiting for their turn to be chopped into pieces and that extreme anxiety would cause them to throw up.

3. Honestly I don't think I have the emotional stamina to go through 3 or 4 marriages. I'd close the chapter at the 2nd and let life bring what it will afterwards. Dealing with 3 or 4 different big babies? Big "logical" babies who cannot even pack their own suitcases and get completely helpless when they get small small ailments like the common cold? Not to mention their uncanny habit of leaving their socks in the strangest of places. If some women want to go through that 4 times, na dem sabi. As for me, should I go through 2 failed marriages, I'll take it as a message from the universe.